Faith (My Misery Muse) (18 page)

“Hey princess,” he murmured and kissed her
soft head, “have you been good for Mommy?”

She gurgled and smiled at him curling her
small fingers around one of hers, and my heart melted. This is what
she deserved, a man in her life that would love her
unconditionally. I realized that Drake would, no matter what, he
would be there for her. He would give her what I never had, a man,
a dad in her life she could trust to be there for the moments in
her life she needed and wanted him. I wiped away a stray tear and
looked away, but Devi caught my eye and gave me a small smile. I
returned it and looked back at the two people in my life that I
would give everything up for.

Devi and I were standing in the hall waiting
to be let back into the room after Drake kicked us out with the
kids. “He’s in there talking about me,” I told her.

“Yep.”

“He’s such an ass.”

“Yep.”

I sighed. “I love him.”

She looked over at me and grinned. “Yep.”

“I am in trouble.”

She smiled wider. “Yep.”

“Aunt Mags,” Jaks said, and I looked at him.
“Are you going to marry Uncle Drake?”

I sputtered, “Why would you think that
Jaks?”

“Cause Mama said she loved Daddy then they
got married and we got Cait.”

Devi laughed and I glared at her. “No Jaks, I
am not marrying Uncle Drake.”

“Why not?”

Devi only laughed harder. “Uhm, because I
don’t want to get married.”

“Oh,” he said and looked at me then
sighed.

“What’s wrong, Jaks?”

“Well, I was just thinking that would make
Quinn and you part of our real family.”

“Oh sweetie,” Devi said, “they already
are.”

“
Okay then, you don’t have
to marry him.” Then he went back to playing with the
girls.

“Thanks Jaks,” I muttered and turned to say
something to Devi when we heard a crash from Drake's room, and we
both grabbed a car seat and ran.

When we got into the room and looked around
the entire contents of his rolling table were now scattered around
the room. What the hell?

“Everyone out but Mags,” Drake growled.

I looked at the guys and they looked at the
ground, and walked out of the room. Devi looked at me and I handed
over the car seat in my hand, not even sure who I was carrying at
this point.

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me he was…” A
look of pure frustration came over his face and he ran his hands
through his hair and pulled. “Why didn’t you tell me that he was in
town?” he finally got out.

I took a deep breath. “Honestly?” He nodded,
“I didn’t want to stress you anymore than you already were, it’s
not a big deal, and I am never alone.”

He shook his head. “You should have told me,”
he gritted out. “Was he the one who was in your house?”

I shrugged. “The police don’t know.”

“What do you think?” he snarled.

“I think he was.”

“How and I suppose to to…” he trailed off
again then screamed, “FUCK” and grabbed something else and threw it
against the wall.

I stared, I had never seen Drake like this
before, and it scared me. I knew he was pissed at the situation,
but it still scared me.

“Drake, calm down.”

“Don’t, don’t you fucking tell me to calm
down, Mags!” he yelled. “Look at me, I can’t even get up to fucking
piss, I can’t I can’t.” he stopped and his head fell back and he
looked defeated. “I can’t get the words out, Mags.”

I walked over to him and ran my hands through
his hair. “We will work through this, Drake. We will deal with
this; it will just take time.”

He shook his head. “This will never go away,
Mags; I will always be damaged.”

I gripped his face in both hands and made him
look at me. “Drake Matthew Porter, you are not fucking damaged, you
are fucking perfect. We will get through this, now stop feeling
fucking sorry for yourself and deal.”

“Mags, go home,” he whispered. “Go home get
some sleep, spend time with Quinn, just got for a while.”

I nodded my head reluctantly and leaned down
to kiss him. He kissed me back barely, then pushed me away with his
good hand. “I love you, Drake,” I whispered and he nodded his head
then turned to look the other direction.

I sighed, of course this wouldn’t be easy,
and when was anything with Drake and me easy.

