My Forbidden Mentor (26 page)

Miss Beckett got a hold of herself. “Hello, I wish to speak with Lord Blackburn.”

“And whom may I say is calling?” The man answered most professionally.

Oh dear, she’d forgotten her name, literally. In fact, when she finally remembered it, she astonished herself by using her first name. “Darion,” she said in a breathy tone. She hadn’t used her first name in so long she was surprised that she remembered it. “I mean, Miss Beckett.”

Charles studied her with amusement. She’d managed to produce a hint of a smile from him. Clearly she was shaken for some reason or another. Upon further examination Darion, or rather Miss Beckett, proved to be quite attractive.

On his way out to the stables, John appeared behind Charles, breaking the moment between the two. “Who is it Charles?” John inquired, his eyes shifting between the speechless pair. His brows piqued with interest. Since Charles had stalled in his manners, John took over. “Miss Beckett, welcome.” John took her hand in his and led her inside. He turned to a mute Charles. “Charles, perhaps you could acquire some tea for us?”

Charles blinked back into position. “Yes my lord,” he answered and left to prepare their tea.

John led Miss Beckett into the sitting room, where they sat across from each other. As John settled into a comfortable position he commented, “Charles was quite taken with you Miss Beckett. I’ve never seen him act that way before.”

Miss Beckett flushed, almost too embarrassed to look John in the face, but she was a proud woman and didn’t feel shame over her attraction to his service man. “Well, Lord Blackburn, perhaps I should come back at another time. Apparently you were on your way out.”

“Only to the stables. It can wait. What brings you here?” John asked.

Miss Beckett smiled. “Very well. It’s regarding Miss Melissa, Lord Blackburn.”

John’s features grew alarmed. “Melissa? Is she all right?”

Miss Beckett noticed his immediate concern. “Physically yes, but it’s her mental state that has me worried.”

John stayed silent as Miss Beckett’s presence became clear.

“By your reaction you must know something I don’t. I had a hunch something was wrong between you two.” Miss Beckett’s curiosity had peaked.

John’s eyes returned to focus on her. “Yes, well, we’ve had some misunderstandings of late.”

“Regarding training?” Miss Beckett asked, searching.

“No. Actually training is going fine. Was going fine.” John retracted.

“I don’t understand?” Miss Beckett implored.

John paused in his thoughts while Charles entered the sitting room with a cup of tea for Miss Beckett. Handing her the cup, Charles mouth curved upward, displaying quite a handsome smile.

John watched him with encouraging interest. He’d never seen Charles so enamored before, and with Miss Beckett responding like she was a young lass in her first courtship, it was quite amusing. John smiled to himself, enjoying the pleasant distraction. It served to give him time to decide how much truth to reveal to Miss Beckett, as he knew that she had Melissa’s best interests at heart.

Miss Beckett smiled toward Charles, thanking him, and then heat surfaced to her cheeks. Oh my, she thought, sipping on her tea, not caring at the moment how hot it was. She shook her head as if it would shake away the sensations. Her gaze followed Charles as he left.

Embarrassed or not, Miss Beckett continued her inquiry. “Lord Blackburn, as you’ve probably guessed I’m a very straightforward person. I can tell we’re alike that way. Please be honest with me about what is going on, no matter what it entails.”

John had decided not to give details about the intimacy he and Melissa had shared, but how would he explain everything else without that knowledge? “I took Melissa to the track on Saturday. While there she was confronted by an old acquaintance of mine. I had been in search of Lord Ainsworth to arrange a meeting with him when apparently this old acquaintance of mine assumed Melissa to be my paramour and in jealousy must have said some pretty vicious words to her.”

John carefully monitored Miss Beckett’s reaction, going on instinct as to how much detail to give. She remained neutral, listening with eager involvement. “I was unaware this had taken place until later that day. Melissa hadn’t said a word until I pushed her to tell me what was wrong as I could tell by her mood something had changed. All she told me was that a woman I knew said some things about me, things that obviously made Melissa have second thoughts about me because she wouldn’t give me a chance to explain myself.”

Before John went on Miss Beckett wanted him to be aware of her ideas regarding the matter. “Lord Blackburn, without causing Melissa any humiliation, I must say in my own opinion that the lass is in love with you. Whether you want to hear that or not, I believe it’s true, and that could account for her drastic reaction.”

