My Forbidden Mentor (29 page)

Her warm hand on his served to calm him, but he wanted answers involving Jack. “What do you mean he’s with you?” His tone was low but demanding. This Jack character was a little too close for comfort.

Melissa released a harsh breath before answering, her tranquil demeanor fading from John’s insistence. “Please don’t take that tone with me and let me explain.”

She was the only one besides Robert who could command his attention, the only woman in his life, other than his mother, who held any control over him.

She lifted her hand from his, placing it around the cup of tea. “Jack is my driver, nothing more,” she said in plain terms, and after taking a sip of tea she offered some to John.

His eyes were narrowed as Jack’s presence perturbed him. “No, thank you,” he said. He leaned forward, his face only inches from hers, his tone hushed but direct so only she could hear his deducting words. “He’s staying awfully close to you to be only a driver. I believe he has other intentions in mind.”

Melissa leaned forward as well, closing the inches between them. “And your lady friend down there didn’t have any intentions about you?” Her eyes narrowed as well, her voice speaking in the same whispered tone.

“I turned her down, damn it, like every other bloody female that’s come along since I’ve met you.”

At a loss for words, his honest reply certainly gave her comfort. He’d just admitted to being celibate while they were apart and she couldn’t respond, but when she did respond it was to clarify her own position. “And you don’t think I would turn down Jack if he made a move which, by the way, he hasn’t?”

John continued with the same whispered tone and penetrating eyes. “If he hasn’t there’s a reason why. You’re too beautiful for any red blooded man not to notice.”

The heated discussion between them brought about unresolved feelings for Melissa that lay fresh and harbored. “Do you really think of me as a whore?”

Now it was John’s turn to be shocked. His eyes widened then narrowed again. “Where the hell did that come from? Of course not.”

“From the last conversation we had.”

“I didn’t mean it,” he said in an instant. He wouldn’t have her believing his blistering words from that night of confusion.

“Well I didn’t know that. All this time I’ve been under that assumption.”

“I was upset and it’s something I’ll always regret.” John looked away as if to endure his painful words once again.

All this time she had taken his hurtful words and pounded them into herself, playing them over and over in her mind until she wanted to scream. Having it out in the open lifted a weight from her shoulders, but the pain he had inflicted had scarred her. She studied his distressed profile and spoke of her true feelings. “You hurt me, John. The implications that you made were hurtful.”

“I know,” he said in a soft whisper. When he turned to look at her misery shown in his eyes. “I need to talk to you.” His gaze flicked toward Jack. “Alone. We need to talk, Melissa.”

Melissa hesitated as the surprise of seeing him hadn’t worn off yet. “I’m not sure, John.” She wondered if it would be beneficial, but then she had promised herself while staying at her cousins that when she saw him again she would give him a chance to explain.

John had found her again and he wasn’t about to lose her this time, even if it meant competing with Jack, the driver. “Melissa, what can I do to convince you? I want to explain what happened.” It was an admirable request.

Her eyes lifted at the sincerity in his voice. If he knew that his innocent boy look could make her lose all restraint he’d stay young looking all the time. Even through the pain and hurt of their situation she wanted to resolve matters with him and much more. He had exposed her to a world unknown, a world she wanted to share with him, together, and have his strength and guidance through the learning of it all, but when the pain had interfered it had ripped her apart, leaving her alone to face this bright new world.

She had exposed herself to him, telling him of her feelings, unfortunately in anger and not in delight like she had dreamt of doing, but even so he knew she was in love with him and he hadn’t returned a reply in kind, not any sort of reply at all. She truly wanted to believe John.

In that moment she decided to find out his feelings somehow, someway. She needed to know because it would affect her future and she couldn’t stand not knowing anymore. “All right, John, we’ll talk.”

On the inside John was ecstatic, but on the outside only a smile of gratitude showed. He believed this was his chance to start over with her, to make everything right between them again. He wouldn’t lose her this time, although this time there would be a history of intimacy, an intimacy he longed to resume. “Thank you.”

She sensed him watching her while she sipped her tea. She met his analyzing eyes and with a shaky hand offered him some tea again. “John, would you like some?”

“Actually I would.” He took the cup from her and instead of sipping it he drank it down in one gulp.

Melissa stared at him in disbelief and watched his calculating motions as he leaned across her to introduce himself to Jack. “Jack, I’m Lord Blackburn. Nice to make your acquaintance.”

Forgetting the introductions had embarrassed Melissa. “Jack, please forgive me,” she told him.

“You’re forgiven,” Jack responded like a true gentleman, which ate at John even more.