Drake

I stared at the window but not really seeing
anything. I couldn’t do this to her. The doctor told me the aphasia
would never go away, it may get better with time, but it may not.
My leg was another big question mark, with where and how it was
broken even with physical therapy, he just didn’t know how much use
I would get back. Could I really do that to Mags? I wasn’t the same
as before, and all because some kid thought it would be okay to
drive after a fucking frat party. He changed my life, he took
something from me, and I didn’t know if I could get it back.

He altered my life and I didn’t know to what
extent yet, and it scared me not to know what my life would be like
after this. I was scared I would never be whole again, and I didn’t
know how to expect anyone else to accept that.

“You wanna talk?”

“Not really, Seth.”

“You sure, cause the way she just left here,
I think you may need to.”

I sighed. “I’m just…” Fuck, not again, it was
right there I could see it, I just couldn’t get my mouth to form
the word. Fuck, why couldn’t I get it out? I took a deep breath.
“I’m damaged,” I managed.

“
Yep, you are but then again
you were before the accident too.”

I glared at him. “Fuck you.”

He shrugged. “Anger is normal, Drake. Hell
don’t you remember Xavier?”

I nodded.

“Yea so do I, and yea you have a few more
issues than before, but Drake don’t let that take control.”

“I don’t know how to do this.”

“Oh, I am sure you don’t,” he quipped.

“What that’s supposed to mean?”

“You have always been in control, that’s how
you deal. You are in control and you take care of people, now you
have no control, and you can’t take care of her, so I am pretty
sure you are fucking mad as hell. But man, you cannot take that out
on her, she will take it for a little while, after a while though,
she’s going either going to split or you will break her.”

“How do you know this?”

“Because I have a strong girl I almost broke,
and I do not want to see you make the same stupid mistakes I did.
Don’t push her away, you will end up regretting it.”

I nodded.

He nodded back then left.

“I am a fucking idiot,” I groaned. I didn’t
know what to do, I wanted Mags, I wanted Quinn, but I didn’t know
if I could put them through what I was about to go through.

Chapter 33

Mags

“Mags…” Devi started but I put my hand up and
shook my head. I just needed a few minutes to myself, I knew was
angry at the whole situation, that he wasn’t here to take care of
everything like he preferred, but it still hurt. I snorted, well I
guess I know how he felt when I kept running from him, but this
time I wasn’t going to run.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
No, I wasn’t going to run this time, and the sooner he realized
that the better. I walked back into the living area, Quinn and Cait
were playing with the baby gym so I plopped down beside Devi and
watched them bat at the toys hanging above them.

“I know Devi, okay, I know.”

“Okay.”

“So whatcha want to do?”

“Watch a crappy movie and drink a bottle of
wine.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me.”

So that’s how Seth and X found us, sitting on
the couch, watching a crappy movie and polishing off a third bottle
of wine, they took one look at us shook their heads.

“Where are the kids?” asked Seth.

“In bed.”

“Okay then.”

We went back to watching the movie and
ignored them, they got the hint and found something else to do but
bug us.

“You going to let him push you away?”

“Nope.”

“Good girl.”

“I am done running.”

“Good, I am glad to hear it.”

“Now we just have to get Drake to realize he
can’t control everything.”

She snorted, “Yea we can do that right after
we stop X from being a whore.”

I laughed, “Sounds about right.”

“He will be okay, he just needs to
adjust.”

I nodded, “Yeah cause your brother is great
at change.”

“Yeah okay, well while we’re at it, let's
work on X being a whore.”

“I think we can accomplish that first.”

“You are probably right.”

“There is nothing wrong with being a whore,”
was yelled from another room.

For some reason we both found this
hilarious.

“Shit, they are drunk,” said Seth.

“Yep.”

“All right, I will get my wife; you get the
other one and let’s get them in bed.”

“Fine, but you owe me,” replied X.

“Nope, I don’t.”

“How do you figure?”

“Because you told Drake you would take care
of her.”

“Damn.”

I woke up the next morning in bed—I don’t
remember how I got here, and my head hurt. Why did my head
hurt?

I looked around hoping to figure out what the
hell happened last night, but the light coming in from the window
made me wince and I huddled back under the blankets. What the hell
did I do last night?

