Faith (My Misery Muse) (14 page)

He nodded and turned around to walk away then
spun back around and hugged me hard. “You know he's still in love
with you, right? He spent hours over at my place trying to talk
himself out of it, but honey, he couldn’t, he still wanted you and
his princess.”

When he released me, I wiped the tears from
under my eyes and left, I needed to breathe, someplace to
breathe.

Xavier

I watched as Mags nearly ran out of the
hallway, not that I could blame her, Sam had been a prick. There
was nothing I could do about it now. I knew, unlike Mags, that he
wasn’t just angry with her, for whatever slight he thought she had
made, something was going on with him and he wasn’t talking.

I walked back into the waiting room and saw
Devi curled around Seth. I knew she wasn’t sleeping, but she wasn’t
crying anymore either and I didn’t know if that was a good thing or
a bad thing. This whole thing was hitting just a little too close
to home for me, I had to stay busy or memories would come that I
didn’t want or need at this moment.

I sat down beside Seth, closed my eyes and
took a deep breath, fighting off the memories of the last time
someone I loved was in an accident. I was just hoping for a better
ending.

“You okay, man?” asked Seth quietly.

I nodded.

“You sure?”

“Yea, just bringing back old haunts is
all.”

“Yea, I do know.”

“How is she?”

“Honestly, I don’t have a fucking clue.”

I reached over and rubbed her back. “Devi,
sweetie, you need anything?”

She shook her head no, which is more than we
had gotten in the past hour, and you could tell by the relieved
look on Seth’s face he was starting to worry about that as
well.

“All right Sweetie, let me know if you
do.”

I closed my eyes again, but this time I saw
my father lying through the front windshield of our car, my arm
going the wrong direction, then blood lots and lots of blood.

“I’m, uhm, going to get some more coffee,” I
said to no one in particular.

Seth gave me a concerned look and nodded his
head slowly. I just needed to get of there, I needed to move, and
sitting in once place brought back the demons.

I finally made it downstairs, found the
nurses' smoking area and bummed a cigarette off someone. I had quit
smoking a year ago, but I couldn’t just sit there thinking about
losing my father, thinking about possibly losing my friend, my
brother. I was worried about whatever Sam was dealing with; I was
worried about Seth because this would fuck with his family. I
worried about Devi; she would lose the one person who has always
been there for her no matter what. I worried about Mags the most; I
knew what it felt like to have that kind of guilt fester. I worried
about all of them but there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do.

Chapter 25

Mags

I walked into the corridor, saw someone in a
doctor's coat head into the waiting room, and took off running. I
had to know, I was slowly driving myself insane with what if
scenarios. The largest one of all, what if I lose him, what if I
never get to tell him that I finally realized I love him.

I walked in the room and everyone glanced my
direction then back to the doctor.

“So he now has a titanium rod in his left
leg, his femur was broken in three places. We are keeping him
sedated for now. We just aren’t sure what will happen regarding the
swelling on his spine. Best case scenario the swelling on his spine
could go down on its own. We just don’t know at this time,” he
said.

“Uhm, what about lack of oxygen?” asked
Sam.

The doctor sighed. “There really is no
telling until he comes out of sedation, for now we are just waiting
and watching. He will be brought into ICU as soon as he’s out of
recovery,” he finished and left.

“Well, at least we know something now,” said
Seth stroking Devi’s back.

“Yea the waiting sucks,” X agreed.

“So anyone you want us to call now that we
know more?” Eli wondered.

Seth looked over at Devi and she shrugged.
“Yea go ahead and call Cris, Max, Cin and let them know what
happened and what’s going on,” Seth said.

“Devi, the kids are fine,” I said. “Jaks is
asking questions but Ash’s been able to put him off for now.”

“Okay then, I will call in a little
while.”

“So what do we do now?” asked Sam.

“Breakfast,” replied X, “we are all leaving
and getting breakfast.”

“I don’t think—” Devi started to say.

“I don’t care, Devlin, you are going to eat.
We're all going to go get something to eat; when he’s in his room
they will let us know, until then there is nothing for us to do.” X
interrupted.

