Love Survives (11 page)

She broke my concentration when she stammered out a comment. “People say the truth when they’re drunk.”

“Not all the time. His issues are with me.” I clenched my jaw and hoped she’d believe me. Someway or another my brother would pin this on me in the morning.

Kat halted and looked up at me. Her eyes were full of unreleased tears. “Maybe I shouldn’t go through with it?”

It was unbearable to hear. I’d waited so long for her to wise up, but now it was too late. “Don’t say things like that.”

“No. I mean it. I’ve been having all these feelings and I can’t shake them.”

We ended up stopping at my room first. It was time to end the conversation and get behind closed doors before I said something I’d regret later. “This is me.” I stared at my keycard to prevent from allowing her to see how conflicted I was. “Listen, get some sleep and things will be all better tomorrow. You can marry Branch and start your happy lives together.”

I’d unfastened the door and attempted to step inside, only to be thrown a loop by her next statement. “Do you still love me, Brooks?”

I leaned my head on the door and closed my eyes, still refusing to turn around. “Don’t do this, Kat. You’ve been drinking and you’re upset at Branch.”

“It’s a yes or no answer.”

I was losing control. We were back at this point already, just like before I’d left for boot camp. I already knew how this would end; how it had to end. “It changes nothing.”

She hugged her own body, and I watched her trembling. As much as she attempted to look away, our gaze was fixed. It was then that I started to break down my walls. Was it really too late? Was this her final plea to get out of her impending nuptials? Was I willing to lose my family over it?

Her next question made me weak in the knees. “What if I don’t know how to stop loving you?” I held onto the door in hopes to elude from falling to my knees before her. She’d just admitted out loud to loving me. It was confirmed, after all this time, after hoping and praying, it was happening.

I could feel the burning in my eyes, letting me know that I had zero control over my own emotions. At this point I longed to pull her into my arms and never let go, but the repercussions were too hard to bear. We couldn’t take that route. The damage was too extensive. “You have to.”

She sobbed and shook her head. “I can’t.”

I lifted her chin as I spoke words I never thought I’d say. It wasn’t how I felt at all, but I wouldn’t be that guy who fell right into things with her after a fight. I’d already stooped too low to be with her in the past. Love wasn’t enough at this point. “You have to, Kat. You can’t do this now. Your future is already determined. The choice was made years ago. There’s no going back.”

She closed her eyes as she requested something out of me I knew I wasn’t strong enough to give. It wasn’t the act that was scaring me; it was everything that came with it.

“Fine. If it has to be that way, kiss me goodbye. Kiss me for all the years we’ve lost and all the ones we’ll never have together. Kiss me and make me forget that every moment without you in my life crushes me.”

“No!” I had to push her away because she was becoming impossible to resist. It was like God was punishing me, sending me one last test to redeem myself. I had to be strong and do the right thing, no matter how much pain it inflicted on my soul. “Please don’t do this.” I started walking around, hoping that if I couldn’t see the look in her eyes, I’d be able to avoid the burning desire to take her into my room. “We can’t go there.”

She was sniffling, begging with her whole heart, but I refused to listen. I wouldn’t let myself fall, not again, not when I knew she’d run right back to him. Kat was talking, she was saying things I’d always wanted to hear, but they were coming out after an argument with Branch. She’d been drinking, and so had I. The combination was dangerous. I’d be a terrible man if I allowed anything to happen, and she’d probably never forgive me in the morning. “Please, Brooks. I don’t care if it’s wrong. I need to feel it one last time. Just make this pain go away because I’m suffocating in it.”

I furrowed my brow and looked down at the floral designed carpet. “And you think I’m not? My God, Kat, I left the state because I couldn’t watch you with him for another second. You think it’s hurting you? How do you think I felt when that pastor put me in his place? Do you know how hard it was for me to not announce to everyone in the room that I belonged there and it wasn’t a mistake?”

She continued crying, making it hard to make out what she was saying. “What am I supposed to do, Brooks? It’s too late. You should have fought for me back then. You should have told me how you felt. Branch said you didn’t like me that way. How could I have known?”

“Because you felt it in here.” I pointed to her heart and kept my hand there. “Because deep inside you knew how I felt about you. It was never a secret. I worshipped the ground you walked on. When you were sad, I was there. Not him! I was the one to wipe away your tears. You should be wearing that God damn dress for me, not my brother!” My anger was coming out with my words, and although I didn’t mean them, it was helping to be able to say what needed to be addressed. “You broke my heart, Kat. You pushed me away, like an old toy. That’s why I stopped hanging out with you. It’s why I stopped wanting to do things and stayed by myself. Do you know what it was like to hear you and him sneaking around together? How do you think it made me feel?”

She sobbed and moved her head around, as if she was trying so hard to understand, but couldn’t grasp exactly what was happening. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

I threw my arms in the air. “You didn’t know? How could you not know? Even my fucking parents knew. Don’t tell me that you lived in the same house with me and saw me every single day, but were oblivious to how I felt about you?”

“I swear, it’s true.”

I tugged my key card out of my pocket and stuck it in the slot as I spoke. “You know what? It doesn’t even matter now. There
is
no us. You’ve never really been mine and I’ve spent the last few years being okay with that.” I opened the door, but didn’t go inside. “I’m not going to kiss you, because it won’t get us anywhere, and you’d be cheating on my brother. No matter how much of an asshole he is, you’re marrying him in less than twenty-four hours. I can’t go back there again. It hurt too fucking much the first time, and it’s going to take everything I have in me to get through tomorrow.” By this time my tears were drying. I was willing them to vacate so I could get through this without her arguing about it. “I think we should just call it a night and start over in the morning.”

