More than Just Sex (22 page)

Got it?

BONUS TIP!

Try putting a very small pause in front of the command. I do mean a
very
small pause (just slightly longer than you would usually give a comma when reading), to help to mark the command out from the rest of the sentence. In NLP we call it an analogue mark, but all you need to know is that it really helps.

‘Isn’t it funny
[slight pause]
we should be together
[slight pause]
like this.’

Now if you add in a subtle point to yourself just after the embedded command, then the words
‘like this’
take on a new and significant meaning, too.

Get it?

EXTRA BONUS TIP!

A few stock phrases to get you going

‘I could
feel the excitement
…’

‘It’s just
like me
to…’

‘Sometimes you have to
take a chance
on…’

‘You can
find the perfect man
[touch or point to yourself] for you if you know
where to look
[again, subtly indicate yourself].’

‘Isn’t it great when you can
feel a connection growing
?’

‘Did it
feel good
?’

‘Could you
imagine us in the future
?’

The last one works great after a discussion about life goals!

PULLING IT ALL TOGETHER

All of the phrases above fit very naturally into conversation but take on a whole new meaning when you embed a cheeky little command or two.

Now let’s start joining the dots up with a presupposition and then an embedded command.

‘When you’
presupposes that the person is going to do the thing or experience the state you describe, so it’s no longer open to debate or doubt.

‘
When you
[time-based presup]
feel irresistibly attracted
[EC] to someone, [point to yourself to anchor] do you
find yourself compelled to act on it
[EC]?’

Here I have overlapped the ‘when you’ presupposition with two embedded commands and even an anchor, simple when you know how! But before you start trying to seduce people with embedded commands it is important to spend time practising, so that your technique is flawless. You wouldn’t sit down at the piano in public if you had just learned to play ‘Chopsticks’ would you? You need to practise, practise, practise.

If you go out and attempt to use embedded commands without practising, your speech will sound awkward and disjointed and you will have no success at all. It’s not the piano’s fault that you can’t knock out a tune, is it?

The best way that I know to practise and master the use of embedded commands is by creating a whole bunch of commands that you can actually hear yourself saying, in other words commands that flow well with your regular speech patterns and social situations. Powerful embedded
commands don’t have to be complicated. In fact, the simpler the better, so this part should be easy.

Homework

Just sit and write out as many embedded commands as you can that feel
totally natural
for you now.

Once you have a vocabulary of embedded command phrases, practise speaking them into a recorder (your phone probably has a voice-recording function). Keep practising and playing your recordings back to yourself until your embedded commands flow smoothly, to the point where you believe no one would ever suspect that you are using this powerful seduction technique. The more natural it feels, the more natural it will sound and the more successful it will be. But, like anything worth learning, you need to practise to get really good. Trust me, the reward is well worth the effort.

Fieldwork

Next, it’s time to take your commands to the street, even if you’re not quite ready to take your new skills on active service yet. First, I want you to get used to delivering the lines to real people but without any added pressure of trying to get an outcome. When you are out shopping, try out one of your commands. If you’re at work, try one out on the phone. Remember that out of context they will not have the same effect, but as you become more familiar with using language deliberately it will flow much better and eventually become subconscious for you.

What feels awkward at first will quickly become second nature to you as you practise. Soon you will be able to use commands competently and with intent, to dramatically improve your chances.

But when you do, pay close attention to how the person reacts while you are speaking to them. Some commands will work better than others, so try to gauge which ones have the desired effect and which ones don’t. This way you can edit and refine your embedded commands for the future, keep the good ones and ditch bad ones. If you stumble the first few times in a real social situation, don’t worry. It is perfectly natural, as you are now in the real world, where the prize is sitting right in front of you.

Don’t worry – as I said, with practice, it will become second nature and you will soon find yourself settling into a rhythm where embedded commands become totally natural for you.

Don’t forget that the ‘art’ of conversation and seduction is a two-way interaction, not a monologue. So make sure you listen even more than you talk. You have to – that’s the ONLY way you’ll know what to do next.

By now, you’ll likely have used all your MAN-ipulation skills, tips and tricks to get to the point where you are hanging out with one or more than one woman. These days, it can be assumed that unless you have had ‘the’ conversation then the default setting is that you are both free to ‘date’ multiple people before becoming ‘exclusive’ with one partner.

It is called dating for a reason and, before you even reach for your diary, I want you to get very clear and honest (at least with yourself) about why you are going on a date with her specifically in the first place.