I nodded my head. “Yea, sounds like a good
idea, but let’s not go far, okay?”

“I was thinking the cafeteria,” replied
X.

We all headed down to the cafeteria. The guys
pulling hats low to help cover their faces; none of us wanted to
deal with doting fans now, and we had a very quiet very morose
breakfast. No one really talked and no one really ate, we just
stared at our trays and moved food around. All of the guys giving
covert glances towards Devi and me but we both pretended not to
notice.

I couldn’t stand the pretending crap for any
longer and finally got up and tossed my uneaten food in the trash
and made my way back to the waiting room, Devi not far behind.

When we made it to the waiting room we had
been given, Devi grabbed my arm. “It’s not your fault, okay?” she
said quietly.

I had to wipe the tears from my eyes. “Yea,
it is.”

She shook her head. “No it's not. You guys
had a fight, he left, so what. It doesn’t make it your fault. The
asshole who hit him is who’s at fault.”

“If I hadn’t—”

“Aw Mags, don’t play that game with yourself.
This happened and we will all help each other through it,” she said
giving me a hug. “But it’s not your fault.”

I nodded and wiped my eyes. “Thanks.”

“It’s what best friends are for.”

“Okay, so what do we do now?”

She shrugged. “We wait.”

So we waited and we watched the guys come in,
and waited. Finally, someone came in letting us know that he had
been moved to a room and that we could see him, but only two people
at a time and only for five minutes at a time.

I glanced over at Devi and she gave me a look
I understood immediately—is it okay? I nodded my head, she should
be the first to see him, and she needed Seth there with her.

“I don’t think you girls should go in by
yourselves,” Seth voiced his concern.

X scoffed, “Ya think?”

Seth shot him a look. “X, can you go in the
room with Mags?”

“Can do.”

“Ready, baby?” Seth asked Devi.

“No, not really, but let’s just get it over
with.”

I stood up and gave her a hug. “We’ll get
through this like everything else, together, kay?”

“Yep,” she agreed, “that includes you finally
realizing you love my brother.” With that, she winked and left.

I should have known she would know what I was
feeling and thinking before I did. I swear, at times, she’s
psychic.

Devi

Seth held my hand as we walked into the ICU
department, the floor plan was open, with beds lining the walls and
curtains giving the illusion of privacy. I looked around the room
for my brother but didn’t see him anywhere. I was beginning to
think we were in the wrong place when I heard Seth’s gasp and
looked up at him. I followed his eyes and what I saw had me shaking
my head there was no way that was my brother.

“No…no nno no no no nno,” I kept saying
without realizing I was actually speaking tears streaming down my
face.

“Come on baby, it’ll be okay,” Seth whispered
into my ear.

“No, that’s not Drake, that can’t be
Drake.”

He pulled me into his arms. “Shhh honey, it
will be okay. Your brother is strong, and he wouldn’t leave you for
the world,” he murmured into my hair.

Drake was strong, and he wouldn’t leave me if
he could help it. He was my rock, he was my touchstone when my
world went wonky; he wouldn’t leave me.

We walked over to his bed and I just stared.
There were so many wires and tubes on him, there were machines
everywhere. I didn’t know where to touch. What little skin I did
see was bruised and beaten. He looked so small lying there, my big
protective brother looked so small, and I was scared that I might
lose him after all. I didn’t know how to live without Drake being
here with me, he had always been there with me. He was there when
our parents were more concerned about their friends and social
standing, he was there when they fought; he was there when Mom's
boyfriends would come to the house, he was there when Seth left; he
was there when Jaks and Cait were born—he was always there. I don’t
have many memories where Drake wasn’t a part of them, and I didn’t
know what I would do if he wasn’t there for the rest.

“They have him swaddled like we swaddle Cait
to sleep,” Seth murmured.

I don’t know why but this made me laugh,
thinking of Drake having to be swaddled and walked around the room
and bounced to sleep made me giggle. I knew that we would be okay,
Drake would be okay, that life would be okay, we just had yet
another hurdle to jump, but we could do it.

