My Forbidden Mentor (25 page)

Her whole body stiffened. John reached for the doorknob, slamming the door behind him as he left. In shock, her face paled. In slow motion she turned to find an empty room, her focus staying on the door until she heard his last footsteps at the bottom of the stairs. The urge to run after him grew immense, but the disbelief of his hurtful words stopped her. Water filled her eyes, spilling tears down her cheeks. She stood to look out the window to catch one last glimpse of John but it had darkened considerably by that time and only a flash of black metal in the distance remained visible.

It was too late, he’d already left. Sobs started to sound from her dry throat. She turned to step toward her bed, stumbling in the process, weeping louder and cursing her bad leg. Upset that her happy life had been destroyed. No mother to talk to, no father to share with, not even her auntie to listen, and now she’d lost a companion to love. She was alone, completely alone, she thought as she climbed into her bed and curled into a ball.

Entering the gates of his grounds, John thought about his last words to Melissa. He’d regretted them as soon as he had spoken them but he was lost and confused as to how to deal with her. He had to believe she still cared. Why wouldn’t she talk to him, tell him what she’d heard so he could explain the truth of it?

As Simon approached his coach John slipped out and asked him to send a stable hand over to the Howard’s place to watch over until morning. Still wanting to protect her, it eased his conscious having one of his men there.

Walking into his unfamiliar chamber he dropped his pouch on the carpet, set his long hair free, stripped off his shirt, then landed on his bed from emotional exhaustion and fell asleep half-clothed.

John was awakened by a knock at the door. Lying on his stomach, he raised his head. “Yes,” was all he could manage. Recognizing his laundress, he told her to come in. While she gathered his dirty clothing he lifted from the bed and sat on the edge. Rubbing his face, he used his fingers to comb through his flowing hair, noticing his head throbbed as if he had a hangover. Knowing he hadn’t had any liquor last night he figured it must be from the emotional chaos he was experiencing, which reminded him of his first priority for the day, that being confronting Miss Vanessa Walker for intervening in his personal business.

Getting up to refresh himself, his laundress asked about a particular piece of clothing. “Milord, do wish this washed as well?”

She held a lady’s chemise in her hand. He must have gathered Melissa’s undergarment by mistake. “Wait on that, please,” he answered, cupping the cool water from the basin and splashing the chilled liquid against his sleepy face, wanting to believe that last night was just a bad dream but knowing it wasn’t since he’d woken in his own bed. He continued applying the cool water over his long hair to smooth it down.

His laundress stood before the door upon exiting. “Good day then, milord.”

Grabbing a white towel from the cobalt rack, he patted dry his awakening face while striding to the door. His hand reached for the doorknob and, leaning his head out the doorway, he called for Charles.

Making split-second time up the stairway Charles appeared. “Yes, my lord?”

“I need you to have Simon ready my carriage. I’m off to town. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone,” he requested.

“Of course, my lord.”

He arrived at Vanessa’s flat by noon. She wasn’t home so John waited in his carriage. While waiting, Melissa’s words played over and over in his mind. I’m in love with you she’d said.

Then his eyes spotted Vanessa coming around a corner and he sat up. Approaching the stairway, John sprung up behind her, grabbing her arm. “We need to talk,” he insisted.

She was surprised to see him so soon, which pleased her, but her arm was hurting from his tightened grasp. “Of course, John,” she said as she fiddled with her keys, sensing something wasn’t right for he was never physically abusive. After she opened the door he stormed in before her. Shutting the door behind her, she could tell this wasn’t a friendly visit. Her eyes were narrowed as she watched his form spin around to face her, but she smiled anyway and offered, “Would you like something to drink?” Her blue eyes were fixed on his disturbed features.

He stood glaring before he finally answered, “No.” Not wasting any time, he went right to the point. “What the hell were you thinking yesterday?” he asked, appalled by her unnecessary actions of confronting Melissa.

Well, her little talk did get him to her flat, she thought to herself, and obviously it had caused some kind of chaos between the lord and the little country girl. Responding with half-truths she replied, “I thought we had already concluded you’re not going to help me?” Her blues eyes turned deep and seductive.

His gray eyes met hers, applying just enough chill to take the seduction out of hers. “I’m not talking about the discussion between you and I. I’m talking about the discussion you had with Melissa.” His tone became elevated. “The one you failed to mention to me.”

