My Forbidden Mentor (23 page)

By the time she had made her way to the opposite side Vanessa was speaking again.

“Besides that John, I need to count on you. You’ve helped me before, why won’t you help me now?”

Melissa moved closer.

“This is different Vanessa. You’re pregnant.” There was a slight pause and Melissa bit into her lip, awaiting his next words. “When you say, “count on me”, what exactly do you mean by that anyway?” John sounded irritated, like Vanessa was wasting his time.

There was silence for a brief moment. Melissa strained to hear, not wanting to cause suspicion. She readied herself to move but not before she heard Vanessa’s reply.

“I’d like for us to be married. It’s the least we can do for this child.”

“What? Married! The least we can do? Vanessa, have you gone mad? “We” aren’t going to do anything about this, you are. I am not taking responsibility for something that was completely your slip up.”

No, Melissa cried in silence as she turned from the carriage. Seeing a big oak tree nearby, she slowly strolled over to it, beyond caring what onlookers thought as she eased her shocked body down along the trunk of the tree. Leaning her head and back against its solid form, her bottom nestled in warm green grass below, she drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. Her eyes shut and she thought of nothing but the horror of her day.

It was quite some time before the carriage door opened. Melissa heard the sound of a hinge creak and opened her eyes to see Vanessa stepping out of John’s carriage. She didn’t look very happy as she slammed the carriage door shut and stormed off into the distance. Melissa didn’t want to feel sorry for her but John’s refusal to accept his responsibility left a tinge of sorrow in her case as that meant if she ever got pregnant by John he would shun her also. It was obvious he didn’t want children in his life, or at least the responsibility of them. How many did he have? Maybe Vanessa was telling the truth about John’s philandering ways. Maybe I am just another convenient distraction.

Moments later John stepped out of his carriage. He looked around, his features strained, his hair disheveled. Melissa sat still against the tree which stood directly across from the back of John’s carriage about fifty feet or so. She hadn’t expected him to go to the back of his carriage but for some reason he did.

She remained still as he sat on the rim of the carriage, taking the leather thong out of his hair. His black tresses flowed around his broad shoulders just like Melissa preferred it. He was beautiful, beautiful but troubled, and he looked truly upset at the moment. She watched him in admiration despite her previous dismay with him. His head fell into his hands, which rubbed across his face. He hadn’t noticed her yet as his palms came up to smooth his hair back, eyes closed, and he did so without effort. As he regained his composure he retied the leather thong around his long hair before opening his eyes and staring right into Melissa’s teary-eyed gaze.

Oh lord, he groaned in silence. What had she heard, what was she believing? Vanessa had shocked him with her ridiculous marriage proposal, which he had no intention of carrying out. He would never marry a woman he didn’t love. Now, as he stared into Melissa’s sad eyes, he knew there would be extensive explaining to do and he cursed Vanessa for putting him in this position.

He stood, his eyes never leaving hers as he stepped over to her. He held out his hand, motioning her to take it. “Come, we need to talk,” he said.

Melissa remained seated, hesitant, her eyes downcast, torn between wanting to trust him and not, and feeling foolish for her innocent behavior toward their relationship. When her eyes lifted back to his the motion left streams of tears running down her cheeks.

John’s eyes shut when he saw her tears. Taking a deep, calming breath, his eyes opened and his hand reached down for hers again. “Give me your hand,” he implored.

His insistent tenderness encouraged her to take his hand. Instead of going to his carriage, though, he took Melissa for a short walk away from the track, away from everything. They stopped at a nearby cliff that overlooked a valley of bright green land and emerald topped trees. A wide ribbon of water flowed down the middle of the scattered trees and green earth, sparkling as the sun cast its rays upon it. The branches on the trees in the valley stirred but a moment later cast a light breeze to cool her face and dry her tearstained cheeks.

She let go of John’s hand to wipe her face. John continued to gaze out over the wide, expansive view, considering how to initiate this necessary yet awkward conversation.