He couldn’t hide his feelings nor could he pretend to be indifferent toward Melissa, no matter if he was upset with her or not. “You know Melissa very well Miss Beckett, for that same day at the track she revealed that she was in love with me.”

“And how did you respond?”

“I didn’t respond right away and I think that scared her, but I hadn’t expected such a confession.”

“Oh dear. Well that explains her emotional turmoil.”

“I had planned on coming to see her and talking to her. When we last spoke it wasn’t on the best of terms, so I’ve waited to give her time.” Time, John thought to himself, that blasted word haunted him.

Miss Beckett studied him a moment. “Without seeming bold, Lord Blackburn, what are your feelings for Melissa? I realize you are her mentor and I know that you two have become close, but I also realize you may have a previous agenda, one planned before meeting Melissa.”

How had he guessed this was coming? John cleared his throat. “By previous agenda do you mean a planned marriage, Miss Beckett?”

“Well one would only assume, because of your position. I just hope the situation with Melissa has not been taken advantage of.”

“I see. I know that normally someone in my position usually has their life planned out for them, but it’s not that way with me, Miss Beckett. I live my own life the way I want to. I make a substantial living besides what my father has granted me. I live off my own earnings and therefore I make my own decisions.” He paused for a breath and a chance to retrieve some brandy. Normally he didn’t drink so early in the day but Miss Beckett’s interrogation required it.

“Forgive me Lord Blackburn. My way of thinking is commonplace, you understand.” Her eyes followed him to the bar.

John’s eyes lifted to look in her direction while pouring a small amount of cognac into a glass. “I understand Miss Beckett. I just wanted to clarify my position and also tell you that at present I haven’t any plans for marriage.”

“Do you have any plans for Melissa except being her mentor?” she asked, observing John while he sat across from her once again.

John took a generous swallow of liquid before answering. Was she implying what he thought she was? “Miss Beckett I’ll give you the straight answer you want. I would love to be more than a mentor to Melissa but she won’t have me.”

“Well Lord Blackburn, considering recent events I don’t blame her.” She paused, in conflict about asking him a very critical question, one that involved a very important person in her life, as she had to know. “Do you love her?”

John stood, chugging the remaining liquid down in one gulp. He then stepped over to a draped window, slipping his hand in between so he could peer out and see his horses. A slice of guilt pierced him thinking about how close he and Melissa had already been, unbeknownst to her aunt. Miss Beckett stayed quiet, waiting with patience for his response. John turned back toward her and she shifted to find him over her shoulder. “I’ve never been in love before Miss Beckett. I don’t know what it feels like. All I know is that what I feel for Melissa is more than I’ve ever felt for any woman I’ve known. If that kind of exclusive feeling is called love, then I would have to say yes.”

Inside Miss Beckett was shouting with joy but on the outside her expression couldn’t have been more surprised. Here she had two people who had recently become aware that they loved each other and at the moment they could not have been further apart, not just emotionally but physically and graphically as well. “Lord Blackburn, you just admitted to being in love with Melissa but said you’re not ready to marry? Wouldn’t you want to marry the woman you love?”

“To be honest Miss Beckett, I hadn’t thought that far ahead, and at present Melissa and I are not speaking.”

“Because of the old acquaintance?” she sighed.

“Frankly, yes,” John confirmed.

Miss Beckett stood and stepped over to John. “Lord Blackburn, I really didn’t come here to cause turmoil, there’s enough of that going on without my help, but I’d like to offer some advice regarding my darling lass. She’s stubborn, willful and you have to keep ahead of her. She’s smart and oh so very independent, just like her mother.” Miss Beckett let out a sigh of frustration. “But I believe if you make her listen to reason, well she won’t dismiss you that easily if she has feelings for you. Believe that.”

“She requested the need for time, Miss Beckett. I have to respect that, even if I don’t agree with it.” His tone sounded regretful.

Miss Beckett made her way back to the couch in extended concentration and lifted the cup of tea to her lips before replying. “Well I can tell you she’ll be taking at least three weeks to think about it,” she offered before sipping more tea. Her remark had John sitting once again.

“Why three weeks?” he asked, bewildered.

Miss Beckett set her cup down. “She’s left, Lord Blackburn. Left Richmond.”

“For where?” he inquired, his brows creasing.

“Unfortunately I have to respect Melissa’s wishes for privacy. You understand,” she voiced with regret.

