The Escape Collection: (The Escape Collection) (70 page)

Dylan tried again to move closer, to touch me. “Becca.”

“Don’t,” I warned. “Does Jon know? He must know.”

 
“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t think he knows.”

“How could he not?”

“Who would have told him, Becca? Besides, he would’ve said something.”

I pushed past him and started thrashing through the tall grass again, crushing the flowers in my path.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to know.” I called over my shoulder. “I have to know everything.”

Chapter 24

When I flung open the door to Sheena’s shop, the bells sounded their familiar chime and I had to fight the urge to reach up and rip them down.
 

Before I could act, Sheena's voice sang out from the back of the store. “Sunshine, for heaven's sake, child. You're soaked to the skin. What are you thinking going out in this storm? Come in, come in. I’ll get you some dry clothes.”

I stood, rooted to the spot.

What did she know?
 

“Well, don’t just stand there. Come dry off.” Sheena walked closer, her arm outstretched. She almost took my hand but stopped short, pulling back. “What's going on? Your energy is all wrong.”

“My mother,” I said. “Tell me about my mother.” The words came out in gasps of breath as I struggled to control myself. “I need to know everything.”

Her eyes flickered and she opened her mouth to say something. Before she could, the bells over the door rang again and Sheena's gaze shifted over my shoulder.

“Rayne?” Sheena mouthed so softly I barely heard her. “Bless my soul, is it really you?”
 

I watched as her expression morphed. The concern that had lined her face moments earlier had vanished into a mixture of terror and elation.
 

I turned to see Dylan standing in the doorway. He’d followed me in his car, down the mountain. His face bore a mask of shock.
 

“Dylan,” I said. “This is—”

“Mom.”

“Rayne.”

“No.” I shook my head. “Dylan, this is Sheena. The woman I was telling you about.”

I looked between them. Into my brother’s bright blue eyes, clouded with disbelief. Back to Sheena’s own blue eyes so much like…like ours.

“No,” I said again.

“What are you doing here?” Dylan asked her. “Have you always been here? All this time?”

“Why don’t you both come in—dry off,” Sheena said. “You’re soaking wet. Once everyone’s dry, we can talk.”

“Mom?” I asked, staring at the woman I’d come to care about in the last few days. I’d let her comfort me, guide me, counsel me. Like a mother would. But… no.
 

“Becca.” She reached for me and I took a step back. “There’s so much I need to tell you. That we need to—”

“No.”

I turned, ready to run. I needed to get out. The roaring continued to build in my head. The pain threatened to overtake me. But the pressure wasn’t just in my head. It was in my chest. My heart. Everywhere. I needed to go somewhere. Anywhere. Away from the horror that was unfolding in front of me.
 

Dylan caught me in his arms. “Becca,” he said softly. “Don’t run.”

“Dylan, I can’t.” I closed my eyes, willing my body to take me away. “I can’t do this. She’s dead. She’s not here. This isn’t happening.”

“It is.” His voice was low; his arms were safe and I rested my head on his chest, letting him hold me and protect me. Just like when we were kids.
 

“Please.” Sheena’s voice cut through the chaos in my brain. “Can we sit and talk? Can I explain?”

I looked up from Dylan’s chest. I was still mad at him for keeping such an awful secret, but at that moment he was the only thing holding me to reality. I turned to look at her, and said, “You let me sit in your kitchen and talked to me as if you were someone else. You told me about Vicki like she was—like you—were dead. Why?”

“Vicki is dead,” Sheena said. “I’m not that person anymore. I don’t think of myself as her. She was a complete and separate being. I’m not that woman anymore. I’m Sheena.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Dylan said.
 

But it did. To me.

“Let me explain,” Sheena said.
 

“No,” he answered. “I don’t think we have anything to say to you.”

“Rayne, please. You don’t understand. I had to leave.”
 

“What you had to do was be a mother,” he said. I’d never heard such anger in his voice. It scared me. “You didn’t. You ran away instead. You left us. And for what? This? It was worth giving up everything, to live here, alone?”

I stood straight and stepped away from him. I watched Sheena carefully for her answer. Was it worth it? She’d run away. Just like I had. I needed to hear her answer.

