Him (17 page)

"So that's a good thing
, right?" I tease.

He shakes his head at me so I kiss him, pulling him down so that all of his weight is on me. He's sweaty
. I'm sure I am too, but I love the way he feels, the way he smells. I don’t know why, but I start giggling. He lifts his head to look at me.

I cover my mouth with my hand
. "We just did it, Will."

He laughs
. "Why is that funny?"

I can't stop
. I'm shaking. "I just can't believe it."

"I love you, even when you're a crazy person
." He brushes his nose against mine.

"I've loved you for so long
," I confess, laughter gone.

He reaches up to smooth some hair from my face
. "How long?"

"Seventh grade."

"You did not." His eyes widen.

"Alright
, maybe it wasn't love love, but I had the biggest crush on you."

"I never knew
. I never thought—" He just shakes his head, then lowers it to kiss my neck right below my ear before saying, "I wish I had known."

"Why?"

"We could have gotten together sooner."

Chapter 17

Present

I go find my seat and hesitate when I see Will's arm resting on the back of my chair.

As though he senses me, he looks back at me. "Fall in?" When I ignore him, he goes on. "So I went over with Brian this morning to help pick up your wedding gift. Pretty big coincidence out of everything they registered for, we picked the same thing."

He pulls my chair out for me
, and I sit. Seeing a server, I order a drink. This is going to be a long night. I'm on my second drink by the time food is served. I have only taken one bite before the DJ announces the arrival of the new Mr. and Mrs. Miller. We all stand and applaud as they walk in hand and hand. They come and sit down to eat while Justine and Curtis go to the center of the ballroom to give their toasts. It’s cool to hear more about how Christine and Justine met.

They met in elementary school, the first day of fo
urth grade. During roll call, they say that they were the only girls in the class whose names ended in 'ine'. Once they learned how close they lived to one another, they formed a club and called themselves the Ine's and would not let anyone else join unless their name also ended in it. Justine had everyone laughing as she cringed and said they were only fourth graders and that was as creative as they got. Curtis lived next door to Christine growing up and hated them. He moved towards the mic to confirm that, yes, he did in fact hate them. Brian had only known Curtis as long as he had known Christine, but it was Curtis and Justine's approval that clinched the second date for Brian in the beginning. Curtis tells a very funny story during his toast of when he pulled Brian aside to explain the whole 'Ine' thing to him and make sure he knew Justine was not a best friend. She was a sister to Christine. It had been clear to both Justine and Curtis how much Brian cared for Christine, and they gave him their blessing before he even knew he was going to propose.

After they finish their toast
s, other people clink their glasses and make toasts. Christine's father makes an especially sweet one that brings tears to many eyes. He speaks of how Christine is not only his only child but still his little girl and he can rest because he knows Brian will spend the rest of his days doing everything in his power to make her happy. Since my father is not much of a talker, his toast is perfect for him. He raises his glass. "To the bride and groom. Your mother and I love you both very much. Welcome to the family, Christine."

I tense when Will st
ands and gives his toast. "I work with Christine and have known Brian forever. He saw me having lunch with Christine one day and had to meet her. In our infinite wisdom, we came up with a plan to get them together. It was clear there was something there when Brian called me after their first date and could not stop talking about her. He told me he thought she was the one. I remember telling him to tell her that, to make sure she knew every day just how much he loved her and how she was the only one for him. Don’t make the mistake I did and let the one get away. He took my advice and almost scared her away by coming on too strong. Moral of the story, given my romantic history, is they were clearly meant for each other, considering I got involved and they're still together."

When Will sits back down I look at him, almost not surprised to find his eyes on me. This whole week has been so strange
. I have never felt closer to that night than I do now. I never stopped loving Will. I just tried to throw myself into my work to ignore it for all these years. I just feel so confused by Will. It’s clear he still feels something, but what? Is the whole reason he made such a big deal about wanting to talk to me so he could have a chance to apologize? Well, I don’t want his apology. You don’t get to break someone's heart and think everything is fine just because you say sorry. That's just not fair.

I turn my head back to the dance floor when the DJ announces the first dance.
Christine's dress has loops and buttons to secure the train to the back of her gown so she won’t have to worry about anyone stepping on it while she dances. I'm trying so hard to be happy for my brother, but it's hard. When you're busy, it's easy to ignore couples and romance. The only days that really suck for me are Valentine's Day and June 17th, the anniversary of that night. I signal the server for another drink. With any luck, I'll be numb before the night is over. Will catches my eye when the server hands me my drink and raises a brow. I give him a half smile and take a drink. I start to second-guess my plan to get drunk when I start imagining Will's lips on mine. I push my drink away and pour myself some water. I need to stay in control tonight.

Brian comes to ask me to dance after the father daughter
and mother son dance. I'm happy for an excuse to get away from Will. Brian is so happy. I can't help but relax during our dance, until I see Will move behind him and tap Brian on the shoulder.

"May I cut in?"

I shake my head, but Brian has already given Will my hands. The look they exchange as Brian walks off the dance floor makes me wonder if they planned this. When Will's hand slides around my waist and he pulls me to his chest, I forget what I was thinking about. Will was always a great dancer. He leads me around the floor smoothly as he looks down at me. I want to look away, I do, but instead I drown in the sea of his blue eyes.

He seems just as captivated yet cautious, like he knows I'm thinking of running away again. A big part of me wants to but Sawyer
is right. I need to grow up. I'm not that young girl who ran away in the first place. I've changed, and maybe it's time to finally free myself of this pain that I have held onto for so long.

