The Escape Collection: (The Escape Collection) (73 page)

“I know. I’m headed back to her room right away,” I said. I took a deep breath and added, “Dylan’s here.”
 

“Dylan? What’s he doing there?”

“It’s a long story. I’m sure he’ll fill you in.” I didn’t have the energy to tell her about Sheena right then. “But, Connie?”

“Yes?”

“When he tells you everything.” I swallowed hard before continuing. “Please know that you’re the best mom I could have had.”
 

A tear slid down my cheek.
 

“Oh, Becca,” she said. “I’m sorry.”
 

I knew in that moment that Connie knew the truth. Instead of being angry, the way I thought I would, I nodded to myself. Of course she’d known the truth.

“I love you, Connie.”

“I love you, too. Everything will be okay.”

I smiled through my tears. “Yes,” I said. “It will be.”
 

***

Jon still wasn’t back when I got off the phone, so I went to take up my post next to Jordan’s bed. I refused to close my eyes, despite the exhaustion that had settled into every fiber of my body. My muscles were so relaxed into the chair, I couldn’t even feel my legs. But I wouldn’t take my eyes off my daughter.

I’d been watching for any sign of movement, even the slightest indication that Jordan knew I was with her. I refused to miss it when she woke up. I’d missed too much already.
 

I was losing the battle to stay awake when Jordan’s hand twitched. My eyes popped open and I scanned her.
 

There was no more movement. No change.
 

Maybe I’d imagined it?

But then it happened again.
 

“Mom?” Jordan moaned so quietly I wasn’t sure I heard it.

“Jordan?” I dared to let myself believe it was true. I scooted to the front of my chair. “Baby? Mommy’s here. I’m here.” I reached out and brushed her soft brown hair off her forehead. As my hand swept over her brow, Jordan opened her eyes and I thought my heart might break from the exquisite sight of her blue eyes.
 

“I’m here,” I said again.
 

“Mom?” Jordan’s voice cracked. She sounded impossibly small. “My leg hurts, Mom.”

“I know, baby. There was an accident,” I said, doing my best to keep my voice level. “But you’re going to be fine.”

“I remember,” she said. “Mac picked me up from school.”

“Ssh, don’t try to remember now,” I said. I wanted to protect her as long as I could. “Just rest.”

“We were in Bruce’s car. I remember the truck. It came through the light. I rememb—”

“Ssh.” I brushed my hand over her brow again. “Baby, don’t worry about that right now.”

Jordan looked at me and when her eyes locked on me, I could see in her eyes that she knew there was something I wasn’t saying. For a moment I thought she might ask about it, but when she opened her mouth, she said, “I missed you, Mom.”
 

Her eyelids fluttered closed, exhausted from the effort of talking.
 

“I missed you, too.” I blinked hard against my tears. “Rest now. Everything is going to be okay, I promise.”

I watched while Jordan’s chest rose and fell with every breath. She’d learn about her friends, and her boyfriend, soon enough. But for that moment, she could rest easy.
 

After a few minutes, I slipped from the room. Dylan was slumped against the wall directly across from the door. He jumped up when he saw me.
 

“How is she?”

“She woke up,” I said. “She’s going to be okay.”
 

He grabbed me into another hug. “That’s awesome news.” After a moment, Dylan pulled away, and asked, “And you? Are you going to be okay?”

I nodded. “I have a lot to think about. A lot to fix. But, yes. I think I’ll be just fine.”
 

Dylan smiled. “Of course you will. You’re not her. You know that, right?”

“I know,” I said, and then added, “Don’t hate her, Dylan. She made some bad choices, but you can’t hate her.”

He fiddled with the zipper on his jacket before answering. “Know what’s strange? I don’t think I do. I’m angry, yes. But after you, and…well, everything with you, I think I can see it a little differently. We have a lot of talking to do, though.”

“We all do,” I agreed. Thinking about all of the talking I still had to do, I looked up and down the hall. “Where’s Jon?”
 

“I sent him home. He didn’t want to leave, but I think even he knew he needed the rest.”

“You told him? About Sheena, I mean.”