If it is anything other than some version of ‘to have fun and find out more’, then you are setting up an emotional disaster, for one of you at least.

If you set out with the thought that ‘This could be the one, oh wow, this could be
the one
– I’d better not f*ck it up’, you can be guaranteed that that’s exactly what is going to happen. Equally the opposite is true too, if you are on
a date because there is nothing decent on TV, and she’s your best option – at the moment – then you are not being ethical or fair.

Also remember what’s in your boat and what’s not, and that you can’t control any aspect of what is going on in the rest of her life. She might also be dating three other guys, and you are just Mr Tuesday Night. She might be considering whether to take the big overseas promotion she’s been offered at work, or she might be so messed up from her previous relationship that she has just managed to hold it together long enough to chat to you in a bar and agree to see you again. She might be none or all of those things, and infinitely more, too.

You cannot control any of those things. All you know for sure is that there was an attraction and that now you have both agreed to spend more time together – end of story! Anything else is just made up and, as with any made-up stories you tell yourself, they are just that: works of fiction. If you believe them, they will take you to a land far, far away from the reality of you and a girl hanging out together in the spirit of ‘This is me, who are you? Let’s find out.’

IF YOU’RE NOT THAT INTO HER, DON’T GET INTO HER!

There is, of course, another ‘intention’, which you could very likely be taking out to play with you, and that is that if you get lucky, she might have sex with you.

In the world of the PUA, they call this the ‘F close’ but, trust me, if you are looking for something more
meaningful, then having sex with her on the first date is an absolute no-no.

This is for two main reasons, and both involve your own emotional wellbeing.

If she sleeps with you on the first night, do you think that therefore she generally sleeps with all first dates? What about all those other guys she might be dating? For a while you might convince yourself that you are special and that what you have is more than she has ever had with anyone else. But, of course, what generally happens is that over time the ‘wow!’ spark starts to diminish, as the relationship changes gear and moves into a more mature, but potentially more volatile phase. This usually happens about six weeks in.

For the first month or so it’s great, exciting, fun. The sex is amazing, and you wonder where she has been all your life. But then comes the night when you need to work late, followed by the night when you want to go out with the lads and she wants to go out with her mates. On that night you don’t get any attention in the bars and maybe you’re not feeling quite so self-confident so you send her a text. Then if she doesn’t reply, your ‘small head’ goes into overdrive. Where is she? Who’s she with? What’s she doing? Your brain flashes back to the night you met and how you were laughing and joking, as you worked your ‘magic’ on her and she lapped it all up and you ended up in bed together…

You can’t help but wonder and picture if that is exactly what is happening all over again, and whether the guy that you replaced that night is now you. It’s happened, right? I know you have done some version of that to yourself in
the past. I think every single guy on the planet has gone through his own version of that same emotional nightmare.

First, you should notice that it is just a story. You really are just making it up and making yourself feel bad. But at the same time, you should realize that there is a really easy way to vaccinate yourself against it. Don’t sleep with her until it means something, and in a single move you will achieve so many things to set yourself up for a much happier future.

First, she won’t think you just want sex. Second, you won’t have a nagging doubt for the rest of your relationship with her. And third, you avoid the pitfall of sleeping with her, then deciding that you don’t want to see her again, and having to avoid the phone, your favourite bar and looking over your shoulder every time you go out, just in case she’s there wanting to ‘talk’.

For most women (not all, I concede), sleeping with someone is a far bigger deal emotionally than it is for men. Partly it is hormonal, partly emotional and partly (and think about this) it is physical. She is letting someone else actually be inside her body. How would you like it? Make no mistake; it’s a big deal!

SELF-WORTH, A LOT!

I know plenty of guys for whom pulling on a weekend is a measure of their self-worth. If they pull they feel validated, if they don’t they feel worthless and weak.

Whether you get a girl and how hot she is should not be the scale on which you measure yourself as a man. There
are far more important things (that you can control) than that, so check in with those. Check in with all those things that let you know that you are OK AND have a hot girl in your life to complement them. This is the key to a happy and fulfilled personal life. You want a life that is ‘fulfilled AND’ rather that ‘not fulfilled because… ’ Remember, if the source of your happiness is anywhere on the outside of you, it can be taken away in a heartbeat. She could take that job overseas, decide that Mr Wednesday Night is a better bet or remove your self-worth for any one of a million reasons, over which you have no control whatsoever. Don’t leave yourself open to it.