Test Drive (Crossroads Book 3) (15 page)

He lifted his free hand and let his fingers play with the hair on Justin’s chest. It felt good…comforting, so he said, “I’m welcome to stay there was well.”

“But you won’t.”

No, he wouldn’t.

“And I can understand your feelings on that. I think in some ways it would be a good thing if you did. They’re your family—even Joy, but I can see why it would be awkward for you as well. Just don’t miss out on time with him, okay? I don’t want you to have any regrets.”

Justin didn’t want to have any either. He’d told that to Landon when they first met, but damned if it didn’t mean a lot to have someone say that to him. “I’ll still see him, and I’ll think about it. I’m just…I’m so fucking angry about all of it. I’m angry that he’s dying and angry about what he did. I’m angry he took time away from my siblings and I…and sometimes, I’m angry at them for being around. What kind of man would feel that way?” If anything, Landon and Shanen had the right to think that about Justin, not the other way around.

“The human kind. I don’t think it would be realistic
not
to feel those things,” Drew told him. “Emotions are a funny thing, but they’re yours and you have a right to feel all of them. What matters is how you react to them.”

Justin felt an unfamiliar fullness in his chest. He liked this…having these talks with Drew. Having someone there to talk to at all. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a smart guy?”

“Of course. How could they not?”

They both chuckled. When he’d shown up here, he hadn’t thought he would be able to laugh at all today, but this wasn’t the first time they’d done that together. Drew made those things easier than they should be.

“What happens next?” Drew asked, steering them back to shit that fucking hurt.

“We wait,” Justin replied, hating those words. “Hopefully, he’ll get some of his quality of life back, before things get worse. You just never know. It could be a week, or he could have months. When things do get harder, hospice will make things easier on him. It’s all set up so like I said…we just wait…”

With his fingers still rubbing Justin’s chest, Drew said, “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for?” he asked.

For approaching Justin at Shanen’s house that day. For letting him drink and taking him home. For breakfast that day. For the gym and their talks and for letting Justin barge into his house wet and depressed. “For everything.”

Drew looked down at him and didn’t reply. Justin’s gut began knotting, the relentless twisting and turning there getting tighter and tighter. He wasn’t sure what was wrong or what Drew’s brows pulling together as he looked at him meant.

Or why it mattered so fucking much.

“We might have a problem here, Justin, and I’m not sure what to do about it.”

Discomfort slid down his spine. Everything else in his life felt so fucked up, everything off its fucking axis, and he needed this piece of it to be level. To counter everything else. “What is it?”

“Jesus.” Drew sat up, and so Justin did the same. “I feel like a tool saying this but I think I’m starting to feel something for you. Something a little more than just a friend, or a guy who I can now say I’m fucking.” He tried to grin but it didn’t ring true…and if Justin were being honest, he didn’t know how to reply. They’d skirted around this subject at the gym the other night.

“See? It’s almost like I just gave you a note that said, ‘Do you like me? Check yes or no.’”

Justin knew he should say something but he wasn’t sure what. He thought maybe he was on the same page as Drew, but could he trust that? Could he trust his emotions when they were so scattered right now? When they were so heavy with pain and fear and the potential loss he would endure?

“This isn’t like me,” Drew added.

“I know.” And somehow Justin really did know. That this thing between them was a little different.

“But I’m also a grown-ass man, and I realize that everything you have going on in your life is a whole lot bigger than me. So you keep doing what you’re doing. You take care of your family and sort out your life. I’ll be your friend and maybe that’s all it’ll ever be. Or I’ll be your lover and that’s all it’ll ever be. Or…who knows? We have time to figure everything else out later. I just thought you should know where I’m at.”

That was exactly what Justin needed to hear. Hell, how could he even let himself be thinking about anything more than just seeing what happened, while he was losing his father? “Once you get ass, you’re never the same,” Justin teased, and Drew rolled his eyes at him. “Speaking of ass, mine hurts like a motherfucker. We need to get you some goddamned lube!”

He stood up and Drew did the same. He rubbed his strong hand against one of Justin’s cheeks and said, “You talked about eating ass last time. Maybe you can give me a few pointers and I’ll kiss it and make it better?”