He nodded. “I did. Of course he was surprised and tried to get a lot more out of me. But I couldn’t answer the questions he was asking,” Dylan said. “Only you can.”

I looked at my feet. “I know.” I was no longer scared of talking to Jon, of telling him the truth. I was tired of all the secrets and misunderstandings. I looked up into my brother’s eyes. “And I will. I’ll tell him everything. But first I think there’s one more thing I have to do.”

I knew she’d be there. There was nowhere else she’d be. She was my best friend, and she loved my girls like they were her own. When I stepped into the hospital cafeteria, I scanned the room before seeing the back of her blond head bent over the table.
 

I slipped into the seat across from her.
 

“Thank you for being here,” I said.
 

Steph looked up. She looked tired and I knew that not only had she been there, she hadn’t slept.
 

“Where else would I be?” she asked. “You know I’ll always be here for you and the girls. No matter what.”

“I know,” I whispered, and took her hand.
 

“They…you, you’re my heart,” she said.

“I know.”
 

She didn’t say anything else. Instead she just looked at me.

“You should have been here,” Steph said. Her voice was quiet, but I knew I’d heard her properly. “If you hadn’t gone, this wouldn’t have happened.”
 

The words were a slap, and I felt it acutely.
 

I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to scream and tell her it wasn’t my fault—that it could have happened even if I had been there. I didn’t. Tears blurred my eyes as I reached for her hands. I didn’t know if she would accept the gesture, or me. But she pulled me across the table into a hug and we held on tight. Together we cried tears of forgiveness and fear.
 

“I’m back,” was all I said.

***

“How is she?” Steph asked fifteen minutes later. We were sitting outside in the meager garden area the hospital provided. There were a few benches placed under the scraggly trees and a couple of geranium pots that looked like they’d been used more as ashtrays than for growing flowers.
 

“She woke up. That’s a huge relief. Of course she has a broken leg, but she’ll heal. At least her body will,” I said. I couldn’t help thinking about the boy who wouldn’t heal. Her boyfriend.

“Her heart will heal, too,” Steph said. “It’ll sting for a while. But she’s a strong girl. She’ll be okay.”

We sat in silence for a few moments.
 

“I’m glad you’re back,” she said.
 

I took a deep breath and kicked at the ground with my toe. “I should have been here and—”

“No. I didn’t mean to say that earlier. You needed to go.”
 

I turned on the bench so I could look at her. “What do you mean?”

“Becca, you needed a break. The accident could have happened if you were here. But whatever happened to you,” she said, and waved her hand in my direction, “that couldn’t have happened if you were here. You needed to go.”

I nodded. I knew she was right.
 

“Do you want to know something?” I asked.
 

“Of course. I want to know everything.”

“Today was the first time I cried, since…well, I can’t remember. And when I started, I couldn’t stop.”

“It’s been a hard day.”

“It has. But it was more than that. I don’t know if I can explain it, or if I should even try. But when I saw Jordan lying there, I just realized that everything that’s important to me, everything that matters in the whole world—it’s right here. The girls. They’re everything.”

“And Jon?”

I looked down at my hands and twisted the fabric of my skirt around them. “I need to talk to him. And he’s not going to like what I have to say.” I thought of Jason and what had happened between us. Jon wasn’t going to like it, but he needed to hear it. “We need to figure a few things out. Then I guess we’ll go from there.”

“You’re going to tell him about the guy, then?”
 

I nodded. “I have to, Steph. Jason was part of everything. And I’m tired of hiding from the truth. I need to be honest.”

“That’s a good way to be,” she said. “Honest, I mean. With Jon and with yourself.”

I looked up to the sky. Blue patches had started to break through the clouds, but the sun was starting to set. My memories flashed back to the magnificent mountain sunsets in Rainbow Valley.
 

“It is a good way to be,” I said, and looked back to her. “I guess it took leaving to learn that everything I really wanted was right here.” I took a deep breath. “I can’t imagine going again, but when I think about the way things were, well, I can’t imagine that, either.”

“So, you’re stuck?”

“Not stuck.” I shook my head. “Definitely not stuck.” I stood and stretched my hands over my head. “It took me awhile, but now I know exactly what I need.”