“You don’t understand.” She looked old all of a sudden, as if she’d aged ten years in the last five minutes. “I was dying there. Suffocating a little more each day. What kind of mother could I be when I hated my life? I was afraid I’d hate you, too.” She added the last part and looked directly at me.

Our eyes met. I knew exactly how she felt. And she knew it.
 

“That’s not an excuse,” Dylan said.

“Wait,” I said quietly, my eyes not leaving hers. “What do you mean—you were afraid you’d hate me?”
 

“Not just you, Sunshine. Both of you. I was afraid if I stayed, I’d end up resenting you both, blaming you for my unhappiness. And it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t fair to you that I couldn’t be happy with myself.”

“It was the city,” I said. “Dylan told me you hated being in the city. So why didn’t you just move back? Why didn’t you tell Dad how unhappy you were and move back here? You could have made it work.”
 

“No,” she said and grabbed the counter for support. “It wasn’t just the city. It was everything. I couldn’t stand waking up every day and doing the same thing, day in and day out. I wasn’t made for that life. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I’d lost my spirit. I tried. But I couldn’t do it.”

“You didn’t try hard enough,” Dylan snapped.

“Rayne—”

“Dylan.”

“I did try. You, both of you—you were everything to me,” Sheena said. I thought she might cry. Something I remember her telling me popped into my head.
 

“Wait,” I said. “You told me I was just like my mother. That she didn’t cry either. You sat across from me and talked to me about her, about you, like she really was dead.”

My body started a slow shake. I was cold, but it was more than that. I clenched my teeth to keep them from clattering and rubbed my arms with my hands.

Sheena stepped back. “Like I said, she is dead, Sunshine. The woman who was your mother—Vicki—she’s gone. I’m not that woman anymore. I’m Sheena now. Vicki died a spiritual death long ago. It was like a rebirth for me. I’m different. I’m—”

“Full of crap,” Dylan interrupted.
 

“Please,” Sheena said again. “Let’s sit down, have a cup of tea and talk.”
 

“Wait,” he said. “Have you been here the whole time? So close to us?”

Sheena closed her eyes for a moment. “Not the whole time, no.” She shook her head. “I knew he’d look for me. I knew he’d look here. I loved him—your father—so much. And I knew if he came after me, I’d go with him. And I’d be miserable again. I couldn’t do it, so I went south. I picked fruit in California for a long time. I moved around a lot and didn’t stay in the same place very long. I managed to save a bit of money, but no matter where I went, the call to come home, to Rainbow Valley, was strong.”

“You had to return,” I said. “Like a force, pulling you back.”

“Exactly.” She smiled at me. I tried to return it, but it didn’t quite reach my lips.
 

“When I came back, I stayed with Johnson. Do you remember him?” she asked Dylan. He didn’t answer, only looked away. “He ran the store,” she said to me. “He took me in and I worked for him. It was through him that I learned your dad had kept the house. Johnson said he’d kept it, hoping I’d come back. But by then your dad was remarried, and from what I could tell, happy. I didn’t want to interrupt your lives. I knew I still couldn’t be a mother to you both. Not the way you deserved.”

“And you didn’t want to be,” I said.

“No. I didn’t,” she said. “That’s the truth and that’s what you both deserve right now. So I stayed and worked for Johnson. When he passed, he left the store to me. This is my home. It’s where my soul belongs.”

“But you were so close all this time,” Dylan said. His eyes shone with tears.
 

“I’m sorry,” Sheena said. “I can’t make up for what I did. I’m so sorry.”

She held out her arms and I watched as my big, strong brother went to her. She held him like a child and rocked him gently while he cried. He knew her. Dylan had always felt more of a loss when it came to Mom. She was part of him. But for me, she was gone too young. You can’t feel the loss you’re detached from, can you?
 

I watched the scene as a bystander. An intruder on a private moment between mother and son. It was my fault she’d left. Dylan was older; it was my arrival that pushed her over the edge. Was I difficult like Kayla? Had Kayla pushed me over the edge? I’d always thought it was strange that Jordan and Kayla were almost the same age split as Dylan and I. Mom was an artist. She didn’t cry. So much the same, but so many differences, too.

I took a step back, trying to distance myself from them. A shudder ran through me and my headache intensified.
 

