Authors: Nancy Adams
Minutes passed before the door opened and Sarah stepped inside. He thought she would be in a rush, eager to see to it that he had left before the IV was set. Instead, she was calm, and held two cans of soda in her hands.
Sarah crossed the floor from the door to the bed and set the cans down. She looked over Ruth quietly, her face calm and settled as she spied the IV. At length, she met Dave’s eyes and smiled.
“Did she struggle?” She asked. Dave nodded.
“The first time. She was really good the second time the nurse tried, but I held her then.”
Sarah nodded, and then reached for the coke. The other can of soda was an orange Fanta. “Which do you want?”
Dave grinned. He wanted whichever had caffeine, but judging from the look in Sarah’s eyes, he figured she would need it more.
“I’ll take the Fanta,” Dave answered quietly. He shook Ruth slightly, but she didn’t move.
“No no,” Sarah cooed. “Don’t wake her up, let her sleep.”
Dave eyed her curiously. “Are you sure? Maybe we can switch and I’ll leave like I promised.” Sarah met his eyes and stared. She searched him, as if she were leafing through the pages of his soul.
“Only if you want to. I think I’d rather she stay asleep for now.”
Dave nodded understandingly. “I’ll stay then.” He didn’t want to leave them anyway, not until he knew they would both be better. Sarah said nothing more and then reached for his can of soda. She opened it and fit it into his free hand. Drinking wasn’t easy, but he still managed. Ruth seemed to be in a deep sleep and didn’t make a sound.
They drank their soda in silence. After a while, their eyes ended up meeting and they simply stared. A nurse returned at one point with a warm blanket to drape over Ruth and left quietly seconds later. Periodically, the IV machine beeped. It chirped quietly as the liquid was released from the bag.
“We didn’t have dinner,” Dave said to break the silence. Sarah chuckled sadly.
“Maybe we can stop at drive thru?”
Grinning, Dave nodded. “I’d love to. Did you find anything out about Ruth?” Sarah shook her head.
It was another hour, after the first bag of fluid had been taken that a doctor had come to seen them. They ruled out a 24 hour bug. The fever spike she had was thought to be a result of the severe dehydration.
Between Tina’s mother and the doctor, Sarah had gathered more information. It seemed that the previous day, Ruth had been reported as not feeling well, and was thought to have stopped drinking fluids. On Friday, she had even been in the nurse’s office for feeling weak near the end of the day, but she had neglected to tell her mom.
“Probably because she didn’t want to miss going to Tina’s house,” Sarah reasoned. Dave could tell she felt guilty for having allowed her daughter to become so dehydrated, but he stayed quiet and let her work though her emotions silently.
They were discharged around 9:30 pm with a prescription for nausea to make drinking easier. Their stay at the hospital amounted to around three hours.
Ruth remained in a drugged-like state, sleepy and cuddling with the window after Dave lifted her from the wheelchair and set her into his truck. They stopped by Wendy’s, which was admittedly out of the way, but beyond necessary. A 24 hour pharmacy had Ruth’s prescription ready, and then they headed towards Sarah’s house.
Dave carried Ruth into the home while Sarah carried in the dinner and prescription. As he laid Ruth down, she snuggled into the couch, and even more once Sarah covered her frail body with a blanket. They moved towards the dining room table positioned in the kitchen and took their food from the bags silently.
“Can’t remember the last time I had fast food like this,” Sarah said in between a breath and a bite. Dave didn’t respond. He shoveled his mouth full with meat from his burger. It was cheesy, meaty, and salty with a tang of onion, garlic, and ketchup all in one. For being so unhealthy, it sure tasted good.
More silence fell as they picked through fries to eat. When Dave’s fries were gone, he reached for his cup of soda and took a long swig. He took the moment to finally inspect Sarah. She looked like she was shaking, like the only thing keeping her together was her focus on demolishing the food before her. She reached for a fry but it slipped from her trembling fingers.
“I take it Ruth doesn’t get sick much?”
Sarah shook her head hard. “Never. Maybe a low grade fever here and there,” she said, the sound from her throat a mix of sporadic sounds.
