Authors: Renea Porter
RENEE
Layne left in such a rush this morning, I have no idea where he is or what he’s doing. I tried his cell numerous times with no answer. I mean he doesn’t have to answer to me, but damn it if I’m not worried sick. This is not like him to be so distant and leaving the way he did. I know he saw me in his mirror when he pulled out of the driveway.
Figuring he will come around eventually, I grab my stuff and pack it in my bag and get into my car and head to the dorm. It’s late in the day so I stop and grab some fast food on the way. Once at the dorm
, I settle on my bed with my food and my books. How pathetic can I be? I took advantage of the situation last night and I was more than willing to comfort Layne. If I know Layne, he is probably feeling tormented by it all. I try to push the thoughts aside while I study for an upcoming test. After an hour or so, I shove my books in my bag and slide underneath the sheets and check my phone before I fall asleep. Still no messages from Layne.
~
~ ~ ~ ~
My phone rings just as I’m about to wake up. My first class doesn’t start until this afternoon. “Hello
?” I say groggily into the phone.
“This is a collect call from Layne Michaels. Would you accept the charges?” The operator asks.
My heart drops. “Yes,” I say in a rushed tone.
“Hey, it’s me….”
“Layne, where the hell have you been?” I ask before he gets a word in.
“Renee, I’m in jail.” I straighten up and fling off my bed
sheets, throwing clothes on in a rush. “Can you come bail me out?”
“For Christ sake
, what did you do?” I ask harshly.
“I took the car out without a lookout. I don’t have much time
. Can you come get me?”
“I’ll be right there.
” I don’t even bother saying bye; I just hang the phone up and grab my purse, since I managed to get dressed while talking to him.
“I’m going to ring his damn neck.”
I get in my ‘new to me’ car, and the sucker is bad ass. Well, I feel bad ass driving it anyway. Twenty minutes later
, I arrive at the station and speak to the person at the front desk. Once all the logistics are worked out Layne meets me in the lobby.
I shake my head at him.
“What the hell were you thinking?”
He smoothly pulls me into him
, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
“I appreciate you coming to ge
t me. I’ll pay you back.” He shows off his dimples.
“Don’t think your southern charm is gonna work out for you this time,” I say with a smile.
“Where to?” I ask once we get into my car.
“Home, so I can shower
this stench off of me,” he says.
“You know, I should just slap you upside your head. When will you ever learn?” I say.
“Look, about the other night…”
I cut him off before he says it. “Don’t worry about it. You know if you need me anytime day or night I’m there,” I say
, turning my head toward him.
“I know.
I appreciate it.”
I give him a nod and the rest of the ride home is quiet.
I pull up to his house and he gets out and then comes over to the driver’s side. “Are you coming in?”
“No
; I already took my stuff to the dorm, and I have class in thirty minutes.”
“Oh, okay. I’m gonna take a shower and relax in my own bed. I’ll text you later,” he says
, sounding a little disappointed.
I give him a smile. “Try to stay out of trouble, okay? I don’t have any more
bail money to bail your ass out.” I laugh and pull out of the driveway. I had back to campus. Life is never boring when you have Layne in your life. I shake my head at him being arrested and let a laugh escape my throat. I pull into campus and park my car close to my dorm and grab my books as I walk to my class.
I slide into class right on time. In the seat next to mine
is Cole, and he smiles at me. “Hey,” I say, pulling my books out of my bag.
“You were cuttin
g it close there, weren’t ya?” he says, his voice smooth.
“Yeah
; well, that’s what happens when you bail someone out of jail,” I tell him.
“Boyfriend?”
“No,
just a friend.” I smile and turn my attention to the professor.
After class
, I head to the support group for eating disorders. I can’t believe how well I am managing to get better. I know, a lot of people don’t manage this well and it’s hard to let go of your insecurities and be vulnerable, but the benefits far outweigh the negative stuff. It helps to stay busy, though. I just try not to think about it. I sit next to Alexis like I have done since I’ve been coming here. “Hey girl, how’s it going?” I turn to ask her.
