The Escape Collection: (The Escape Collection) (33 page)

“No,” Grams said firmly. “That’s just it. It’s never been a secret. Whitney, I may not have approved of what your mother did for a living, but I have never lied about it. And I would never go so far as to say my own daughter was dead. I don’t know what to say to you right now.” She pushed up from her chair, struggling a little, but covering it with her anger. “Not once in your life have I been ashamed of you, Whitney. But at this moment…” She looked at my mother and her expression softened a little before looking back to me, the disappointment clear in her eyes. “I am,” she finished.

I didn’t try to help her as she made her way from the dining room. I knew she’d only shake me off. The pain bloomed in my chest as I watched her go. Grams had never spoken to me that way. Not even when I stayed out all night with Kat when we were seventeen.
 

A muffled sob caught my attention and I turned to see my mom wiping at her eyes with a napkin. “Mom, I—”

“All this time,” she said. “I thought you understood. I thought…”

I’d seen my mom cry before, but it was different. This was the type of crying that only happens when something you’ve always thought to be true is shattered and you feel like a part of yourself might break right along with it.
 

“Mom,” I tried again. “Can we talk?” She lifted her head and looked at me. “Please,” I said. “Let me explain.”

She didn’t say anything and for a minute I thought she might agree. But then she shook her head and stood up from the table, Stan at her side. “No,” she said. “Not right now.”

I watched helplessly as they left the room. My brain was reeling. What had just happened? How had it all gone so wrong?
 

“I’d like to say it was nice to meet your family finally.” William’s voice startled me. I’d forgotten he was there. “But under the circumstances…”

“William.” I turned and faced him although my legs were barely holding me up. “I’m sorry.”
 

“For what?” His face was hard, his mouth in a tight line. “For dumping me on voicemail or for lying to me for our entire relationship? Which is it?”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Then how was it, Whitney? Because from my vantage, I’d say, that’s exactly how it was.” He shook his head.
 

He turned to leave and even though I didn’t want to be with him, I knew I couldn’t leave it like that. “William, please.” A sob choked my words. “Don’t leave like this.”

To my surprise, he turned around. “I would have given you everything,” he said. I forced myself to look at the hurt in his eyes. “All I ever wanted was to take care of you and give you a life.” He paused, but I didn’t say anything. “You said on your message that I didn’t know you, and you’re right. I don’t know you, because the Whitney I thought I knew would never do this.”

“I’m sorry.” It was all I could think of to say but I knew it didn’t mean anything.

He tipped his head as if he’d just thought of something. “Can I ask you a question?”
 

I nodded and wiped at my face.
 

“I’m assuming your roommate, what was his name?”

“Reid.”

“Right, Reid,” he said. “Well, I’m assuming he had something to do with why we broke up.” I didn’t say anything. “Does he know you?” William continued. “Like, really know you?”

I thought about the way Reid had stormed out of the room and how angry he must be with me. But despite that, I knew he was the only person who’d ever known me so deeply. I nodded. “Yes,” I said quietly.

William blinked hard and nodded. “But do you know who you are?”

***

I stayed in the empty dining room for a few minutes after William left, staring at the empty seats that my family had occupied only moments before. Everything had finally been going well. I should have known better.
 

I picked up a half-empty glass of wine. I didn’t know whose it was but it didn’t matter. I swallowed it in one gulp and straightened my shoulders. I’d heard the door slam after Reid had stormed out, but the rest of them were probably still in the living room. Maybe I could make it right?
 

I took a deep breath and made my way down the hall to the living room. I heard their voices as I entered the room. Stan was nowhere to be seen, probably in the kitchen, but Grams and Mom were talking so I stood in the entry, undetected.
 

“I’m so sorry, Patricia,” Grams said. “I hold myself responsible for what just happened.”

“No,” Mom said. “It’s not your fault that she feels that way I take full responsibility for my own choices and it was my choices that shaped Whitney’s viewpoint.”

