Test Drive (Crossroads Book 3) (12 page)

Justin suddenly wanted to ask him if he did now, but instead he only stood there like an idiot, when he really needed to get the hell out of here.

“Go. We’ll talk later.” Drew tilted his head toward the door.

Justin began to turn away but then stopped and walked back over to Drew. “Thank you for letting me talk…work out…” He got a little embarrassed when he thought about the Scotland thing. He’d never done something like that. Never needed it. “Thanks for just letting me be. I feel like I’m always thanking you for something.”

“You have nothing to thank me for,” Drew replied. “I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to.”

Which Justin had no doubt was true. He didn’t quite understand why he felt so comfortable around Drew, and why Drew seemed to feel the same about him, but he couldn’t deny that it was there. “I’ll call you when I can. It depends on how everything is going, okay?”

“No problem. Take care of yourself and your family. That’s the most important thing.”

Justin nodded. Paused. Took the hat off his head and put it on Drew’s. “So fucking hot.” He winked and then turned. Drew followed him over, unlocking the door so Justin could leave. His stomach was in knots the second he walked out.

He didn’t want to look at his phone, but as he walked back to the car, Justin pulled it out of the bag and…nothing. No missed calls. No messages. No texts.

The near constant ache in his gut twisted and tightened intensely. This was a good thing. Nothing was wrong. They’d probably fallen asleep and didn’t notice that Justin was acting like a teenager, getting his dick sucked when he had responsibilities.

Justin tapped his thumbs against the steering wheel as he drove back to the house.

Ridiculously, he checked his phone every couple minutes to see if there was a message, something he missed, but just like it had been when he first looked, there was still nothing when he pulled into the driveway, dodging the potholes he now knew by heart.

He grabbed his bag out of the passenger seat before making his way to the porch. He pushed the key into the lock, and slid the door open quietly as not to wake up his dad. It was a good thing that he apparently slept in today. He hadn’t been getting enough sleep. It was always restlessness for him.

But the second he opened the door, he realized he was being quiet for no reason. His dad sat at the table, Joy across from him sipping from a coffee mug. Unexpected anger splintered through him, breaking apart his insides. “Sorry I didn’t come home last night. I didn’t mean for you to have to stay,” Justin managed to grit out over his anger. An immature part of him had wanted them to be worried about him. For it to have mattered that he hadn’t come home.

“It’s okay. We managed. I’m sure you needed a night out.” Joy looked at him and smiled kindly. And she was right. He had needed a night away. It had felt good, almost freeing, which was why he didn’t understand the way his pulse pounded at her statement. Didn’t understand the sadness that bled into him as he stood there looking at the two of them.

“Did you have fun?” his dad asked before reaching for a glass of water in front of him. His hand shook too badly for him to steady it. “Goddamn it,” he cursed softly as Justin stepped toward him to help. He didn’t get the chance, though. Joy reached out and steadied the drink before he could and damned if the pain and anger didn’t burrow deeper into his core.

“Do you have straws? That would make it easier. Then we could just scoot it closer to you,” Joy told him.

“No,” Justin answered. He hadn’t thought of that. He should have. It was such an obvious answer. “I’ll get some today.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Joy gave him another smile before scooting closer to his dad. “Let me help you, Larry,” she told him, and his father did. He let Joy lift the glass to his lips and help him drink.

Justin watched the two of them for a moment, and damned if he couldn’t see the love between them. Had it always been there? Had he wanted to be with Joy while he was with Justin’s mom? Wanted Shanen and Landon instead of him?

“I’m just…going to go take a shower. I’ll be out soon,” he told them both before he went for the bathroom, trying to figure out what in the hell was wrong with him.

***

Drew wasn’t sure what made him head over to the firm. Maybe it was spending time with Justin, knowing what was going on within his family that made him think about his own. They were lucky. They’d always had what they needed. They’d always had each other, yet he and Jacob didn’t treat each other like family most of the time. He couldn’t put all the blame on Jake either. Drew didn’t try to make things better. Hell, he let his frustration at his brother keep them at arm’s length, just as much as Jacob did.