“Good. H
ow about yourself?” she asks. She looks happier compared to the last time I saw her.
“I’m well. Hey, do you want to g
rab a coffee or something after? We could study if you want.” I ask as Leah comes in.
She smiles.
“Sure, that would be great.”
“You look great.”
She smiles bashfully. Leah greets the group and asks if anyone has anything to share that’s been going on. No one says anything.
“Alexis, why don’t you let us know how yo
u are doing since we last spoke?”
“Um, I’ve been doing well since our last session. I put all your advice and tools to use, and I already feel better than I have in a long time,” Alexis says.
After our meeting is over, I wait for Alexis outside the class as she talks to Leah about making anymore improvements or tweaks to her diet. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and it’s a text from Layne.
Hope you’re having a good day. And I’m glad you didn’t hit me upside the head, even though I deserved it.
I reply
. Yeah, you are very lucky those dimples worked in your favor.
I smile at my own comment and then I put it back in my pocket just as Alexis meets me in the hallway.
“Ready to go?” s
he asks, adjusting her bag over her shoulder.
“Yeah.
How have things been going?” I ask as we walk to the coffee shop on campus.
“A lot better.
Leah gave me some great tools to get myself under control. I’m already feeling better and it’s only been a week. What about you? You’ve been through a lot since I met you.”
“A lot has happened, and beyond my control
. So I took back control of my eating habits and have made it my mission to get better. It’s hard to explain,” I tell her. I’ve loved lost, and everything in between this last year. How do you put that into words so someone understands? Once inside the coffee shop, we find the line is long. I think the whole campus is here.
“Hey, I appreciate you asking me to go for coffee. I’ve been feeling isolated lately, and
it’s hard making friends when you have an eating disorder to keep hidden,” she says as we move up in the line.
“I know exactly how you feel. You know my friend I told the group about that died? She somehow knew about my eating disorder. I don’t know how
, but she did. She made me promise her I’d get help for it. How could I say no, and how could I not keep that promise now? So here I am.”
We move up farther in line, and I
can finally order a Latte with lots of foam. Alexis follows suit and orders the same.
“I can see where you are coming from no
w. I didn’t know the reason behind you getting better. I wondered why it was coming so easily for you while I was struggling to get by.”
“Now you know,” I say, lifting the cup to my lips. “What’s your story? You only gave us bits and pieces in the group,” I ask.
She sighs heavily and takes a sip of her latte before saying anything. She glances out the window. “See that couple there?”
“Yes, what about them?”
I ask.
“See his arm around her? I can’t do that. I don’t like to be touched
;, it freaks me out. When I was in sixth grade, a neighbor raped me and he would do it repeatedly and threaten my family if I told. I didn’t say anything until he finally moved on to another girl. I live with that guilt every day. If only I had said something sooner, maybe he wouldn’t have had the chance to do that to someone else.”
Her voice cracks and I’m stunned
by her words. “You can’t possibly blame yourself for that. Some people are just sick. I’m sorry that happened to you. At least you have a support group that you can count on and I’m always available if you need to talk.” I try not to show pity, because that might set her off.
“I want more than anything to feel that.” She points to the couple she pointed to earlier. “I would give anything to get past the hurt I’ve been feeling.
Someone to love me and not require anything in return except my love. It probably sounds pathetic.” She looks down in her cup.
“No, no at all. It sounds li
ke a goal you could work toward. Trust me; you will come out of this on the other side. I promise,” I try to console her.
“Well back to my story. I started throwing up
afterward. Every time he would do it, I would make myself throw up. Then it became an even bigger thing, when I would do it after I’d eat. No one knew. My parents weren’t paying attention, when I would wear baggy clothes to hide my thin body. Finally, I left the first chance I got. And here I am.” She plants a weak smile across her face.
