Throwaway (4 page)

“Two coffees,” Gabe called back, his gaze
asking Jessie if that was the right choice. She smiled and nodded.
Although she still didn’t believe him that a greasy burger was a
good thing, she found herself liking the place instantly.

Sometimes in life there are pivotal moments.
While seemingly benign on the surface, something within
acknowledges that a bridge has been crossed.

Jessie smiled at the waitress who brought
their coffee as Gabe ordered their dinner. When she turned her eyes
back to his, it struck her that she was crossing just such a
bridge. Her life had irrevocably changed on this night.

There was a certain decadence to the world’s
greasiest burger, and that’s what made it good. Jessie grudgingly
admitted as much, earning a grin from Gabe. In between bites, they
discussed their current situation in hushed tones.

“So… why didn’t you arrest me?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted. “Maybe it’s
because I find you fascinating.”

“There’s a description I don’t normally
hear,” Jessie smiled at the irony. She wasn’t normally the type of
person to belittle herself, but there are certain realities in life
that just are. One of those being the fact that men like Gabe don’t
find women like Jessie fascinating. Men like Gabe don’t usually
look much beyond the cleavage, in fact—unless they want to check
out her legs.

“You’re a hell of a lot purer than most women
I meet,” he argued. “There’s something very true about you. What I
can’t figure out is why you run around with someone like Spence. Do
you really have me that fooled or are you in trouble?”

“I’m not looking for a knight on a white
horse to come save me, babe,” Jessie scowled. “If you’re looking
for a damsel in distress, you’re in the wrong spot.”

“God forbid someone try to help you,” his
expression was as dark as her own.

“I’m not sure what you want me to do, Gabe,”
Jessie threw her hands up in exasperation before leaning in to add
in a whisper, “I have nowhere else to go.”

“Surely there is somewhere else in this great
big world for you to ply your trade.”

“You really are insufferable, you know that?”
Jessie huffed. “And don’t call me Shirley.”

“Airplane reference… nice,” he smiled
approvingly.

“It’s not as simple as you make it sound,”
she returned to the conversation.

“Sure it is.”

“From your very limited vantage point, maybe.
From where I’m sitting—you’re asking me to risk my life.”

“If you really wanted out, I would help you.
I could protect you.”

“I’m not sure where to start with that one,”
Jessie wanted to laugh. Or cry. “First, why on earth would you want
to do that? You don’t know me. You are nothing to me. You have no
idea what you’re getting yourself into. Second, are you going to
guard me every moment of every day? Are you going to tuck me away
somewhere Spence and his crew can’t find me? I don’t think so. I
think Spence is the kind of guy to keep what is his—and I am
his.”

“When you say you’re his,” he seemed to be
considering his next words carefully. “Do you mean you work for
him? Or is there another layer to this that I’m missing?”

“I think I make Spence a lot of money, so he
usually leaves me alone. But I’m not allowed to have relationships
outside those he permits—friends, boyfriends, any of it. Someday,
he’s going to retire me and keep me for himself.”

Jessie stared intently at her coffee cup.
Shame crept into her cheeks at her admission. It was the first time
she’d spoken aloud the words everyone seemed to know.

“Do you want to be his?” Gabe’s voice was low
and gentle.

“No,” Jessie’s eyes flew to his and her voice
rose instinctively.

“I can’t not arrest you indefinitely,” he
sighed. “My boss is really pushing me to bring either you or
Harmony in.”

“That’s what Spence is banking on.”

“Really?”

“He wants us to find out what you know.”

“And he’s using you as bait?”

“Sure. He figures I won’t stay in long if I
get caught. And he knows Harmony isn’t around for long anyway.”

“Why isn’t Harmony around for long?”

“They have a four-year contract. She’s
different than me.”

“Why don’t you have a four-year
contract?”

“I wasn’t offered the choice.”

Gabe took a breath to speak and then let it
out slowly. His expression said he wasn’t really sure what he could
possibly say at that moment. He finally decided on “Well that
sucks.”

“Yes, it does. Do you want more coffee?”

“Here, I got it,” he grabbed the refill pot
left on their table and replenished both cups.

