Test Drive (Crossroads Book 3) (13 page)

His dad was on the other couch, and his first thought was
There it is.
The familiar hum of the concentrator on the tank was back. It was comforting in an odd way.

“Hello, Justin.” Joy hugged him but he couldn’t find it in himself to squeeze her back. “We called Landon first because we knew it would take him longer to get here. Shanen just arrived.”

He nodded, as though it mattered. She walked over and then found her seat beside his dad. “You can sit down,” she said, but Justin shook his head.

“I’m okay.” Really he fucking wasn’t. He felt like he was cracking apart. Like he would burst at the seams at any second, and lose his goddamned mind. He couldn’t do this. Jesus, he couldn’t fucking do it. He hadn’t expected it to be so soon. His dad hadn’t had much time with Shanen and Landon yet. Didn’t he deserve more time with them?

Justin leaned against the wall just as his dad started speaking. “I wasn’t going in for chemo today. I had an evaluation with my oncologist.”

“What?” Justin interrupted. “Jesus, Dad. Why didn’t you tell me?” That’s what Justin was supposed to be here for—to help take care of his dad. He should know those things.

“Us,” Landon added, and even though Justin wanted to be angry, he knew Landon was right. They all should have known, not just him.

“The evaluation is something new, isn’t it? You haven’t had that scheduled for very long.” Shanen’s voice wobbled when she spoke. She was right, though.

“Yes. I’ve been feeling a little off the past week. I’ve…had brief periods of confusion, but it was almost as though I knew I was confused. That I knew I should know more than I did.”

“What?” Blood ran through Justin’s ears so loudly, he could hardly hear. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Here he’d been going about his life and his father was getting worse? He was confused?

“Because I didn’t want to worry you.”

“That’s a bullshit answer. That’s what I’m here for! I’m supposed to know those things.” He
needed
to know them. Needed to know he still had a spot in his father’s life.

“I’m sorry.” Larry shook his head. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t…” He shook his head and couldn’t continue. He buried his face in his hands. Guilt stole Justin’s breath. Jesus, he was fucking angry. When he first came here, first met Landon and Shanen, he thought he’d gotten past most of the anger but he hadn’t.

“It’s okay.” Joy wrapped an arm around him, and suddenly Justin was angry at her too. For being here. For supporting him. For not being angry at him for what he’d done to her.

His dad shook his head and then looked up—first at Justin, then Shanen, and finally Landon. “The news wasn’t good. We did a scan and the cancer is growing. It’s spread to my…” When his voice cracked, he cleared his throat. “To my lymph nodes. A lot of them, and that’s not the only place. It’s…. It’s time to stop the chemo and just…try to live the best life I can from here on out. I should feel a little better for a while. We can…we can do more…”

This time when he stopped, Justin knew he couldn’t continue. He stood, frozen against the wall, unable to speak. Unable to move. Despite knowing this would happen, he was still devastated. Shocked. Like he got a call that his father was in a car accident, or something else they hadn’t expected. No matter how much you tried, you could never really prepare yourself for something like this.

Landon leaned forward, face in his hands much like Justin had done at the house. Rod held him, kissed his neck. Whispered quiet words to him. Shanen started to cry. Jacob walked around the chair, pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her.

Justin was alone, though. He crossed his arms, watched the veins in his hand as he fisted it, as he wished he wasn’t alone on an island in the middle of nowhere.

“Justin. I—” His dad started, but Justin shook his head, silencing him. He couldn’t do that right now. Not in front of everyone. These people who had known and loved each other for much longer than they’d known Justin. “So what are the next steps? What do I need to know? I can talk to Nick and tell him I have to leave the restaurant. He’ll understand.” Facts. He was resorting to facts because they were much easier than emotions.

“I was going to suggest he could stay with us?” Shanen piped in. “We have more space. I’d like to help take care of him. Of course you’d be welcome too, Justin. I—”

“No. Why does he need to leave our place? That’s why I fucking came here. I can do it. I can take care of him. Maybe you don’t think so, but I can.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Shanen continued and damned if he didn’t know she hadn’t. “I was just thinking it would be easier. I know you’re on the couch. We have the extra room and the means to….”

