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believe the impossible and it just wasn't fair to force his hand in admitting something he couldn't understand. He was hurting enough as it was and I refused to cause him any more pain, even if it meant me dying again.
I got in my car and headed for my apartment. With my deadline nearing, I wanted to get all my stuff arranged to make things easier on Serena. Tears flooded my eyes. I didn't want this to be over yet but the choice was out of my hands.
Pulling up to a stoplight, I sat there and waited for it to turn green. I nearly had a heart attack when the passenger door opened and Ross climbed in without a word.
"What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you were going to carjack me or some shit," I yelled at Ross.
"I'm not letting you give up. You can have your pity party right now but by the time we get home, you're done.
You need to man up and take charge of your destiny."
I kept my eyes forward as I spoke. "Okay, first off, stay out of my fucking head and, second, it's none of your business. I know you will lose your wings and I'm sorry about that but I just can't make him love me." Ross reached over and slapped the back of my head and I yelped in surprise.
"This isn't about me, it's about you. You can be a 136
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complete dumb ass sometimes. Did you know that?"
Damn. I just made my angel cuss.
This whole situation wasn't funny but I started to laugh. I laughed for the fucked up state my life had become and the fact my guardian angel just said dumb ass. I really didn't think angels could be profane.
Ross glared at me as if he wanted to wring my neck.
"Laugh all you want but, believe it or not, I would rather lose my wings than see you hurting because of me. I messed up your life for the past twenty-five years and I really wanted to make it up to you. I didn't want to tell you this but I have been keeping watch over Shawn and it isn't that he doesn't love you, it's just he doesn't understand."
My head swung around to look at Ross. When I did that, I pulled the steering wheel and the car swerved. I righted the wheel and pulled over to the side of the road.
"Did you just say he loves me? Isn't that enough to save me?" I shouted at him. This was good news.
He put a hand on my shoulder. "Sweetheart, it doesn't work like that. The rules were specific, Shawn has to say the words
I love you
by the end of four weeks. Just thinking and feeling it doesn't count. That being said, if he's thinking and feeling it, he does love you. We just need to find a way to get him to say those words."
My excitement faded. How was I going to get him
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to say
I love you
when he couldn't admit to himself that he even did? "I can't keep pressuring him. I love him so much and all I'm doing is causing him more pain. I want to live, I really do. I want my life with Shawn but I can't force him."
I pulled the car back on to the road.
"You give up way too easy, my friend. I know what you're saying but like I said some things are just meant to be."
I looked over to see Ross staring out the side
window. I had no idea what he meant but this was over. In five days, I would leave this world. It sucked but at least I got to feel Heaven on Earth for a little while. My time with Shawn was worth dying to get.
"Hey Ross, why don't we call Serena up and see if she wants to go out to dinner tonight? It'll be fun."
I kept my smile on my face as we walked up the
two flights of stairs to my apartment. I was going to enjoy what time I had left and spend it with my sister and Ross.
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It was Friday and raining, that sort of summed up my week. The construction site shut down due to the weather. With nowhere else to go, I headed to the bar closest to my house. If I got drunk, at least the walk home wouldn't be that far.
I ordered a beer and pretended to watch the game that was on the TV. I sat there replaying the last few weeks over in my mind. Spending time with Marc was the most fun I'd had since Marie died. Hell, the most fun I'd had in a relationship, period.
Why did he have to go and ruin everything? To
think Marc actually thought he was Marie reincarnated, that was just crazy. Then to find out Serena believed the same nonsense was just too much to bear. Marc was playing some sort of sick game, but I just couldn't figure out his motive. What did he have to gain by pretending to be Marie?
"Not a damn thing."
I swung my head around to see a man taking the
seat next to me at the bar. He stood about six feet tall, with platinum blond hair, and tan skin. He was dressed in a white silk button down shirt, taupe colored tweed slacks, 139
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and brown sandals. The man looked completely out of place in the bar.
"Is this seat taken?" The man asked with a raised eyebrow.
"It's a free country." I turned back to my beer but could see the guy out of the corner of my eye and he looked very familiar. The man said something but I wasn't paying attention so I didn't hear what he said. I looked over and he just sat there staring at me. Almost like he was looking right into my head and reading my mind.
"You're getting closer—and I said not a damn thing.
Marc isn't gaining anything by saying he's Marie."
The man's voice was smooth as honey and then it
hit me where I'd seen him before, Marc's apartment. This was the guy Marc claimed to be his roommate. Why was he here now? And oh my God, he just answered my freaking questions I didn't even say out loud.
"I know that look. Marc is always getting on me about personal space." The man rolled his eyes. "But if you could read other people's thoughts, wouldn't you? I mean, heck, think of all the time you'd save. Instead of waiting around for someone to open up and talk, you could just shuffle through their thoughts."
I just nodded at him. I was stunned speechless. This man believed he could read my mind and I was inclined to 140
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think he really could.
"Thanks." The man smiled at me with the brightest smile I had ever seen. The shiny white teeth lit up the entire room like a spotlight. "How sweet of you. But I have to tell you my secret, we angels have that effect on you humans,"
he said with a wink.