“Thanks.”

“You want to check out the jukebox with me?”
his mood lightened.

“Okay.”

It should have seemed odd, to just change the
subject from one so dark to the merits of Fleetwood Mac over
vintage Alice Cooper. It should have, but it didn’t. They stood
side by side, not quite touching, as they scoured over the
selections on the old machine. When he told her he was playing
“Poison” in her honor, she bumped him out of the way playfully with
her hip and entered the number code for “Go Your Own Way.”

That started a war and each of their
selections from that point on were geared to irritate the other. By
the time their money was spent, both were laughing.

There didn’t seem to be a compromise to be
had that night, so they steered clear of the topic that had brought
them there. Instead, they talked about their favorites—music, food,
seasons. Neither seemed inclined to discuss their past and the
future wasn’t a good topic either. So they stuck with the
present.

Jessie wished she could stay in that place
forever—or at least an hour more. But the Pepsi-Cola clock on the
wall was telling her that she would have hell to pay already.

“Can you give me a ride back to my
place?”

“Sure,” he agreed a little reluctantly,
grabbing the bill when Jessie made a move for it.

“Let me leave the tip?” she bartered.

“If you must,” he stood, waiting for her.

Jessie liked that he knew her occupation and
still treated her like a person. Not many people outside the trade
did.

“We still haven’t figured out what we’re
going to do,” Jessie commented as she stood in the parking lot
waiting for him to unlock the car.

“No, we haven’t,” he agreed, opening the door
for her. “Do you have any ideas?”

“You could take your band of merry men down
to Soulard and let us have the Landing,” Jessie suggested once he’d
joined her in the car.

“I don’t have a band of merry men.”

“I doubt you’re all alone.”

“It’s not going to happen.”

“I know. If you have to take someone in, take
me. Harmony doesn’t need a record.”

“Or you could just cooperate with us and let
me get you out of there.”

“That’s not going to happen, either,” she
shook her head.

“Then we’re right back where we started.”

“I guess we are,” Jessie stared at her
reflection in the window, illuminated by passing streetlamps.

“I could always pretend to take you in.”

“Spence would check in on me.”

“Maybe we could convince him you’d been sent
somewhere far away.”

“Maybe.”

“Does that mean you’ll think about it?” hope
crept into his voice.

“Maybe,” Jessie turned to study him
thoughtfully. “Do you want to go to a movie with me tomorrow?”

“Are you asking me on a date?”

“Yes, I believe I am. That’s a first for me,
you know.”

“I’m supposed to be working.”

“Me too.”

“What do you want to see?”

“I have no idea. I don’t normally go to
movies. It just seemed like the date thing to do.”

“I’m sure we can find something. Do you want
me to pick you up?”

“Sure. At the corner of First and Lucas.
About eight o’clock?”

“How much is this going to cost me?”

“I hate you,” she crossed her arms over her
chest and scowled at him.

“Just asking.”

Jessie felt a little giddy and a lot
terrified as she hopped out of Gabe’s Jeep and dashed up the stairs
to her apartment. Spence would kill her if he caught her, but she
had a plan to keep that from happening. He kept tabs on her during
her nights off. But when she was working, as long as he saw her on
the streets at some point and saw money the next day, he left her
alone.

“Where were you? Spence is going out of his
mind looking for you,” worry marred Harmony’s pretty brown
eyes.

“Sorry,” Jessie meant it—she didn’t want to
make things difficult for her friend. “You probably don’t want to
know where I was.”

“You were with that guy, weren’t you? The one
from the other night. I’m sorry; I never should have encouraged you
to flirt with him.”

“No,” Jessie shook her head. “I’m glad you
did. I felt almost… normal tonight. But we can talk about this
later. Spence will be on his way. I’m sure he had Vance watching
our door. You should go to your room until he leaves.”

“I’m not leaving you alone with him—not if
he’s angry.”

“I appreciate the gesture,” Jessie took her
friend’s hands in her own. She knew how much courage it would take
Harmony to face Spence. “But that would actually make things worse.
The less reason we give him to think something is going on, the
better.”