“Nope. Don’t need your money.” The whole time his brain was telling him to shut up. That she didn’t mean it the way he made it sound, but his heart overpowered it.

“Don’t,” Landon interrupted. “I know you’re hurting, Justin, but we all are. Don’t take it out on her. I won’t allow it.”

His chest ached. His hand twitched. He wanted to slam his fist into Landon’s face, yet at the same time he respected the hell out of him. He was protecting his sister, and no matter that they also shared blood, Shanen would always be more to him than Justin could be.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Rod told Landon. “We’re all dealing with this the best way we know how.”

“I know you didn’t mean it,” Shanen told Justin. “I just think…”

“Shanen. Not right now.” Jacob shook his head at her. Everyone started speaking over each other, and then getting louder and louder to be heard.
But this? What about that? Justin can. Dad should. Mom will…
They kept going and fucking going until Justin thought he would lose his damned mind.

He opened his mouth to tell them all to shut up, when his father spoke first. “That’s enough!” Larry had pushed to his feet, his voice stronger than Justin had heard it in a long time. “I can’t handle this. Can’t handle the arguing. Not right now.” The room went silent. Rod stood with his arm around Landon for support. Jacob held Shanen for the same thing. Joy was strong and steady beside his father. Justin waited on the outskirts, alone as they all listened to his father speak.

Drew sat on his couch flipping through the channels. There wasn’t shit on TV. He wasn’t much of a television person anyway. He’d rather be
doing
something. He wanted to go for a jog but it was raining like crazy outside. It had been clear all morning and then suddenly heavy, dark clouds rolled in and it had been pouring for a good hour straight. It wasn’t as if he’d never jogged in the rain. Sometimes he did but he wasn’t in the mood for that right now.

After pushing the power button on the remote, he tossed it to the coffee table. Just as he pushed to his feet, there was a knock at his door.

As he walked over, he adjusted the ever-present black baseball cap on his head. There was another knock, and Drew cursed whoever was being so damn impatient before he pulled the door open.

The second he saw Justin standing there, soaked to the bone, his dark hair plastered against his head, his arms crossed, and his eyes looking down, he knew something was wrong. He trembled even though it wasn’t cold outside, but a humid rain. Drew’s heart broke for the man. He hadn’t been lying when he told Justin to come to him if he needed something. He had an intense urge to be there for Justin in a way he hadn’t experienced with anyone before. “Get in here. You’re drenched.”

He reached for Justin, who pulled back. “I don’t want to get your floor all wet.” His voice was distant, alone, and damned if the pain in Drew’s chest didn’t double.

“I don’t give a shit about my floors. Com’ere.”

Justin stepped out of his sopping sneakers as Drew pulled him inside. He didn’t let go of Justin’s hand as he led him to the stairs, and up them. His hand was cold in Drew’s but he gripped it just as tightly as Drew held him, maybe tighter. He wanted Justin to know he could hold on as tight as he needed to.

“Fuck. I’m getting water everywhere. I’m sorry,” Justin said as his wet socks padded against the carpet.

“It’s water. It’ll dry.” They continued down the hall. He really fucking wanted to know what was going on but part of him was scared to find out too. It was hard seeing someone he cared about dealing with so much pain. And he did care about Justin, he realized. He cared about him a lot.

Drew’s bedroom was at the end of the hallway. He pushed the double doors open. Directly across from the door, the back wall was nearly all windows, looking out at all the green and trees of the property behind his house. The bed was on the left wall, his dresser the right, and the bathroom between the dresser and the windows. “You can get undressed in the bathroom. I’ll grab you something to change into. Or, if you want, you’re welcome to take a shower. Towels are in the cabinet.”

“Okay.”

Drew watched as Justin made his way around him, and headed for the bathroom. His shoulders curled, sagged as though the weight of the world rested on them. He left the door open, and even though Drew couldn’t see him, he knew Justin was undressing because he heard wet clothes being removed. Jesus, what had happened? There were too many things to choose from—something with his dad, his relationship with Landon, or with Shanen.

Drew rummaged around in a drawer and pulled out a pair of sweats and a T-shirt for Justin. He went toward the bathroom, but kept out of view and said, “I have some clothes for you.”