That got his cock’s attention. He felt blood start to rush there.

“I can’t believe I just said that. That was fucking cheesy.”

“That was fucking sexy,” Justin countered. “We can definitely work something out.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Drew nodded toward the door. “Get the sweats on. I want to show you something.”

They both free-balled it in sweatpants as they made their way downstairs. Drew led him to the back of the house, to another set of stairs that led to a basement full of, “Workout equipment? Why am I not surprised?”

“Because you’re smart. Come on. That’s not why we’re here.” They went to the back of the room where Drew had a punching bag hanging from the ceiling. “You’re pissed? Take it out on this. It’s what I do. Hell, I should probably go a few rounds myself. I got into it with Jacob recently.”

Justin really didn’t understand the animosity between them but what did he know about having a brother? He just found out about his. “What happened?”

“Talk later. Hit now.” Drew grabbed a pair of gloves and tossed them at him, and that’s what they did. They took turns punching the bag. Sweat dripped into Justin’s eyes from swinging so passionately. His arms felt like wet noodles, but damned if it wasn’t exactly what he needed. Drew was pretty good at helping him with that.

Drew chuckled as Justin snored softly beside him. They’d spent the day around the house yesterday. After boxing, Justin had used his shower and then they’d eaten dinner, which Justin had teased him about because it had been healthy.

It was after dinner when Justin had called his dad, apologized for walking out, and told him that he just needed to clear his head. Who the hell wouldn’t? Drew knew he would. His head was spinning just experiencing it through his friend…the guy who he was pretty sure he wanted to be more than just friends with. The man he’d fucked. He hadn’t expected that…of course he hadn’t, and it had nothing to do with the fact that Justin was a man either. He wasn’t saying he was in love with the guy. All he knew was he felt good around Justin. He wanted to be there for him, to support him. He wanted to spend more time with him.

Drew decided early morning after the emotional night they’d had wasn’t the time to think about all of this. He rolled over, grabbed his cell phone from the bedside table, and snuck out of the room to make a call. He was halfway down the stairs when Robyn answered. “I have a favor,” Drew told her.

“Shoot.”

“Is there any way you can cover for me today?”

Robyn laughed. “You’re the boss, Drew. You get to tell me to do those things, remember?”

He wasn’t good at that kind of stuff and that was okay with him. “I don’t work that way. I’m not going to push my work off on others. I have a lot of accounts that need to be gone through today, so it’s not going to be fun work. Are you sure you’re okay with it?”

“As long as you’re doing something fun,” she replied.

“I hope to be.” He really wanted to try and help Justin get his mind off everything he had to deal with.

“You know it’s killing me not to ask you for more details about the guy you were here with, right? Justin? I have a feeling he’s involved and this is the first time you’ve asked me to cover for you at work.”

Drew walked into the kitchen and began getting coffee started. “Who knew you were such a gossip?” He hadn’t gone into a lot of details when she’d woken them up at the gym, and Robyn hadn’t asked, though he’d known she wanted to.

“You know that’s not it…but we’re friends too…okay and I’m nosy as hell.”

They both laughed and he hit the power button on the coffee pot. He crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. “I’m bisexual. It’s not something I’d explored in great detail until recently but I’ve always known it. Justin and I are friends. He means something to me.” He couldn’t really say they were seeing each other even though it felt like they were. Dating had to be the last thing on Justin’s mind. “It’s complicated, though. He has ties to Jacob, so if on the rare chance any of my family come in, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything.”

“You know I wouldn’t do that, Drew, and I’m happy for you. Now let me off the phone so I can get ready for work. My slave driver boss called me at six a.m. on my day off.”

“Brat,” he told her as Justin rounded the corner into the kitchen. He wore another pair of Drew’s sweats. They hung low on his hips, the shape of his erection clearly defined beneath them. He didn’t have a shirt on; his right arm raised to scratch his head, as he yawned. His eyes were partly closed, and he looked sleepily mussed and sexy as hell. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you soon.” Drew set the phone on the counter and said, “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.”

