Authors: Renea Porter
Layne pulls into the driveway and insists I go ahead an
d head inside. I do as he says and walk straight to his bedroom. I plop on his bed and twist my legs into a pretzel, as I put my back against the headboard. He meets me in the room and places our bags by the door, and closes the door behind him.
“Are you going to be okay if I go to the shop for a bit? I won’t be long,” he says.
“I’ll be fine. I’ll study and probably take a hot shower after.” I give him a weak smile.
“Okay. W
hen I get back, we can go grab a bite or I can grab a pizza on the way back.”
“
Pizza sounds good,” I tell him.
“Alright, I’ll see you in a bit then.” He kisses the top of my head.
When he leaves, I get up and grab my bag to get my books to study. I throw the bag on the bed and dig in it for my bandage to change the one I’m sporting. I had enough questioning stares today, and going out later is not so appealing. I decide on the shower first, so I can change the bandage after and then study. I turn the shower nozzle on and undress while the water gets hot. I set a towel on the rack nearby and step inside. The water steams up the glass door and I let myself enjoy the hot water cascading down my body. I tip my head and get my hair wet, and the water stings the cut on my head. Once I’m finished, I step outside and wrap the towel around my body.
While l
ooking in the mirror, I clean my wound and place a new bandage on it, above my eye. I throw my hair into a messy bun and pull on a pair of yoga pants and a loose top. Back in the bedroom I spread my books across the bed and get to studying since I had missed a few days of school from being in the accident. Luckily, the professors were nice enough to let me catch up and turn my work in by the end of the week.
After an hour of studying
, I take a break to stretch my legs. I walk toward the window and watch as nature takes it course outside. The birds sing happily and the leaves are so colorful as they cover the grass. With all the craziness going on I almost forgot my birthday is tomorrow. I wonder if Layne will remember.
He should remember.
I study for one more hour and Layne comes bounding in with pizza
and a six pack of soda in hand. “Pizza delivery.” He grins. He places the box on the bed and I clear my books and place them back in my bag. He flips the TV on and we eat the pizza straight out of the box.
“Get any studying done?”
he asks as he turns toward me.
“Yes, lots,
” I tell him, grabbing another slice out of the box. Pizza is one of my favorite foods that I actually enjoy eating.
“How’s the head?” He points.
“It’s healing; looks better than it did the first day. I changed the bandage earlier and it looks good. Probably going to have a scar, though.”
“Scars are badass; they have a story to tell. Like your neck tattoo.”
I smile. “I guess you have a point.”
“See
; always listen to me. I know things.”
I wonder what I would do without this guy in my life. How would I eve
n live without him in my life? When going through this kind of hell having someone going through the same thing helps. “Want to watch a movie?”
“Sure.” I stretch my legs out and lean against the headboard. We settle on
some action movie, but it seems like a good one. I open my second soda and Layne leans back next to me. Tomorrow is Saturday and I’m excited to get the weekend started. I can get some more studying done and I can possibly go back to my dorm, even though that thought isn’t all that enticing. “I’m going to go change into my pajamas real quick.” I hop off the bed and grab my bag with my clothes in it.
He
pauses the movie. I search through my bag and find another short set with a tank, so I throw it on and meet him back in the room. I pull the sheets back and slide inside, while he remains on the outside of the comforter. Layne disappears out of the room and comes back in with cupcake in hand.
“It’s Midnight.
Happy Birthday, Renee. Make a wish.” He holds the cupcake in front of me with a lit candle. I tilt my head and smile huge at him. I make a wish, take a deep breath, and blow out the candle. He hands the cupcake to me.
“Thanks
, Layne, but I insist we split this.” I split the cupcake and hand him half.
“Well
, if you insist.” His dimpled smile spreads across his face as he takes the other half and immediately bites into it.
“Oh this is good,” I tell him as I bite into my half. “If this is how my birthday is starting, I can’t imagine it getting any better.”
“I wanted to give it to you before you fell asleep,” he says.
I put my head on the pillow and fall fast asleep, while he continues watching the movie.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
In the morning
, I wake to the smell of something sweet wafting in the room. I squint my eyes open and Layne has pancakes and syrup on a tray by the bed. I slide up against the headboard and bring the tray over my lap. I smile at the thought of Layne making this for me, and it makes me feel special. It’s no wonder Amber was so into him. A lump forms in my throat and I wish she were here to celebrate my birthday. I pour just enough syrup to cover the pancakes and I take my fork and cut into them. It tastes like heaven in my mouth, and the flavors of the buttery pancakes and the maple syrup are sinful.
When I finish, I spot a note sticking out from under the plate. It reads,
Come outside after you’ve eaten.