“You’ve had my dick in your mouth. You can come in.” Justin’s voice was slightly lighter than it had been a moment before, but he thought it was a façade. He could still hear the sadness hiding behind it, making each syllable sound heavy, weighted down.

“Good point.” Drew went into the bathroom and tossed the clothes onto the counter. Justin had a towel wrapped around his waist, as he leaned against the glass-enclosed shower. Jesus, he was sexy as hell—gold kissed skin. A patch of dark hair on his chest. He wasn’t overly defined, but Drew could see the muscles in his stomach. He let his eyes drift back up as Justin’s Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed, and as much as Drew wanted to take in the view, there was a part of him that wanted to just…hold Justin. And holy fucking shit, was that different from what Drew was used to thinking about someone he was having sex with. Or in their case, hopefully having sex with.

“Are you okay?” he finally managed to ask.

Justin answered with, “I’m sorry to just show up like this. I didn’t know where else to go. You’re the only thing here that feels like mine.”

Goddamn if those words didn’t do funny things to him. Made his chest feel full and his pulse kick up. “Hey, you don’t have to apologize for coming here. That’s what friends are for. I’m glad you came. I want you to come here.” Drew shrugged, feeling a little silly. “I’m honored that you feel like you can count on me.”

Justin cocked his head slightly and looked at him. Drew could see his chest rise and fall with each heavy breath he took. He didn’t know what in the hell the man was thinking, what he saw as he studied Drew so intensely, but something was there, in his wide, dark eyes. Worry or confusion or sadness or desire. Maybe a mixture of all of them. Drew was pretty sure a cocktail of the same things swished around inside of him.

And then Justin stepped forward—took one step, then another and another, closing the space between them. He didn’t stop until only inches parted them. Drew could feel Justin’s breath. He smelled like fresh rain and Drew wanted to inhale him deeper.

He placed a hand on Justin’s hip, pulled him even closer.

He brushed his thumb over Justin’s hipbone. His skin had warmed up. It was slightly wet from the rain but he felt good, too fucking good. They were playing with fire. He already felt the singe, but damned if he didn’t want the spark to ignite brighter. If he didn’t want to go up in flames with this man.

“Will you fuck me? I want you to fuck me.” Justin leaned forward, ghosted his lips across Drew’s neck, making him shudder. Drew’s dick went hard in two seconds flat, as Justin continued. “Want to feel your dick inside me, stretching me out.”

His teeth brushed Drew’s neck and if they weren’t careful, he’d blow his fucking load without even touching Justin.

“I know you haven’t gone there with a man yet, and maybe I shouldn’t ask you to, but I am. I want you to drive me wild. Make me lose my mind. Make me come with your cock so deep inside me, there’s no room for anything else.”

Did Justin think he didn’t want that? There wasn’t a possibility of him saying no. His whole body was blissed out, eager and needy for exactly what Justin had said. “Fuck, yes. I want that too.” Drew looked down. His sweats were tented, as was Justin’s towel. He tugged the end, watched it fall open before it hit the floor.

Justin’s erection bounced against his stomach. Stood long and fucking proud and Drew wondered what it would feel like inside of him too. He’d played around, fingered himself a few times, but never taken anything more than that. He was definitely curious despite his nerves.

Drew rubbed his finger over the slit in Justin’s dick, smearing the pre-come there. “I might ask you to return the favor sometime. I’ve always wanted to know what it feels like to be fucked.”

Justin smiled a wicked grin that automatically made Drew do the same. “It’s fucking amazing. And just say the word. I’d love to break in that ass for you.” Then he nodded his head toward the bed, pulled away, and Drew followed.

***

Justin hadn’t come here to have sex. Those thoughts hadn’t been even a blip on his radar as he’d found himself driving to Drew’s. The only thing he’d known was that he was sad. So fucking sad and afraid and pissed off. Alone. He’d never felt lonely before all of this started. Before he’d realized what he was doing, he’d been driving to Drew’s because the loneliness slipped away when Drew was around.

But as he’d stood in the bathroom, heard the sincerity in Drew’s voice as he’d told Justin he was honored that he felt like he could count on him, Justin realized he really did feel that way. He knew he could depend on Drew and then the want became too much to ignore.