He covered up his disappointment. “Yes, of course. I’ve got a meet coming up anyhow. I will be quite busy during that time.”

“Speaking of your schedule, Lord Blackburn, I will take my leave now. I realize you’re a busy man.” She lifted from the couch just as Charles peeked in to offer more refreshments.

“More tea, Miss Beckett?”

She gave him a wide smile. “No, no thank you, sir.”

Charles flashed a quick smile and bowed before making his exit.

Her cheeks flushed again when she shifted toward John. “Thank you for your time, Lord Blackburn. Regardless of what happens I hope you and I can remain friends?”

“Yes, I would like that,” he told her as he walked her to the front door.

As they stood in the doorway Miss Beckett made one last suggestion. “Don’t give up on her. I can’t blame you for your frustration as I know how she can be, but if she feels time is necessary, then that’s for the best.” She smiled for John. “You’ll see. In three weeks, when everything is clear, you two will be on good terms again.”

John reached over and placed a kiss upon her pale cheek. “Take care, Miss Beckett. If you require anything, anything at all, just call on me.”

Miss Beckett turned tender, sweeping her fingertips across John’s cheek. “How did Melissa get so lucky?” and with that she left.

John watched her leave, realizing what a lucky person Melissa was to have a grand lady like Miss Beckett in her life to guide her, also realizing how deep a conversation he’d just had with Miss Beckett and what he’d not only revealed to her but to himself as well. He was in love, in love with the most obstinate, foolhardy, loveliest creature he’d ever known. Listen to reason, huh? He shut the door behind him as he trailed off toward the stables. Three weeks. That should give him plenty of time to prepare for the next meet, make sure Chief was in top form, and leave him full of desire that longed to be spent, spent within Melissa.

Sheffield

Melissa’s ride to her cousin George and Cecilia’s seemed long. The more she tried thinking of what a great time she was going to have, the more John bombarded her thoughts. Although she hated to admit it, she missed him something fierce. She reminisced about the laughter they’d shared, his melting smile and his glittering eyes that shined and touched her body with their intensity. Closing her eyes as the memories continued, his soft mouth came to mind. Warm and sensual, it always applied heat wherever it touched.

After turning a corner on the path of the dirt road a small white house appeared in the near distance. Melissa, distracted by her reminiscing thoughts, was startled by the voice of a small boy, making her realize that the carriage had actually stopped.

“Lissa, Lissa,” Samuel cried. She was his favorite cousin and he always enjoyed their play times together. He was almost five and still preferred to call her Lissa, an easier alternative than her full name. She didn’t mind because it was his unique nickname for her.

As she stepped out of the carriage Samuel jumped up and down before her, happy as he could be. Melissa bent down to pick him up. “Come here you big boy.” Balancing him on her hip, she turned to retrieve her luggage, but Cecilia came rushing up behind her, reaching to take the luggage. “Let me get that, love.”

Melissa put Samuel down and took the luggage from Cecilia. “Thank you Cecilia, but you’re the one who should be taking it easy. Didn’t you just have a babe not three weeks ago?” she commented as they walked along the cobblestone path to the quaint little house.

“Well if you didn’t have my children barraging you the whole time,” Cecilia stated while opening the door for her.

Melissa set her bags down and Kirsten, Cecilia’s middle child, instantly had her arms wrapped around Melissa’s leg. “I really don’t mind Cecilia. I love children,” she said with a sincere smile, looking down upon a little blond head.

Cecilia went on to get her newborn, excited for Melissa to see her. “And they love you,” she said while taking the babe out of a wooden crib. “You’re going to make a great mother when you have children Melissa. I can tell,” she told her while handing her the baby to hold.

Melissa melted when seeing the newborn, her tiny fingers grasping at Melissa’s finger. “Perhaps one day in the future,” she commented while having the briefest thought she was holding a babe that she and John had conceived. “But for now I’ll enjoy being a favorite cousin,” she added, making gestures toward the infant.

“This is Catherine,” Cecilia announced, watching Melissa and the children together. She noticed that Melissa wasn’t her usual bouncy self and made a mental note to inquire about it later when they had more privacy.

George came home just in time for supper and afterward they all visited. When mentioning Melissa’s father they all reminisced about their joyous memories of him. Later that evening, while George and Cecilia put the children to bed together, Melissa sat next to the raging fire pondering more about her father, that she had missed him more than she had realized.

