The Escape Collection: (The Escape Collection) (65 page)

Jason.
 

My thoughts started to drift back to Jason and the night before. But before I could get too lost in my fantasy or attempt to justify what’d happened, my phone started ringing again.
 

“Really?” I threw back the covers and pushed myself out of bed. “It better be important.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, panic filled me. The girls. What if something was wrong with the girls?

The familiar weight of guilt crashed down. If something had happened to the girls while I lounged in bed, miles away thinking of my lover…oh God, I couldn’t bear it.

Still naked, I ran into the living room to grab the phone before the caller gave up. I pushed the power button without looking at the number on the display.
 

“Hello?”

“It’s about time.”

“Steph?” She sounded pissed. “Is everything okay?” My thoughts flashed to the girls again. “Kayla? Jordan? Are they okay?”

“What? Of course they’re fine,” Steph said.

Relief flooded through me. “Thank goodness everything’s fine.”

“No, everything is not fine, Becca.”

I took a breath and forced myself to stay calm.

“Steph? What’s wrong?”

 
“Really, Becca? Really? You run away from your family, leave me to pick up the pieces, and then have the nerve to ask me what’s wrong?”

I took a step backwards as if I’d been slapped. “Pick up the pieces? Why would you—”

“Who did you think would do it, Becca?” I’d never heard such venom in her voice. It scared me. We’d been friends for longer than I could remember and never had Steph been angry with me. “Jon is scrambling. He doesn’t know what to do,” she said. “Of course I’d help.” Her voice softened. “Of course,” she said again.
 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t realize.”
 

“Of course you didn’t,” she said, her voice returning to normal. “I’m your best friend. You know there’s nowhere else I’d be. Now, will you please tell me what’s going on?”

I sighed and looked around the cabin. “I don’t know where to begin,” I said.
 

“How about by telling me where you are?”

I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me. “I can’t, Steph. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m not ready to share.” I looked out the window. The sun was starting to come up, sending beams of light over the meadow. “This place is magical. I feel so different here.”

“You sound different,” Steph said. “Hey, I need to…hold on…” I could hear her murmuring to someone for a second before she came back on the line. “Do you think you could talk to Kayla?”

“Kayla?” My heart leapt in my chest at the thought. “Of course. Why is she—”

“Mommy?”
 

“Kayla? Hi, honey. How are you?”

“Good. I got to sleep at Auntie Steph’s last night. And we’re going to have a tea party, with cupcakes and everything.”

I swallowed hard and forced some cheer into my voice even though my heart had shattered at the sound of her voice. “That’s great. It sounds like fun.”

“It is,” she said. “I got to play yesterday, too.”

“It sounds like you’ve been having a good time. I’m happy to hear that.”

“Mommy?” Kayla’s voice went soft and I had to strain to hear her. “I’m trying my best to be good. I’m sorry.”

My chest constricted. “Sorry for what?”

“I’m sorry I was so bad that you went away.”

My hand flew to my mouth. It took a moment before I trusted myself to speak again.
 

“Kayla,” I said slowly. “Mommy didn’t leave because of you. Don’t ever think that, okay?”

“Then why did you go away?”

“Sometimes mommies just need to take a little vacation,” I said. “But I’ll be back.”

“Ms. Steely says kindergarten is almost over. We’re gradudating soon.”

“You mean graduating,” I said with a smile. “You’re going to graduate from kindergarten.”

“Yup. There’s going to be cake, too. And we get to wear hats.” Kayla’s voice brightened. “Will you come?”

“Of course, sweetie. I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”
 

Would I be there? Did I just lie to her?

“I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you, too,” I whispered into the phone.
 

“Becca?” Steph’s voice came on the line. “It’s me again. Kayla went to play.”

“Oh.” I ran my hand through my hair. “Why is she with you?”
 