I throw on a pair of leggings and a long sweater and slid my feet into a pair of low boots. Excitedly, I make my way out front. Opening the door, I see Layne leaning up against a classic Chevy Camaro IROC-Z 1986 edition.
“What do you think
, birthday girl?” Layne says, making tears well up in my eyes. But these are happy tears.
“Is that mine?” I ask, and he grins
while handing me the keys.
“Happy Birthday.
Now let’s take this thing for a spin,” he says, tapping the hood with his hand. I stand there dumbfounded for a few minutes as I let this soak in. He slides in the passenger seat. “Come on; let’s get this show on the road,” he says.
I smile and open the driver door and slide in, pulling the seatbelt over my shoulder. “Thank you. No one has ever given me a gift like this. No one will ever be able to top this. You’r
e the best.”
“Why are you crying?” he asks.
“Because, I just can’t believe this; it’s the best birthday ever.”
“You deserve it. And you needed another car to get around in.
As long as you stay safe. We can’t have any more accidents; we’ve had enough drama to last for a while.”
“Deal
.” I put the car in drive, and pull out of the driveway. The car sounds good on the road as it roars. We continue down the road for a few miles and I feel happy, letting the wind blow my hair around.
“I take it
you like it,” he says, grinning at me.
“Layne, I love it.” I find a spot and do a U-turn, and head back toward the house.
Who gets their best friend a car? Layne does, apparently, and he doesn’t expect anything in return. He might portray the bad boy persona, but the guy I know has a heart of gold, and would give the shirt off his back, if he needed to. This is the Layne I’ve grown up with, and have cared for since we were little. I’ll even admit my feelings might be a little stronger for him, as of lately. I didn’t want to admit it, but there is no denying something has shifted between us and I’m not so sure we are ready to explore the possibilities right now. He needs to mourn Amber and I need to allow that, and give him the space he needs. Even though I feel a little guilty that I might have fallen for my dead best friend’s boyfriend, you can’t help who you fall in love with. Is it even love? I don’t know; maybe I’m just being a little presumptuous.
I turn
into Layne’s driveway; I put the car in park and unclip my seat belt. “I really appreciate you making this birthday the best yet. It means a lot.”
“Like I said, you deserve it.
And we need a little happiness. Your smile was worth it,” he says, nodding his head.
I step outside of the car and inhale the autumn air. I walk over to Layne and throw my arms around his shoulders to hug him and then I lean up and kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you,” I whisper in his ear and I notice his breath hitches
, but he just wraps his arms around my waist and we stay like that for a while. Finally, I pull back. “I guess I should get my things and head back to the dorm. I’m sure I’ve already overstayed my welcome.” I smile and walk ahead of him and head inside.
In the room, I gather my bags together. Layne follows me into the room. “Maybe one more night wouldn’t hurt. Plus
, it’s your birthday; no use spending it alone.”
“Okay. But I want to go out tonight. I want to go clubbing
. I need to expend some energy and dancing is just the thing I need.”
Layne’s face cringes. “And now I wish I hadn’t said anything
.” His tone is sarcastic.
“Oh come on. You know you’ll love the attention those girls will show you, and you don’t even have to dance,” I plead.
“Fine, go get yourself ready.”
~
~ ~ ~
Two hours later
, we’re at club Zenith, and the spotlights dance to the music while it causes my heart rate to speed up. We find a booth and table for us. He orders us a round of shots and we toast to my birthday. A Jennifer Lopez comes on over the speakers and I go out onto the dance floor to get my dance on. I stay within eyeshot of Layne. I watch as a few girls make their way over to him. I know he couldn’t care less, but I know he likes the distraction.
I turn the face inside the crowd, and I’m greeted with a classmate making his way over to me. Cole. His eyes pierce through me.
“What are you doing here by yourself?”
“I’
m here with a friend,” I shout.
“Dance with me?” He asks with a smile.
I don’t answer. I just start to dance with him, and realize he has rhythm. I try to keep enough space in between us, so we don’t grind on each other, as tempting as it is. I don’t want to give him the wrong impression. I let the music carry me away. I finally feel happy, even though Amber should be here with me. A lump forms in my throat and I swallow hard.
“Thanks for the dance
, Cole. I think I’m going to check on my friend for a bit.”
“Thank you.”
I turn on my heel and head toward Layne’s direction and his eyes are burning into mine as I make my way over.
“Having fun?” h
e asks.
“I am, actually.
At least give me one dance since it’s my birthday,” I tell him.
“We’ll see,” he says. There is a leggy blonde who I want to beat with an ugly stick as she hangs over Layne like he is a piece of meat. This is not how I imagined this in my head. I down a few shots in a row and I head back onto the dance floor. The music is s
till thumping and I make my way onto the crowded floor. I let loose and dance my ass off, until a slower song comes on and I head back to the table. But I spot Layne making his way toward me and I stop.
