A Year in the Life of a Complete and Total Genius (4 page)

Then I read Kennedy's email asking for my mom to read her story. That made me pretty sad, and then I felt bad that I made her sad too. I just don't know what to say about it. It's not like there's a magical way to tell people. It hadn't come up in conversation. I'm not going to be running laps beside Kennedy and casually say, “Oh, hi, Kennedy! Did I ever mention that my mom is dead? How many laps is this for you? Oh, nine? Yeah, I'm on my fourth. Well, see you around…the track.” Ha-ha-ha.

That little joke was for you, RJ. I know you like a good one-liner. Nicole says that joking about death makes people uncomfortable, but I don't know how else to talk about it. You know me, RJ. I'm a joker! I'm just glad that Kennedy didn't seem weirded out by my email. She's so awesome. I kind of love that she admitted that she's not perfect. It makes her even more perfect.

And the last terrible thing I read was the first act of
A Midsummer Night's Dream
.

Ms. Whitehead is all “This is the greatest” and she laughs fakely at what Shakespeare called jokes. But I don't get it. It's all “thou” and “thee,” and I know people think it's brilliant, but I think they just want to feel smart. I can't believe we have to study this all the way until Christmas break. How am I supposed to get any inspiration for my own award-winning story from crappy plays like this one?

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

• • •

From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

Sent: November 28, 21:21

Hi, Arthur!!!

OK, below is the BEGINNING of my story for the competition! I changed to a girl main character like you suggested, and she is AWESOME! Let me know your opinions—be HONEST! I want to win LOL!!! Can't wait to read your beginning too! Send it to me whenever and I will read it post-haste LOL! (We're reading Shakespeare in English class, and they say things like post-haste LOL!)

OK! Be honest (but I hope you like it!).

Kennedy :)

Untitled Story! LOL

The brains of the alien were lavender and gray and splattered all over Sophie's perfectly matched brown-and-pink off-the-shoulder top and skinny jeans. She flicked her high ponytail over her shoulder, showing off her tiny, pink rosebud earrings.

“Well? What should we do with it now?” she asked nonchalantly, slinging her bazooka over her left shoulder. She wiped the gory blood from her hands on her back pockets and looked over at her partner.

“I'd say we should bury it. Deep. Real deep,” Tom replied in his somber bass tones. He looked at his own navy coveralls, covered with a red-and-green flannel shirt.

“Well, I guess we should start digging,” Sophie sighed, reaching for the shovel…

Sophie woke with a start. She'd had that dream again. She tried to sit up, but found that her arms were still in the restraints locked to the rails of her bed. She pulled hard, but the restraints just cut into her wrists again, leaving her writhing in pain. She yelled out, “Nurse!” But no one came. No one ever came during the daytime. Only if you screamed and cursed in the middle of the night would the nurses come, with their long needles glinting off the fluorescent lights of the hallway like golden teeth.

“You need to keep it down over there. They'll hear you,” whispered the scratchy voice of the old woman in the bed next to Sophie. “They'll come, and they'll bite off your nose and your fingernails, and they won't stop.” The old woman cackled madly. “Of course, I wouldn't mind if they ate my fingers… I've been trying to chew them off for years!” The woman's violet hospital gown was drooping, and her white hair was falling out. Or maybe she had pulled it out…

Sophie shivered. It had been fifteen days that she had been in the hospital, and the dreams were getting worse. Dreams though? No. She knew they were more than that. The aliens were real. She had seen them. She had strangled one until its eyeballs burst out of its head in a gargantuan mess of crimson and white and light-blue tendons, all over her favorite teal dress, the one with the black piping and oversized buttons at the collar. She couldn't make that up. And she had the dry cleaning bill to prove it.

• • •

From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

Sent: November 29, 8:07

Wow, Kennedy! This is amazing! I think you've done a great job on starting your story. It's really scary. I can't wait to see what happens next.