So the country lass had told him about that, had she? “I wanted to meet the mysterious woman you’ve kept all to yourself,” she replied, inching her way around the subject.

John knew there was more to it so he pushed. “And?”

Taking her time while slipping off her coat, she sat in a velvet-covered Morris chair and arranged her legs to pursue his attention elsewhere. “I was curious about such a woman who could hold your interest so long, that’s all,” she said, hoping that would satisfy him and lure him to her bed once again.

He didn’t fall for the bait and instead faced her with his arms crossed and his brows creasing in frustration. “You wanted to cause trouble and that’s the bottom line, isn’t it?”

“John, I miss you and I wanted to find out about my competition,” she rushed out, pausing to switch her crossed legs. “I thought she could relate to our similarities since we have the same lover.”

Her statement sounded unrehearsed and pitiful, which led him to wonder again about her state of motherhood? “Vanessa, are you truly pregnant?”

The shock appearing on her features seemed real enough. “John I didn’t lie to you. My menses have ceased for two months now.”

He concentrated for a moment on her genuine expression. “Then why won’t you tell me who the father is? You asked me to marry you for the child’s sake but won’t indulge me about the father?”

She sighed, having to repeat herself to be clear. “John, we already argued about this yesterday. You know the child isn’t yours so why worry about it.”

“Because when you asked me to marry you, you involved me. What I want to know is why?” His glare stayed heavy upon her, watching her every reaction.

A forced smiled curved on her lips. “I explained yesterday my relationship with the father was brief, he is unlike you, whom I thought to be my friend and not just a lover, someone who would help me. I see now I was mistaken.”

His glare continued, stirring hotter and hotter by the minute. “And what about your conversation with Melissa? What point were you trying to prove?”

Vanessa hesitated, knowing her response would upset him even more but also understanding that he wouldn’t let up about the conversation with the country lass. Nevertheless, she could handle a little explosion from him since she’d already taken care to plant a very important seed. “That I am involved in your life and she doesn’t have you all to herself.”

Anger compounded in John as Vanessa sat there basking in sheer delight at her successful undertaking. He’d never experienced this side of her personality and it was riveting. “I never thought you would do this to me. I thought we had an understanding. You’ve got plenty of male suitors to choose from, why hassle me?” he snarled. He did not want to hear her lying reply but it was necessary to set her straight.

She straightened in the chair and sounded hurt when she spoke. “I told you, I miss you, and it was the only way I could get your attention. I can’t help it if you’re the best lover I know and I desire you from time to time.” She had revealed more than she had wanted to. He had pulled it out of her, and she realized then that this endeavor she relished in might have been a mistake.

John’s silent thoughts took over. She really believes she has the power to accomplish her selfish desires. Well the truth had finally come out, the way to get my attention was by ruining my life. Rage was spitting through his clenched teeth when he told her, “Well I don’t miss you, Vanessa.” His eyes were turning a deep gray as they prodded into her. “I can’t believe the audacity of you to choose such measures. You have ruined my life. We are no longer lovers,” he stated, and the effect was like a slap in the face.

She was in shock. “You don’t mean that John, say you don’t mean that,” she pleaded with him, not wanting to believe what she’d heard. How could this be happening? She hadn’t planned on such a violent reaction from him. She stood then, pleading.

Had he finally gotten through to her he wondered as his arms came unfolded. “I do mean it, and don’t go near Melissa again or you’ll be dealing with me on a more radical level.” His deep voice warned her as he strode to the door and left.

After the door shut, Vanessa flung a shoe at the door in anger. “Bastard!” she yelled out. Her plan had backfired. It was evident he had feelings for the country tart and now she’d lost him as her lover, but she wasn’t one to give up so easily. This will be temporary, she convinced herself.

Back in his carriage John actually chuckled amongst the rage steaming through him. For the second time in twenty-four hours he’d been called a bastard. Catchy phrase, he thought to himself, almost fitting since his father didn’t act like a father at all.

Disheartened, he thought of Melissa. He would give her a while to calm down and then he would go see her and talk to her again. What kind of hell had Vanessa created between them? It can’t be over, he convinced himself. She’s in love with me after all, bastard that I am.

