I had never seen him so angry before, especially with me.
I took a deep breath. My mom always said the truth shall set you free. I hope she wasn't just blowing smoke.
"I know this because I'm Marie."
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Shawn dropped my hand and stumbled back against
the railing. "That's not funny, Marc."
"I'm not trying to be funny. It's the truth." I looked toward my apartment. "That guy in there, Ross, he's my guardian angel."
Shawn brought his hand up to his face and rubbed at his forehead. He turned to look at me. "You're crazy.
You're crazy and cruel. Have you been stalking me? Is that how you got all this information? You're using Marie to try and drag me into your sick game."
What was he talking about? Like I could make this shit up. "Shawn, it's the truth. Please let me explain." I took a step toward him and he brought up his hands to ward me off. "Shawn, I wouldn't lie about this. If you would please come back to my apartment and Ross can explain all this to you."
Shawn just kept shaking his head. I feared he might go into shock. "Shawn, look at me. Can't you feel the connection between us? Don't you feel like you know me?
I'm familiar to you but you can't explain why. This is why.
I'm Marie."
"It's not possible," Shawn stuttered out.
"It all started twenty-five years ago when I was born. That guy in my apartment isn't my roommate; he's my guardian angel, Ross. He was late getting to the birthing 125
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office and my soul got put into a girl's body when I should have been a boy." I rushed the words out so quickly I hoped he understood them. I had to make him see reason. "I wasn't supposed to die in the plane crash either and Ross brought me back so we could be together the way fate intended. You and I are meant to be together."
I reached out my hand to touch his arm and he
slapped it away. He looked at me as if he didn't even know who I was. Then he straightened his shoulders and came walking toward me. He pushed me up against the wall and got right in my face.
"What kind of sick freak makes this shit up about a dead person? Body switching and angels? Do you think I'm an idiot? You're just some crazy fuck pulling a scam on me.
Why? I have no idea but you need professional help,"
Shawn sneered into my face.
I flinched away from the venom in his voice. He
didn't believe me and therefore the chance for him to love me was gone. I started to cry. He held me against the wall so hard there would be a bruise on my chest tomorrow, but I didn't care. My heart was breaking so all the other pain meant nothing.
"Shawn, it's true," I whimpered.
"Shut up," he yelled.
I heard someone whistling then I saw Serena
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coming up the stairs. She looked up to see me pinned against the wall by Shawn. Serena's smile faded and concern marred her face.
"What's going on here?" She looked from me to Shawn.
"Serena, go wait outside. When I'm done here, I'll explain everything to you. This freak has been taking advantage of us," Shawn said without taking his eyes off me.
"I take it he told you he was Marie. It's a shock, I know." She came up to pull Shawn away from me. "But this is good news. We get Marie back but only as the man she was supposed to be. Isn't this great?" she said with a smile.
Shawn's eyebrows pulled up as he stared at Serena.
"Have you lost your freaking mind? This is crazy talk. This man has been lying to us and playing on our emotions.
Don't you see that?"
Serena let out a small chuckle. "How did my brother play on your emotions? Did he ever talk about Marie or use her memory to seduce you?"
All I could do was watch and listen. Serena was in sister mode and nothing would stop her right now. Hell, she might have better luck explaining this crazy mess to him.
Shawn stared at her in disbelief. "Oh my God, 127
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you've been brainwashed. Let's get out of here now."
Shawn moved to grab her arm and she stepped back. She stood next to me and put her arm around my shoulders in solidarity.
"No. Maybe you can leave him in his time of need but I won't." Serena's voice got stern. "I guess my brother's okay to fuck but not to believe in. If you would stop being such a jerk and listen to him all this would make perfect sense."
"You're all fucking crazy. I'm out of here." Shawn turned around and stomped down the stairs.
I went to chase him but Serena grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "Little brother, let him go. Shawn needs to cool down. Going after him now will just make it worse."
"But… bu…" I was crying and my mouth couldn't form words. I was hiccupping so hard my whole body shook.
"Oh sweetie, it's going to be okay. I know we're running out of time but between you, me, and Ross we will figure something out."
Serena smoothed the hair out of my face as I looked up at her. "But what if we don't?"
"Don't think like that. We'll get that pig-headed man to see reason, okay?"
I just nodded. Words were failing right now. I let 128
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my sister walk me back to my apartment where I broke down into a hysterical mess. Ross and Serena did their best to cheer me up but it didn't help. I could have very well signed my own death warrant, cost my angel his wings, and caused the love of my life to die of a broken heart all because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
After a few hours of talking, or rather Serena and Ross talking, they let me go to bed. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Shawn's smiling face. I prayed this all would find a way to work itself out. I pulled my pillow up over my head and cried myself to sleep.
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I just barely got through the weekend. If not for Ross and Serena, I probably would have stayed in my room the entire time. They told me not to give up. If I had no hope then how did I expect Shawn to come to grips with everything? I had to believe this would work out for the best.
Shawn hadn't called all weekend, not that I expected him to but I had hoped. I tried calling him but he wouldn't answer or return my calls. He thought I lied and used him. I understood how all this would sound absurd to another person but this was my reality. I would give anything to have him give me a chance to explain or at least try to.