Jack was surprised and amazed at John’s transformation. Melissa must have a knack for calming him. He couldn’t hear their whispered words but he’d heard enough beforehand to know what their conversation had entailed. It was obvious that the lord was protective of Melissa. Jack’s confidence had risen when a hint of jealousy was detected, and although Jack was dreaming of only one woman at the moment, there was an acknowledgment of Melissa’s beauty, which reminded him that he needed to send Vanessa a note about their traveling progress. Jack pulled his hand out to address John. “Likewise Lord Blackburn.”

After shaking hands John held the teacup toward Jack, saying, “Jack, would you mind? Melissa desires more tea.” John was serious, and while Melissa’s mouth about fell to her lap, Jack was contemplating.

He was sent on this journey to protect Melissa from the boastful lord. He figured she was safe enough because she seemed to handle Lord Blackburn quite well and didn’t act afraid of him, and with so many people around he decided she’d be safe for a time, so he smiled, taking the cup from the lord along with his own and replied, “Of course, Lord Blackburn. And would you like some as well?”

“No, that’s not necessary,” John responded.

After Jack strode away John turned to Melissa, his smile diminishing when seeing her expression. “What?”

“Was that necessary?”

“You were out of tea,” he commented, trying to look innocent.

“That was rude, John. It was intentional and I’ve never seen you guzzle down tea so fast in my life. As I recall you’re not a big fan of tea anyway, unless it’s laced with brandy.”

She knew him too well. When they had spent their private week together he’d had one cup of tea with her. About half way through he’d apologized while adding a sufficient amount of brandy. Giving her a grin sure to get forgiveness, he spoke truthfully. “I couldn’t help myself. He irritates me.”

“He’s not my servant, he’s my driver,” Melissa told him, then figured if it had bothered Jack that much he would have said something.

Their attentions turned to the racetrack, John pointing out certain thoroughbreds and their individual history. Jack returned, settled in his seat, and was handing Melissa her tea when John leaned over and said, “Thank you, Jack.”

Jack was surprised and nodded in appreciation.

Melissa flashed John a secret, thankful smile.

John’s attention redirected toward the track when he heard the announcement of his previous champion “Monarch”. “There he is Melissa,” he said. Adrenaline pumped through him when watching his horses race, and from the start to the end he cheered them on with pride.

Watching John now, Melissa knew without a doubt that whether they stayed only friends or resumed as lovers, somehow, someway, she needed John in her life. She joined John in cheering Monarch on and even Jack got caught up in John’s enthusiasm. For the better part of the day all concentration was focused on the races. John’s horses won six out of ten races.

As they were leaving they continued chatting about the races. True horse fanatics, Jack thought. Ah, but they seemed like more, much more than that. Vanessa had warned him about Lord Blackburn but Jack hadn’t gotten any sign of trouble yet. He would keep his eye on the lord and continue to protect his lover’s friend.

“John, is Chief here?” Melissa asked, admiring John’s towering physique through a side-glance.

“Yes, he’ll be racing tomorrow.” John continued to stride forward, unaware of her lingering observation.

“Did you bring James with you?” she asked out of designing curiosity.

John hadn’t caught on to her calculated drift. “Yes, who else?” He shifted and saw her eyes flare before him. “Please don’t look at me like that. You know I’m not prepared for that.” Why did he pretend there was less meaning in her tone when he knew her better than that?

“Wouldn’t it be a perfect place to test the waters?”

He knew what the gleam in her eyes meant. John pulled Melissa aside to jar her attention and then shifted, aiming his attention toward Jack. “Jack, will you give us a moment?” John stared him down, daring him to refuse.

“Of course, Lord Blackburn,” Jack obliged, trailing off.

What was she thinking? He switched back to her. She was about to expose the plans they had taken such care to guard. He leaned into her. “Have you lost your mind? Pay attention to how freely you speak when around others. Just as well, we are not prepared.” He spoke in a low, harsh tone. “You and I need to be on better terms for this to work.”

Her head tipped to one side, giving him a direct look. “Is that an excuse, John? You’ve had reservations from the beginning about me riding for you, haven’t you?”

He gazed down into her inquiring eyes, crossing his arms over his chest to keep from touching her like he wanted to. “I have complete faith in your riding abilities. If I had reservations before I certainly don’t have them now, but it’s not your riding skills I’m hesitant about. It’s you and I and having trust.”

“Are you saying you don’t trust me? In what way?” He needed to explain that one.

“That’s not it, Melissa. There’s a barrier between us and I don’t like it.” He stopped to look around, ensuring that they remained somewhat alone. “When you’re out there on top of Chief riding like the wind, I want you to be full of confidence. I want you to believe in yourself and the mount you’re riding. I want you to believe the only outcome for you is to win. Visualize it and make it happen.” His eyes grew large with expression and the tone of his voice elevated with excitement as he explained.