There's just one thing. I don't really get why you've described all of the outfits of the characters. And would they have a dry cleaner? That's weird. It seems out of place. I don't think you need those parts.

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

• • •

November 29th

Dear RJ,

I read Kennedy's story beginning, and it's pretty great. I don't even know where to start. Mine needs to be better than Kennedy's story. I mean, I have lots of time, but I can't believe she's started already! Mine will be funny, sad, scary, AND provocative. Sure, “Sockland” was great when I was in sixth grade, but now I'm in seventh grade. I have to do something amazing, and I've got zip.

To get inspired, I borrowed a copy of
The Shining
by Stephen King from Nicole's bookshelf yesterday. I figured it was okay because I live right next door and I plan on returning it when I'm done, but I didn't tell her that I took it. Nicole is pretty laid back about stuff like that. Whenever she has friends over she's always like, “Take it! Bring it back whenever!” And since the librarian at the public library won't let me take out adult books after that time my mom got angry at her for allowing me to take out the movie
The Exorcist
and then I didn't sleep for two months, I kind of have to borrow it under the radar. I want to read it because Stephen King is really famous and has written over a hundred books, so it must be amazing.

I don't think
The Shining
can be that scary though. It's got a kid in it, and the family lives in a hotel, but it's like a haunted hotel. I wish we lived in a hotel instead of an apartment. That sounds pretty cool to me. It sounds like a Disney movie plot!

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

December 1st

To Whom It May Concern,

Please excuse Arthur Bean's absence from school the past two days. He has been having trouble sleeping, and has had migraines in the mornings. Should you have any questions, please call me.

Many thanks,

Ernie B.

• • •

December 1st

Dear RJ,

The Shining
is the scariest book ever written, but I couldn't stop reading it! And I can't tell if Stephen King is a genius or just a psycho. There were crazy ghosts and axes and murders and stuff. There was even a maze where the main guy chases his wife and kid through the maze in the dark and snow. I'm never going into a labyrinth ever! It was so intense and I kept dreaming about it. Who comes up with this stuff?

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

• • •

Peer Tutoring Program—Progress Report

Session: December 2nd

Worked On: Shakespeare Stuff

Ms. W, when even Artie dosn't like Shakespear, why do we all have to suffer? We talked today about how the school board should be changing the curricculum. how we should watch more movies in class. Artie calls it “vissual literacy.” its pretty important to us as the leaders of tomorro, and we think you should look into changing the curiculum for next year.

—Robbie

Ms. Whitehead, it's possible that Robbie and I have a shared hatred of overwritten plot lines and fancy words used for no reason. I think that says something.

—Arthur

• • •

From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

Sent: December 2, 17:32

Hi, Arthur!

Thanks for your suggestions! I KNOW there wouldn't be dry cleaning, silly! It was a JOKE, but I guess not a very good one LOL! I can't WAIT to read your beginning! Do you want to send it to me?! I have LOTS of time this week since our math teacher has the flu! No more circle graphs LOL!

Kennedy :)

From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

Sent: December 2, 19:56

Dear Kennedy,

I don't have anything to send to you yet. I find my best method of work is to fully visualize my piece, and then I like to write it on paper first. I find the sound of the pencil on paper is very creatively stimulating. But I can tell you what my story will be about. It's about a man and his family who live in a hotel. He's a writer, but the ghosts in the hotel also haunt him. Then he goes crazy and tries to kill his family with an ax. His son is also psychic, and can call up other psychic people, but his son also plays with the ghosts and goes a little crazy. And the man's wife doesn't know what to do, so she cries all the time. She will run around in a maze in a blizzard too, and she might die. It will likely be very frightening.

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

Sent: December 2, 20:18

Wow, Arthur!! That sounds…um…complicated. But great!!! Scary though, that the man goes after his family with an ax! It sounds like one of those horror books my dad reads by Steven King or like a V. C. Andrews book (I LOVE her books!!) or something! I hope they all make it out of the hotel OK!