“Dance?”
He holds his arms out and I let them envelope me. I wrap my arms around his shoulder
s and lean my head on his shoulder. His arms are wrapped around my waist and our feet are toe to toe. I close my eyes and imagine if love feels like this. I don’t think it was like this with Dylan. At the same time, my heart hurts, because he was Amber’s love, she was the only one to break him of his bad boy sleeping around ways. Would he do the same for me? Are we too much of friends to even risk it? Would he even have the same feelings for me? I don’t know and only he can answer them, just not now.
The dance is over way to
o soon, and we separate and head back to the table. We’ve been here a few hours at this point and I’m ready to go. “Are you ready to go now?” Layne asks.
“Yes
; whenever you can untangle from Blondie there,” I say as she gives me a
“Fuck You”
look, but she knows better than to say it, because Layne would leave her flat on her ass. I’ve seen him do it before.
Layne untangles from
Blondie and he stands, throwing his arm around my shoulder while we make our way out of the club. “Hungry?”
“I am
; I could go for a cheeseburger and fries,” I smile.
“Oh, you’re feeling adventurous. I don’t recall ever seeing a chee
seburger or fries in your hands.”
“Well, I’ve heard the diner has the best ones. So it only makes sense to try one.”
Layne pulls my new car into the diner and we head inside, finding a booth in the middle. It’s like walking into 1950 with all the memorabilia decorating the walls and the décor. The waitress approaches, handing us menus and taking our drink order. We don’t even have to look at the menu; we already know what we want.
“We’ll both have the cheeseburger platter,” Layne tells the waitress when she returns with our cokes.
“I had fun tonight. Thanks for making my birthday special.” I offer a smile.
“That’s what I’m here for.” His dimpled smile melts my heart every time he showcases it.
Our food arrives and I take my first bite of the burger. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I last had one. But this is simply delicious. I come to the conclusion to keep my feelings about Layne to myself. It would be unfair to unload it on him at this point and time. I do know Amber was the first girl he loved, so I can’t imagine how he feels.
I put the thought in the back of my mind. I must have burned so much energy at the club that I eat every bite of the cheeseburger platter. “I’ll be right back,” Layne says. I watch as he walks over to the bakery counter inside the diner and the waitress hands him a slice of cake. I turn back around so he doesn’t see me watching.
“Happy Birthday,” he says, placing the slice of chocolate cake with chocolate icing in front of me. I smile at his sincerity and he smiles back. Everyday should be filled with goodness. I wish I could take his pain away. He smiles, but his eyes are sad.
“You have a
fork; you need to help me eat this. It’s too much. You’re gonna make me fat.”
“You could use some meat on them bones
. But I will have a bite or two.” He grabs his fork and digs into the cake.
“Oh
my god, this should be illegal; it’s to die for,” I tell him.
“It’s good
, isn’t it?” I just make a face, like the taste just sent me to heaven. “Well, you about ready to go?” he says after we finish the cake.
“Yes, whenever you are.”
Layne pays the bill, insisting he’s treating me for my birthday. I don’t argue with him, since it is a special occasion. We head out to the car and we get on the road back to his house. He didn’t have to twist my arm to get me to spend another night. Being around him feels normal and like it’s always been between us.
“Renee.
”
“Yeah?”
I ask.
“I know
we didn’t celebrate your birthday last year, and I’m sorry about that. But I know you had Dylan. So…”
“
It’s okay, Layne. Really, it is. Dylan and I celebrated it. You and Amber were so wrapped up in each other, I didn’t want to intrude. And I didn’t mind; you were in love. And she loved you, you know.”
He looks straight ahead and takes a deep breath
. “I know she did.”
The rest of the ride home is quiet as we reflect on the past year. We’ve been through a lot for such a young age. No one should experience watching their twenty year old best friend die. I think it almost killed Layne seeing her like that, and as her best friend, I couldn’t imagine life without her. But here we are holding on to hope that maybe with time it will get easier. Only time will tell.
Layne pulls into the driveway and we quietly head inside.
“Do you mind if I take a shower before bed?” I ask him.
“No, go ahead.”
I grab my bag and walk into the
stark white and black bathroom and let the steamy hot shower wash away the sweat from dancing tonight. Today has been one of the best days that I ever had in a long time. Once I’m done, I step out and put on a pair of shorts and a tank to sleep in. When I walk in the room Layne is already passed out in bed. I quietly slip in bed so I don’t disturb him; I turn out the light on my side and slide underneath the cool sheets.