She stared into the dancing flames, asking her father for help on resolving her feelings for John and wondering if John could be trusted. When she replayed John’s last words to her only pain, deep, cutting pain, resulted from the memory. This constant turmoil was eating at her insides and it began showing more prominently outward. I need to move on, concentrate on my own dreams, Melissa kept telling herself, when Cecilia appeared.

Cecilia stepped over to the fireplace and sat next to Melissa, interrupting her deliberation. “May I ask of your thoughts?”

Melissa turned in Cecilia’s direction. “Nothing really. Nothing to worry about,” she said, giving her a faint smile in return.

Cecilia knew better and offered support. “Melissa you’re not yourself, I can tell. I’m a great listener,” she told her, disliking the unhappiness she saw in her eyes.

Melissa was desperate to talk to someone. Perhaps it would be a relief to let out some of the anguish and internal pressure that had built. Cecilia was kind enough and she trusted her. “I met a man a couple of months ago. An extraordinary man,” she was saying while recalling their initial meeting, which seemed so long ago now, and then the words started pouring out without warning. “I’m in love with him Cecilia, and I don’t know what to do about it.” Her hazel stare turned watery.

Cecilia could see real pain in those eyes, real conflict, and her heart went out to her. “Oh Melissa, does he know how you feel?” she asked, taking her hand in her own to comfort her.

Melissa held the tears back when she answered, “Yes.” She glanced back into the crackling hot flames, mesmerized.

Cecilia was curious about this man who had such a hold on Melissa’s heart. “Does he love you?” she inquired, asking the one question that caused the most pain.

Melissa answered in a whisper. “I don’t think so. I don’t know,” she said, turning back to Cecilia.

Cecilia remembered the first time she was in love, which was with George, and revealed her own observations. “Melissa how do you know for sure that he doesn’t? Men seem to have a hard time with words, I think. They feel more comfortable showing you how they feel. George didn’t tell me he loved me right away. Of course I felt better when he did, but men are different at expressing themselves, even with children. They show affection in different ways but it still makes them lovable.” Hoping to ease her wondering, Cecilia spoke from her own experience.

Cecilia was making sense but there was more involved between her and John. “Well that helps to understand more but I have an additional problem.”

“What’s that?”

“A past lover of John’s confronted me and said some disturbing things about him, but she left me wondering if they were true. To make matters worse, I found out this same lover is carrying John’s child.” Her eyes were glassy when they focused on Cecilia’s reaction. “As if that weren’t bad enough, he won’t acknowledge the child. He won’t marry her because he doesn’t love her, but my concern is for the child.”

“Did he tell you this?” Cecilia asked.

“That he wouldn’t marry her, yes,” Melissa answered.

“Because he doesn’t love her?”

“Yes.”

“Did he verify the child was his?” Cecilia was making her own determinations.

“Not in so many words, but she asked him to marry her for the child’s sake.”

“She sounds bold. How does he treat you?”

“He always treats me well.” Until he called me a harlot and left me, Melissa thought to herself, and the sobs began. “How could I let myself fall in love with him Cecilia?”

Cecilia reached over with a supportive embrace. “How could you not? He’s special to you for a reason, Melissa, I truly believe that.” Cecilia stroked the golden head that lay on her shoulder. “Melissa, from my own experiences I’ve come to rely on someone’s actions more than their words. Observe his actions, the words will come later. It’s your decision, love, but if he cares as much for you, don’t give up yet.” She’d never seen Melissa this dependent for affection, but after losing both parents the energy it must take to remain strong had probably caught up to her. Cecilia imagined that being in love and apart only intensified her feelings. “This will work out, I promise you.”

For the next hour Melissa and Cecilia stayed huddled together before the dying fire, content to reminisce about their past visits and the fun they’d had. Cecilia, two years older than Melissa, seemed more like a sister than a cousin by marriage. Over the course of the next two weeks the closeness they had developed made them feel more like sisters than ever before.

During her stay Melissa thought a lot about what Cecilia had said that first night. She had become an incredible comfort. Getting her unbiased opinion had helped to clear Melissa’s head and finally make some rational decisions. Cecilia and the children were the perfect distraction and they kept her busy the whole time of her visit. Actually feeling relaxed for once since parting from John, she almost hated leaving but knew it was inevitable and knew she would eventually be faced with John sometime in the near future. Until then she would pamper herself, maybe stop and tour desirable towns on the way home.