Steph smiled up at me. “And what’s that? A trip to Europe with your best friend?”

I laughed. “I still don’t think that’s going to happen.” I rolled my shoulders, releasing some of the tension there. “No,” I said, “what I need to do is be true to myself. Did you know I’ve spent the last fifteen years thinking that I couldn’t be Becca anymore?”

Steph nodded. “Actually, I’ve noticed.”
 

“I know. You tried to tell me that. You all did.” I sat again and looked Steph in the eyes. “I was so stuck on being what I thought I should be that I couldn’t be who I needed to be.”

“And you know the difference now?”
 

I closed my eyes and remembered the mountains, Prince’s Pond, swimming, painting, Jason, Sheena. I let the feelings flow through me unchecked. I wouldn’t stifle them again. I couldn’t. Finally, I opened my eyes, and said, “Yes. I definitely know the difference.”

Chapter 28

After checking in with the doctors, Steph offered to stay with Jordan and lend me her car, so I could go get Kayla before stopping at home to shower and change. It was almost nine when I pulled up at Connie and Dad’s house. Dylan’s car was parked on the road out front.
 

“She’s sleeping,” Connie said, after answering the door and pulling me into a hug. “Come, we should talk.”

“I’ll be right there.”
 

Before following Connie into the kitchen, I made my way down the hall and into the spare room where Kayla was tucked in. She was curled up on her side, Pup-Pup snugged up tight in her arms. I bent and kissed my baby on the forehead. “I’m home, baby,” I whispered. “I love you so much.”
 

I didn’t want to wake her, so I backed out of the room slowly and eased the door shut.

“It’s so quiet in here,” I said, when I joined Connie in the kitchen. “Where’s Dylan? And Dad?”
 

She nodded and I noticed how tired she looked.

“They’re talking in the den.” She managed a small smile. “It’s been nice to see Dylan.”

“Did he tell you then? About my mother being in Rainbow Valley?” My stomach flipped and I reached for Connie’s arm. “What I said on the phone—I meant it. You’re the best mother I could ever have wished for.”

A tear slid from Connie’s eye and her hand moved to cover mine. She pointed to a seat at the table. “Why don’t you sit down, dear?”

I did as I was told. I sat and waited. After a moment she spoke. “I need you to know that I couldn’t tell you about your mother. It wasn’t my secret to tell. Your father told me the truth before we married. He had his reasons for not telling you. Even if I didn’t agree with them, please know, I didn’t ever mean to hurt you. Your dad didn’t like to speak of her. And Dylan, he was always so distant.” Her eyes drifted over my head as she recalled a memory. “I know now there’s so much I should have done. So much I could have done to help you deal with things. This news—that you’ve found her—it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I hope you know that you’re every bit as much my daughter as you were before all this.”
 

I swiped at the tears in my eyes and reached across the table for her hands, the hands that had taken care of me and comforted me for most of my life. She was right, Sheena’s existence wouldn’t change anything between us. “I love you, Connie.”
 

She squeezed me tight in her grip. “I know it, Becca. And I love you. So much.” We sat for a few minutes, tears rolling down both our cheeks, our hands clasped tightly. Finally, it was Connie who released me.
 

“How’s Dad taking the news?” I asked. “Does he understand? I mean, is he…”

Connie nodded. “I think he knows. It’s interesting, because for the last little while, as he’s gotten worse, he’s mentioned her more. Your mother, I mean.”

I thought back to all the times he confused me with her. It’d been awkward for sure, but now that I knew the truth, it made a little more sense. “Maybe it was his way of trying to tell the truth? I don’t know, but do you think it’s possible that his subconscious was trying to let go of the lie?”

“There’s so much about it that we’ll never know,” Connie said with a sad smile. “I don’t think we should even try to figure it out. Dylan’s doing his best to talk to him, but I know he’s finding it difficult. Becca, I should tell you…” Connie stopped to blow her nose and wipe her eyes. I waited while she pulled herself together. I knew what she was going to say. “I think it’s time we put your father in a nursing home. I just…I just can’t anymore. I’m so sorry.” Connie dissolved into sobs; her shoulders folded in on herself and her whole body shook.