Letters to Matt (10 page)

“Well,” Doug said. “How do you intend to handle this, son?”

“We’re going to keep it,” Matt said.

“And we’re going to finish school,” I added quickly, hoping to appease my parents.

“And we’re going to get an apartment,” Matt supplied. “I have money saved up. If we need to, Jaden can work and we can put the baby in day care. We aren’t going into this lightly. We have plans.”

Doug nodded, but the rest of our parents basically continued the same stance.

“Do you love her?” The question came from my dad.

Matt met my dad’s eye, a look of determination on his face.

“With all of my heart,” he said. “And I will love our baby just as much. I already feel like I do.”

“And you plan to marry her?”

Matt nodded. “Someday. But I already knew that before she told me she was pregnant. I will always be whatever Jaden and this baby need me to be.”

I was in awe at the boy beside me. My heart swelled with the love I had for him. I figured we would get married someday, but I had never heard the words come out of his mouth. Sure, we had discussed me getting pregnant because we knew it was always a risk that came with having sex, but I had never actually heard Matt say the words that he planned to marry me.

Dad nodded, apparently appeased.

Mom finally removed her face from her hands. She had tears streaking down her cheeks as she looked up at us.

“Just so you know, we don’t condone this, but there’s nothing we can do about it now. You two seem like you’ve thought this out and I will say that I’m proud of you for not just jumping in head first. It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do, but if anyone can do it, it’s you two. And even if we aren’t very happy with you right now, we are all here for you and willing to help in any way we can.”

I nodded my head. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Why don’t you guys go finish cleaning up the kitchen,” Doug suggested. “There’re still dishes in the sink.”

Matt and I stood and walked into the kitchen. Connie followed and pulled me into a tight hug.

“I’m so excited for you two,” she whispered in my ear. “But shhh, don’t tell the others.”

I giggled. “I love you, Connie.”

“Love you, too, Jaden.” She pulled away from me and turned to her son. “You promise you were being safe? You used a condom every time?”

Matt nodded his head and blushed slightly. “Every time, Mom. But there was an accident and it broke one night.”

She reached up and cupped his face. “I love you, son.”

He pulled her to him in a tight hug. “I love you, too, Mom. I know it’s not ideal, but we are happy. We are so happy.”

She leaned back and looked him in the eye. “Then that’s all that’s important.”

Connie pulls away from the girls and starts digging through the bags she’d brought in.

“I got some stuff for you and Sophie,” she says excitedly. “It’s not much, but I figured you both could use some extra clothes.”

Connie is always taking care of us. Matt had left me money, but that had dwindled faster than I realized. I work as a bartender, but that doesn’t bring in too much money either. I have been toying with the idea of going to school to get my degree in nursing, but I just don’t know when I would have the time. I am already relying on everyone to watch Sophie for free since I didn’t have the extra money to pay them. I just don’t know if I can juggle being a single mom, working full time, and going to school full time. I suppose it can be done, just maybe not by me.

I feel a pang in my heart. I feel bad that Connie has to do so much for us. I know she does it out of the kindness of her heart and she really enjoys spoiling us, but it makes me feel like dirt that I can’t provide all those things for my daughter. “Connie, you really didn’t have to do that. We have plenty of clothes.”

She waves her hand at me. “Nonsense. There’s no such thing as too many clothes.”

I glance sheepishly at the clothes in the bags. I see a pair of jeans, a couple t-shirts, and a bunch of onesies. “Well, we appreciate it. Thank you.”

“No thanks needed,” Connie tells me, pulling me to her in a hug. “I do this because I love you and I want to.”

I smile at her when we pull away.

My Dearest Jaden,

It’s three am and I just spent the past hour watching you sleep. You look so peaceful in your sleep. It tears me up inside when you wake up screaming from one of your nightmares that I know I can’t stop. But I have to admit that it fills me with selfish pride knowing I’m the only one who can calm you down and get you back to the good dreams you deserve.

I just wanted to let you know that I love you with all of my heart. And I am so excited to meet our beautiful baby girl. You are the most gorgeous person on this planet, growing that baby inside of you. That baby that we created with our love. I am so blessed to be able to call you mine. I don’t know what I did to get this lucky, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

I’m looking at the ring on your finger and I’m so impatient. I want you to be Mrs. Jaden Rhea Hollis, like yesterday. I can’t believe that this time next year I will have a beautiful baby girl and an amazing wife all to myself.

My world would be so bland without you. Thank you for loving me and giving me all the happiness in the world.

Love, Matt

My eyes fill with tears as I reread the letter. It was one of the last ones he wrote to me before the accident. I had woken up in the morning to find him gone to work, but the letter propped up on his pillow. I’d immediately grabbed my phone and typed out a quick text message, telling him how much I loved him.