Cousin George arrived a week early. Luck was upon him for he’d found substantial work to hold his family throughout the wintertime. In the midst of celebrating George’s good luck Melissa mentioned seeing some sights on the way back home, deciding upon the upcoming races being held in Sheffield. Cecilia suggested she leave early and take her time since Cecilia knew Melissa’s situation and knew she could benefit from some time spent alone.

Melissa finally agreed but decided to stay a couple more days so George and Cecilia could have some time alone. Surprisingly over those last couple of days, Melissa woke up feeling under the weather, accompanied with light nausea. Although she hadn’t gotten sick Cecilia made her rest the last day, becoming suspicious of her symptoms, and more questions surfaced in regards to the young man Melissa loved.

Sitting in a chair next to the bed where Melissa lay resting, Cecilia asked while cooling her forehead with a damp cloth, “Are you feeling better?”

It was mid afternoon and Melissa was feeling substantially better than she had earlier that morning. The sickness had subsided but she remained awfully tired. “Yes, thank you,” she said in response to her concerned question.

Cecilia debated on how to approach her next inquiry as it involved a very personal matter, but she proceeded out of concern for her cousin. “Forgive me for being so forward, but have you and this young man of yours been intimate?”

Melissa’s surprise was evident, and before she answered Cecilia was eager to explain, remedying the awkwardness. “I only ask because your symptoms are very much like being pregnant.”

With that said Melissa’s face paled as she knew of anyone Cecilia would know, but still there was the high possibility she wasn’t as they had taken precautions. “Yes we have been intimate, but we used protection, Cecilia. Please mention this to no one.” In telling her, Melissa’s thoughts raced back to their first encounter, and even the second and third, which were all without protection. It couldn’t be true. It was only those few isolated times. A dreadful thought entered her mind: if it were true now was not the right time, not when the father was no longer around or would even care. If she was pregnant and John found out he would be out of her life for good and she would have to raise their child alone. But who was to say she was even with child. She probably had a touch of some flu, or at least that was what she wanted to believe. The thought of never seeing John again was devastating.

Cecilia defined what the beginning signs were but Melissa was so adamant it couldn’t be that Cecilia let it drop. By the next day Melissa was feeling like herself again. Feeling better helped to ease her mind, answering those dreadful questions with confidence. There were no more questions, only long goodbyes as Melissa prepared to leave.

Richmond

The haze of smoke filling the air of Sally’s place smelled of cigars and heavy liquor. The cloud of fumes carefully hid Rose from general view as she stood behind the wooden staircase that towered toward the back of the pub. She’d been minding her own business when she had overheard a conversation between Sally, the owner and Vanessa, the troublemaker.

Aware of what had taken place between Vanessa and John, Rose carefully listened with precise curiosity.

“What is it, honey?” Sally asked.

“I need a small favor,” Vanessa had responded. “Have you come across any male virgins of late?”

“Well, they’re so rare, I’d definitely remember if I had. For whom?” Sally had asked.

“For me, actually. I need a challenge. Do you know of one?” Vanessa sounded desperate.

There was a motionless pause before Sally responded. Rose couldn’t believe the conversation they were having and how odd it seemed that Vanessa would make such a request. Rose thought it was reason enough to be suspicious.

“This doesn’t seem like you, Vanessa,” Sally commented, then paused, before saying, “Give me a moment to inquire. I’ll be right back.”

Rose eased back into the darkness of the stairway when Sally breezed by her. Several minutes passed before Sally returned.

“Darling, it’s your lucky night. The young gentleman I was thinking of is here tonight. He’s at the card table,” Sally told Vanessa and then added, “He’s quite handsome for a young lad.”

“Thank you Sally. You’ve done me a grand favor,” Vanessa replied and came into Rose’s view.

“You’re welcome, Vanessa.” Sally reached Vanessa’s side, pointing out the lad. “Over there.”

“What’s his name?” Vanessa inquired.

“Jack. Jack McGuire,” Sally revealed. “Be gentle, darling.”

“Gentle, of course.” Vanessa’s response seemed preoccupied.

As both ladies drifted apart Rose captured a bird’s eye view, maneuvering behind the staircase, her gaze intent on Vanessa’s direction. She witnessed Vanessa approaching a card table with one vacant seat. Vanessa smiled with glory when taking that seat, which happened to be across from the lad Sally had pointed out.