“Well,” Dave cleared his throat for no reason, “it happens.”
“I should have made sure she was drinking water,” Sarah started.
“She’s old enough to drink her own water,” Dave countered. He met Sarah’s icy glare but didn’t back down. “You can’t force your daughter to drink water.”
“Well I’m going to tonight. They said when she starts getting up to use the restroom, I need to make sure she drinks at least a cup, eight ounces. I’ll see to it tonight for sure.”
“Sarah,” Dave sighed, “you’re a great mother.” Her knuckles turned white against her grip on her drink. She lowered her eyes and drank steadily, pausing once to squeeze her eyes shut.
“Why are you so hard on yourself?” Dave asked softly.
“I’m all she has,” Sarah said with a gulp. She squeezed a fry in her hand, but Dave was certain she was finished eating.
“And you’re doing a fine job—.”
“She hardly talks to me,” Sarah said in a breath suddenly. Her voice was beyond cracked. Dave fought the desire to move towards her and take her weak body into his arms. He saw the wetness on Sarah’s face, and noticed the tears on the tabletop.
“She’s quiet most of the time and the rest of the time she gives me an attitude,” there was a hiccup in her voice. “I’ve tried other activities, dance, sports,” she dropped the fry and squeezed her fist into a ball. “I just—I feel like everything I do is wrong and no matter how many steps I move forward with her I’m still manage to fall five back.”
Dave stood. He couldn’t keep himself in the chair any longer. He moved to Sarah’s side quickly and knelt before her. She melted into his outstretched arms easily, still spilling the list of all her insecurities. He wanted nothing more than to kiss each one of them away deeply and with all the passion he could find in his body.
“I’m so sorry,” Sarah tried to pull back weakly, but Dave quieted her with his touch and a shake from his head.
“Don’t be. It’s okay,” he said quickly, urgently. “You need to cry. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
With his permission, the tears released. She wasn’t hysterical, but the sobs racked her body and she shook in his arms. He found himself kissing her forehead, urging her to not hold the tears back. From her temple, his lips trailed to her cheek, and in a breath, they found their way back to her lips. She didn’t pull away.
She kissed him eagerly, pushing back against him and yet pulling him closer with a grip on his shirt. Dave remembered the pain he heard in her voice earlier when she finally told him about her husband. The thought was enough to sober him and he turned his head from her slightly. Sarah broke away, but their foreheads remained rested against each other. Their breaths shook as their breathing restored and their resolve strengthened.
“I bet you think I’m a mess,” she said with a husky voice that stirred his heart down to his depths. Her presence touched his core. He knew he had just met her, but he had completely missed how he had become so immersed in her, wanting to be completely drowned in her world.
“No,” Dave shook his head, after a moment. “I don’t think you’re a mess at all.” He caught her blue eyes in the low light of the kitchen and cupped her face in his palm. He felt the heat from her body from within and sighed. His thumb ran along her lips. His strength was failing. Sarah closed her eyes and welcomed his touch silently.
Leaning forward, Dave brushed his lips against hers. He wanted more, but he restrained himself, becoming taunt and pulled back. He shook his head.
“I need to—I should go,” he said weakly. Sarah searched his eyes. All she had to do was ask. She knew that. She was a grown woman; but she stayed silent. That was wise. Dave pulled back to a safe distance.
“Will you be okay?” Dave questioned, gaining more strength as he stood. Sarah nodded and ran her hands over her face with a deep intake of breath.
“Thank you,” Sarah said in a small voice. Dave looked her over, confused. “For earlier, at the hospital,” Sarah smiled. “There’s no way I could have handled the IV.”
Dave grinned. “I know.” He turned from her and scratched the back of his head. “If you need anything…” he didn’t bother to turn back to Sarah as he called over his shoulder.
“I’ll call,” Sarah replied weakly. Even as she said it, he knew she didn’t mean it. He sighed and headed towards the front of the house. Sarah wasn’t going to see him out, and it was probably better than she didn’t. In the living room, he paused and looked Ruth over. She was beginning to stir. He turned quickly and left, closing the doors behind him quietly, but also making sure they locked. They did.