“You’ll get through this. Getting and accepting the help is the first step. You’ve already made serious progress. It can only get better from here,” I tell her. “And you heard my story in group the other week. We aren’t that different. The best we do is try to move forward and learn to be happy for ourselves. I was in a dark place after my best friend died. I’m just now getting caught up on what I missed, since I took the first six weeks of school off. I couldn’t deal with it at first, and I didn’t know how. But I’m managing little by little every day. And watching my friend Layne go through the loss breaks my hearts, especially when I can’t do anything about it.”
“Layne, huh? He has a reputation around campus.”
“That he does, but we’ve been friends since we were little.
Amber was the one girl he broke down for, and loved her. Now I don’t know if he will ever be able to do it again.”
“It takes time, like you said,” Alexis says.
The café door dings and grabs my attention. I see Cole walking in with another guy, laughing. He is really sexy with his chocolate colored hair and matching eyes. He has on a dark tan leather jacket and black pants that fit in all the right spot. Alexis moves her eyes toward where mine are looking. “He is cute.” She smirks.
Just as she says that
, Cole sees me and comes over to us. “Renee, I didn’t expect to see you here. Who’s your friend?” He points to Alexis.
“Cole, this is my friend Alexis. Alexis
, this is Cole.” I panic, hoping he doesn’t hold his hand out to shake hers, because she doesn’t like to be touched.
He nods.
“Nice to meet you. Maybe I’ll see you around.” He turns to walk back to his friend.
Alexi
s’s mouth drops. “Oh my god, Renee. He looks like a rock god from heaven.”
“See, change is good.” I laugh.
“Change is definitely good,” she responds, and we giggle.
“Well, I think we have had enough fun for the day. What do you say we do this again? Maybe after our weekly meeting,” I ask her.
“Sure, I appreciate you listening to me babble on,” she says, as we stand to leave.
“Same here.
I hope I didn’t bore you to death.”
“Please, your life is far from boring,” she counters.
“Okay, well, keep in touch in the meantime. Like I said, if you need to talk just send me a text or whatever.”
LAYNE
Well, I was going to surprise Renee at school and give her ride home, but I saw her sitting in the window of the café talking to another girl, and a guy was standing at their table. It looked like they were hanging on his every word. So I just drove on past. Whoever he is, he is a fucking douche. I don’t know why I’m even thinking these crazy thoughts. I never had a problem when she was with Dylan. I guess it’s just been that her and I were spending so much time together, and getting back to a place we used to be in our younger years.
The car takes me to the only place I find solace these days. The garage. The guys are already there prepping the car for another race this coming weekend. And I need this spot; I need to move up in the ranks, I need the adrenaline rush; it’s like a drug that you can’t give up. Getting arrested certainly won’t stop me.
“She’s looking good fellas,” I announce, sliding my hand across the smooth finish of the car.
“It couldn’t hurt you to get a little grease on your hands,” Liam barks, jokingly.
“This is what you get paid for,” I tell him, slapping him with a towel.
“Seriously, though, how are you doing since Amber passed?” Liam asks.
“I’m getting by. It’s hard, but you know, the world doesn’t stop spinning.”
“I hear ya, Man. I wouldn’t know how to deal if I lost my fiancée. I would die from a broken heart for sure.” Liam wipes his greasy hands on the towel.
“Let’s hope you never have to deal with that. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy,” I tell him.
“What else needs done? I could use a distraction.”
Liam
is the head mechanic of the garage. He’s young but knows his shit, and he can make a car feel good as new. And he knows exactly how I like the car to feel.
“You can start by handing me a wrench,” he slides under the car, and I sit on the stool next to him and hand him the tools he calls for. “So w
ho is the flavor of the week?” he asks while tightening a bolt.
“I don’t have a flavor of the week. That shit is getting old fast. I don’t know what I was thinking jumping back into my old habits,” I tell him, feeling
like a pussy while saying it.
