My Forbidden Mentor (24 page)

“Can you take me home, please?” she asked in a strained whisper.

John’s stare lingered on the back of her golden head. “Of course,” he answered, pushing away from the carriage to open the door for her.

Melissa moved forward while John opened the door, then stepped in and settled on the soft leather seat. It took great effort to even look at John when he informed her that he needed to locate his driver. She gave a short nod of acknowledgment and waited for the door to shut before pulling aside a sliver of the closed curtain. Her eyes watched his tall presence trail away.

Torn, completely torn over this man who had become first her mentor, then her close friend, and finally her lover. His world had become hers. How would she make it without him?

By now John had blended into the crowd and Melissa had lost sight of him, she hadn’t lost sight of her feelings. She let the curtain fall back into its closed position. Her head hung low, her watery eyes intent on her twisting fingers, deep in thoughts of struggling, turbulent emotions.

For most of the ride to Melissa’s home they were silent. They sat across from each other, Melissa staring out the window, absently watching the passing scenery, while John sat gazing at Melissa’s profile through glistening hooded eyes.

This should be a glorious moment, John thought, but instead she had turned against him. The moment had turned disastrous because she wouldn’t let him explain. Should he have lied instead of being honest about his relationship with Vanessa, for it seemed to have coincided with the corrupt words that were fed to her?

There was no telling what Vanessa had told her, and of course whatever parts of the conversation Melissa had heard from the carriage must have been the damaging parts. John let out a breath of exhaustion as his hand swept over his tied-back hair.

His sigh caught Melissa’s attention and she turned to look at him. His eyes were closed and his hands were folded across his lap. She noticed the frustration in his face, his brows creasing in pressure, the skin on his forehead crinkling, and his lips, usually soft and full, were strained and thinning. She hadn’t wanted to be in a dilemma with John, but even when she had slipped and announced her love for him hadn’t seemed to help matters, what choice did she have? Over and over her mind tried summoning a quick resolution, only leaving her with one solution she didn’t want to face. “John, I think . . . I think we should part for a while.” Her emotions were crashing high and low as she waited on bated breath for his reaction. She was clearing her throat when his eyes opened.

John’s expression spoke volumes. He looked surprised, angry, and upset all at once, and it hurt to tell him what she did but she couldn’t continue their relationship without more commitment, she’d decided. Sitting across from him, she tried to conceal her shaking body while waiting for his response, hoping he’d confess his undying love for her and they could return to their fairytale romance.

John had expected her to be angry but not to the extent of parting. Anger arose in him. Instead of solving their problems now, she had chosen to ignore their importance and opted to escape. “So that’s it?” He swallowed hard. “Everything between us means nothing to you? Nothing at all?”

Melissa started to shake internally at his inquisition. “That’s not true, John. This is not easy for me. I need to gather my bearings regarding our relationship, that’s all.”

John switched his gaze to look out the window. “You’re running away from us.” Keeping his anger under control, he returned his gaze upon her. “A few words from that harlot and you’re off running.”

His contained temper reflected onto Melissa, making her reply appear storm-driven. “I’m running?” Her chuckle sounded devilish. “What about you? You’re a fine example.”

“And what do you mean by that?” he asked.

“If you’re that oblivious there isn’t a need for me to explain.”

He leaned forward. “I’m not running from us, Melissa. I’m trying to figure out what has you so angry besides Vanessa’s lies.”

“Are you telling me that she lied about being pregnant?” she asked with an arched brow.

He settled back into his seat. “No, she probably is due to her recklessness.”

“Then why would she lie about anything else?”

“Depending on what she’s told you, I’m sure her insecurities made her fabrications seem real.”

“Whether she lied or not John, I’m not feeling very secure myself.” She turned to look out the window.

“Well if you’re determined to believe the words of a jealous harlot, then I can’t help your insecurities.”

She turned back to him with widened eyes. “You just live life to the fullest and forget about consequences don’t you?”

He didn’t respond right away for she seemed to blame him for Vanessa’s dilemma. “You only live once, Melissa. Yes, I want to experience many things in my lifetime, as you should want to as well, and I’m sure you’re aware there are risks to be taken at some points to achieve your goals, so when there are consequences, you weigh them carefully and deal with the choices you make.”

“Just like Vanessa has to deal with getting pregnant?” she replied.

“Precisely.”

Crazy for feeling sorry for Vanessa, Melissa became well aware that even women like Vanessa made mistakes, proving once again that a woman’s status in life didn’t matter. A woman’s position was always to stand below a man. A woman’s mistakes compared to a man’s were magnified over and over again.

But in Melissa’s mind John had been cast in a different mold from other men, believing women should be given more rights, making him seem unusual and understanding, at least until this present situation involving Vanessa came about. How could he cast her aside while she carried his child? This thought only clarified Melissa’s reasoning for parting with John. There could not be physical contact between them for risk of a child now that his true colors were showing. Why wouldn’t John acknowledge his responsibilities? John’s voice broke through her silent questions.

“Melissa, I need you to tell me what you heard, what’s causing your exaggerated reactions?”

Melissa stayed quiet.

“Talk to me.”

“I need time to decide about us, John.”

“Why? Everything was going so well between us. What did Vanessa tell you? I’m curious because apparently you’re believing her over me.” John’s frustration level gradually climbed higher.

“That’s only part of it, John. Your reaction to her situation is disturbing.”

His brows arched in disbelief. “Disturbing? What do you want me to do, marry her because she’s pregnant?”

“Of course I don’t, but what about the child?” Melissa cried.

His features turned grim. “The child is not my concern. I will not marry a woman I do not love.”

“And if a woman you loved was carrying your child, would it then be a concern?”