In his truck, he placed his head on the steering wheel and closed his eyes. He wished he could take a cold shower to change his train of thought. At the same time, he knew it was useless. He hadn’t planned it, but somehow, Sarah had embedded herself within him, and he didn’t want her to be removed.
Back So Soon
The night was every bit of thing that Sarah felt she needed to prepare herself for. Ruth rose within thirty minutes of Dave leaving to use the bathroom and Sarah administered her first dosage of the medicine. She sat and watched Ruth drink a cup of water, and then helped her daughter back to the couch in the living room. Ruth continued to wake periodically throughout the night, at thirty minute and one hour intervals.
It wasn’t until the living room began to glow with the morning’s first light that an hour and a half passed before Sarah realized her daughter hadn’t been up again. Sarah stood over Ruth’s body silently, watching her thin chest rise and fall. She knew that Ruth wouldn’t likely rise again until she was ready to tackle the day.
Knowing her daughter was out of the safe zone, Sarah retreated to her room and took her jewelry off, a necklace and bracelet. She couldn’t see her reflection in the dark, but she caught the sight of her weddings rings and Adam’s band on the dresser drawer top.
With a tired sigh, Sarah moved silently throughout the house. She took the short steps to the main floor and claimed the opposite couch for herself. She didn’t have a pillow or blanket. Her arms were cold, and her body ached.
As the couch swallowed her, all Sarah could think about was the way she felt when Dave held her so close to his body. Safe. It was an odd thing to feel that way. Shouldn’t she have felt something else? Something desirous? She didn’t though. Instead, it was just an intense feeling of warmth that constantly bathed her body, like a blanket snaking beneath her skin to find her heart and enclose it, to protect it. The thought sent a chill throughout her body. How ironic. But she couldn’t deny the other half of the way his kiss made him feel, which was something else entirely.
She sighed deeply, but not sadly. She had no idea how she ought to feel, or if it was okay to feel something or nothing at all. She definitely felt something, and she
really
liked what she felt, but was it even right for her to feel that way? She tried to tell herself that she didn’t even know him, and yet, whenever she was in his presence, that line of thinking seemed nothing more than a poor excuse to keep him at bay. Her heart seemed to think otherwise. It was as though the only barriers it had were the ones she mentally constructed. David felt like a kindred spirit, attached her for years and only now was she realizing it.
Closing her eyes, Sarah sighed. She felt like they hadn’t been shut for five seconds when she heard knocking at the front door. That thought bugged her. It was way too early to hear knocking at her door. Yet, when she opened her eyes, she realized she must have slept for at least an hour or two. Sunlight was streaming through the thin sheets of curtains over the windows. It was at least 8 o’ clock she reasoned.
Frowning, Sarah tossed her daughter a cursory glance. Still asleep. She pushed herself from the couch and groaned before she made her way to the door. After opening the main door, she gasped and quickly groped for the storm door.
“Dave, what are you doing here?” Sarah asked, staring back into Dave’s brown eyes. He had changed into jeans and a regular tee shirt. He looked incredible and had a bag from a local grocery store in his hand.
“I thought you might need some help this morning,” he offered weakly. He lowered his head and put a hand on the beam of the door. “You probably think it’s weird?”
“No,” Sarah paused. “I mean, maybe a little. Do you know what time it is?”
“Did you sleep much last night?” Dave asked instead. He lifted his head to meet Sarah’s gaze.
“No,” Sarah answered and shook her head. “Feels like I closed my eyes for a second.”
“So let me come in and help. You can get some sleep.”
Sarah peered at Dave carefully. He was serious. She looked behind her, eyes peering back into her house. “I don’t know,” she murmured.
“It’s just so you can get some sleep,” Dave urged. Even as she spoke, her defenses seemed to fall. She remembered how sleepy she was; it came back to tug and nip at the back of her mind.
“When I wake up you’ll leave?” Sarah asked, hesitant to remove herself from the doorway.
“I promise,” Dave smiled. “I’m a gentleman.”