John shifted to see Melissa staring out into the distance. The bitterness, the hurt, the anger showed through her rigid features. Unaware of what she’d heard, it seemed she’d heard enough to cause her pain. John leaned toward her and took her hands in his. “Melissa,” he said gently.

Melissa gazed at their clasped hands, afraid to look into his eyes. What was there to explain? She’d heard enough to know what the situation entailed.

John squeezed her hands, trying to gain her attention. “Melissa, look at me.”

“I can’t,” she said in a whisper. She swallowed hard and thought about leaving his grasp and running back toward the track.

John let go of one of her hands, his fingertips lifting her chin from beneath until she had no choice but to look at him. “Let me explain what happened, please.”

She was weak from crying but she held onto the anger as best she could so no more tears would escape. Her lips stiffened and her eyes narrowed as she gave him a chance to explain, against her better judgment. “All right.”

“I’m not sure what you heard but I think there’s been a great misunderstanding here.” He watched closely for her reaction but so far it hadn’t swayed. “The lady in my carriage was Vanessa Walker.”

Melissa interrupted him, revealing that in fact she knew who Vanessa Walker was. “I know who Vanessa Walker is, John. I met her not moments before you two discussed your personal matters in your carriage.” She pulled her remaining hand out of his and stepped away from him, walking along the cliff’s edge. The mere mentioning of the dreadful woman stirred anger in her once again.

John was surprised by that piece of news for Vanessa hadn’t said a word to him of meeting Melissa, but then why would she? She had more pressing matters concerning John. John sighed and strode to catch up to Melissa. He came up behind her as she faced the open land, standing on the cliff’s edge. Afraid to touch her, he kept his distance but kept it close. “I hadn’t realized you had already met her. She didn’t mention it.”

Melissa’s head shook while her arms folded across her chest. Of course, why would she? Vanessa was a cruel, vile creature, she reminded herself. Melissa was about to comment when heated arms wrapped around her waist from behind, followed by the warmth of John’s cheek caressing hers. Her eyes closed in reaction to his closeness. His comfort made it so much harder to deal rationally with this difficult situation.

“Melissa,” he murmured. “Will you not listen to me first before you pass judgment?” He took her silence as understanding. “Yes, I have a past with Vanessa Walker and yes, we were lovers, but it’s been over between us for months now.” There was a pause before he added, “Before I met you.” While John carefully contemplated his next words, Melissa spoke up with controlled force.

“I believe you John,” she said quietly enough, but her forgiving tone didn’t last. The anger of betrayal surfaced, leaving John without any option but to endure her hailstorm of words, “And I also believe I’m your present conquest.” She turned in his grasp to face him, her features stirring between hurt and fury. “Shall I speed up the process of our affair and perform as your whore right here in the open?” John stood speechless as Melissa began unbuttoning his trousers, the look in his eyes one of utter disbelief. With one hand she opened the last of the buttons while the other dove inside his gaping trousers. Her grip firmed around him. “You’re not ready for me, John,” she said with husky sarcasm, her fingers starting to toy with him, “But that’s all right, I’ve learned how to stroke you, haven’t I?”

John stayed in shock at Melissa’s behavior. He’d never seen her react with such blatant sarcasm. This was not his Melissa. “Stop it,” he told her. While continuing her motions tears spilled anew down her honeyed cheeks. He grabbed both her wrists and held them until her movements ceased.

She realized what a fool she’d just made of herself. She’d lost control and something wicked had taken over, causing her inappropriate actions, but the pain still lingered and the tears wouldn’t stop. John let go of her of wrists and cupped her wet cheeks with his hands. Melissa, too ashamed to look him in the eye, dipped her head into his chest, her hands clasping at his coat lapels. She could feel his hands smooth down her back, gentle and caressing. Between a sob and a swallow, Melissa unknowingly muffled a confession against his chest. “Why did I have to fall in love with you?”