I was reading his letters, hoping it would spark some inspiration for my next one. He was always so raw in his letters. I wish I could be like that. My mind gets all jumbled and I can’t quite figure out what I want to say to him. I know I want to write him another one soon as I feel my heart getting heavy, but I don’t want to it to be a repeat of the first one.

I hear knocking on the door and jump. I’m sitting on the couch with his letters draped across me. Sophie is bouncing in her jumper, completely content.

There’s no way it’s already five
, I think to myself. I glance at my phone. Yup. It is. I have been sitting here reading letters for the past hour.

“Just a sec!” I holler to the door. I scramble to put the letters in a neat pile. I notice my face is wet and wipe away the tears I didn’t realize had fallen.

Sophie laughs and bounces in her little seat. I smile at her on the way to the door. I pull the door open to find Mandy and Destinee in an intense lip lock. My laugh breaks them apart.

“Get a room, you two.”

“She started it,” Destinee says, pointing to Mandy, who is wiping off her mouth.

“Well, I got bored waiting for you to answer the door.”

I laugh again. “It only took me thirty seconds.”

Mandy shrugs as she and Destinee walk in, hands clasped to each other’s. “I have a hot girlfriend.”

I can’t argue with her there. Destinee is gorgeous. She has long blonde hair and her make-up is always meticulously done. She stands a few inches shorter than Mandy and has curves in all the right places. She has the cutest clothes, too. Today she is wearing a white mini skirt and a pink tank top, and she has her feet in white wedge sandals. Mandy and Destinee had gotten together at the beginning of senior year. I’d had unlimited access to her closet. Her chest was considerably bigger than mine so her shirts were a little loose on me. Mandy and I liked to dress down, preferring jeans and t-shirts, but I always raided Destinee’s wardrobe when Matt and I were going somewhere special and I wanted to look extra hot.

Their taste in clothes weren’t the only difference between Destinee and Mandy. Destinee was a girly girl through and through. Her fingernails were always done at the salon while Mandy’s were bitten down to the quick and rarely had polish on them unless she relented and let Destinee paint them. Mandy was more of a Tom boy. She loved her video games and playing sports with the guys. When Mitch, Matt, Mandy, and I played basketball, I was always glad when they insisted it be boys vs girls. I would’ve had my ass handed to me if it weren’t for Mandy’s skills. I’d always told her she should go out for the team, but she said that was too competitive. She just liked it for fun.

Mandy immediately walks over and picks Sophie up from her bouncer.

“Thanks again so much, you two,” I say. “You’re life savers. I was supposed to be off tonight, but the boss called and asked if I wanted an extra shift. I couldn’t turn down the money.”

“It’s no problem,” Mandy insists. “We didn’t really have plans, anyway.”

I smile at her. “Well, I’m gonna go hop in the shower. I gotta leave in half an hour.”

I press a kiss to Sophie’s forehead and run off toward the bathroom. Half an hour later, I’m stepping into my sandals. I blow dried my hair and straightened it. I had also added a little make-up. I tug at my too tight t-shirt that showed off a little more cleavage than I was used to.

I try to look a little sexier when I go to work. It gives me better tips. I wear my tight jeans, too. It is a Wednesday night, one of our slowest, so I need all the extra help I can get.

“Hot mama!” Mandy cat calls when she turns and sees me leaning against the couch to put on my shoes.

I smile and shake my head. “Do you think it’s too much?”

She shakes her head. “Definitely not. Though I hope you have that baseball bat handy behind the bar. You may need it.”

I laugh out loud, kiss Sophie on the forehead, and tell the girls goodbye.

“You know the number to the bar if you need anything,” I tell Mandy.

“We got this, Mommy. Go have fun.”

“Oh, loads,” I say sarcastically.

But the truth is, I love my job. It can get a little tiresome having to deal with drunks, but I usually deal with regulars and they love me. It’s a local place and I know most people that go in there. They’re usually pretty chill and a lot of the older guys have become super protective of me, helping me out of a bind a time or two when a guy has come on too strongly. I like watching other people have fun and I like the hectic work of being a bartender.

I park my car and head inside the heavy, wooden doors. There are few regulars at the bar and a group of guys playing pool. Someone has put quarters in the juke box and it’s playing
AC/DC
. Marty, my boss, looks up from mixing a drink and smiles at me.

