Authors: David Topus
Chapter 10
The Four Beliefs of Successful Random Connectors
Although successful random connecting takes practice and skill, it requires something even more essential: a positive, can-do attitude. After all, here you are presenting yourself to the world at large, engaging complete strangers in meaningful conversation, asking them to trust you enough to sometimes share personal information, and essentially breaking through the walls most people put around them in public places. So nothing is more important than your state of mind and belief system about the world around you and your place in it. Our beliefs drive our behavior; when you truly believe something is possible—and that
you
can make it happen—you are far more likely to prove yourself right. As such, the following four beliefs are all you need to have the confidence for turning random encounters into potentially life-changing relationships.
You may already accept some of these tenets to one degree or another, whereas some others may take a small leap of faith. But when you believe them in your bones, and live them fully, you will find opportunities opening up to you in ways you never knew were possible.
1. The World Is a Friendly Place
Even in today’s world where governments jockey for dominance and wars are being fought on many continents, there is a commonality among human beings that makes random connecting possible. Wherever you travel—across nations, cultures, societies, races, creeds, and colors—you will find that everyone has a common set of desires: to be acknowledged, understood, respected, and appreciated. Almost everyone around the globe appreciates a hot meal, a good night’s sleep, the innocence of a child, a funny joke, or a good story. And right below the surface, just about everyone has a smile, a chuckle, a willingness to meet you halfway, and a desire to help a fellow human being. That’s because many of us face similar challenges, struggle with similar issues, and desire similar things. You smile, and other people smile. You shrug; they shrug. You just can’t get away from it.
To be a successful random connector, you must trust first and foremost—from the moment you leave your house each day—that the world is a friendly place. After all, if you don’t believe that the world is friendly, you won’t reach out to strangers and will instead be withdrawn and isolated. But by assuming people are fundamentally friendly, your attitude will operate in a way that gives you the confidence to approach others and allow you to discover all that’s possible from your new random encounter.
There is a commonality of experience that just about everyone can relate to. It’s the thread of humanity that connects us as human beings. Everywhere I’ve ever been around the world, across cultures, ages, races, and income levels, I have found that almost everyone:
These are among the common threads of human existence that give us connecting points with other people and turn strangers into associates, colleagues, partners, and friends. It’s how we penetrate the veil of isolation that threatens to limit our lives, and open up a world of opportunity. It’s how we get a smile, a running start on a great conversation, and potential that exceeds our wildest imagination.
2. Everyone Can Be Met
What you believe is possible has everything to do with what you make happen. There are some who believe that strangers are meant to stay that way, that people aren’t really available, don’t want to be bothered, and are shut down, shut off, and inaccessible. And since our beliefs precede our behavior—and therefore, our results—those who believe that people are not open or available find that people
aren’t
open or available. They create their own reality. They fail to make eye contact with strangers or pay attention to what others are doing. They surely don’t strike up conversations about a shared experience in the moment. And as a result, they also probably have a small and stagnant base of contacts, with an opportunity pipeline that trickles rather than gushes. And their options for personal, professional, and financial growth are probably limited.
Successful random connectors, on the other hand, firmly believe that just about anyone can be met—that if approached appropriately and respectfully, most people are willing to connect with others. Think about the times when you have made a connection with a stranger; you will realize that just below the surface, the person was quite open and willing.
Have you ever made a lighthearted comment to a stranger and had the person scowl at you? Have you ever made a remark to someone you didn’t know in an effort to befriend him or her only to be completely ignored? Most people who are out and about in public places—whether attending business meetings, shopping in malls, or traveling on trains or planes—find that only a thin veneer exists between their outer shell and a receptive response. Everyone has a smile, a laugh, or even a mutual sentiment waiting just below the surface that can be shared in that split second of common human experience.
You can meet just about anyone, literally. Even if the person is sitting three rows up from you, standing 20 feet away from you, leaving a place as you’re arriving, arriving as you’re leaving, or talking intensely on his or her cell phone—all you have to do is put yourself in physical proximity to that person, wait for the appropriate moment, and say something engaging.
People are often more accessible than they appear, so just because they don’t look like they’re waiting to meet you, they very well may be underneath. After all, most people don’t wear a sign on their head saying “Please talk to me! I can be your next customer or maybe help you find a better job.” But if you approach them gently, respectfully, and with curiosity, you may very well find that’s exactly the case. Believe you can meet anyone you want—and you can and will.