What else did we share?
 

She’d abandoned her children. I’d abandon—

“No!” I yelled, and turned around, crashing into a barrel of fishing rods. It clattered to the ground, scattering the rods.
 

“Becca.”

“Sunshine.”

They spoke at the same time, detaching themselves from their embrace. Tears streaked down both of their faces, identical masks of pain.
 

“No,” I said again. “I’m not like you. I’m not a—”

Before I could finish the thought, the bells over the door announced the arrival of another customer. Aware of how I looked—my clothes stuck to my body—my hair plastered to my face, I instinctively turned away. I tried to shift behind a row of shelves, so I could maneuver to the back of the store and away from everything, but the voice rooted my feet to their spot on the floor.

“Becca? What on earth’s happened?”

***

I stood, frozen. With every thump of my heart, my pulse pounded in my head, fueling the throbbing in my temple. I didn’t turn to look in the direction of the voice. I didn’t need to. A hand slid over my shoulder and the easy familiarity sent a thrill through me, despite the storm of emotions raging inside my body.

“Becca,” Jason said. “You must be frozen. Are you okay?”

I let him spin me around and take me in his arms. It felt good to be held and the warmth radiating through his t-shirt penetrated to my chilled skin. I clung to him like an anchor, closed my eyes and tried to remember being alone with him. Anything to take me from the hell of the moment I was in.

I breathed in his clean, woodsy scent and tried to regulate my breathing. When I opened my eyes, I looked over Jason’s shoulder and saw Dylan and Sheena standing together. Despite his own confusion, Dylan didn’t even try to mask the disapproval on his face as he watched me. But Sheena—I refused to think of her as Mom—wore an expression of sadness and regret. Like a child, I hid behind Jason. Out of everyone in the room, the man I’d just met seemed to know me better than anyone. All everyone else had done was lie.

Sheena attempted a small smile in my direction and looked as if she was going to say something. But it was Jason’s voice that reached me. It took me a moment to realize he’d been speaking to me.

“What?” I asked.

“I asked you what you were doing,” he said. “You’re totally soaked. What were you doing out in this downpour?”

“I was—”

“She’s fine,” Dylan interrupted. “The last thing Becca needs right now is some guy complicating things even more for her. So why don’t you just leave her alone?”

Jason stood tall and squared his shoulders. “I’m not complicating anything, buddy. I think your sister can make her own decisions just fine.” He turned to me and his voice softened. “We should get you into some dry clothes before you get sick.”

“I think that’s a good idea.” Sheena spoke up. “I have some clothes in the back. Why don’t you come get changed? Then we can talk some more.”

“What else is there to know?” I asked. The need to get away from the store and all the secrets and lies was intense. “Is there more?”

“Wait a minute,” Jason said; his glance darted between us. “What are we talking about? Will someone tell me what’s going on here?”

“Jason,” I started. “Let’s just go—”

“She knows,” Sheena said, cutting me off. My eyes were on Jason while she spoke so I didn’t miss his split second reaction when Sheena said, “Becca knows the truth. It was time.”

I saw his face flash with a look of worry. Or was it guilt? I couldn’t be sure, but it was clear that even without details, Jason knew exactly what Sheena was talking about.

I took two steps back at the same moment he reached for me. His fingers brushed my arm and my skin prickled with the touch. “You knew,” I said.
 

“Becca, I—”

“You knew,” I said again. I tried to fight the anger from rising in my voice. I failed. “And what’s worse is you pretended to care about me.”

“I do care about you.”

“No. You don’t.” I let my anger loose. “None of you do.” I whirled around, meeting all of their eyes in succession. Facing Jason again, I said, “I trusted you. I let you…damn it.” I couldn’t bear to look at him. My stomach revolted at the thought of the trust I gave him and the whole time he could have helped me. He knew that history was repeating itself, and he did nothing but watch it all happen. To help it happen.

“Sunshine, please.” I could smell the familiar scent of patchouli as Sheena approached and stood behind me. “You have to understand. It wasn’t my place to tell you. How could I come to you after all these years and tell you I was your mother? Especially when you were hurting so much yourself. The best thing I could do for you was to be there. To let you talk. Give you a shoulder. Please understand.”