When the song ends
, we stand together as the next song starts before I start to pull away. I've regained my ability to think again and am fighting an internal battle with myself on whether to throw myself at Will or put as much distance between us as humanly possible. I'm scared of how I still feel for him.

Part of what scares me so much is I don't know what he wants from me. Since I've been here
, he's only said that he wants to talk, and he's asked me why I left. In the toast he just gave, when he said he let the one get away, did he mean me or Jessica? She's engaged now. He could have been talking about her. Will takes my hand, and we walk off the dance floor together. Instead of taking us to our seats, he walks us out into the lobby. He doesn’t let go of my hand.

"Sarah
, what did you mean when you said Jessica was the reason you left?"

"I leave t
he day after tomorrow, Will. What’s the point in even doing this?"

"What's the point? Sarah
, you broke my heart when you left, and you tell Brian I don't get to hurt. I think I deserve to know what happened."

I snort
. "I broke your heart?" I sink into a chair behind us, talking about this is going to be harder than I thought. Will pulls another chair around and sits so he's facing me. He puts his hands on my knees, and I put my hands on his. Here goes nothing.

Chapter 18

Past

Since prom
, we have become even more inseparable, if that’s even possible. As excited as I am to graduate today, I am also dreading Will's trip to Italy. I twirl in front of the mirror one last time before going downstairs. I'm graduating today, and Will and I are going to Bravo's party tonight at his parents’ lake house. Will is driving me over to the school, and my overnight bag is packed. I have my gown on, but it isn’t zipped, and I'm carrying my cap. Will is being lectured by my mother about being responsible tonight.

"Forgetting anything?" Will
asks.

I mentally go over everything I've packed before hurrying back upstairs for my phone. Will catches my eye at the bottom of the stairs and winks at me when my mother isn’t looking. I'm wearing a new dress
, and it's shorter than anything else I've ever worn. I blush when I see him check out my legs. He takes my bag, and I go give my mom a hug. My parents and brother are meeting us over at the school and taking Will and I out to dinner before we leave for the party. My mom walks me out to Will's car, which annoys me because that means I'll have to wait to really kiss him. He pulls his camera out from the backseat and takes a picture of my profile as I wave to her. When we back away, he puts his hand on my thigh, making me tingle all over. He's grinning because he knows the effect he has on me. I elbow him when he turns off of my street. He pulls over onto a side street and kisses me. My hands are in his hair, and part of me wants to climb into his lap. When he breaks our kiss, his eyes are glazed, and he's breathing heavy. I'd laugh, but I probably look the same way.

"Do we really need to go to this?" he jokes.

I wrinkle my nose at him, and he turns the car around. When we get to school, we kiss again before we are separated alphabetically. I'm between Jordan Mason and Russell Morgan. We shuffle along in line until all our parents and family have been seated in the gym before our class walks in. The applause is intense. I look around, wondering where my parents are sitting. I remember where we sat when Brian graduated, but I don’t see them there. I look around for Will and grin when I find him, and he blows me a kiss. Our principal and teachers are on a stage at the front of the gym. He welcomes all of us and gives a speech about hoping we all rise to the potential that is within us.

He turns the
mic over to our class valedictorian, who turns out to be a girl I have never seen. I look back to Will and raise a brow. He laughs, shaking his head. I guess he doesn’t know who she is either. Her speech is short and sweet. I still have no idea who she is, but I'm a fan of her not taking forever. I cannot say the same for the keynote speaker. I miss his name, but he apparently graduated from our school and is now a writer somewhere. I fiddle in my seat. My ass is asleep, and if I do not stand up some, I may have to hobble across the stage.

I think the whole auditorium breathe
s a sigh of relief when he finishes. Row by row, our class makes its way across the stage. Our row stands when the last person from the row ahead of us heads towards the stage. Standing gives me enough time to feel blood circulate again, so I’m not walking like an idiot. I’m nervous enough that I’m wearing heels. My biggest fear is tripping onto or off of the stage. My step almost falters when I hear Will shout my name. I grin in his direction and hear a wolf whistle. I wonder if he did it. Somehow, I manage to accept my diploma and move my tassel without doing anything silly. I'm back in my seat when Will crosses the stage. He's popular, so the applause he gets is huge. I scream as loud as I can and hope he hears me. The only funny part of accepting our diplomas is when JJ goes up to get his. He pauses to kiss every female teacher on the cheek.

Once our whole class ha
s their diplomas, our principal declares us graduated, and we all yell and throw our caps in the air. I have my name written in mine, and somebody hands it to me a couple minutes later. Our parents empty the stands and come to take pictures. As a mass, we start to make our way outside where there is more room. I see Will across the way with his parents. I start to walk over, but his mom gives me a weird look so I find my family instead. We take a ton of pictures and then even more once Will walks over to join us. He hugs me and gives me a sweet kiss in front of my parents. This dinner is going to be torture.

I walk over with Will to his car. We're meeting my parents at The Cheesecake Factory. When I take off my gown
, his eyes widen, and he shakes his head. He's wearing a navy blue suit with a light blue shirt and patterned tie under his gown. When we're both in the car, I look to make sure my parents aren’t around before I grab him by the tie and kiss him. I can't wait to go to Bravo's. Will keeps his hand on my thigh as we drive to the restaurant, his thumb moving slowly back and forth. His touch does something to me. I wonder if he feels the same way.