“Jon had to work, and Jordan had a date last night, or something like that. When Jon called, he was all stressed out and I told him that she could use some Auntie Steph time and she could stay with me for a few days. Don’t worry, I’ll get her to school.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” I said. Jon was pawning off our children? And who was watching Jordan? My stomach churned and for a moment I thought I might be sick. Was she with that man-boy? He was too old, and—I forced myself to stop the thoughts flying around my head. Hadn’t I chosen not to worry, when I left? I’d made my choice. Hadn’t I?

“Guess what,” I said to Steph, forcing my brain to change channels. “I’m drawing again. Can you believe it?”

“I can’t.” She laughed. “I mean, I can. It’s just been so long.”

“I know, right?” A shiver ran through me and I remembered I was still naked. “It surprised me, too. But it feels so good.”

“Despite everything,” Steph said, “you actually sound good.” Her anger was melting. I could feel her enthusiasm through the phone and I soaked it in, greedy for our closeness to return. I’d missed it.

"I know, it’s crazy. But everything here is... you just wouldn’t believe this place, the people.”
 

"You haven’t even told me where you are.”
 

"I know. I’m sorry, but I’m not quite ready to share that yet. But, I will tell you one thing.”
 

"What?”
 

"Promise you won’t say anything.”

"Becca, we’re not sixteen anymore. Of course I won’t say anything. What is it?”

“I had sex,” I said. My skin tingled with the memory of Jason’s touch, his hands on fire over my skin. “I mean, real sex.”

“Sex? What do you mean, real sex? With who?” Steph’s questions tripped over themselves and I laughed.
 

“I mean, of course I’ve had sex before. But this was different—it was so powerful. It stirred something inside me.” I giggled, feeling like I was, in fact, a teenager again. “That sounds so stupid, but I can’t think of any other way to explain it.”

"I don’t really know what to say.” She wasn’t laughing with me. “What about Jon? Becca, you’re married.”

My euphoria vanished. "What about him?” I asked. “I can’t think about Jon right now.” I remembered what he’d said to me the last time we’d spoken. He didn’t want to be with me. He was going to ask for a divorce. I’d failed. At everything. “He doesn’t seem too concerned with me right now, anyway.” I tried to push my anger away, unwilling to let it cloud my mood. “With Jason, I feel something. And Steph? I can’t remember the last time I felt anything at all.”

"Jason? Well, I’ll admit you sound like a completely different person. There’s something to be said for that. But, whatever’s going on, it’s not real life, is it? You have to come home. You have to figure out things with Jon either way, and there’s Jordan and Kayla, too, of course.”

“I can’t think about it right now.” I focused my attention on the field, the bursts of color from the flowers. I knew she was right. I didn’t want her to be right. “I finally feel like me again, Steph. Is that crazy?”

I heard her sigh on the other end. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

“What?” She wasn’t supposed to say that. She was supposed to agree with me.
 

“It is crazy, Becca,” she said. “Who are you? Who is it that you feel like? You’re a wife and a mother. That’s who you are. And even if you want to, you can’t stop being that. Not ever.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“That’s exactly what you’re doing, and you know it.” Her voice rose. Steph never yelled. Ever. Especially not at me. “I’m glad that you’re drawing again. I am. But you can’t be that art student anymore. You can’t be that person anymore, Becca. It’s just that simple. Your life is changed, you’ve changed, you—”

I pushed the power button on the phone before she could tell me one more time what I couldn’t be. I placed it deliberately on the counter. For a moment I stared at it. Daring it to ring again. For her to call me back. Or better yet, for it to be Jon on the line.
 

I couldn’t feel my hands. My whole body went numb. I continued my showdown with the phone.
 

I was more than a wife and a mother. Much more. There was nothing wrong with that.
 

Rage began to seep in, replacing the numbness with every heartbeat.
 

Who was Steph to tell me I couldn’t be more? Who was Jon? He’d tried to keep me back for years. Prevent me from being who I really was so I’d fit into his mold. Hadn’t he?
 

“Bastard!” I swung out and sent the phone flying from the counter.

“That seems a little harsh.”

I spun around at the sound of Jason’s voice.
 

He stood on the porch, looking through the screen at me. “That’s what I like to see first thing in the morning,” he said, and gestured towards me with the paper bag he held in his hand. A tray with two coffee cups balanced was in the other.

