Yours Book 1: Losing My Innocence (20 page)

I
stand
in Nick’s closet looking at myself in the mirror. My thoughts have been all over the place as of late. I huff a sigh as I read the text message I just sent to Kimmie, not that she will answer it. It has been a little over two months since my trip to New York and about just as long since I last saw Kimmie. We have been sending text back in forth, well me for the most part. If she does answer she usually answers with one word responses.

I have no idea what is going on with her. About a week after returning from New York, Nick awoke me in the middle of the night with the phone pressed to his chest and his lips in a hard line.

“Sephora, Baby wake up,” Nick said softly as he ran a hand through my hair. I blinked my eyes open to see him looking down at me as he clutched his phone.

I shot up in the bed thinking that something had gone terribly wrong with my family or something. My first thoughts go to Lucian. It was the anniversary of my father’s death and I know that Luke takes it the hardest of us all. I was afraid that he had done something reckless from the look on Nick’s face.

“What…what is it?” I breathe.

“Relax Sweetheart. I just need to know if you and your team can stand to lose Kimmie for a little while?” Nick says soothingly.

“Why, how long is a little while?” I ask in confusion.

Nick winces before answering me, which only sends my thoughts racing even more. “She will need a week or two to relocate after that she can work remotely to catch up if that will work for you,” Nick says in an all business tone.

“Relocate? Nick what is going on? Is that Kimmie on the phone? I want to talk to her,” I demand.

“Sephora, can you spare her at this time or not?” Nick sighs in frustration.

“Well…um, I guess we can cover for her for a week or two, but Nick I want to talk to her,” I insist.

Nick ignores me and puts the phone to his ear. “I’ll take care of everything,” He pauses to listen to the person on the other end of the phone. “No problem, you know I am always here for you. Let me know if there is anything else I can do. I call you in the morning.”

“Nick, who was that, what is going on,” I ask in annoyance and frustration. “Is Kimmie okay?”

Nick places his phone on the night stand and slides back under the sheets drawing me over to rest on his chest. He kisses the top of my head and tightens his arms around me.

“Kimmie just needs a change for a bit. I’ll have her call you when she is ready,” Nick says and kisses me senseless when I raise my head to protest.

Nick distracted me in the way he knows best. I fell asleep after we made love that night. I didn’t think about what was going on with Kimmie until the next morning when she sent me a text that she was fine and she would call me soon.

She never called and I haven’t pushed her to, but I have still been concerned. I would have pushed Nick for more information if not for the fact that Kimmie does give little replies when I text to check in with her.

I feel like a terrible friend. I know something is going on with her, but I have been so wrapped up in my relationship with Nick that I haven’t been there for her the way she is always there for me. I guess I haven’t really been there for anyone, but myself.

Ettie calls me for help with the wedding and I have done what I can when I can. Now that I think about it Luke has been distant as well. I haven’t heard from him in, I don’t know how long. I know Nick has spent some time with him. Mostly when I am working.

I press my lips and my brows compress as I reflect on the fact that I have let work and my relationship become more important than all the people that I love. I wince at the ping that shoots through my heart at one thought. I love Nick with all my heart. I have fallen deeper in love with him with each passing day.

It has been on the tip of my tongue to tell him so, but I always pull the words back. I don’t want to ruin things between us. Nick hasn’t said it either. I long for him to say the words first, so I know he wants me for more than sex.

The sex is still amazing. We go into his playroom at least twice a week. Nick still never pushes me beyond what he feels I am ready for. Sometimes I think he is holding back in our relationship because he knows I will never measure up to what he wants in a submissive.

“What are you thinking so hard about,” Nick chuckles from the doorway to the closet.

I look into the reflection of the mirror to see him leaning on the doorjamb, shirtless and bare foot. I love the way his jeans hang low on his hips showing off his amazing body and that sexy V. I blink free of the distraction of his body and focus back on his words.

Nick starts into the closet stopping behind me and wrapping his arms around me. I sigh as he plants a kiss to the side of my neck. It is going to rip me to pieces when he finally decides he has had enough of me. I am terrible at hiding my feelings from Nick and this moment is no different.

“What is it?” Nick asks with concern in his eyes as he watches my face in the mirror.

“Nothing,” I try to sound as bright as I can.

“Sephora,” he growls. “I know something is bothering you. It’s written all over your face. I could see it the moment I stepped in here. You were deep in thought about something. What’s going on in there.” He taps my temple.

I sigh and turn in his arms to face him. I look up into those gorgeous green eyes and I am lost for a moment. How do I tell him that I fear that I will never be enough for him? That I know one day this will all end with me being heart broken. I feel my eyes mist over and curse myself for not being able to hold it together.

Nick brows wrinkle and his hands come up to cup my face. His jaw clenches and his eyes search my face for the answer I have yet to give him. “Please tell me what is on your mind. I hate not being able to make you happy,” Nick says more softly.

My heart breaks because no matter his feelings for me he still always aims to please me. He just isn’t able to give me the one thing that I truly desire, his heart. I swipe at the one tear that has chosen now to betray me.

