Wanderlust (9 page)

Alex looked at the digits on the clock as they switched over. For the past twenty minutes, he’d stared at them, watching the numbers change again and again. In just a few short hours, he’d be leaving Colinas Verde and heading to Croatia.

Selina stirred next to him and he carefully extracted his arm from under her head, hoping she wouldn’t wake up. They’d only slept for two hours and he wasn’t ready to see the look on her face yet. Things had changed. Until last night, he’d been able to keep his distance and tell himself it was for the best, for the both of them, despite liking her more than he’d wanted to admit.

He looked at her as she slept with her back to him, watching the slow rise and fall of her shoulder. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was supposed to bounce out of bed today. Sure, he’d be sad to leave - he’d had a great time here and he’d miss everyone - but he was supposed to be leaving with a spring in his step and a grin on his face as he headed towards a week long festival, meeting up with friends he hadn’t seen since Berlin. Old friends, people he’d grown up with and who knew him since before his accident. But now?

Alex took a deep, quiet breath. Selina had turned things upside down. She’d made the move that had taken them over the line of merely being housemates and friends. She’d done what he hadn’t dared to do, and now he was lying next to her, not wanting to get out of bed and start the process of getting ready to leave.

The sound of Loki’s barking echoed through his open window and Selina stirred again. As she turned on her back, Alex threw the covers aside and sat up, swinging his legs off the bed and putting his feet on the floor.

‘Morning,’ she said, her voice thick with sleep.

Alex closed his eyes and heaved a small sigh before turning to face her with a smile fixed to his face.

‘Morning.’

She was lying on her side, propped up on her elbow. Her short hair was still perfectly in place, except for a small tuft sticking up on the crown of her head. He flicked his eyes down to her legs. Her body was wrapped in the covers but her legs stuck out, stretching towards the foot of the bed. It was a picture that perfectly matched the image he’d had when she’d sat in the kitchen wearing her hot pants after her morning yoga class.

‘What time is it?’ she asked.

‘Seven thirty.’

She nodded. ‘Fancy a cup of coffee? I guess you need to pack?’

‘That’d be great. Thanks.’

He watched as she shuffled out of bed and picked her t-shirt up off the floor. She bent backwards with her arms over her head and he heard a barely audible crack before she threw him a smile and headed to the kitchen.

Alex let out a loud breath. This was exactly what he hadn’t wanted. She’d seemed normal enough, but he’d seen a faint flicker of something in her eyes, and it was the complete opposite of what he’d seen last night. After their first tentative kiss on the sofa, things had quickly escalated as they’d both given into each other. Afterwards, once they’d moved into the bedroom, things became very different.

What had been a primal urge became softer and they’d taken their time, exploring each other’s bodies, kissing, licking and stroking. It had been so different that even their breathing had changed. He didn’t know when he’d realised they were breathing at the same slow pace, but suddenly, her inhales and exhales matched his exactly. It had been an intense, and, he wasn’t afraid to admit it, frightening moment. He’d never had that before. Not with Marie, not with anyone.

The aroma of fresh coffee wafted down the hallway and into his room, and he got up from the bed. Alex looked around the room. He needed to pack, and he’d have to do it quickly. Preparations had to be made for the brunch and he wanted to spend time with everyone, especially Penny and Philipe. He pulled his backpack from the bottom of the wardrobe just as Selina walked in, holding two cups. She hesitated in the doorway, looking at him with his bag in his hand.

‘One fresh coffee,’ she said brightly, putting the cup on the chest of drawers. ‘God knows I need one, too.’

‘Cheers,’ he said, pulling open the strings on the backpack.

She put the cup close to her mouth and breathed in the invigorating scent. ‘So, what time’s your flight?’

‘Two thirty. I’ll have to leave around eleven.’

‘Not much time left, then.’

He shook his head and opened the top drawer, scooping out his boxers and socks, letting them fall to the bottom of his bag.

‘You never actually told me what this festival is,’ she said, sitting on the bed and crossing her legs.

‘It’s pretty small. Drum and bass and electro, mostly. My friends are flying in later today.’

‘And have you decided where to go afterwards?’

‘Nope. Morocco, or Greece, maybe. God knows they need the tourism right now.’

