The Definitive Book of Body Language (59 page)

The man on the left and the man on the right have taken closed body positions. The central man's attitude shows superiority and sarcasm and he is using the Lapel-Grasping gesture with a thumb-up (superiority) plus a thumb-point gesture toward the man on his left (ridicule). The man on the right has responded defensively with crossed legs, and aggressively with the Upper-Arm Grip gesture (self-control) and sideways glance. The man on the left of this sequence is also unimpressed with the central man's attitude. He has crossed legs (defensive), Palm-in-Pocket (unwilling to participate), and is looking at the floor while using the Pain-in-Neck gesture.

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This sequence also shows a tense atmosphere. All three men are sitting back in their chairs to keep the maximum distance from each other. The man on the right is probably causing the problem
because of his negative gesture cluster. As he is speaking he is using the nose touch gesture (deceit) and his right arm has crossed his body to make a partial arm barrier (defensive). His lack of concern about the other men's opinions is shown by the Leg-Over-Chair gesture and Crotch Display and his body is pointed away from them. The man on the left disapproves of what the man on the right has to say and is using the Lint-Picking gesture (disapproval), his legs are crossed (defensive) and pointed away (uninterested). The man in the middle would like to say something but is holding back his opinion, shown by his self-restraint gesture of gripping the arms of the chair and his locked ankles. He has also issued a nonverbal challenge to the man on the right by pointing his body at him.

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In this scene the man on the left and the woman have mirrored each other's gestures to form “bookends” on the couch. The couple are very interested in each other and have positioned their hands in such a way that they can expose their wrists, and they have crossed their legs toward each other. The man in the middle has a Tight-Lipped Smile in an attempt to look interested in what the other man has to say but this is incongruent with his other facial and body gestures. His head is down (disapproval), the corner of his mouth turned down, his eyebrows are also down (anger), and he is giving the other man a sideways glance. His arms and legs are tightly crossed (defensive)— all indicating that he has a very negative attitude.

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The man on the left is using a cluster to convey openness and honesty—exposed palms, foot forward, head up, coat unbuttoned, arms and legs apart, leaning forward, and smiling gestures. Unfortunately for him, however, his story is not getting across. The woman is sitting back in her chair with her legs crossed away (defensive), she has a partial arm-barrier (defensive), a clenched fist (tension), her head down, and is using a critical evaluation gesture (hand to face). The man in the middle has a raised Steeple gesture, indicating that he feels confident
or smug and he is sitting in the Figure Four leg position, showing that his attitude is competitive or argumentative. We can assume that his overall attitude is negative as he is sitting back, his head down.

The following three scenes demonstrate typical defense, aggression, and courtship clusters.

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The beginning of the conversation

In the first scene, all three people have their arms folded, two have their legs crossed (defensive), and all have their bodies oriented away from each other, all indicating that they may have just met for the first time. The man on the right appears interested in the woman as he has his right foot twisted around to point at her and he is giving her a sideways glance, combined with raised eyebrows (interest) and a smile; he is leaning toward her with the upper part of his body. She is closed off to both men at this point.

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Five minutes later

The woman has now uncrossed her legs and is standing in the Attention Position, while the man on the left has uncrossed his legs and is pointing one foot at her (interest) and leaning toward her. He is using the Thumbs-in-Belt gesture, which is either intended as a competitive display toward the other man, in which case the attitude is aggression, or is directed toward the woman, making it a sexual display. He is also standing straighter to make himself appear bigger. The man on the right seems intimidated by the other man, as seen by his now more erect stance, his crossed arms, and the fact that he is giving the other man a sideways glance combined with eyebrows down (disapproval) and his smile has gone.

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Fifteen minutes later

The attitudes and emotions of these people are now clearly shown by their body language. The man on the left has kept his Thumbs-in-Belt, Foot-Forward Position and has turned his body more toward the woman, making it a complete courtship display His thumbs are also gripping his belt much tighter to make the gesture more noticeable and his body has become even more erect. The woman is responding to this courtship display with her own, showing that she is interested in being involved with him. She has uncrossed her arms, turned her body toward him, and is pointing one foot at him. Her courtship gestures include hair touching, exposed wrists, chest forward to show cleavage, and positive facial expression, and she is blowing her cigarette smoke upward (confidence). The man on the right is unhappy about being excluded and is using the Hands-on-Hips gesture (aggressive readiness) and standing Crotch Display to show his displeasure.

In summary, the man on the left has won the woman's attentions and the other man should take a hike in the Himalayas.

Holy intuition, Batman! You are an extremely effective communicator who is sensitive to other people's feelings most of the time. Go to the top of the class!

You are very good with people and generally have a “feel” about what's going on. With perseverance and practice you can become a top-notch communicator.

Sometimes you get how people are feeling about things or about each other, at other times you find out several days later. You need diligent body-language practice.

You've read this book and still not even scored 70? We suggest you search for a career in computing, accounting, or as a medical receptionist where people skills are not a requirement. Go back to the start of this book and read it again. Meanwhile, do not leave home or even answer a telephone.

Research has now shown convincingly that if you change your body language, you can change many things about your approach to life. You can alter your mood before going out, feel more confident at work, become more likeable, and be more persuasive or convincing. When you change your body language you interact differently with people around you and they, in turn, will respond differently to you.

When you first start increasing your awareness of body language you'll probably feel uncomfortable and self-conscious. You will be aware of practically every expression you make,
surprised at how many gestures you make and how often you fiddle with things and you'll feel as if everyone around is seeing it all too. Remember that most people are completely unaware of what their bodies are doing and they're so busy trying to make an impression on you that they are not consciously noticing what you are doing. It may seem strange at first to consciously have your palms open and keep steady eye contact if you've spent your life keeping your hands in your pockets or holding hands with yourself and looking away.