He looked at her in amazement. “What the hell has gotten into you? Why are you so defensive on Vanessa’s behalf?” He couldn’t believe he was still fighting this battle with her. “I think you can answer that question without my help.”

She gave him a matter of fact, look. “You’re right, John. This bantering is getting us nowhere.”

John could tell she had resorted to silence. He let a few more moments pass before stating the obvious. “So now it’s silence for the remainder of our trip home after you’ve conveniently avoided answering my questions.”

She didn’t answer but continued peering out the window, biting her tongue and swallowing the lump in her throat while staring into nothing. He wasn’t trying to understand her side at all.

As soon as the carriage stopped in front of her house Melissa fled the confining quarters she shared in silent scrutiny with John. John followed her, striding scant paces behind. Once inside Melissa headed for the stairway. As she began taking steps John stalled at the bottom of the stairway, insisting that they talk. “Melissa, we need to resolve this now.”

Melissa paused in her footsteps, shifting halfway to look down at him. “John, please understand,” she began saying in a shredded voice, only to be deserted as she started to explain. Ironically it wasn’t anger that had risen this time, it was hurt. She held her tears in check as she continued making her way to the top of the stairs, shaking her head in dismay.

John realized that his driver hadn’t received instructions to stay and with that in mind he strode outside, telling Jess to wait and that he may be awhile. By now the predicament of their relationship was wearing on him. They needed to get past the chaos created today. If only she’d let him explain. Extreme frustration claimed him as he stormed back inside, slamming the front door shut.

Melissa jumped when she reached the top of the stairs. The slamming of the door meant he was back and not at all happy. As she approached her bedroom door she heard John’s pounding footsteps advancing at high speed. She took in a deep breath and entered her bedroom.

Within seconds he stood behind her. Feeling uneasy, she left his close proximity, stepping toward a chair before the window, gripping her fingers around the top edge of it.

John settled his weight against the wall adjacent to the door, his arms crossed over his chest and his legs crossed at the ankles. He kept his distance, well aware that her present maneuver meant just that. He stayed in that position, waiting and watching, watching the evening sun disappearing before her, taking with it the glow that it cast around her.

John reached for a candle on top of the dresser and lit it. After some moments the room had brightened again and John resumed his previous position. The tension between them remained thick, like a morning fog laying heavy at their feet.

When Melissa dared to glance at John by looking over her shoulder, what she witnessed was disillusionment. His handsome face was distorted, his brows crunched together, nostrils flaring and his mouth tight. Her eyes downcast. If she never saw in his face what she’d just seen it would be too soon for her. He was disappointed with her, but she was disappointed in him as well. Did he think she wanted it this way? Her eyes lifted when he finally spoke.

“What do you want from me, Melissa?” he asked.

He sounded calm and controlled, which with John could mean worse consequences. “Just give me time, John.” Her eyes tried to stay steady with his, but after her response the gray storm that lay hidden in shimmering depths forged ahead.

“Time, time for what? Meanwhile, what am I supposed to do while you’re taking time?” His anger was laced with sarcasm.

It was as if her request hadn’t mattered. Why ask if he found it unacceptable? She spun around to face him head on. Flustered, the words just came out. “I don’t care at this moment what you do.”

The elevation in her voice surprised him but it also served to escalate his own state of fury. “Is that so? What did you mean, then, when you said you were in love with me? Now suddenly you don’t care? Were they just words for you, Melissa or did you really mean them?”

Now she shook. Her whole day had been full of distress and John seemed determined to keep it that way. “How dare you think I would lie about something as important as that?” she paused, catching her breath. Her heart was pounding fast and hard and she willed herself to be calm. “Why would you think that at all?” she exclaimed.

His arms and ankles unfolded and he stepped toward her, his eyes glaring into hers. “Because you’re not intent on clearing the air between us here and now. You want to linger on whatever falsehoods you’ve heard until you’re exhausted thinking about them.”

She took a step forward as well and lifted her chin. “I know what I heard John, and I also know that at least part of what I heard was not false.”

Their eyes battled in concentration, both thinking the other absurd for their beliefs. Amazingly John conceded this time, putting his hands in the air. “All right. Take all the time you need. I’ve got other business that requires my attention.” He located his leather pouch and started gathering his clothing.

Good, Melissa thought. I’ve finally managed to make him leave so I can have some peace, and since he was leaving she didn’t hold back an unnecessary remark. “Yes, I’m sure your business here was beginning to bore you.”

He stopped in the middle of picking a shirt up off the floor and he eyed the remaining sponges sprawled on top of her dressing table. Her view followed his and then their eyes collided. “I’ll leave those,” his eyes motioned to the sponges, “So when your need arises, you will have them. I’ve got plenty more at home.” Their eyes stayed steady long enough for John to see the sting he had caused.

He went about filling his pouch with his belongings while Melissa continued to stare at him, enduring the pain meant to sting. She had never realized how brutal he could be when pushed over the edge, and she had done just that, but still his reference was painfully evident. “Bastard,” she cried, turning away from him to sit in the chair facing the window, the same chair they had sat in earlier that same morning in a naked lover’s embrace to watch the first morning light appear.

He deserved that comment, he knew he did, and saying what he had hadn’t relieved the anger stirring inside him. Finished packing, he stared at her for a long unspoken moment, as if taking in all her beautiful features and memorizing them. Even so the level of his anger had risen to surmountable proportions as he comprehended he wasn’t getting his way this time. She didn’t want to talk right now. He had to accept that and move on, which led to another verbal attack. “Well, you’ve been a wonderful pleasure Miss Howard, thank you for your hospitality.” Shamefully he said the words, thinking that if she wanted to believe a harlot’s word over his, he would treat her that way.