When I went into that hotel room and closed the door I knew she was standing on the other side, waiting for me change my mind. I pressed my head against the other side before crumbling down to the floor. That’s where I began to weep, like I never had in my life.

Kat was in love with me. Her words repeated in my mind like a broken record. She’d always been in love with me, which meant Branch lied to win her. He’d lied to both of us to prevent us from being together because even back then he knew she wanted me.

It took every ounce of energy I had to not bust through his door and beat the living shit out of him. He’d ruined my life. He’d purposely destroyed me for his own gain. What kind of brother does that? For the past twenty years he’d done nothing but lie to make sure I never had a chance.

It was too unbearable to fathom.

After a few minutes of losing my shit, I headed into the bathroom to wash off my face. I was prepared to sleep it off, in order to get through the next day with composure.

Then I began to regret my decision. This was my last chance. Did I really care what anyone else thought? Even if my parents were pissed, they’d know before anyone that I’d acted out of love. Kat wasn’t just my weakness. She was my reason for existing.

When a knock came from the door I was sure she’d come back. In that moment nothing else mattered. This time I would pull her inside and never let go unless she asked me to. This time I’d act on impulse alone.

Except it wasn’t Kat at the door. It was Melissa. She’s freshened up her makeup, hair, and even her clothes. Her what I’d call reddish, hair looked brighter in the hallway lights. Her smile was probably tantalizing to some, but not to me. Unlike what my brother had assumed, I wasn’t into ‘gingers’ or any other type of woman. In fact, I didn’t have a type, because there was only one particular woman for me. On a planet full of options, my heart yearned for Kat.

“Melissa. What’re you doing here?”

“You told me to come.”

“Where’s Kat, err Katy? Have you seen her?”

“She’s a wreck over some falling out with Branch. She left me in the room to go pout about it somewhere. I’m sure by now she’s gone after him to make amends, she’s got some rule about not going to bed angry. Katy can be irrational at times.” Her flip comment made me want to cringe. If my brother wasn’t such a pompous asshole than maybe she’d be a happier person. “So, are you going to let me in?”

I leaned on the doorframe, sighing before giving her the bad news. “No, I’m not. To be honest, I’m just not in the mood. I know what my brother said, but he doesn’t know a thing about me. I’m already taken.”

“I didn’t realize. I feel like a fool.”

She started to turn to walk away, and I touched her arm. “Don’t. I’m a private person, who considers himself loyal. I’m sure you’re a good time, but I promised myself that I’d never let my cock make the decisions for me. It got me in heaps of trouble in the past. Now I think with my brain.” It was a sappy response that made her smile immediately. She’d gained respect for me, which was something I hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Thanks for telling me. I guess I’ll just head back to my room then.” She turned around one more time. “Whoever she is, she’s a lucky woman.”

If she only knew that the person I was referring to wasn’t even mine to begin with. She’d never been mine to claim, so why did I feel the need to run after her again? Why was my heart pulling me right to her when I knew it wasn’t going to end well?

I knew the reason as I stood there questioning myself.

It was love.

I’d finally gotten the confirmation that I needed. Katy Michaels was in love with me. She’d admitted it without regret. That alone caused me to let my guard down and go after what I’d wanted for so long; what I felt should have been mine from the very beginning.

Chapter 13

This could be
all my imagination, but there was also a chance this was happening the way I was seeing it play out. It took me no time at all to head out of my room, determined to get the answers that I desperately needed. Before she said her vows to my brother, we needed to get things straight with us. I couldn’t live like this for the rest of my life. Slowly she was killing me whether she meant it or not.

At first I searched downstairs in the lobby, and even outside where the front entrance was located. While riding the elevator back up to the floor I was on, I had an idea. It was a long shot, but when we were kids she’d always run to the tree house. Without further thought, I made my way up to the roof, praying she hadn’t run back to my brother so soon.

As soon as I opened the door leading out to the frigid temperatures that December blessed the state with, I saw her there, laying on the cold, hard pavement ground. She didn’t notice me heading in her direction, or even when I squatted down in front of her. Finally, after a few seconds went by, she lifted her head.

Never in my life had I ever seen her so wrecked, not even when her parents were killed. She wasn’t just sad, or worried. She was tormented, even tortured with grief. I knew it because I’d experienced the same hell for years.

“How did you find me?”

I peered around at the empty area. “Well, it’s not exactly a tree house, but I figured you’d run to high ground. You always did.”

After wrapping my jacket around her cold body, I answered. “It’s freezing up here, Kat.”

“I know. I don’t care.” Her gaze moved away from me as if she were ashamed. “Where’s Melissa? I figured you’d be all over that.”

I rubbed my hands on my knees to keep warm, wondering if she really thought I’d hook up with her friend so easily. I assume that years of flaunting slutty girls around to get her attention had backfired. She obviously considered me a player. “You would assume that. Look, I never said I wanted to sleep with her. I told her that maybe we could hang out. Honestly, I figured she’d get so drunk that she’d pass out and forget I said it.”

“So where is she?”

“I don’t know. She showed up and knocked and I thought it was you. When I saw her standing there, talking about how much of a mess you were, I told her to get lost; in a nice way, of course.”

“She’s probably looking for me.”

“She thinks you ran to Branch to make amends because you have that motto where you never go to bed angry.”

She shrugged like she didn’t know what I was talking about. “Yeah, I don’t really care about that anymore. In fact, I don’t really care about anything anymore.”