“Rise 'n shine, sleeping beauty,” came a
singsong voice from the door.

“Go away, X,” I mumbled.

“Okay, but I brought coffee and
ibuprofen.”

I groaned and moved the blanket off my head.
“Gimme.”

He chuckled and handed me the cup and pills.
“What happened?” I asked.

“You don’t remember?”

“I remember watching a movie with Devi.”

“You don’t remember the five bottles of wine
you two polished off?”

I groaned again. “I do now.”

He laughed, “Get up, breakfast is almost
ready.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Too bad, Drake has already called twice
looking for your ass.”

“He has?”

“Yep, now get your lazy ass out of bed before
I let Jaks in here.”

That did it, I was getting up, which caused
him to laugh at me even more. “Ass,” I muttered.

“Yep,” he said and walked out of the
room.

I finally sat up and swallowed the pills with
a big gulp of the hot coffee. It took everything in me not to
whimper after burning my mouth., Sigh—it was going to be a rough
day. I climbed out of bed and headed downstairs to the smell of
bacon, might as well get it over with.

I walked in I found a bouncy, happy Devi. I
fucking hated her sometimes; she was always like this the morning
after drinking, where the rest of us just felt like ass.

“You suck,” I muttered at her and headed
towards a stool at the kitchen island.

She stuck her tongue out at me, so I flipped
her off.

“What’s for breakfast?” I asked and snatched
a piece of bacon off the plate and burnt my fingers, of course.

“Bacon, eggs, fruit and biscuits.”

“How long have you been up?”

She shrugged. “Cait was up at six this
morning and Drake started calling at seven.”

“What time is it anyway?”

“Ten, you lazy ass.”

“Someone got me drunk last night.”

“Yea, but I didn’t get any, so I’m out five
bottles of wine and no rewards, what’s up with that?”

“Seth didn’t help you out last night?”

“Seth didn’t drink the five bottles of wine
with me.”

“My head hurts.”

“Good.”

“Bitch.”

“Yep.”

Just then X came in carrying Cait, he looked
around and then smirked at me.

“Dick.”

“Slut.”

“Man whore.”

“Yep.”

I shook my head at X. You can’t win with him
because he takes being a man-whore as a badge of honor.

He put Cait in her highchair and clicked her
in, then glanced over at me. “I will be taking you and as Drake
demanded 'his princess' to the hospital after breakfast.”

“Where is Quinn?”

“Ash was getting her and Jaks dressed,
they’ll be down soon.”

I had been spending so much time at the
hospital, and trying to work that I hadn’t spent as much time with
my baby girl as I would have liked. I would have to change that
starting now.

“Devi, how do you balance your time with
everything you have going on?”

“Something’s got to give, and it will not be
my family, so I work less hours at the shop. Cris is bringing in
another artist soon, which will also help. He’s also bringing in a
body mod expert, which should help with business.”

“Is business bad?” asked X.

“No, but right now we don’t do anything but
tattooing, with the people he’s looking at bringing in it should
help diversify our clientele some.”

“Who’s he looking at?”

“Uhm, not really sure X, just know they are
supposed to be really talented.”

“That would be good, I hate having to go to
Addison to get piercings and stretched.”

“What are you gauging now?” I asked.

“My ears, I’m at a four right now, but I want
to get to a zero then I’m done.”

“Just don’t go too big.”

He laughed. “I am stopping at a zero.”

“Good.”

“You going to add anything else, X?” Devi
wondered.

“I want viper bites.”

“Me too,” she said.

I sighed. “You and Seth are going to get
stuck together soon by your piercings.”

They both laughed at me. I loved my tattoos
and I had one piercing my belly button but nothing compared to
Seth, X and Devi.

“What I don’t get is you are such a bitch
when you get tattooed, X. Are you the same way when you get a new
gauge or piercing?”

“I am not a bitch, you’re just a fucking
sadist,” he grouched at Devi.

She giggled. “I warned you ribs hurt.”