Serena gave me the whole hold your head high
speech and how we Carters never give up. Well this one was ready to toss in the towel. She couldn't possible understand where I was coming from.
It was Monday and I was at my desk staring at my computer monitor. The last patient of the day had left and now I just sat lost in my own pitiful thoughts.
"Hey Marc, how's it going?"
I turned to look at my sister. She was my rock,
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much and to know in five days I would be leaving again had me bawling like a baby. This emotional occurrence happened a lot lately. I wasn't afraid of dying. I just didn't want to leave my sister or Shawn all alone again.
"Oh sweetie, no tears, we will get this figured out."
She came around the desk to hug my shoulders. I
took a deep breath to try to calm my nerves. "How, Serena?
Shawn won't even return my calls."
Serena smiled down at me. "I have never known you to let something stop you from getting what you want."
I scrunched up my eyebrows at her. "What do you mean?"
Serena moved to sit on top of my desk. "Remember in high school, that guy you wanted to go to prom with?" I nodded yes. "If I remember correctly he said no and you pestered him day and night until he said yes. You called, left notes, you pretty much stalked the poor kid, but in the end he thought you were charming and super sweet and went to prom with you."
I hadn't thought about that in ages. I smiled to myself as I remembered Alex. He was the best prom date ever, and we had an amazing time together. He did say he thought my persistence was weird and attractive all at once.
Could my obsessive behavior work with Shawn?
"I see those wheels turning. You need to go over 131
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and talk to Shawn. If you have to stand outside his house the whole night, so be it." Serena reached out to cup my cheek. "Sweetie, Shawn is a lot more important than getting a date to a dance. Don't you think you should show that same persistence toward him?"
I wiped at the tears on my face. She was right. I got up, gave her a hug, and left the office. Once in my car it became clear what I had to do. Shawn might not want to see me or hear what I had to say, but too bad. I at least needed him to know I loved him before I left this world, again.
Shawn's house was dark and absent of his truck. I parked my car along the curb and headed for the door. I still had my key so I just let myself in. The house was eerily quiet without Shawn's presence inside. As I walked around the living room, two photos sitting side by side on the mantle caught my attention. One was of Shawn and me when I was Marie and the other one of us from a few weeks ago.
I had forgotten we had taken that picture. I was sitting on his lap as he snapped the photo. He held the camera out in front of us, so the picture was just of our faces. We looked so happy that day and we were.
I picked up the frame and carried it back to the couch. It must mean something that he kept the picture out 132
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and he must have just placed it there recently. I hadn't seen it the last time I'd been here. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope.
I curled up on the couch, hugging the picture to my chest, and fell asleep.
* * * *
"Wake up."
I grumbled and rolled over. I was sleeping better than I had in days and now someone wanted me to wake up from an enjoyable nap.
"Marc, why are you in my house?"
I slowly opened my eyes and took in my
surroundings. I was still at Shawn's house on his couch.
When I sat up, I noticed Shawn sitting on the coffee table in front of me. He didn't look mad but he didn't look happy to see me either.
"Why are you here?"
I swung my legs over the side of the couch and sat up. "I'm sorry to show up like this. I still have my key and since you wouldn't talk to me, I thought I would come over to speak with you face to face." I watched as Shawn nodded and stared at the floor. His blond hair acted as a curtain and covered his face so I couldn't see his 133
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expression.
Shawn sat still for a minute then looked up. "Most people would take that as a hint to stop calling." Shawn's lips curled up at the corners and for one fleeting moment, I thought he might smile.
"Maybe so but they never had as much to lose as I do." My voice cracked and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. "I've missed you, Shawn."
Shawn leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He wouldn't look me in the eye. He kept his focus just to the left of me. "I've missed you, too, but everything you said the other night is just crazy. I really think you need to get some professional help."
"If I thought it would help, I would. But what I said is the God's honest truth." I leaned forward and put my finger under his chin to turn him to face me. "I'm not lying.
I would never lie to you. I've known you my whole life and I only lied to you once."
Shawn pulled away from my touch. "Marc, stop it.
This isn't funny."
"You don't believe me? We were seven years old and I broke your red Power Ranger and blamed it on your dog. I didn't tell you the truth until we were sixteen and found it in a box of your old toys. I never lied to you. Even when I thought the guys you were dating were complete 134
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assholes, I told you."
Shawn sat there in a state of disbelief. My words started to penetrate his thick skull but he fought the truth tooth and nail. The fact that I had knowledge of things he thought I couldn't possibly know was truly messing with him.
"How do you know about that?" Shawn whispered.
I scooted to the edge of the couch and held his stare.
"Haven't you been listening to me? I'm Marie. I know this is hard for you to believe but I am. Ask me anything and I'll tell you."
Shawn shook his head. "I'm not playing this sick game with you, and I'm done listening to you disrespect my best friend's memory like this. I don't know how you tricked Serena but you're not fooling me."
I got off the couch and knelt between his legs. He didn't flinch when I touched his cheek. "Shawn, it's not a game and I would never do anything to hurt you or Serena.
I love you both too much to ever do that." I leaned forward and kissed Shawn's soft sweet lips one last time. "I love you, always have, always will. Please remember that and take care of Serena."
With that, I got up and walked out the door. I
wanted him to stop me from leaving and confess his undying love to me, but he didn't. I was asking him to 135