Sarah’s shoulders slumped. She looked down at herself and realized she was still wearing the dress from the date the night before.
“You still look amazing,” Dave teased. She grinned lightly and stepped aside, allowing Dave to enter the home again. She had a list of things she could tell him to do, but in the moment, she could remember none of it and just slinked back to the couch and laid down with a huff. She turned towards the cushions and closed her eyes. Within minutes, she had fallen asleep again.
She wasn’t sure what time it was when she opened her eyes, but she could tell that Ruth was feeling miles better. Her thin voice was the first thing she heard, and she was deep in conversation with Dave.
“Are you sure we can’t go to the den and play a game? I want to show you my Wii. Mom never plays with me. She doesn’t know how.”
Dave’s chuckle crawled along her skin. “You never taught her how?”
“She never asked.”
Dave laughed. “You can go to the den, but I think I’ll stay here.”
“Then I’ll stay here too,” Ruth answered back quickly. “So you’re dating my mom?” She asked at length. Dave laughed and didn’t answer. “You know, I think my dad owned boats too.”
A breath caught in Sarah’s throat. Ruth was much too young to remember the times she and Adam had taken her out on similar boats down in Ft. Lauderdale.
“Oh really?” Dave seemed overly interested. “I thought she had never been on the water before.”
“She’s never taken me,” Ruth remarked. “Maybe you can?” Sarah felt the air grow tense.
“I’d have to ask your mom.”
“She’ll say no.”
Sarah frowned. That wasn’t true. She wanted to listen more, but she had heard enough. She stirred a little, and then turned over, trying to pretend as if she were waking up; but, as soon as she met Dave’s eyes, she knew that he knew otherwise.
“Do you want to take a shower?” Dave asked casually. He was on the floor with scrabble laid out before him. Ruth had been lying across his calf to play. Her daughter certainly loved words. The game seemed fitting for the both of them.
“A shower?” Sarah resisted the urge to see if she could smell herself. On principal alone she needed one just for the sake of it.
“You are wearing what you had on yesterday, Mom,” Ruth pointed out. Sarah pushed herself up and sat.
“Okay,” Sarah said numbly. She turned and eyed the crocheted throw that had been placed over her.
“You looked cold,” Dave said in response to her curiosity. I found it down in the den and thought you’d might like it.
“It’s warm,” Sarah commented. “It was perfect, thanks.” She stood, her mind still feeling a bit groggy and she stretched. “I’ll take a shower and then,” she pointed a finger at Dave. “You and I need to talk.”
Dave smirked and shrugged. Ruth glanced between them nonchalantly before turning her attention back to the game board.
Inside her room, Sarah quickly disrobed and stepped into the shower. She welcomed the steaming water to her aching bones and sore flesh and forgot all about time. She washed herself twice.
She let her hair air dry, welcoming the natural soft curls she carried and climbed into a pair of jeans that hugged her hips and kissed her legs all the way down to her ankles. A loose baseball style t-shirt hugged her around her waist and upper arms.
When she was ready, she walked from her room into the kitchen, and pulled her damp hair into a loose bun. Dave was at the stovetop, flipping a pancake. She spied eggs and diced fruit, pineapple, watermelon, and cantaloupe. Although her last meal had been quite a feat, her mouth still began to water nonetheless.
“You didn’t have to make breakfast,” Sarah grumbled. She bit her lip. All she had to do was say “thanks”. Dave turned to her and smiled. She didn’t miss the extra time he took to look her over. That look sent a shiver down her spine. She tried to swallow it away.
“I meant thank you.”
“Not a problem. Ruth said she was hungry.”
Sarah saw that the table had been set with plates and cups. Ruth was currently filling the cups with orange juice Sarah didn’t remember having.
“Did you buy that?” Sarah asked, moving to the table. She touched a plate, and then picked up a cup and sipped at the rich orange juice.
“Yes, I brought it over just in case you didn’t have any. Vitamin C is necessary to stay healthy when you’re stressed,” he commented. Dave spoke to her facing the stove. “I’m making crepes. Not too sweet either.”