I grabbed a batik sheet from the back of the couch and wrapped it around my nakedness.
 

I turned my rage on him. “What do you think you’re doing?” I barked. “Just barging in here whenever you feel like it?” I tightened the sheet in an effort to keep my body from shaking.
 

“For the record, I didn’t barge in. I’m on the porch,” he said, and offered me a smile. “And I was hoping you would talk to me. I don’t like the way we left things last night. I’m sorry, I didn’t expect you to be…well, so exposed this morning.”

We stared at each other through the screen.
 

“Can I come in?” he asked after a moment. “I brought breakfast.”

I nodded but didn’t make a move to open the door. Instead I watched as he balanced the tray and maneuvered his way into the kitchen.
 

Hot anger continued to boil through my veins, seeping into every inch of me.
 

For years I’d been subdued, kept down. Forced into a life that wasn’t mine. I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

But in Rainbow Valley, with Jason…

I looked at the man in my kitchen, opening cupboards and arranging muffins on a plate.
 

I could be real. I could be me, finally.

Too many thoughts bounced through my head. Jason was talking, “…fresh baked this morning…” I couldn’t concentrate on his voice. “…I thought you might—”

“I don’t want to talk,” I said abruptly.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at me.

I shook my head, trying in vain to clear the swirl of confusion. I forced myself to focus on him. His eyes, his hands. His kisses.
 

I let the anger fuel me and released the grip I held on the sheet, letting it fall to the floor. In three strides I crossed the room and closed the gap between us.
 

“Becca—”

“I told you,” I said, my voice deep, unrecognizable. “I don’t want to talk.”

I reached up, grabbed his head and pulled his mouth to mine. His hands found my back and drew me in close. His clothing scratched my naked skin but I tugged him closer, needing to deepen the kiss.
 

My body burned under his touch as he responded to my need. His kisses were rough as he worked his way down my neck and to my chest. He moved his hands to my breasts and squeezed with a pressure that matched the intensity in his lips as they moved first to one nipple and then the next.
 

I groaned and clawed my way down his back and into the waist of his jeans. I yanked at his shirt before my hands flew up to cup his head, pulling him even closer. I needed to be everywhere at once. I needed him. I twined my fingers into his hair and tugged, wanting to taste him again.
 

The heat built within me. The need to forget about Jon. About my life. About who I might or might not be. I bit greedily on his lip and tore at his belt. Jason pulled away, breaking the kiss. His hands moved to still mine.
 

“As much as I’m enjoying this,” he said, “I’m confused.”

“Stop talking,” I whispered, my voice cracking with desire.
 

“I don’t know if we should be doing this.”

I struggled against him, trying to free my hands from his grip. “Really?” I challenged. “Because it seems to me that your body is saying something different.” I looked down to the bulge in his jeans.

“It’s just that after last night, I didn’t think that—”

“You’re the one that said I need to keep feeling,” I said. I yanked back and broke his hold on me. I lunged for him again. My eyes, hot with anger and passion, burned into him and I could see the conflict raging on his face.
 

Without breaking my stare, I pressed myself up against him. “Don’t tell me you don’t want this.”

He let out a low moan as I reached into his jeans. “Becca, I—”

“Make me feel, Jason,” I pleaded. “I need to feel like me again.”
 

He groaned, his desire winning the battle. He pulled me close, drawing me into a deep and hungry kiss before lowering me onto the floorboards, where he indeed answered my plea.
 

***

By the time we made it to breakfast, the coffee Jason brought with him was cold, which was too bad because I still hadn’t figured out how to work the coffee press. I dumped it down the sink and poured us each a glass of milk. I took the muffins, put everything onto a tray and went out to the porch where Jason was waiting.
 

“You don’t have to serve me, you know?”

“It’s the least I can do.”

He gave me a knowing look.

“That’s not what I meant,” I said, and put the tray down on the table. “You brought breakfast. The least I could do is bring it outside. But you’re out of luck with the coffee I hope you’re okay with milk.”