“This early, I’m more like one of the seven dwarfs. It’s Grumpy to you. Why the hell are we up this early? Oh shit. Coffee. That smells so fucking good.”

Drew pulled two mugs from the cabinet and set them on the counter. It was Justin who filled them both.

“Cream and sugar?” Justin asked and Drew hooked a finger in the waistband of his sweats.

“I got the day off. I don’t know if you work but if not, what do you say we go and do something today? Just fucking go and try and leave all the other shit behind, even if it’s only for a few hours.”

Justin paused. Looked at him. Cocked his head a little. His eyes were questioning and he looked confused and Drew didn’t know why that was cute as hell. Jesus, he liked this man.

“Are you trying to take me on a date, Cinderella?” Justin asked playfully.

“Eh.” Drew shrugged. “Figured it might help me get in your pants again.”

“Such a horny slut. First you jack me off in the middle of a goddamned club. Then you blow me at the gym. Yesterday you fucked me senseless and it’s still not enough for you? You’re insatiable.”

“Hey! You approached me in the club and I’m pretty sure you were the one on his knees for me first at the gym. Actually, I’m also the one who said it wasn’t a good idea to fuck around the first time you came to my house. I’m a goddamned gentleman. You’re the horny bastard here. Not me.”

Justin smiled and winked at him. “Never said I wasn’t.”

Drew squeezed Justin’s hip trying to figure out why just standing in the room with him felt so fucking nice. “As long as we’re on the same page.”

Justin paused again before he softly said, “We are,” and Drew had a feeling they weren’t just talking about who was the horniest anymore. “And yeah. Let’s get the fuck out of here. Selfish as that makes me feel, I need it.”

“That doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you human.”

Justin rolled his eyes as though he didn’t believe him. When Drew tried to speak, Justin pressed a quick kiss to his mouth instead. “Be quiet or I won’t let you in my pants later. Coffee, breakfast, and then let’s get going.”

He walked to the fridge and Drew knew that for now, he needed to let it go.

***

Justin had a million things he should be doing right now. Talking to Nick and letting him know what was going on with his dad. Spending time with his father. Talking to his brother and sister. Driving an hour and a half to the Eastern Shore wasn’t on that list, yet that’s what they’d done.

Once there, they walked on a quiet beach, wearing jeans and hoodies because it was pretty motherfucking chilly. Most people were smartly in their homes, avoiding the clouds above in case they opened up the way they did the day before.

And there was nowhere else he wanted to be.

He shoved his hands into the pockets of the jeans Drew lent him and kicked a twig in the sand. “Tell me about the guy. The one you kissed. You said he was a friend of yours.”

Drew adjusted his hat, and Justin had a feeling he was stalling.

“Yeah…he was my best friend. Honestly, I don’t know what in the fuck I was thinking. I should have known it was a bad idea. We were graduating. The next year we’d be off in college. I think I already knew I didn’t want to be a lawyer, even then. Shit was changing too fast for my taste, and he was stability, ya know? He represented home—high school sports, drinking too much, and just being young and having fun. I kissed him, he punched me, and that was the end of that friendship. It scared me off a little bit. The next time I kissed a guy, I made damn sure the idea of kissing a man didn’t make him want to commit bodily harm.”

“He stopped being your friend?” Justin asked.

“He did. I tried to talk to him a few times over the summer, but he wasn’t having it. I went to one college and he went to another one. Now I only see him once in a while when he comes back home to visit his parents.”

“Damn. That’s harsh.” Justin leaned closer and bumped into him. “FYI, there will be no bodily harm when you kiss me. Unless you want to try some of the kinky shit, but I have to admit, I don’t think pain is my thing.”

“Always flirting with me. What am I going to do with you?” Drew teased back.

“You like it,” Justin countered and then, “So your first love was a man. Huh. I find that interesting.”

“I don’t know that I loved him. I was a kid. He was familiar. I wanted to bone him.”

“Were you a virgin?” Justin asked.

“No. I slept with two girls in high school—a girlfriend and a hookup. I guess maybe I did have feelings for him, but I didn’t understand them. And I don’t think it was love. Like I said, he was familiar and I wanted that at the time.”