“I’m confident when I ride, John.”

“You won’t be one hundred percent if you and I are at a standstill. I know, Melissa.” He searched her eyes with his, wondering if he should share with her anything of what he’d been going through. Beautiful hazel eyes shimmered back at him, reflecting complete interest in what he was about to say. “Do you know how these past weeks have been for me? Excruciating hell, that’s how, because no matter how hard I try to put you out of my mind, no matter how involved I get myself with my thoroughbreds, lingering in the back of my mind is you.” He watched her. She stared back at him, unwavering in deep concentration. “And when you’re atop Chief, a champion horse belonging to your long lost lover, how can you help but not be distracted?”

She thought about it, her eyes mesmerized by his and the words he’d just spoken. “You’re right.”

“Melissa, I want to see you ride Chief through that finish line, believe me, I do. But you and I need to resolve this horrible mess that an insane woman has created between us. I want to kill her for what she has done to us.” He was steadily watching her reaction. “I’m glad you’ve agreed to listen to me because I want everything out in the open between us. I’m going to tell you the truth, Melissa. It will be up to you to decide whether to believe it. I hope by now you’ve known me long enough to know that I’m as honest a man as they come. I will not lie to you,” he told her as he displayed genuine sincerity.

She smiled before responding. She missed him, everything about him. “I know you won’t John and I’m anxious to hear the truth.”

He returned her smile with his own melting one. “Thank you.” As abruptly his smile began to diminish while seeing the natural blush in her cheeks paling before his eyes, and her smile turned into a frown. “Melissa, are you feeling well?” he asked, worried.

She hadn’t wanted him to witness her anguish. She had tried really hard to hide her state but her stomach wouldn’t cooperate. The rolling motion in her belly began once again as she tried to respond. Her hand clutched at her upset stomach without her realizing it until she saw John’s eyes focus on that spot. She tried diverting his attention. “I’ve become famished all of a sudden.” A pasted-on smile would have to do the trick. “I just need to eat something.”

“Has it been awhile since you’ve eaten? You seem like you’re in pain?”

The concern in his eyes placed guilt upon her for she wasn’t being completely honest with him. The more time passed the worse she was feeling, which only confirmed that she and John had created a child. Again memories of his reaction to Vanessa and their child plundered in, reminding her to investigate the truth first before making her situation known to him. “I’m, yes, apparently so. At least that’s what my body would have me believe.”

John thought her last statement odd but brushed it aside when all of a sudden Melissa began stumbling like she was dizzy. He helped her to the nearest bench and she sat. “Are you sure you’re all right?” When she didn’t answer he became firm. “Melissa, what is wrong?”

Oh dear, this was first time she’d become dizzy like that. She needed something to settle her stomach and fast. “Food. I just need something to eat, John, then it will be better.” When he didn’t look convinced, she pressed on. “It must be my emotional state at seeing you again. It hasn’t been easy for me.” At least that wasn’t far from the truth.

“I understand. Stay right here and I will get you something to eat.” After she nodded in approval John left in a swift motion to get some food.

After she ate she seemed to feel better and John verified that she could go on. On the way they said their goodbyes to acquaintances that had stopped to converse with them before heading to John’s carriage. Jack was enjoying himself until John announced that he was not needed for the remainder of the evening. “Jack I’ll take Melissa back to her room tonight. We’re going to spend some time together, so if you’ll kindly excuse us.” John turned to open the carriage door for Melissa.

Jack asked Melissa to verify. “Melissa, do you need my assistance this evening?”

John became annoyed once again but let Melissa answer for herself, telling his driver his plans for their destination.

Melissa assured Jack that John was accurate. “No Jack, I’ll be fine. Lord Blackburn is a very close friend of mine. He’ll see that I return to the hotel safely.” Her hand went to his arm, reassuring him. “Do something for yourself. Surely there’s some activity you’d enjoy doing.”

He was keenly aware of John’s continued glare out of the corner of his eye so he conceded. “Yes, I’ll go catch a card game. I’ll see you in the morning then.” Flaunting an infinite smile, he left.

They stopped by a nearby pond surrounded by shade trees. They stayed in the carriage for privacy while Jess, John’s driver, sat by the pond reading a book.

For a flare of a second while sitting across from John, Melissa watched him and thought about the chance that she was carrying his child. It would be a handsome child she imagined, looking over the potential father while he took off his coat and loosened the collar of his shirt. John caught her gaze and returned a look of significance.

She didn’t say a word but just watched and waited. This was the moment of truth. John cleared his throat, keeping his gaze steady. “First, I want to apologize on Vanessa’s behalf for her obscenely rude behavior toward you.”