“Thank god you’re here!” he says. Marty is a nice guy. He’s in his mid-forties and this bar is his life. His dad owned it. Marty grew up sitting at the tables, doing his homework and watching the customers. He took over when his dad passed away last spring. He’s extremely fit for his age. I think he could have been a cop or gone into the military if he hadn’t had to take over the bar. And he had a great head of shaggy, brown hair. He was easy on the eyes, too. The divorced house wives that came in loved him, and the younger women had some sort of Daddy fantasy about him. “Susie feels terrible. Her little boy got sick this morning and he’s been throwing up all day. She says she owes you big time,” he continues to talk as he slides the drink, looks like a
Screaming Orgasm
based off what I watched him put in it, to a pretty middle-aged woman sitting at the bar. “Enjoy,” he tells her, handing back change from his apron. She drops two dollar bills on the bar and winks at him. No doubt she ordered that particular drink on purpose. He smiles and thanks her as he shoves the bills in a different compartment of his apron.

He walks over to the register and starts ringing up her drink, dropping the money in it. “I’m thinking about stopping by and taking the little tyke some chicken noodle soup.” There are three of us that work at the bar besides Marty. Me, Susie, and our cook, Sandy, works in the kitchen seven nights a week. Marty is always offering to find someone part time, but Sandy doesn’t mind. He’s a sixty-year-old retiree whose wife left him a few years back. His children are grown. He claims it gives him something to do with himself.

Marty is more than our boss. He treats us all like family. We, along with this bar, are all he has. It surprises me how someone so good-looking and charming never settled down. He always tells me that he’s married to the bar when I ask about it. He truly is, and his employees are his children, even Sandy. Marty’s always bringing in books he thinks Sandy will enjoy. And he’s constantly checking up on Susie and me, and our kids.

“It’s no problem,” I tell him as I walk around and clock in while tying an apron around my waist. “I just hope Carlos starts feeling better.”

A worried look crosses Marty’s face. “Me too.” Before I can respond, he’s speaking again. “I just have some inventory to do and then I’m out of here,” he tells me. I acknowledge him with a nod as he walks to the backroom.

A guy with a single gold earring and a polo shirt whistles at me from down at the end of the bar. I roll my eyes. First off, I’m not a dog. Second off, the bar isn’t even crowded and he easily could have come to stand by the register to get his drink. I plaster on a smile and walk toward him.

An hour later, Sandy walks in. He’s got a book clutched in his hand that Marty brought him earlier this week. He will sit and read it in between orders. I say my hello. Sandy is a sweet old man, but he doesn’t talk much. He goes back to his post and starts getting everything set up. Everything is all ready to go, because Marty has been manning the grills all day, but Sandy likes things a certain way.

The night goes by quickly. I’d call it successful. No one hit on me. No one threw up on the floor. And there were no fights. It was a nice, quiet night filled with regulars. Sandy stands beside me as I lock up the doors. It’s one thirty in the morning, one of the downsides of working the night shift at a bar.

“Have a good night, Miss Jaden.” It’s the most he has said to me all night. We have learned to work in a comfortable silence with each other.

“You, too, Sandy. I’ll see you Tuesday.”

He heads toward his car. I know he sits in it and watches me until I’m safely in my car and pulling out of the gravel parking lot before turning on his own car and heading home. Sandy doesn’t talk much, but it’s small gestures like that that lets me know he cares. I don’t know exactly what he would plan on doing if I were attacked, but I appreciate the thought.

The roads are barren as I drive home. I’m quiet as I unlock the door and step inside. The sight that greets me completely melts my heart. Mandy is on her back on the couch. Destinee is cuddled up next to her, and Sophie takes up the extra space on Mandy’s chest. Her foot is on Destinee’s cheek. I stand there and watch them for a minute. Destinee and Mandy are going to make great mommies. Their goal is to start trying to have kids in the next few years.

I walk over, hoping to gently lift Sophie off them without waking any of the girls. No such luck. Sophie and Destinee stay fast asleep, but Mandy’s eyes flutter open as soon as I put my hands under Sophie’s arms.

“It’s just me,” I whisper, pulling my child to my chest. “Was she good for you?”

Mandy looks down at Destinee. She smiles and smooths her hair back before realizing I’d spoken to her. She glances up.

“Yeah,” she says. “She was a perfect angel all night.”

“Thanks again,” I tell her. “You two are more than welcome to crash here if you’re too tired to drive.”

Mandy shakes her head. “Nah, I’m fine.” She starts running her fingers through Destinee’s hair, trying to coax her awake. “Baby, time to go home.”

I hear Destinee make a noise of protest as I walk down the hall to put Sophie in her crib. Reaching the nursery, I press a kiss to Sophie’s forehead. She lets out a small cry as I place her in bed, but that’s it. She’s soon in a deep slumber once again.