“
It just means you are maturing and growing up.”
“Probably so,” I say.
RENEE
I walked away from my conversation with Alexis feeling good. I think eventually Alexis will see the light and be good as new. And I swear I saw sparks flying between her and Cole. He would be perfect for her, and I could tell he liked what he saw. I e
nvy her long honey colored hair and her big brown eyes.
I grab a sub from a local sub shop on the way to the dorm. It’s been forever since I’ve had one.
Back at the dorm, I throw my bag on the bed and open up the foil to reveal the sub it’s big enough for two meals. I put one half aside to save for tomorrow. Once the homemade bread hits my lips, I’m in heaven. It seems so silly, but if you saw food the way I used to, this is a huge accomplishment. Once I eat the sub, I spread out my books and study for a test I have tomorrow. I feel like I’ve been studying all week for this one test.
~
~ ~ ~ ~
It’s the morning of the test, and I think I just drank a whole pot of coffee myself. I dress in a pair of leggings and a long top and slide my feet into my comfy flats. I throw my bag over my shoulder and I open to the door to leave but I’m greeted by Layne. “Hey, stranger,” I say
, pulling the door shut.
“I came to wish you luck on your test. And I brought y
ou fuel.” He holds a bag up for me to take.
I peek inside and find a chocolate éclair inside. “I swear, I think
you are trying to make me fat,” I joke, pulling it out of the bag and eating it on the way to class.
“You could stand some
meat on them bones.” He nudges me with his shoulder and flashes his dimples at me. “And you’ll do fine on the test. I know you. You’re an over achiever, even if you don’t think you are.”
“Thanks, for this. It’s to die for. You need to stop spoiling me with such sweet goodies,” I tell him. “You have class this morning?”
“Not for another hour. I’ll just study in the lounge until then,” he says. “I wanted to wish you luck, even though you don’t need it.”
“I can always use a little luck. This is me,” I motion toward my class.
“Alright, let me know how it goes after.” He waves while walking toward the student lounge. I walk into class and sit next to Cole, like I’ve been doing.
“Did you study
, little lady?” he asks, smiling showing off his pearly white teeth.
“I did. Did you?”
“All night,” he says proudly.
The professor announces his arrival and passes out the test.
An hour later, I hand the test in and leave to my next class. On the way Cole catches up with me. “Renee, wait up.”
“It was nice seeing you and Alexis at the café yesterday. Is Alexis single?”
I start to walk. “She’s single, but she’s not in a good place right now, Cole. I’d tread very carefully right now. She’s fragile right now and you won’t be taking advantage of her,” I tell him sternly.
“I’m not like that…”
“Is that what you tell all the girls?” I stop and ask him.
“What? N
o. What kind of guy do you think I am?” He acts like I insulted his character.
“Just be patient, is all I ask. And if you hurt her, I
’ll cut you.” I walk away, smirking at the confused look on his face.
~
~ ~ ~ ~
I can’t believe it’s the weekend already. I talked to Alexis on the phone last night and told her Cole was asking about her. She seemed to think that was cute. I just rolled my eyes and laughed with her.
It’s good to have a friend again; I was starting to believe I would never open myself up to anyone new, and I just connected with her in the support group.
Layne races tomorrow and I’m excited to see him race. It seems like it’s been forever. I know it might be hard for him at first
, but he will be fine. This is what he lives to do, and I’ll be there cheering him on, even by myself this time.
I got my test results back from the professor and I passed the test,
so my hard work is paying off. I’m already caught up with my class. Glancing at my phone, I decide to call Alexis.
“Hello?’”
“Hey, it’s Renee. S
o I was wondering if you wanted to go to a drag race tomorrow. I could pick you up if you want. Layne’s racing and I really want to be there to cheer him on,” I tell her.
“Um, okay, I guess. I’ll text you my address,” Alexis says.
“Great, I can’t wait. I see you tomorrow then,” I tell her.
