Read The Definitive Book of Body Language Online
Authors: Barbara Pease,Allan Pease
You may ask, “How do I watch someone's body language while thinking about my own body language and trying to concentrate on what we're talking about?” Remember that your brain is already programmed to read many body-language signals so all you are doing is learning consciously to read the signals and messages. It's like riding a bicycle for the first time—it feels a little scary at the start and you might take an occasional tumble but before long you'll be riding like a pro.
Some people may feel that learning body-language skills is manipulative or insincere, but learning to be proficient at reading it and using it is no different from wearing certain types of clothes, using certain language, or telling stories that put you in the best light. The difference here is that it won't happen unconsciously and you'll make a better impression on others. If you're a man, remember that women are reading and decoding your body language whether you realize it or not, so learning how it's done can give you an equal footing. Without effective body language you can be like a spaghetti Western—the lips don't match the words and the viewers are constantly confused or switch channels.
Finally, here is a summary of the key points for making a positive body-language impression on others.
Face
: Have an animated face and make smiling a part of your regular repertoire. Make sure you flash your teeth.
Gestures
: Be expressive but don't overdo it. Keep your fingers closed when you gesture, your hands below chin level, and avoid arm or feet crossing.
Head Movement
: Use Triple Nods when talking and Head Tilt when listening. Keep your chin up.
Eye Contact
: Give the amount of eye contact that makes everyone feel comfortable. Unless looking at others is a cultural no-no, lookers gain more credibility than nonlookers.
Posture
: Lean forward when listening, stand straight when speaking.
Territory
: Stand as close as you feel comfortable. If the other person moves back, don't step forward again.
Mirror
: Subtly mirror the body language of others.
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