“But it was the way I felt for many years,” Grams said. “I know she picked up on my feelings about your lifestyle. And let’s be honest, I didn’t always work very hard to hide my feelings.”

“No.” My mom laughed in response. “You were never good at keeping your opinions to yourself. And quite the opinions they are.”

Grams smiled and I couldn’t help but smile, too. I’d never seen the two of them laughing and happy together. Not once.
 

“Well,” Grams said. She tried to look serious, but I could see the smile still teasing at the corners of her mouth. “You might be surprised to know that my opinions have changed somewhat over the years. I have a new appreciation for what’s important.”
 

“Really?” Mom didn’t look convinced.
 

“Let’s just say, it’s old age that has definitely made me wiser.” She paused for a moment and I almost took a step in the room, but her words stopped me. “Are you happy, Patricia?”
 

My mom looked just as surprised at the question as I felt, but she nodded. “Yes, Mom. I am. It’s not always been easy, but Stan and I are very happy.”
 

Grams pressed her lips together and nodded. “Good. It’s important to be happy. I used to think differently. I used to think there were many other things that were more important,” she continued. “But I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Mom.”
 

Grams held her left hand up, quieting my mother. “There are things we cannot change.” She reached her right arm toward my mom. “But I’m—” Grams yanked her arm back and pinned it her side, grimacing in pain.

“Grams!” I reacted instantly, running into the room. I knelt by her side. “Is the pain worse?”

She nodded but didn’t open her eyes.
 

“Grams, we need to lay you down. Do you have any painkillers with you?” She nodded again, but even that action caused her to wince.
 

“What’s going on?” Mom was next to me. “Is she okay?”

I froze, remembering the purpose of our dinner. So much had happened, we never had a chance to talk about what really brought us together.
 

“Whitney,” my mother yelled. “Tell me what’s happening. Is she okay? Mom, are you okay?”
 

Grams’ eyes opened, but only enough to look at her daughter. “No,” she whispered. Just speaking the one word caused her to squeeze her eyes together.

“Whitney,” Patty shrieked. “Do something. She’s in pain.”
 

I ran to the closet where she’d left her purse. When I got back to the couch, Stan was there. I fed Grams the pills and held a glass of water to her lips until she drank. Stan helped me lay her back so she was more comfortable. It took a few minutes for the pills to take effect, but soon Grams was in a semi-state of sleep. I sat on the chair across from her and watched her tiny chest rise and fall. When did she get so small? Was it possible that she was fading right in front of me? My Grams had never been a big woman, but she’d always been strong and able. She could mow the lawn, dig up a garden of potatoes, and fix a leak under the sink, all in one day. She was a force to be reckoned with when it came to my mother and me, but we both knew it was her love for us that fueled everything she did. Grams was
 
the kindest woman I knew, ready with a smile for anyone who needed one and willing to do anything for those she loved. But the Grams I saw in front of me on the couch was not that same lady. The woman before me was being eaten from the inside out by a savage, relentless disease. It was changing her, killing her. And there wasn’t a thing I could do to stop it.

I don’t know how long I sat there. I don’t know how long the tears streamed, unchecked, down my cheeks. I didn’t notice when my mom came to crouch next to me on the floor and put her hand on my leg. “Whitney?” It was her touch, not her voice, that broke into my awareness. I turned my head so I could see her face. I could see the uncertainty in her eyes as she looked at me. The hurt I’d caused her was still there but she was also scared and worried. Her perfect make-up was long gone, replaced by red eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. “Tell me,” she said. “You told me she was sick. But there’s more to it, isn’t there? What else aren’t you telling me?”

Her words stung, but I nodded and choked back a sob.
 

“What is it?”
 

I couldn’t look at my mom when I told her. Instead, I turned back and focused my gaze on Grams’ sweet face that even in rest wore a grimace of pain. I whispered the words, but I knew my mom could hear me. “It’s cancer,” I said. “Grams is dying.”

Chapter 14

I opened my eyes just as the car came to a stop in front of the house.
 