“I just feel like… like I’m letting everyone down,” I say in a whisper.

“What do you mean,” he says with confusion in his eyes. “Who are you letting down? You are doing an amazing job in the office. I know Luke couldn’t be prouder of you. I adore you, so who are you letting down? And let me warn you now that if you say your mother, I will put you over my knee.”

I snort at the last comment. “I am not talking about my mother,” I playful push at his chest. “It’s just I haven’t talked to Kimmie in two whole months. The most communication we have had has been her email reports and they tell me nothing about her personal wellbeing. I can’t tell you the last time I have talked to Luke and I barely have time for Ettie.”

Nick groans and wraps his arms around me tighter. “Let’s start with Ettie, she calls you at least fifteen times a day and I watch you bend over backwards to make her happy. You are in no way neglecting your sister. If you ask me, and this happens to be Andrews opinion as well, your sister is driving everyone mad and you are lucky to have work to keep you from having to answer to her every whim the way Andrew has to.

“Now Luke,” Nick pauses and runs his fingers through his hair. “Let’s say the lack of communication there is not on your part. So don’t take it personally.”

“Well, that is just it, why haven’t I seen that something is wrong with my own brother?” I insist.

“Because your brother is a big boy and he will let you see what he wants. Luke is a master at hiding his secrets and you don’t need to worry about him. Now, as far as Kimmie goes give her some time to work things out for herself. She will call you when she is ready.”

Nick plants a kiss on the tip of my nose and rubs circles on my back. I think over what he has said and let it sink in. Unfortunately, that is only part of what has me in a mood. I think back to what was on my mind before I noticed his presence. Again, I am shaken by my feelings for this man.

“Now tell me what you were really thinking about,” Nick says always reading my mind.

I place my forehead against his chest and grasp the loops on his jeans holding on for dear life as if that will make him stay with me. I try to think of how to put my words together without sounding like the little girl I feel like inside. I don’t want to give him another reason to see that I am all wrong for him.

“I was thinking that you haven’t really pushed me. You know, when we are in the playroom. Is it because I don’t know how to please you? Are you having second thoughts…?” I don’t get to finish my words because Nick lifts me from my feet and moves over to the folding table in the middle of the closet. He sits me on the granite countertop and steps in between my legs.

Nick cups my face and kisses me deeply. His tongue swirls in my mouth and I groan into his. He moves a hand to fist the hair at my nape and his other hand roughly cups my breast. I am insistently wet between the legs for him. Nick growls into my mouth as he thrust his hips forward into me.

“Do you not know how much you please me? I’m so hard for you whenever you enter a room. Fuck, Baby, I am hard for you by just thinking of you. I can’t get enough of you,” his voice is thick with lust as he rips my panties from my body.

I gasp in shock as he tosses the fabric over his shoulder while giving me a heated stare. Nick makes quick work of unzipping his jeans and pushing them down. I lick my lips as I watch the pre-cum glisten from the tip of his erection. I want to taste him, but Nick has other plans.

In one smooth thrust he is deep inside me. At the same time his tongue invades my mouth, trapping my surprised cries. Nick clutched my hips drawing me nearer. My toes curl as he pounds into me relentlessly.

“Does this feel like I am having second thoughts?” he grunts out. “Does it?” He growls when I don’t answer.

I whimper and shake my head reveling in how good he feels so deep inside me. I claw at his back needing to feel more, needing to have more.

“Don’t you feel how much you please me,” he rasps against my neck.

“Yes,” I cry.

I’ve never questioned Nick’s want of my body, but I am too chicken to admit what I really feel. Silly me, I never counted on showing what I feel in my eyes, but the moment Nick locks eyes with me I know I have made a grave mistake. Nick’s face softens and he changes his pace. He slows down, making slow, sweet love to me now.

“It is not our play you question,” he says as more of a statement than a question. “You question my love for you? Oh Baby, you have to know how much I love you, Sephora.”

I sob as the words I’ve longed to hear float through the air. I wrap my legs tighter around his slim waist. His hand digs into the flesh of my back and I arch into him as he kisses my throat.

“My little one, my butterfly, my Sephora, I love you with everything I am. I never thought I would feel this way about anyone,” Nick groans.

“I love you too,” I gasp between sobs.

“Forgive me Baby, I should have told you sooner,” he pleads.

“Nick,” I sob out his name as I soar higher and higher. This is so much more powerful than any other time we have made love.

“I don’t push you because we have the rest of our lives to explore each other. I want to take my time with my future wife.” I am stunned by his words. I have imagined a million times what life would be like with Nick as my husband, but until now I always thought it to be a fantasy.

He lifts both my arms above my head and lets his hands glide down my sides and over my belly. “I want the mother of my children to trust me in every way. I won’t rush us Sephora because when you truly submit to me, you will have no doubt of my love, my loyalty, and my devotion. When you choose me, you will willingly allow me free reign with your body. And then my little one you will know without a doubt that I love and cherish you.”