Sarah nodded and looked around. It seemed that Dave had also straightened up a bit while she had been showering too. Her house wasn’t messy by any means, but it was definitely lived in and homey. It wasn’t uncommon to find a throw misplaced from the den’s chest and old newspapers bunched together on the steps. There had been a basket of laundry, bed sheets and towels that Sarah never seemed to have a chance to fold. A quick glance into the den told her that Dave had somehow managed put the laundry away.
“I helped him clean up while you were in the shower,” Ruth said softly. “He said it would make you happy.” Sarah laughed. No set of words could have been truer.
After flipping the last crepe, Dave joined the women at the table with the bowl of fruit cocktail and steaming crepes. They helped themselves to generous portions of the food and began to eat. Looking from Ruth to Dave, Sarah’s heart smiled and reminded her of the breakfast and dinners she used to share with Adam. Back then, they used to put Ruth in a high chair and gather around, say a prayer, and launch into the food. They took turns keeping Ruth entertained and mealtime was always a fun time.
“Mom,” Ruth spoke around a bite of eggs, “did Dad ever own boats?”
Sarah sputtered and quickly grabbed her orange juice. Dave smiled and placed his elbows on the table, eager for an answer.
“No,” Sarah answered at last, rolling a bit of crepe around in her mouth. She swallowed. “I did though.” She purposefully avoided Dave’s eyes and pretended not to see the way his body tensed.
“My father gave it to me. I never drove it though. Your father did after he met me. All the time. He loved it.” Sarah reached for the orange juice again and took a drink, much slower this time. She held Dave’s eyes and tried to decipher his look.
“Your father loved boating,” Sarah continued. “I think he and I might have taken you on the water once or twice, but you were much too young to remember.”
“Do you still own the boat?” Ruth asked with another mouthful.
At length, Sarah nodded. “It’s with Pop Pop and Mimi though.”
Ruth nodded and her brows bunched. She began to chew on her finger. “Well, Dave has boats,” she said softly.
Sarah pressed her lips together and watched Ruth carefully. She wasn’t sure when her daughter had become so convinced that a response from her would always be “no”. Maybe, a few years ago, that might have been the case, when just the thought of trying to handle her demands seemed too overwhelming
Back then, she didn’t feel like she could focus on just being a mother. She had to be more. She had to be the provider and she refused to ever let money be the thing that held her daughter back. She wanted to give her everything she knew Adam would have worked hard for. Maybe in all of that she lost a bit of what it meant to be a mother after all, to raise her daughter.
“Dave does have boats,” Sarah responded after a bite. She raised her eyes to meet Dave’s stare. At the wide rectangular table, neither one of them sat particularly close to the other; but, Dave’s eyes were trained to Sarah. He chewed quietly.
“You know,, Ruth” Dave began, “I don’t know what a good idea it is, with you having been dehydrated,” he answered. Ruth turned to him.
“But I feel fine now,” Ruth said quickly, and then she turned to Sarah. “Mom?”
Sarah took a deep breath. She didn’t honestly know what the right answer was. Sarah bought time and tipped more orange juice into her mouth. She drank it all and was still breathless for more.
“Did you want to go today?” Sarah asked after what felt like a solid minute of staring into the center of her empty cup.
“Can we?” Ruth leaned over her plate. “Please?” She looked to Dave, her eyes growing wider with each passing second.
Sarah wanted to avoid Dave’s eyes again, but she found herself drinking in his brown eyes yet again. His expression was still unreadable.
“I just don’t want her to get sick again,” Dave said softly.
“But I wasn’t even sick,” Ruth countered with a heavy sigh. “I feel fine.”
“And I don’t even know if we have a boat available today,” Dave said again at length.
“Could you find out?” Ruth wouldn’t stop.
Sarah tapped her fingers on the table and chewed thoughtfully on her lip. When she met Dave’s eyes again, she gave him a slight nod. He turned to Ruth and looked her over.
“I’ll call for you,” he said heavily, as if it were solely his decision to make. “And if we have one, we can go for an hour. An hour,” he stressed. “You can’t stay in the sun though, and you have to promise to drink at least a liter of water.”