“Good morning, Mr. Sinclair,” Jacob’s secretary said when he walked through the door.

Drew winked at her. “Morning, Deb. And it’s Drew. Please.” He’d asked the woman a hundred times over the years to call him Drew, but she couldn’t seem to do it. But then, he’d asked his own family to call him Drew instead of Andrew more times than he could count so if they couldn’t call him what he wanted to be called, why did he think she would be any different?

“It feels strange to call you Drew.”

“It feels strange to be called Mr. Sinclair,” he countered and the older woman smiled.

She laughed at him. “I’ll give it a shot. Your brother just got out of a meeting, so you came at the perfect time. I’ll let him know you’re here.”

“Thank you.” Drew stood around while Deb called back to let Jacob know he was here. Jake would likely wonder why in the hell he’d come, much like Drew was wondering himself.

It was only a few seconds later when Deb told him he could go in. Drew made his way around her long, L-shaped desk and toward the heavy double doors which led to Jacob’s office. “Hey. Is this a good time?” Drew asked after closing them inside together.

“It’s as good a time as any,” Jacob replied. He sat behind his desk, wearing a black suit to Drew’s sweat pants and T-shirt. Their hair was the same shade of dark blond. Jacob’s was a little more styled than his. They looked alike in so many ways, but in others they were so different.

Drew sat across from him in the high-backed, brown leather chair. Jacob shuffled a few papers, stacking them neatly on his immaculate desk, and he found himself chuckling. “You’d have a heart attack if you went into my office at Invincible.”

“Huh?”

“I was just thinking about how different our offices look.”

“I would suppose that would make sense considering how different our jobs are.”

Okay. Not really what he was going for there. Drew was pretty sure his messy office had nothing to do with his job.

“Is everything okay?” Jacob asked after a few moments of silence. “Mom and Dad?”

Because why else would he come and see his own brother? Jesus, what was wrong with them? “Oh yeah. Everything’s fine.” He shifted in his seat. It shouldn’t be this fucking awkward to talk to his own brother.

“Okay…did you need something? I’m not trying to be rude, but I have work to do.”

It was that statement that made the question tumble out of his mouth. “Why don’t we get along better?” They’d never spoken about it before. It was much easier just to ignore the tension that was always around them.

Jacob frowned and then shook his head and rolled his eyes. “We get along fine.”

“Shut up.” This time it was Drew’s turn to shake his head. “We do not and you know it. We’ve never gotten along—even before what happened with Iris. You’ve always disliked me.”

“That’s not true and
you
know it.” Jacob straightened the same small stack of papers for the second time. “We might not have ever been close, but we were fine. We’re different, and we always have been. You chose to try and set yourself apart from the family, not me.”

Drew’s blood pressure shot up. This had been a mistake. He should have known it from the second he walked in. He should leave right now but he knew he wouldn’t. It was long past time they did this. “Set myself apart from the family? Why because I wanted to be happy? Because I didn’t want to work a job I didn’t love for the rest of my life? What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Jesus, Jacob. Do you even hear yourself? You’ve never given a shit about me. You’ve always written me off. Can you imagine if we worked together?”

“Me?” Jacob shouted and then took a deep breath as though to calm himself. God forbid he let emotions out. Which was odd, because he did with Shanen, but only her. “
I’ve
never given a shit about
you
? You’ve always thought you were too good—this free spirit, who would never be tied down to the kind of things that made our family who we are. And if we want to talk about not giving a shit about someone, I didn’t have an affair with a person you were in a relationship with. You’re crazy if you don’t realize I know you did it just because you could. Because you don’t want to follow the rules and you didn’t think Iris and I were right for each other. You told me that, Andrew. Before you went after her, you told me she wasn’t right for me and why was that? Because you wanted her? Because I was too stuffy for her? Why would she want to tie herself down to someone like me?”

It was as though a heavy boot stepped on Drew’s chest. Jesus, did he really think that? Did he really think Drew would go after someone Jacob was with? That he wanted to hurt his own brother?