John went still. Her admission halted his caressing hands and caught his breath. His hands slid to her arms, pushing her out at arms length. “What did you say?” His eyes searched hers, praying he’d heard her right.

It took Melissa a moment to recall what she had said as her emotions were so tangled, but his reaction brought her words back with clarity. What have I done? Now he knows how you feel, you fool. With her pride hanging on by a thread, Melissa held on to what little self-esteem that remained. She let go of his lapels and backed away from him. Her embarrassment and humiliation compelled her eyes to shift away from the intensity of his stare. “I said . . . I’m in love with you,” she admitted in a frightened whisper, gazing over the grassy cliff that they stood upon. In his state of silence, her eyes stole a glance in his direction. His gaze of astonishment left an unreadable expression. Was he happy? Was he angry? The pressure was unbearable. She spun out of his reach and headed toward the track, tears blurring the path ahead.

“Melissa,” John called out to her as he fumbled with the buttons of his trousers. “Melissa, please wait,” he called again, almost tripping over his own legs until gaining lengthy strides and catching up to her. One last long step and he had her twisted to face him. “Melissa, I didn’t realize how serious you were about me.” John lingered on her admission. He had suspected she had strong feelings about him, but in fact the truth revealed she was in love with him. His own feelings had been guarded but relief pooled inside him now knowing that his feelings were reciprocated. This was a foreign situation to him, putting into words what he was feeling, and his desire to explain, to make her understand the truth about his conversation with Vanessa, left his mind scrambling. Any words at all seemed to choke in his throat.

His eyes searched hers for another instant, and with John’s delayed response Melissa came to the conclusion that he was trying to figure out a way to gently let her down and ease her pain by telling her she was special to him, but that was as far as his feelings went.

Well, why not just admit out loud that she’d been taken, that way they wouldn’t have to protect each other from more pain. Get it out in the open and confess to what an absolute idiot she had made of herself. “I’m in love with you John, and I feel like a fool, a complete fool,” she added and jerked herself from his gripping hands, continuing her quickened pace toward the track.

The word fool struck John like a knife. What ideas had Vanessa given her? He spun in her direction. “Because of Vanessa’s lies you feel like a fool?” John wailed at her backside. “You’ve got to learn to ignore her. Know that I’m with you and that is where I want to be.”

His suggestion only fueled her fire for he still hadn’t admitted his feelings for her, hadn’t mentioned any words of love, especially after her recent confession. Vanessa’s damaging words of John’s philandering ways swirled around her head, blinding her to anything John had to say, and the fact that Vanessa was pregnant and he wouldn’t help her revealed more of his character than she had imagined. Why hadn’t she seen this before? Was she so blinded by John’s charm and charisma? Melissa didn’t slow down in her stride but continued on, not knowing if he followed or not. In fact, she had stopped listening to him when he had suggested that she ignore Vanessa. She had just confessed her feelings unwillingly, leaving her raw and open, and he couldn’t respond. And why couldn’t he respond? Probably because he doesn’t feel the same way, you fool.

Well that was fine with her. From now on she would no longer be seen as the foolish country girl obsessed with the pretentious Lord Blackburn. From now on she would be her old, independent self. She’d make her career top priority and men dead last.

John wasn’t used to chasing after women, but the further Melissa trailed away from him the stronger the sensation of loss surrounded him. She was a distant figure now, almost invisible in that damned green dress that blended so well into the background. Except for her golden halo of hair he could barely make her out. John sighed as he strode at a normal pace back to his carriage. How were they going to get along tonight if they couldn’t even talk to each other? He couldn’t imagine going through the night without touching her or at least holding her.

Approaching his carriage, John found Melissa leaning against the door with her arms crossed over her chest, staring into the distant activity involving the track. He stopped next to her, not saying a word. He didn’t know what to say. What would make a difference? She had stopped listening to him once he was honest about his relationship with Vanessa. He sighed while leaning against the carriage next to her.