I reached over and stroked his face. “I love
you, bro. Now get yourself well, and get your ass out of this bed
because I need you, my kids need you, and Mags needs you, no matter
what she says; she needs you. So you better get well soon.” I
kissed his cheek, stood up and wiped my eyes.

Chapter 26

Mags

We were waiting for Devi and Seth to come
back to the waiting room, when Jaks ran up followed by a disheveled
looking Ash.

“I’m sorry, the girls are running out of
food, I am sure you and Devi are in need of some kind of relief at
this point, and I didn’t know how to answer any more of Jaks’
questions,” Ash said really fast.

“It’s okay, Ash,” Eli stated.

“Hey, lil man, come here,” X uttered, holding
his hand out to Jaks. He went straight to him and curled into his
side.

“Is Uncle Drake going to die?”

“Do you want the truth or do you want me to
make you feel better?” X questioned.

“X, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Sam
warned.

“It’s his decision,” X countered.

“But he’s only five, man.”

“Jaks?” X said his name like a question.

“The truth, Uncle X,” he whispered.

“We don’t know, buddy,” X stated. “The
doctors are working really hard to get him better, but we don’t
know yet.”

Jaks nodded his head and took a deep breath.
“Okay.”

X kissed the top of his head. “I promise they
are working really hard to make him better.”

I took Quinn’s car seat from Ash and started
unbuckling her so I could hold her close. I needed to hold her
close; I needed the comfort she would give.

“Where’s Mommy and Daddy?” Jaks wondered.

“They went to see Uncle Drake, he’s sleeping
right now, but they wanted to go check on him,” replied X.

“Okay, I brought my DS so I won’t bother
anyone, and I will be really quiet, but I don’t wanna go back
home.”

“We’ll have to ask Mommy and Daddy, okay?” X
told him.

He nodded and pulled out the DS X had gotten
him for his birthday, and curled back into X’s side.

Devi and Seth came back a few minutes later,
Devi was wiping tears away but when she saw Jaks and Cait, she
smiled.

“Hey baby, when did you get here?” she asked
Jaks.

“I dunno,” he mumbled paying more attention
to his DS than his mom.

Seth took Cait from Ash and sat down. “So, he
looks pretty rough, a lot of things hooked up to him, and a lot of
bruising. It's rough seeing him like that.” He ended kissing the
top of his daughter's head.

“Mags, you ready?” X inquired.

I nodded and handed Quinn back to Ash. I
don’t think anyone is ever ready for something like this but I
needed to get it over with.

X and I walked into the ICU and looked
around, it was so sterile and white. I finally found Drake lying in
a cocoon of blankets, his leg was in traction, and a cast on his
left arm. His face was bruised and there were some cuts and a tube
down his throat to help with his breathing. He didn’t really look
like Drake, but what skin I could see I saw tats I knew were his. I
wiped away tears I hadn’t realized were running down my face. He
looked broken, not like the strong, stable man I knew.

X let me go by myself but there wasn’t much
privacy in a place like this with nurses going everywhere, and
other people visiting, but I was grateful he tried.

“If you wanted a sponge bath, you should have
just asked,” I told him, trying to make light of the situation, but
I didn’t even know if he could hear me.

“You know I came to a few conclusions while
waiting around for you to show up, and well the biggest one is that
I love you too, now I just need for you to wake up so I can tell
you,” I told him. “See, the way I see it, Quinn and I need you, and
so you need to get better, open those pretty eyes so I can tell you
all of this.” I wiped a tear from my face and looked over at X, he
smiled and walked over to Drake's bed and put his arm around
me.

“You need to get better, buddy, but while
your down I will take care of your girls,” he said. “I know you
would probably prefer someone else, but they are stuck with me for
now.”

A small laugh escaped and I nudged him in the
ribs, he oofed like it hurt and rubbed his side. “What is it with
you girls being sadists?”

I shrugged, “Don’t know but you enjoy
it.”

He shook his head. “You better get well soon,
man; I don’t know how much abuse I can handle.”

I kissed Drake on the cheek. “Love you,” I
whispered in his ear then turned and left so the next person could
come and see him.