“You’ve always wanted to show you’re better than me,” Jacob added.

Drew shoved to his feet. “Me? I always wanted to show I’m better than you? You’re delusional. I told you I was concerned about Iris because I believed it. Because I wanted you to be happy, and I thought you were just with her because we’d known her all our lives.” He didn’t add in the fact that Iris had often flirted with him, both before and after she and Jacob had gotten together. He knew it would somehow just come back on him and he also didn’t see the point in possibly hurting Jacob by telling him that part of the truth.

“You’re happily married to Shanen so it looks like I was right. And how many times do I have to tell you it wasn’t an affair? It was a kiss. You wouldn’t be with Shanen if it hadn’t been for that kiss. Hell, maybe you should be thanking me for it.” The second the final words cleared his mouth, Drew wanted them back. What he should have pointed out was the fact that Jacob had never looked at Iris the way he looked at Shanen. That he’d been wrong, made a mistake, even though he had told Iris no. Even though he’d stopped the kiss not long after it started. Because he did feel like shit about it. Even though he’d told her no, he still felt guilt. But Jacob hit all his buttons. It was hard not to lash out against his brother. “Shit,” Drew cursed. “Jacob I—”

“I assume you can see yourself out? I’m done talking to you.” With that Jacob stood, walked out of the room, and Drew knew he’d just fucked up.

The house was too quiet without the familiar hum of the oxygen tank. He’d hated it when his dad first got it and he still did, yet without it, the house was eerily silent.

Justin had considered going to the gym to work out today, but the truth was, he knew he was too on edge to be around anyone. It’s why he’d stayed home, but now part of him regretted the decision while the other part knew he was right.

If there was anywhere he should be right now, it was at the chemo center with his dad. When Justin had woken up to take him today, Larry told him that Joy had offered to take him for his weekly treatment. Justin probably should have argued the point. Probably should have said it was his responsibility, but damned if there wasn’t a fucked-up part of him that had been relieved. If he never saw another doctor or nurse the rest of his life, it would be too soon.

So he sat here, his leg bouncing up and down, a powerful tornado of guilt and sadness twisting and turning in his head…and waited.

As hours passed, the more agitated he became. He cleaned things that didn’t need to be cleaned. Called his mom to check in while pretending everything was okay.

When his phone rang with Joy’s number, he was afraid to answer it. Wanted to throw the fucking thing out the window because the heaviness in his gut, in his chest, told him something was wrong. Well, many things had been wrong, but this was more.

“Hello?” Justin’s heart beat in his throat.

“Hey, buddy. I have a favor to ask you.” Buddy. His dad hadn’t called him that since he was a kid.

“Yeah?” Justin tried to ignore the clenching in his gut. “What is it?”

“Can you head over to Joy’s and meet us there? We…we have to talk about a few things.”

There wasn’t a doubt in his mind what those things were. This was the moment they’d all been expecting—just not yet. “I…” He didn’t want to go. Wanted to pretend none of this was happening. Wanted to go back to the way things were, but he couldn’t do that, could he? He couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t been dealt blow after blow. That his problems were nothing compared to the man who was losing his life. None of them were winning in any of this. “Okay. I’ll be right there.”

But still, he didn’t want to go. His fucking hand shook as he ended the call. Justin leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and the palms of his hands against his eyes.

His dad was going to stop chemo. He didn’t have to go to Joy’s to know that. He was going to let go and there wasn’t a damn thing they could do about it. You could know something would happen, maybe know it should happen, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a shock to the system when it did.

They’d gone in for his chemo treatment, and now he had to meet them at Joy’s. There was no reason for this to be happening other than that fact that his father or the doctor thought it was time.

“Fuck,” he gritted out, shook his head, and then pushed to his feet.

Before he could talk himself out of it, run, hide like a fucking kid as though that would make anything go away, Justin went for the door and got in the car to head for Joy’s house.

***

Shanen already sat in one of the chairs when he arrived. Jacob stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders.

Landon was on one of the couches, with Rod beside him. He had his arm around Landon and Landon clutched his knee as though he was afraid to let go.