“I don’t know.”

“It would help me if you went to bed. Now if
you’ll excuse me, I have to take care of one thing before he gets
here.”

Harmony grudgingly went to her room and
turned her radio on. Jessie took the world’s fastest shower and
threw on a pair of pajamas, then pulled several bills from under
her mattress. She had just put the money in the bamboo pedestal
bowl that sat on the table in the foyer when her front door burst
open and the man himself strode through it.

“Where were you?” he growled, grabbing her
arm and jerking her to him.

“What’s going on?” she did her best to look
confused.

“You traitorous bitch… where were you?” he
didn’t need to shout; the venom in his voice was sufficient to make
her stomach tighten.

“Working.”

“Don’t lie to me,” he spat out the words as
he backhanded her.

“The money’s in your bowl,” she gingerly
touched her cheek. Pain radiated from it. “I think that’s going to
leave a mark.”

“Why were you working on your night off?” he
was suddenly composed as he plucked the money from the bowl. That
was as close to Spence ever got to an apology.

“A regular at the Broadway Oyster Bar
recognized me. Asked what it would cost him to forget his ex. I
obliged. I thought you would be happy.”

“Next time check in.”

“Sure,” she nodded, going to find an ice pack
for her face. “You want us on the west side again tomorrow?”

“Maybe for a couple more nights,” he nodded,
taking a step towards her.

“We can do that,” she fought the instinct to
shrink from his touch when he leaned over to kiss her cheek.
Instead, she closed her eyes and pictured Gabe’s dimple.

When she was alone, she sank onto the couch
in an exhausted heap. Harmony tentatively stuck her head out the
door.

“Aw, Jess, you should have let me stay with
you,” Harmony exclaimed when she saw the bruise already welling
up.

“Trust me—this was better than it could have
been.”

“I hate that man.”

Jessie nodded, not trusting her voice enough
to speak. She was suddenly very tired. She didn’t protest when
Harmony poured her a glass of wine and curled up on the couch
beside her.

“So… tell me about this guy.”

It was the kind of normal conversation Jessie
had always wished she could have and it was exactly what she needed
at the moment. A smile tugged the corner of her mouth.

“He has amazing brown eyes—they’re almost
golden. And when he laughs, I feel ridiculously happy inside.” Like
a cat with a bowl of milk, actually. But she kept that to
herself—it seemed a bit over the top.

“What’s he do?”

“He’s a teacher,” Jessie felt bad lying, but
no sense complicating things.

“No he’s not,” she gave Jessie a knowing
look.

“Okay fine, he’s a cop. But I bought the
teacher line at first.”

“That’s because you’re twitter pated.”

“Twitter-what?”

“Didn’t you ever watch Bambi as a kid? Wow,
you were seriously deprived. What kind of parents did you
have?”

“I don’t know,” Jessie admitted with a small
frown. “I don’t think I ever knew them.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No worries,” she smiled more brightly than
she felt. “What about you—where are your parents?”

“They live in Hazelwood. They think I have a
research internship to pay for school. It would kill them if they
knew. But—they made too much money to qualify for financial aid and
not enough to pay for school. I had two choices: rack up a
lifetime’s worth of debt in student loans, or work my way through.
Plan B seemed like the more fiscally-sound approach.”

“You’re nuts,” Jessie shook her head.

“Maybe it wasn’t my most well-thought out
decision, but what’s done is done.”

“True,” Jessie acknowledged.

They talked for a while more. The throbbing
in Jessie’s cheek subsided and the wine succeeded in making her
drowsy. She allowed herself the luxury of sleeping in even later
than normal the next morning before joining Harmony in yoga.

The day passed like a Salvador Dali painting.
Everything seemed distorted, slow and odd. Until she was standing
in front of her closet trying to decide what she could possibly
wear that would be suitable for the movies and not raise Spence’s
suspicions. Then the clock seemed to be on fast forward.

She finally settled on folding her skirt over
at the waist to shorten it and putting a button-up in her bag. She
siphoned more money from her secret stash in the mattress so she
could pay Spence for the evening before heading out for the
night.