“Good morning,” Reid said. He put his hand on my leg, gently rousing me from my nap.

“What time is it?” I stretched out the kink in my neck and looked out the window. The world was washed in the watery glow that signaled the sun about to rise over the horizon.
 

“It’s almost six,” Reid said. “I think you fell asleep as soon as I started the car.”
 

“Thank you for taking me last night,” I said. “You didn’t have to. I could have…” I drifted off because I wasn’t sure what else I could have done. The night before I hadn’t been in any state to drive myself and after I’d told Mom about the cancer, she’d insisted on taking Grams straight to the hospital. With Grams lying in the back seat and with Stan and Mom in the front, there hadn’t been any room in the car for me. Besides, after everything I couldn’t be sure they would even want me there.

“I’m just glad I came home when I did,” he said.
 

It had been a long night getting Grams admitted and getting her pain under control. Despite everything that had happened, Reid was amazing. He didn’t leave my side and even though he didn’t say anything about what happened at the dinner, I knew he hadn’t forgotten about it. I also knew he could sense the tension between my mother and me. Fortunately, he didn’t push the issue, but I couldn’t ignore it forever.
 

The tears that wouldn’t quite dry up blurred my vision again. “Reid, about last night, I am so—”

“Hey.” Reid took my hand and squeezed. “Why don’t we go inside and get some coffee?”
 

I nodded and got out of the car.
 

***

The house was just as we’d left it, with dishes still on the dining room table, and food on the counter. The sight of all the wasted food sitting out was the final straw on an already overwhelming load. Before I could stop them, the tears streamed out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I picked up a Yorkshire pudding, hardened and stale, and threw it as hard as I could into the sink. “Dammit!” I picked up another and hurled it after the first. “It’s not fair,” I cried through my tears, somewhat aware that Reid was still in the room, but not caring. Out of Yorkshires, I grabbed the bowl of carrots and peas and started grabbing handfuls of the cold, mushy vegetables, throwing them wildly at the sink.

“Whit.”

Somewhere, I heard Reid’s voice, but it didn’t stop me. When the vegetables were gone, I turned to the platter of leftover beef. “It’s not fair,” I repeated before heaving the entire platter, dish and all, into the sink on top of the rest of the mess. There was a crack, and the dish probably broke. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.
 

“Whit,” Reid said again. His voice was soft, but it penetrated my fog. I dropped my head and let the tears take over. He slid his arms around me and pulled me close. Despite the uncertainty between us, I let myself be held and inhaled his comforting scent. “It’s just food,” he said. “We can get more.”

I wriggled away and looked up at him. “Food?”

“You said it wasn’t fair.” He gestured to the sink with his head. “The food.” He said it with a straight face, but his eyes betrayed him.
 

I smacked him in the chest. “You’re ridiculous.”
 

He laughed and caught my wrists in his hands before I could smack him again. “Maybe,” he said with a grin. “But I made you smile.”
 

I had smiled. It was the first one since dinner the night before, when for a minute, everything was perfect. But that was before everyone hated me. And now not only was Grams angry with me, she was in the hospital and nothing would ever be perfect again. Reid must have seen the smile on my face fade again, because his voice changed and he said, “Hey, it will be okay, Whitney.” He put a finger under my chin and tilted it up so I was looking at him. It was such a sweet gesture. I would have melted if my heart wasn’t already broken into a million pieces.
 

He led me to the table, where I sat while he fixed us each a cup of coffee. “I know you don’t believe me,” Reid said when we were both sitting. “But it will be okay. You’re going to figure this out and it’ll be hard, but life will go on. I promise.”
 

The tears seemed to have dried up, at least for the moment, so I simply nodded. Logically, I knew he was right. I would survive. But logic wasn’t going to help me say goodbye. Especially since I didn’t have the slightest clue how to say goodbye to a piece of my heart.
 

I took a sip of my coffee; it burnt my tongue, but it was strong and thick, and exactly what I needed to fortify myself, so I took another one. I needed to think about something else. Like work.