3. Almost Everyone You Meet Can Enhance Your Life in Some Way
There is value to just about every relationship you create, even if it isn’t obvious at the beginning. This core assumption is what drives random networking success: the belief that everyone has, in some way or another, something to offer. The possibilities can go in many directions, and you won’t even know what they are until you initiate and become involved in these conversations.
The entire planet is one big people portal. It’s a pathway to revenue, career opportunities, information of all sorts, or at the very least, a social connection. The value of these random connections can come directly from the connections themselves, the people they know in their professional spheres of influence, or their relatives and/or friends.
If you are in the business of selling something, you can find potential clients through random encounters. If you are unemployed or dissatisfied in your job, the people you meet out and about can hire you or direct you to people or companies that can. If you have a successful career and want to stay current, you may discover something new that gives you a professional or competitive advantage. Or you might find a friend you keep for a lifetime.
Your ability to uncover opportunities by making new and chance connections depends on the way in which you think about the world around you. The world will manifest opportunities to you in direct proportion to how much opportunity you believe is there for the taking. So believe that a world of possibility awaits you every day—and it will.
4. You Can Enhance the Life of Everyone You Meet
The fourth and final belief of successful random networkers is the knowledge that you have value to others who will ultimately drive your success. Random connecting isn’t just about what others can do for you; it’s about what you can bring to them, too. And no matter what you do for a living or where you are in your life, you always have some kind of value to offer. It might come from the company you represent, the products you sell, the services you provide, your subject matter knowledge in your area of expertise, your insights, and all that you can offer others from your portfolio of professional and personal experiences.
People are going to buy what you offer only if those things make a positive difference to them. They are going to contract for your services only if you somehow will improve their life or circumstances. And people are going to be far more inclined to share high-quality information with you—the kind that expands your life—if you share some quality information with them.
You are worthy of others’ time and attention. You have the ability to change their lives for the better, but only if you believe you can.
Knowing and living this fourth belief will give you the confidence to reach out to others, in any place and under any circumstance. You are worthy of every random encounter you make—and the connection that follows—by virtue of what you bring, what you know, what you do, and just who you are.
How you think about the world around you and the people in it makes all the difference in your ability to expand your life through making random connections and turning strangers into productive relationships. In
Table 10.1
, notice the difference between the two columns and how much more opportunity there will be for you when you embrace the beliefs that expand your possibilities.
Table 10.1
What You Believe Is Directly Related to What You Achieve
| Beliefs That Will Limit You From Expanding Your Life | Beliefs That Will Enable You to Expand Your Life |
| The world is not a friendly place. | The world is a friendly place. |
| I don’t have anything worthwhile to offer. | My product, service, or subject matter knowledge is valuable to others. |
| If I am not sitting or standing near the other person, it’s impossible to connect. | I can maneuver my way to be close enough to initiate a conversation. |
| People don’t want to be bothered. | People are social creatures and hungry for human connection. |
| That person probably isn’t worth meeting. | Everyone has something worthwhile to offer, and I just don’t know what it is yet. |
| People don’t like to talk about themselves. | People like it when someone else shows interest in them. |
| I don’t know what to say to initiate the conversation. | There are dozens of observations I can make, insights I can share, or questions I can ask that will create a conversation path. |
| Others will think I’m weird if I just start talking to them. | People will open up and respond favorably if I approach them respectfully by showing curiosity and genuine interest. |
| He doesn’t look friendly. | People don’t always look like what or who they are, and the only way I’ll know is if I make a friendly comment. |
| She (or he) might think I am hitting on her (or him). | If I keep the conversation on purely professional terms, she (or he) will not misconstrue my intention. |
| I am not a desirable job candidate. | My background and experience make me a valuable contributor wherever I work. |
| If I try to sell this person something, he or she will resent it. | What I offer makes others’ lives better, so he or she is likely to be glad I made it available. |
Do you want more clients? Would you like to gain a competitive advantage in your industry? Build partnerships and alliances for your business? Have an investor in your company? Explore a different career direction? Find a new job? You can define your goals, write a business plan, and map a strategy, but at the end of the day you will need people to help make it happen.
It always has been, and always will be, through who we know that we achieve our goals, realize our dreams, and expand our lives. And although the advent of social media provides a fabulous new channel for meeting and communicating with people, if you want connections that turn into productive business relationships, you are likely to find them in your daily travels, every day, all day long.