Selina nodded and they lapsed into silence as he continued to fill his bag. What more was there to say? They’d both known this day was coming and for one brief second, he wished last night had never happened. He hated long, drawn out goodbyes.

‘What about you?’ he eventually asked as he put his t-shirts into a pile on the bed.

‘I still don’t know. I think I’ll stay another couple of weeks and decide later on.’

The world was a small place. It was possible that their paths would cross again, but he didn’t say so. What was the point in giving false hope?

‘Right,’ Selina said, standing up. ‘I’m going to get showered and head over to Penny’s. There must be loads to do for the brunch and you need to finish packing.’

‘Yeah, I do,’ he replied. He needed to, but he didn’t want to.

When she left his room, he continued packing everything away until the room was how he’d found it when he’d first walked in a month ago, ready for whoever would come next. His phone beeped and when he saw the notification for his group chat, he smiled and opened the message. Alex laughed, looking at the photo of his three oldest friends at the airport, saluting the camera with a beer before putting it in his pocket.

He clipped his backpack closed and took one last look at the room. His eyes lingered on the bed where he and Selina had spent the last few hours, absorbed in each other as if there were no such things as last days and past relationships. It had only been one night, but that would have to be enough and he knew she’d remain a friend.

Alex hoisted the backpack onto his shoulder, left the room and closed the door behind him.

‘To Alex.’

Selina raised her glass in a toast and joined the chorus of the rest of the inhabitants of Colinas Verde, and looked at him across the table. He had a smile on his face as he rubbed the back of his neck.

‘Thanks everyone. I’ve had an awesome time and I’ll miss you all.’

His eyes caught Selina’s but she glanced away, looking at Penny instead. She’d dressed for the occasion, changing from her usual harem pants and vest combo to a long, tie-dyed halter neck dress. She was smiling too, along with everyone else, but she looked sad. Selina knew how much she’d miss him, because she was going to miss him too.

Everyone put their glasses down and began sharing out the food. At the bonfire the other night, Alex had told her that he didn’t know if anything would be organised for his last day. He must have underestimated how much of an impact he’d had on the place and everyone in it. Even Loki was curled up by his feet, sitting between him and Selina under the table. He’d followed him around all morning, eking out a few more precious moments.

Selina looked at the spread on the long, wooden table, filled with bowls of food: tabbouleh from Philipe, a quinoa, feta and pomegranate salad from Penny, and pasta with homemade tomato pesto from Lindy. Everyone had made and brought something, from fruit salad to rolls of warm bread and fresh sorrel and mint juice. There was more food than they could possible all eat in one sitting, but it made the meal seem festive and jovial, instead of the heart-breaking goodbye that it really was.

As usual, the sun was already hot and shining without a cloud in the sky to get in its way. With the scent of pine, the sound of cicadas in the trees and a riot of colour everywhere, Colinas Verde was every bit as beautiful as it always had been, but it already felt that tiny bit flatter.

‘So, Selina,’ Lindy said. ‘Are you ready to takeover from Alex?’

Selina looked at Lindy sitting next to her and smiled. ‘Yep. Besides, if he could do it, then I’m sure I can.’

She glanced over at him and he grinned back. All morning, she’d refused to let him see what she’d been feeling inside. The last thing she’d wanted was to become one of those girls who clung to a guy like a second skin. She could have cried when she’d walked back into his room and seen him with his backpack, ready to start putting his time in Colinas Verde behind him, but she was proud of herself for keeping it together. In fact, she was proud of herself, full stop. It would have been easy to be intimidated by Colinas Verde and Alex, and run away to the familiarity of the south. But she’d stuck it out, and she was glad, because she knew she’d grown to love the place. And, more importantly, if she’d have left, she’d never have got to know Alex.

As everyone tucked into the food, Selina pushed hers around on her plate and took small mouthfuls, hoping nobody would notice her melancholic mood but, when she looked up at Alex, she knew she hadn’t succeeded. He was looking back at her with a slight frown tugging at his eyebrows, so she smiled and took a big mouthful of food. It tasted like cardboard in her mouth. All she could think about was last night. She’d never had sex like it. It had been fervent and inquisitive, passionate and caring, and exquisitely bittersweet.

‘You must be excited to get back to people your own age, Alex,’ Philipe said with a smile.