S
ometime during the night I’m awaken when Layne gets out of bed. My eyes adjust to the darkness and I can see his shadowy figure. I hear him whimpering and in one swoop he angrily clears everything off his dresser, sending everything crashing down on the carpet.
“Layne?”
I call out.
He falls to the ground and cries. I throw the sheets off and I get to him in a flash. I wrap my arms around his body as best I can. He has himself curled into a ball, crying.
“Shh,” I try to console him, but tears well up in my own eyes. It’s hard seeing him like this. It kills me.
“I miss
her so much, my chest hurts. How can she leave me like this?” I don’t answer him. I try to stop my own tears from falling, so I swallow a hard lump that’s formed in my throat. I continue to wrap my arms around him.
“She didn’t want to leave you. Trust me
; we talked about it. She held on until she knew you would be okay. You are going to be okay, Layne. We both will be; it will just take time.”
His cries are worse now than they were a minute ago.
And I have never seen him like this.
“This is not how it was supposed to be,” he says through his tears.
“I know,” is all I can offer him while my heart breaks into a million pieces. I wrap my arm around him. He cries into my neck while he wraps his arms around me. “Let’s get you back to bed.”
I try to get him to stand with me, bu
t he outweighs me by so much. Finally, he manages to stand and weakly gets back into bed. I slide in next to him and I hold him close to me. I want him to know I’m here for him, no matter what. Though, perhaps it’s for my own selfish reasons. Even if nothing came of us, and the friendship we share would never waiver. He wraps his legs with mine and it’s not sexual, it’s just wanting to be close to someone and to feel that closeness sometimes is more important.
He
falls asleep fast and I don’t move a muscle as we are wrapped in each other. Tonight was his breaking point and I’m glad I was here to at least alleviate some of the pain, hopefully. At least he has someone who can relate to the pain he is going through.
One day the darkness will lift and
the sun will shine.
LAYNE
It’s
early morning and I feel like I was hit by a Mack truck. I squint my eyes open and find myself entangled with Renee’s body. Rubbing my eyes open, I carefully untangle myself from her and make my way to the bathroom. Looking into the mirror, I see blood shot red eyes and I remember waking up late last night having a melt down over losing my angel. I throw on a pair of my sweats and a tee shirt. My chest tightens and I feel the need to get out of here. The walls are closing in on me so I grab my car keys and head outside to my car. In the car rearview mirror, I see Renee standing in the doorway watching me pull out of the driveway. I can’t possibly face her right now; she was never supposed to see me like that. And the fact was that, that wasn’t the first time that has happened.
I gave my heart to someone and now I have to get used to being on my own, after a year of being completely engrossed with Amber. How do I get back to that place? These random girls and one night stands are getting old, and it only makes m
e forget for a short time, then I’m back to remembering her in the morning.
The car takes me straight to the garage. I park my car off to the side and walk over to lift the garage door. No one else is around and all I want to do is take my drag car out for a spin. Probably not the best idea, but I need to be in control of something and driving this beast will free me for a bit.
I roll the car out of the garage and start it up. I listen to it roar and purr at the same time. Being behind the wheel of such a powerful car is the most thrilling feeling. I take it on a small stretch of road near the garage; it’s about a quarter mile in length. I strap myself in and rev the engine and the car roars. I slam my foot on the gas petal and the car is down the stretch in about nine seconds. Just as I turn the car around, I see the flashing red and blue lights heading my way. It’s quite clear I can’t escape this and I knew better than to take the car out without a lookout. I pull on the side of the road and wait for the officer to come up to the car.
“License and registration please,” the officer says as I roll my window down. I flip the glove box open and had him both. “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“Yes, I do.” I guess I figured being honest might put me in the officer’s good graces.
“Step outside the car. Sit on the curb while I check your license.”
I do as I’m told, while I internally curse myself for my stupidity.
The officer comes back. “So I see you’ve already been warned before so you are coming downtown with us.
Hands behind your back please.” He places my hands in handcuffs and sets me in the back of the car.
This must be a cop with a stick up his ass. I do as he instructs. If I’m going to be arrested it might as well be for something I’m passionate about. “Just be thankful I’m not impounding your car, because I could,” he
continues.
I just nod, not saying a word because I know my mouth could get me in much more trouble. The handcuffs are uncomfortable and tight. The ride to the station is daunting and I just want to get this over with.
Finally, we arrive at the station and the place is small. I get processed and thrown into a holding cell until morning when the Judge can see me.
I have the cell to myself, so I make myself comfortable on the cot along the wall. How could I be so careless and stupid? Renee will probably go out of her mind not being able to reach me. I should have just faced her after she woke and told her sorry for my outburst last night. She would have said it was okay and we would go right back to being friends. But my stupidity will probably cost me a fortune. All I had to do was say that I was sorry.