Are you writing something for the last edition of the Marathon this year? I'm doing an interview with Sandy on winning the boys' volleyball championship! I already told him that I wasn't going to go easy on him just because I'm his GIRLFRIEND! I'll be like Lois Lane interviewing Superman LOL! I can't BELIEVE it's already so close to Christmas LOL!! Any suggestions of what guys like? I have to get something for my boyfriend LOL!

From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

Sent: December 2, 21:09

Dear Kennedy,

I guess that plot does sound a little complicated for a short story. Maybe I will look at doing something else. Back to the drawing board…

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

• • •

A Day in the Life: An Oscar-worthy Film

By Arthur Bean

****

The AV Club at Terry Fox Jr. High is showing their first feature this week in the drama room.
A Day in the Life
is a poignant and gripping account of an ordinary day at Terry Fox Jr. High School. Shot as though seen through the eyes of an unnamed narrator,
A Day in the Life
follows an “ordinary” student through a day at school. Though the day begins normally, the heavy silence in the film clearly foreshadows the disaster that befalls at the end of the movie—a test in science. Horrors! Our beloved narrator is clearly unprepared for such a crisis!

A Day in the Life
is reminiscent of the early work of Francis Ford Coppola, a surprise considering its collaborative directorial nature. A different AV Club member has directed each scene, but this pastiche of styles makes it even more interesting. For example, each director uses music to its fullest emotional range, including the unique work of eighth-grade student Liam Hasser, who uses Van Halen's
Jump!
as the soundtrack for the basketball unit in gym. The supporting cast is equally as strong as the low voice of the narrator (played impeccably by ninth-grade student Alfonso Millar). He sounded almost like Darth Vader. It was very sinister! Of particular note is the performance of Mr. Everett in an understated but nuanced walk-on role as the Teacher.

Some viewers with weaker stomachs may find the classroom scenes too much to handle. The emotion in the film can be overwhelming, so bring your handkerchief for a heart-wrenching scene that takes place during math class. This is a scene that will clearly be discussed in film critic circles for years to come.

A Day in the Life
plays in the drama room from 12:00–1:00 all week December 6–10. See it before someone spoils the twist ending!

Hiya, Arthur,

You definitely covered all the elements of the film! However, I am having trouble understanding the tone of your piece—are you being sincere or sarcastic? Maybe you thought that my performance wouldn't win me any Golden Globes? The shock of it! Good-bye, Hollywood! Your praise is overwhelming, and some readers may read it as being insincere. If you're available, we can meet during a lunch hour to discuss changes to your review. It would be great to see you take some of the feedback from earlier articles and apply it to your next piece, okay, buddy?

Mr. E.

Dear Mr. Everett,

You told me to be more positive in my articles. This is as positive as I can be, particularly for one of the most boring movies I have ever sat through. And my dad made me watch Citizen Kane once, so I know what boring movies look like.

Perhaps my own series of articles would be a better way for me to use my editorial skills. I'd love to meet with you to talk about my ideas for articles!

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

• • •

JUNIOR AUTHORS CONTEST

Just a reminder to work on your stories during the winter break! Final drafts of your stories are due April 1st, no exceptions! Finalists in the school will be published in the spring edition of the
Marathon
, and put to a school-wide vote.

Remember to use your creative writing partners for advice and editing and as a sounding board for your great ideas! Should you have any questions before the holidays, please see Ms. Whitehead by 4:00 p.m. on December 17th. Happy writing!

• • •

Assignment: Character Diaries

Choose your favorite character from
A Midsummer Night's Dream
and write a diary entry referencing a scene from the play. Your diary entry should demonstrate your understanding of the material we have covered and show some insight into how the character may be feeling at a certain moment in the play.

Due: December 9

• • •

Peer Tutoring Program—Progress Report

Session: December 7th

Worked On: Shakespeare Diary Assignment

We edited Robbie's assignment. It went all right.