‘Oh, you lot weren’t too bad. Besides, none of my friends could teach me how to build a hut.’

‘You’ll have to come back and help with the next one,’ Penny said, playing with the pendant hanging from the chain around her neck. ‘You’re always welcome. Both of you are.’

She looked at Selina and smiled. As was expected, it wasn’t just any smile. It was a smile that hinted at knowing what had happened between her and Alex last night. Colinas Verde was so quiet at night that it was possible that she might well have done. They hadn’t exactly been quiet.

Penny looked down at her watch and pulled a face. ‘We should get going. It’s an hour’s drive, more if there’s traffic.’

Selina swallowed and looked at Alex across the table. It felt like they’d been sat down for barely ten minutes and her heart raced as he nodded and got up from the table. She watched as everyone waited their turn to give him a hug goodbye, her breath quickening with every person who stepped aside afterwards until it was only her left.

He stood in front of her and smiled, but she didn’t know what she was supposed to do. How were they meant to say goodbye? She swallowed away the ball of tears in her throat and looked back into the blue eyes that had disarmed her from the moment she’d seen them.

‘So, condescending city girl.’

‘So, know-it-all, crusty hippy,’ she replied with a smaller voice than she’d hoped for.

‘Make sure you take care of him,’ Alex said, nodding towards Loki standing by her feet. ‘And yourself.’

Selina nodded, fighting to control the tears welling in her eyes. She hated goodbyes and it was even worse with everyone standing around watching them. He wrapped her in a hug and the tears she’d been trying to hold back spilled from her eyes. She held her breath, determined not to give into full on crying as his arms held her close. For someone she’d practically hated on sight, she didn’t want to let him go.

Memories of the past week sped through her mind. She saw the way he’d stood in front of her, wrapped in a towel as he’d challenged her about cooking naked on her first day, and the way he’d smiled when she’d accidentally told him he was perfect. She remembered him giving the Syrian kids a lift into Canderas and the tender way he’d held onto her when she’d been in the grip of panic after drinking the spiked water at the party. The memory of the way his skin felt against hers, of their matching heartbeats as they’d laid in bed last night whipped at her. It might have only been a one-night stand, but it was the tension that had built over the last six days as well that was making this so damned hard.

He kissed her cheek and she took one last breath, holding his scent deep in her lungs until he pulled away.

‘Keep in touch?’

His voice was gruff and she was sure the look in his eyes was a direct mirror of her own.

‘Will do.’ She wiped at her wet cheeks and nodded before stuffing her hands into the pockets of her shorts.

He nodded again and lifted his hand in a wave. ‘See you all again, somewhen.’

Selina looked at the ground as he turned and walked away, heading to one of the cars with Penny. Maybe she should have offered to drive him to the airport instead. That way, they’d have had a little more time together. Maybe he’d have kissed her properly, instead of simply giving her a kiss on the cheek. Then again, they’d have had to say goodbye in the airport, which would have been much more dramatic and she probably would’ve made an idiot of herself, crying in front of strangers. At least here, she was surrounded by something that had begun to feel like family.

Alex sat in the passenger seat of the car and waved as Penny turned the car around. Selina watched as the tyres crunched over the ground and the car slowly moved away from the clearing. She caught a final glimpse of his beautiful, dishevelled blonde hair and her mind flashed back to last night, when she’d ran her hands through it, twisting locks of it around her fingers. The car disappeared around the curve of the road and she sighed, finally allowing the tears to fall freely.

Behind her, she could hear everyone sitting back down to brunch, but she didn’t join them. Instead, she crouched down next to Loki and stroked his fur. He licked at her face with his inquisitive eyes, clearly sensing her upset as he sniffed at her.

‘Selina?’ Lindy called from behind her. ‘Do you want some more food?’

She cleared her throat without looking back. ‘Yep, coming.’

She ruffled Loki’s fur with one hand and wiped her eyes with the other. That was it. Alex was gone. They’d swapped numbers but the reality was, she’d probably never hear from him again. She had to suck it up. She’d be travelling for the next few months and saying goodbye to people was something she’d have to get used to.

Selina stood up and looked down at Loki, watching her with his tail wagging from side to side.

‘Come on, boy. Let’s get to it.’