By noon, the low clouds began dissipating and the bright sun peeked through, streaming brilliantly onto Melissa’s, sleeping features. Awakened in annoyance by the brightness, Melissa turned her face away from the glare with her eyes closed and reached a hand over to grasp onto a warm body lying next to her, John’s body, only John wasn’t there. Her eyes flew open to verify as her hand patted the cold empty space beside her.

Comprehension sunk in that the nightmare had been real. Still she sat up and her gaze swung toward the spot on the hardwood floor where John kept his pouch. No pouch. As her head began to hang low she noticed she still wore her dress from the day before. Thankful for the warmth it had provided through the night, she decided to change into a comfortable nightdress, as she had no plans of leaving her bed this day.

Her horses. For the past week if she’d slept late John would get up and tend to the horses, but John wasn’t here to do it this time. She dragged her lifeless body out of bed and made her way down to the barn. After the necessary chores were done, Melissa climbed back up the stairs to her room.

As she undressed, leaving her chemise on, she thought about the last time she had worn any clothing at all to bed. It had been well over a week as she’d had John to warm her up. Fighting back tears, her saddened eyes scanned her room once more. Many memories had been created in this room in one week’s time, especially making love for the first time with a man, her mentor and friend whom she loved. She’d learned a lot about her own desires that she hadn’t known existed, but in that discovery she’d been labeled a harlot. A knot of pain flared in her belly, a reminiscent reaction to John’s last words. Her blurred focus trailed to the dressing table, spotting the memorable sponges. Oh dear, auntie is due to return today. Her mind searched for the perfect hiding place, a place where her aunt wouldn’t find them.

Just then she heard horse hooves pounding the ground, the sound nearing as the horses slowed to a halt. Where to put them? her mind screamed as she sprang in that direction, gathering every sponge and string atop her dressing table. She twisted and turned with her hands full. The front door opened and closed and Miss Beckett called out to her. Think, think. Her eyes landed on the bed. Underneath, her auntie would never check underneath the bed. She tried lifting the bed with her shoulder and full hands. She heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Emptying her hands, she lifted a corner of mattress and shoved sponges and strings underneath. The mattress fell and Melissa jumped into bed, pretending to be asleep.

A knock came at the door before the door opened. “Melissa, love, are you awake?” Miss Beckett stopped in her tracks when she saw Melissa still in bed sound asleep. She decided to unpack and try again later. Melissa apparently needed the rest.

As the door shut Melissa hugged herself tight, resolving herself to the fact that indeed her past may be just that, that maybe her future involved a new beginning. Did that beginning mean without John, without the man she’d fallen in love with?

Melissa awakened the next morning to find an unopened message on her nightstand. She sat up and opened it. The message was from her cousins in Leicester. The letter explained their situation. Her cousin George needed to travel to conjure up more business and his wife had just borne a new babe. It was a request for Melissa to help Cecilia with their three children until he returned. George could possibly be away for an extended time of three weeks. She had helped out once before and got along famously with Cecilia.

Although Melissa was intrigued by the invitation, disappointment seized her. Deep down it was John she had wanted to hear from, John and a confession of his undying love for her and that he couldn’t stand being away from her any longer, but that was a fantasy and the reality was that her cousins needed her now.

Miss Beckett sent her off with best wishes. The night before Melissa had explained about the message from her cousins, agreeing she needed the diversion. Not a word had been mentioned about Lord Blackburn, which led Miss Beckett to believe Melissa’s sadness had something to do with her mentor.

Miss Beckett took it upon herself to contact Lord Blackburn. In fact, right after leaving Melissa, she searched for him in town without any luck. Her last resort was his manor.

Miss Beckett stood before the enormous double door entry of John’s manor. Her eyes trailed over the beauty of its design while knocking on it. To live in such luxury would be heaven she thought as her gaze extended to the windows above, but to clean this many windows, she counted as many as twelve just on the front side of the manor, now that would be hell.

“Yes.” A deep, smooth voice startled her, gaining her attention.

Her breath paused for a moment when her eyes met with a tall figure of a man with dark hair accompanied by possessive gray streaks and eyes that flashed serene confidence in their light brown depths. Oh dear, what’s come over me? she thought. The instant attraction to the man standing before her came as unexpected. Never had she been so lost for words.