“John, you don’t need . . .”

John interrupted her. “Melissa, please. I understand, but I feel it’s necessary. Please let me finish.”

She nodded in agreement.

He took a calming breath. “I never did find out what she had said to you but regardless, her actions were uncalled for. I remember telling you that she was a past lover of mine.” He stopped to find that her reaction hadn’t changed. “I had not seen her for quite some time and the last couple of times I had, her behavior seemed suspicious. I thought by not associating with her anymore that my problem would be solved,” he chuckled. “How wrong I was,” he said with a shake of his head. “It started with confronting you that day and then trying to trap me.” His features turned solemn. “As you know I will not marry a woman I do not love, and I certainly do not love Vanessa.”

Yes, John, but do you love me? Melissa cried in silence.

“I thought about your reactions later and realized that marrying Vanessa hadn’t bothered you so much as the mention of the child had. I can only imagine that at the time you assumed the child to be mine.” He saw in her eyes that his assumption had been confirmed. “It’s not,” he clarified.

The child is not his? “You’re sure?” she asked, because that would explain his reaction toward the child.

“One hundred percent. Vanessa will attest to that.” Softness claimed his stressful features. “I never, ever went without protection with her, or for that matter, with any other woman except you.”

“Only me?” Melissa asked, dumbfounded.

“Yes.” His hand posed the familiar gliding motion across the top of his velvety black head, smoothing stray hairs. “I have to admit it’s the last thing on my mind when I make love to you.” John’s hand dropped to his side by sheer determination as the urge to touch her became immense.

Those honeyed cheeks of hers reddened. He hadn’t witnessed her shyness since before their first intimate encounter.

“I understand the distraction,” she said, quite aware her cheeks showed color if the heat burning them was any indication.

“Yes but that doesn’t excuse my behavior.” He grinned before becoming serious again. “To finish my explanation, I couldn’t figure out why Vanessa had asked me to marry her. I didn’t know if you knew that, but she did.” Melissa nodded in conformation that she did. “Well I tried to find out the reason why but she wouldn’t tell me, at least not until a couple of nights ago when I confronted her about it again.”

“Who is the father then?” Melissa inquired, more anxious to hear about that than Vanessa’s marriage proposal.

“I’m quite embarrassed to say, but I’m also so angry with Vanessa that if I didn’t have some kind of human decency I would kill her. That’s between you and me.”

“Of course.” Melissa didn’t want to seem impatient, which was not an easy task for her. “But who is the father, John?”

“This also remains between you and me.”

“Of course.”

“It’s my father, Melissa.”

“What? I could have sworn you just said your father?”

“That’s what I said. There’s something evil about Vanessa, for she planned the whole thing.”

“You’re jesting.” Melissa gasped in horrid realization.

“No, I wish I were, and now I must figure out a way to save my heartless father from scandal and financial ruin when she tries to trap him into marriage.”

“What she’s done to us is bad enough, but your father?”

“It’s retaliation against me,” he said. Their gazes held, allowing John to witness the astonishment that he himself must have shown in front of Vanessa. “Do you believe me, then?”

“As farfetched as her actions are, yes, I believe you, and I want to apologize for my behavior. I wasn’t myself. I didn’t let you explain and I feel awful about that.” When she saw John start to shake his head, a short burst of anger toward Vanessa burst free. “She shouldn’t be putting you or your family through this, John. She’s vicious and deceitful and . . .”

His hand came up to halt her. “Or you. I see now how it would look to you. I’m so sorry Melissa for this whole misunderstanding that has kept us apart.”

“I believe you,” she reassured because he looked so hurt.

“Forgive me Melissa for saying those things I didn’t mean. I felt so lost, so confused by your reactions that I lashed out.”

She wanted to grab him from across the carriage and hold him tight, wanted to comfort him and let him know that she still cared, still wanted him, and still loved him. “John, now that I’ve listened to the truth I understand. We were victims of a manipulative plan to destroy us, but we’re stronger than that. We’re a team and being involved in racing horses we have a strong connection to each other.”

John concentrated on what she didn’t say, disappointed that she didn’t finish speaking the truth. She’d said too much not to know what she would have said. Because the moment was tender, any more pressure on her might backfire, which was obvious when she changed her tactic, so he kept his feelings to himself, letting her decide when the time was right.

Melissa held out her hand to shake. “Friends still?”

He hesitated, realizing how right he’d been in assuming that she needed more time and less force. Reluctantly he took her hand in his and shook it. He smiled, knowing they were more than friends and how ridiculous it seemed to agree to just that. “Friends still,” he said squeezing her hand, adding, “Although, I desire more,” just to make her aware of his intentions.