Holy shit, this guy was just as delusional as Marc and Serena. I couldn't stop from jumping back in my seat.
He was having a complete conversation with me and I hadn't even spoken one word.
"Please, call me Ross. You keep calling me
this guy
and the next thing you know you'll be calling me dude. I really hate being called dude."
I made to get up off my barstool and leave but this man, Ross, grabbed my arm as I went to stand up.
"Oh no you don't, mister. We need to talk."
I snatched my arm back. "There's nothing to talk about. You're crazy and so is Marc," I said through clenched teeth. I was sick of listening to this nonsense.
"Sit down, Shawn," he said sternly.
Without knowing why, I sat back down. I couldn't move. I had absolutely no control over my own body. What the hell?
"It's another one of my many tricks. I haven't had to use that one on Marc yet. He's a better listener than you."
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Ross smiled at me. "Now, you need to sit there and listen to what I have to say. And stop calling me crazy because as you can now see," he waved his hand up and down in front of my body, "I'm not."
I nodded my head, which apparently was the only
thing I could move.
"I get that this is hard for you to understand but it's the truth. Trust me, people couldn't make this stuff up." I raised my eyebrows at him. "Okay, they could but it wouldn't be true."
Ross stopped talking and sat there staring at me. I assumed he wanted a response. "Okay." That was all I could say. I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact I was stuck to my barstool by some freaky mind control.
"I really hate doing this to you, I mean the restraining part. I know you're frightened and confused right now."
"I'm not scared or confused. I'm just sick of people lying to me," I growled at him. He didn't even flinch.
Ross shrugged. "Whatever you have to tell
yourself."
"Just get to your point. I don't want to be here all day with you, listening to this bullshit."
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when you got your mouth washed out with soap for saying the F-word and you and Marie made a pact to never cuss again." Ross chuckled. "It lasted for what, a week?"
I remembered that but how did he know? It had
happened over thirteen years ago. I wouldn't have even remembered if not for Ross bringing it up.
"I know because I was there. I was never far from Marie. After the body mess up, I made it my mission to follow her around in case she needed me. I'm the reason she got put into the wrong body. If I hadn't screwed up, Marie never would have existed, only Marc. Marc is Marie and I get that it's hard for you to understand but it's the truth."
Ross lowered his head to stare at his fingers as he twisted them around and around. The guy looked really upset and I started to feel bad for him and Marc. I don't know why I should care since this was all nonsense, but for some odd reason I did.
Ross looked up. "It's because deep down you know what I'm saying is true. You have to admit the first time you saw Marc you could feel the connection and familiarity with him. It was like you knew him all your life but couldn't explain why."
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trying to tell me I'm in love with a woman."
"I want you to think about when you and Marie were growing up. Think of all the time you spent together.
Deep down, even though you knew you were gay, you still felt something for her that you couldn't explain. Something stronger than any regular friendship. She made you question everything you thought you knew and felt."
It was true. I'd always felt closer to her than anyone else in my life. Whenever she would start dating someone new, I'd feel a twinge of pain in my chest but just as soon as I noticed it, the feeling would disappear. I played if off as being an over-protective friend but maybe it was more than that.
"It was always more than that. As corny as this may sound, you are soul mates. Your soul recognized hers. But when your brain gets involved, what is meant to be and what you think is right battle each other. And in most instances the brain wins out."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Was it
possible that something like this could really happen?
Could I take this leap of faith and trust in something I never thought existed? Of course, the man sitting next to me reading my mind and holding me hostage with his
superpowers was very slowly convincing me something else was definitely at work here.
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"It is possible and you can take that leap." Ross gently placed a finger under my chin and turned me to face him. "Shawn, Marc would never let you fall."
"You make all this sound so simple and it's not," I snapped.
"Why?"
"It's just not possible."
"Mistakes get made every day and what happened to Marc was one of those occurrences." Ross's gaze fell toward the top of the bar. "You don't know what it was like to watch her grow up and see her deal with the magnitude of being a girl, wishing she were a boy. I wanted to reveal myself to her and fix it but that wasn't allowed."
"I don't understand. If it was that bad, why did she never say anything?"
"Would you have believed her? Going by the way you reacted when Marc told you, it seems he was right in not telling you all those years ago."
That hurt. I was the type of person who didn't
believe in miracles or fairy tales, but I would like to have thought I would be more understanding when it came to my best friend, but I guess I wasn't. I fell in love with Marc and I didn't even give him the benefit of the doubt. And if what Ross said were true, Marc and Marie were the same person.
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now.
"Shawn, don't get too down on yourself. It's a lot to deal with. After her parents died, she shut that part of herself down and ignored that inner need to be a man.
Serena took on a lot of responsibilities after they passed away and Marie didn't want to be a drain on her sister with the whole
I'm a man trapped in a woman's body
thing."
It still sounded so crazy. Marie seemed so happy as a woman. All the male attention she got seemed to cement the fact she liked being who she was. I never suspected anything else. Especially her deep desire to be a man.
Ross leaned over and smacked me in the head.
"Hey. What was that for?" I asked as the sharp sting radiated over my head.