I hang up the phone and slide under my sheets, excited about tomorrow. After hours and hours of studying I’m ready for a release this weekend. Maybe I can even talk Alexis into going club dancing. Baby steps first
, though. Now I won’t have to go to the race by myself. It’s always more fun when you have someone to go with you. It will be good for her to get out and experience college stuff.
In the morning
, the sun shines bright as it beams on my face, causing me to wish I was here the first day to claim my side first. Swinging my legs over the side, I grip the edge and take a moment before standing to get in the shower. I force my legs toward the shower and let the hot water scold my skin until I can no longer take it. Once out of the shower, I rummage through my clothes, and I come upon a skirt. The thought of wearing a skirt and showing off my legs is not an appealing thought. But this year is all about getting out of my comfort zone. So I quickly pull on the jean skirt before I change my mind, I throw on a loose sweater since the weather is turning cooler, and a pair of my favorite cowboy boots. I do several loads of laundry and study just to pass the time until the race later on.
My phone buzzes.
Hope you are still coming to see me race. I could use the support.
I text
Layne back.
I wouldn’t miss it. I’m bringing a friend along.
See you then,
he says.
Nervously
, I apply light makeup and extend my eyelashes with mascara. I grab my handbag and head out to pick up Alexis. She lives off campus, in an apartment with a few other girls. Once I’m out front of her apartment, I text her and let her know I’m there.
She bounds the steps of the apartment wearing a pair of skinny jeans, a pair of flats
, and a simple tee shirt. Her honey colored hair is shiny, and her green eyes are sparkling today.
“Hey,” she says, sliding into the passenger seat. “Nice ride by the way.”
“Thanks. Layne fixed it up for me since I wrecked my Camry,” I tell her.
“And you say you’re just friends?” She looks at me with a quizzed look.
“He’s good with cars,” I tell her as I drive to the race.
“If you say so
.” She smirks then looks out the window.
“What is with you? Where is the self-loathing Alexis I know
and love?”
“I’m just trying to see the bright side of things, even if just for today. I just want to forget I have issues and enjoy this race you have me going to,” she says
, turning to me.
“Well, you look good. And I
kinda like this side of you. Don’t keep her away too long,” I smile.
“Seriously though, I appreciate you inviting me. I feel like I never go out and do anything, like a normal college student should be. Plus, I get to meet the infam
ous Layne,” she says.
We arrive to the spot and it’s just starting to get dark out.
I like night races the best.
“Are all these people here to watch the race?”
Alexis points, asking nervously.
“Yeah, don’t worry
; you’ll be fine. And the race happens so fast, if you blink you’ll miss it. Come on; I’ll introduce you to Layne before he races.” I motion for her to follow me. All you have to do is search for wherever the gaggle of girls are and Layne can be found there. He enjoys the attention. We walk right on through the girls and Layne hugs me tight.
“Glad to see you made it.” He looks at me then to Alexis.
“Layne, this is my friend Alexis. Alexis, this is Layne.” I say, motioning between the two.
“Nice to meet you,” Layne says.
“You too. Good luck with your race or whatever,” Alexis says with hesitation.
“Thanks. You guys coming to the after party?” Layne asks, looking my way.
I look to Alexis and she has a confused look on her face. “Oh, they always have parties after a race. You don’t have to go, of course. It’s just a thing,” I say nonchalantly.
“I’ll catch you later. Good luck,” I tell Layne. Alexis and I move to the sidelines as Layne hops into his race car. “You don’t have to go to the party. I can take you home after the race,” I tell her.
“If that’s okay, I appreciate it. I don’t want to put myself in a situation that I’m not comfortable or familiar with. Maybe another time, though.”
“Of course
. I totally understand.” I watch as Layne approaches his car and then that’s when I see Cole approaching the opposite car. It seems to happen in slow motion. He seems cool and collected, walking to the car, and he flashes a wink to Alexis and I. I almost have to blink a few times to make sure I see what I see.