His words send me right over the edge. A few more strokes and Nick follows me over. In this moment, I have no idea how I hadn’t seen his love for me before. Nick peppers my face with kisses before he scoops me in his arms to carry me into the bedroom.

My task of finding something to wear to meet Ettie for a late lunch is all but forgotten. Once again as if reading my mind Nick has everything covered. As I drifted off to sleep I can hear Nick’s voice rumbling on the phone.

“Hello Ettie,” he says with a smile in his voice. “It’s Nick. The love of my life needed a little extra rest. I think I am working her too hard. Would it be okay if we all have dinner here?”

I smile to myself in my half sleep state.
The love of my life.

“
S
ophi
, are you free this weekend. I really need some help with the arrangement of the rehearsal dinner. You know I only have eight weeks to get this all perfect,” Ettie pouts from across the dining room table in Nick’s place.

“Tomorrow is not a good time,” Nick answers for me causing me to look at him with a frown. “Sephora will be packing up her place so the movers can get her settled in here before I leave this weekend on business.”

“Oh my God, you guys are moving in together?” Ettie squeals.

“This is news to me,” I reply. It is all I can do not to break out into a wide smile.

“You’re never at your place and Kimmie is still away. I thought it would just make more sense for you to move in,” Nick shrugs.

“It would have been nice to be asked though,” I say lifting my chin defiantly.

Nick chuckles and peeks my lips. “Sephora Emilsson, will you please move in with me?”

“I’ll think about it,” I say as I lift my glass of wine to my lips.

Nick narrows his gaze at me and I almost spit out my wine as I fight bursting into laughter. I set my glass down and reach to cup his cheek. I love the way his stubble feels under my fingertips. I place a kiss on his lips and look at him from underneath my lashes.

“I would love to move in with you,” I purr.

“I knew you would see it my way. So it is settled, we will pack your place up tomorrow,” he says with a satisfied grin.

My smile vanishes when I think of how Kimmie will react when she returns. Nick searches my face and frowns. “She will be fine with it,” he says firmly. I just nod.

“So will you have time for me when Nick is away on business?” Ettie asks excitedly.

“Actually, I will be following him out. But I will make time the day before I fly out,” I offer.

Ettie shoulders sag as she deflates. She sighs and rubs at her forehead. “Okay, fine. I guess that will have to do. Where are you guys going anyway?”

“I’ll be going to Seattle for a few days and once Sephora meets me there we will be taking off for Venice for a week,” Nick replies.

“Oh my Gosh, I thought you would be gone for a few days, but not that long. Soph, there is so much to do,” Ettie starts to lose it.

“Relax Sweetheart,” Andrew coos. “My mother and sister have offered to fly in to help and at some point you have to let the wedding planner, that I am paying an absorbed amount of money for, do her job.”

Just like Andrew to step in when things are getting ready to steam up. I am grateful because I had not had the nerve to tell her I was going away for so long. Nick kisses the top of my head helping to release the rest of the tension I hadn’t noticed I was holding.

“So Nick, I hear you have your right hand back,” Andrew changes the subject, much to my relief.

“Thank God, I don’t even mind that she brings the little guy along with her to the office. I had the office attached to mine cleared out for the baby and a nanny. It is a winning situation for us all,” Nick laughs.

“Baby?” Ettie wrinkles her nose. “Who are we talking about?”

“You remember Mariah? Kevin’s wife,” Andrew asks sarcastically.

“Oh yes,” Ettie clasps. “She had the baby?”

“I told you this,” Andrew rolls his eyes with a smile on his lips. No doubt he had told my sister, but she was in her own world with wedding plans.

“So that means Jillian is no longer your assistant then,” Ettie asks.

Well, at least I know my sister listens to me. I smile at that. I had told Ettie about Jillian’s behavior when I started at the company and about the trip to New York. I was more than thrilled when Mariah returned to work earlier this week. Nick let Jillian go right away.

It wasn’t a pretty scene from what I hear. Nick had initially planned to send her back to her old department, but she had crossed too many lines from what he told me and he decided to dismiss her. I wish I could have been there to see the look on her face. Mariah told me that Jillian thought she was going to move into the personal assistant role permanently.

I can’t see why she ever thought that. Mariah is amazing. I have already grown to love her with the few times I have gotten to interact with her. I love that she seems to be the only person able to put Nick in his place. I can tell she cares for Nick much like her husband does.

“Nope, Mariah is back,” I chirp.

“That’s great, I heard about some of the waves that were being made over there. I assume Harvey wasn’t too happy about his princess getting the axe,” Andrew says with a smile.

“Actually, he told me to fire her,” Nick shrugs. “Apparently you weren’t the only one to hear about the waves or the real damage being done,” Nick presses his lips and shakes his head. “All water under the bridge now.”

I want to ask what had Jillian really done. I know this had gotten to be about more than just me, but Nick never went into detail with me. I had decided not to press him, but I am still a little curious.

“Well, as soon as you get back we have to make sure you have a final fitting,” Ettie begins and we are right back to talking about the wedding.