—Arthur

here is my assinement that Artie helped me with. He also moved around some sentences and made it sound more nice. We also worked on some better rhimes for my love pome. Here it is.

—Robbie

dear diary,

I am in love with Hermia, but she is in love with Lysander. This is terrible. I try so hard to make her like me, but nothing works. I've known her forever. We've played sports together since we were in Italian kindergarten. But she just thinks of me as a friend and wants me to be in love with her friend Helena. Helena is ugly, and she told me that I was stupid and the worst shortstop she had ever seen. But Hermia is still really nice to me. I just wish she wasn't running away with Lysander, because I get really bad hay fever in the forest, and it's even worse at night.

When I catch up with her and Lysander, I am going to give her this love poem that I wrote.

Hermia Hermia. You are a beaut.

I think you are nice. I think you are cute.

I like your sweet smile. I like your round face.

So go out with me now and show your good taste.

Later Diary,

Demetrius

• • •

December 8th

Dear RJ,

Today would have been my mom's birthday. I stayed home from school and Dad stayed home from work. It was weird. Neither of us really wanted to do anything. I just wanted to stay in bed and read a book or something, and I think Dad probably wanted to just sit in his room too. But then that felt weird too, so we went and got flowers and went to the cemetery.

I don't know what to say to my dad when he is so quiet, so I didn't say anything. He didn't say anything either. Neither of us said anything, we just put the roses down and stood there.

It was freezing outside. I really just wanted to leave because I had forgotten my mittens. It started to snow too, and normally I like snow because it makes the city quiet, but today it made the cemetery even quieter and weirder. The worst part was when I thought about how Mom was always talking a lot, and how it would have been better if she was there to make it less awkward.

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

• • •

Demetrius's Diary

By Arthur Bean

Dear Diary,

Oh, Hermia, your smile is so great

And your teeth are so white and so straight.

You come from a country shaped like a boot

And your laugh is so pretty and your face is so cute.

Will you be my girlfriend and then maybe my wife?

For I know I will love you the rest of my life.

This is the love poem I would like to give Hermia. Alas, I cannot, for she is in love with Lysander. I think it's sad that she's in love with him, when I have clearly loved her since I met her in Italian gym class so long ago. Hermia thinks I should be in love with Helena, but Helena looks like a horse, with giant teeth and a long nose. I love Hermia.

I will have to follow her and Lysander into the forest tonight and give her my love poem.

Arthur,

Your assignment is remarkably similar to Robbie's work, using an identical style, the same themes, and identical characters. Please see me after class to explain these similarities, keeping in mind that plagiarism can be of both published and unpublished works. I take this very seriously, and expect that you will too. I hope that your burst of creativity in this assignment is merely an unfortunate coincidence, and not because you helped Robbie with his assignment this week.

Ms. Whitehead

• • •

December 10th

Dear RJ,

I can't win. Ms. Whitehead hates me. She's made it pretty clear. I think she must have been secretly heartbroken by a famous author when she was young. I bet she met him in college and he told her she was pretty, and then broke up with her because she told him that his work was lazy. But he was just being deep without using a lot of words. Lots of famous writers let things stay below the surface. Or maybe he thought that the assignment was stupid and not worth his time. That happens. Then she probably got all mad at him about it, and he realized that she would always be telling him that his writing sucked and that he was being lazy. So he dumped her. And now she's taking it out on me. I bet I remind her of him because I wear cool hats and show promise as a famous writer. She's jealous of my talent. I bet she never wrote anything good ever. She'll never choose my story for the school competition, even if it is the best one, I know it. Well, I'll show her. My story is going to be way better than all of them. It will be better than her stupid “brilliant” Shakespeare, because no one understands that, and no one cares about the stupid diary entries of an old play.

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

• • •

Assignment: Holiday Free-Form Writing