Him (14 page)

When we reached their door
, I compliment the wicker wreath they have hanging on it. Something makes me guess it’s Christine's. The door opens into a little foyer. To the right, there’s an open concept living room, dining room, and a guest bedroom they use as an office, and to the left is the kitchen and master bedroom. Straight ahead are two closets and a full bath. In the middle of the foyer sits a small round wooden table with irises.

"Must be your favorite
." I gesture towards them, thinking of the sprays I assembled.

Christine beams
. "Yes, my absolute favorite. What's your favorite flower?"

I hesitate
. Only one other person knows the answer to that question. "Lilies."

I step out of my shoes
, relishing the relief that comes with being barefoot after spending too much time in heels. Brian heads into the kitchen to make us drinks while Christine and I go to their living room. She sits on their sofa while I look around. The ceilings seem taller than both my parents’ place and my place in Denver. It makes the space feel bigger than it actually is. There are framed pictures everywhere, mainly of the two of them and a few with friends. I pause to look at one of Brian and Will. It still bothers me that I had not known how close they became after I left. There are other black and white prints that catch my eye. All shadow and light across structured objects, fence posts, deck planks, back slats of a chair. They're beautiful.

"Will
took those," Christine murmurs from the sofa.

I close my eyes, shutting them out before turning and giving her a noncommittal smile.

Brian walks in with our drinks and sits down next to Christine. I take mine and sit across from them in a rounded armchair. It hugs me. I sink deeper into it, bringing my legs up and curled them to my side.

"This is a great place
, guys." I look at my brother. "Brian, before I forget, I picked up your wedding present today. Not to ruin the surprise, but it's a heavy ass table and in the back of dad's car. He said maybe you and Will could swing by in the morning to pick it up while we're getting our salon on." I smile at Christine and she raises her glass.

Brian grins and looks at Christine
, "So is it a dark wood end table with geometric cut out carvings on the sides?"

Why does he look so happy?
"Yeah, so?"

"Will
got us the other one."

I roll my eyes and shake my head
. Of course he did. Probably even chatted Jessica up when he was there.

"Oh
my gosh," Christine gushes. "It's like you two are a matched set!"

Did she really just say that?
"Well, that was fun. Let’s talk about something else now. Please."

Brian smiles
. "Anything you want, sis. I'm thrilled you like the place. When you have a sec, go check out the kitchen. We have a balcony off of it, and our bedroom overlooks the center courtyard."

I take a sip of my drink and close my eyes
. "Geez, Brian. If you're drinking what I'm drinking, are you sure you'll be able to drive me home?"

He shrugs
. "I can always have Will come pick you up."

"Not cool
," I blurt, not thinking.

Brian leans forward
. "Seriously, what is the deal between you two?"

I look away
. "Long story," and take another drink.

"Come on
, Sarah. We have all night."

I give him a look
. "No, you don’t. You're getting married tomorrow. A good night of sleep is probably in your best interest. Speaking of, are you all even supposed to be sleeping together the night before the wedding?"

"Nice dodge
." He puts his arm around Christine. "I'd like to see someone tell me to stay away. So, you, Will. What’s the deal?"

"Brian
, leave her alone. If Sarah wanted to talk about it, she would."

I raise my glass to her
. I'm liking this girl better every minute. Besides, short of booking a flight out of here, my next plan of attack is to not exhume buried skeletons. Seems safer that way. When we finish our drinks, Christine shows me the rest of their place. Their kitchen is galley-styled with an old-fashioned farmhouse table island. There are Adirondack chairs and a bistro table on their balcony. I lean against the railing and look at the courtyard below. Christine comes to stand beside me.

"Will use
d to live in that one," she says, pointing to a condo across the courtyard. "When he lived there, he and Brian would try and throw a football back and forth." She shakes her head. "Never worked. One of them would always have to run down to get the ball." She pauses. "Did you hear about Will's dad?"

I nod
. "Will told me."

"
His mom is not taking it well, which I can understand. He's a good guy to take care of her."

"Did you know about his sister?"

Christine shakes her head. "He had an older sister who died when he was in elementary school. It was something to do with her heart."

"That's awful
. I didn’t know."

"Growing up
, I remember he never wanted to be at his house. It made him uncomfortable" I close my eyes, kicking myself for even mentioning it.

Brian comes out
. "I should probably get you back home before it gets too late."

I hug Christine and compliment her again on their place. It feels good to see my brother settled. I slip my shoes back on and take Brian's arm when he offers it. I lean into him
, feeling guilty it has been so long since the last time I saw him. He takes Sarah's car so he won't have to hunt for a spot when he gets back, opening the door for me.

On the way to our parent
s’ house, he starts again. "Why can't you tell me what happened with Will?"

I shrug
. "It hurts too much."

It
’s the truth, and it shuts him up until we reach our neighborhood.

"For what it's worth
, he's hurting too."

I shake my head, suddenly angry
. "He doesn’t get to hurt."

"Shit, Sarah
. When you say stuff like that, it makes me feel like I should kick his ass."

He parks in front of the house
. "Then it's probably best that you don’t know."

Chapter 14

P
ast

"Brian, please," I beg.

He looks up at the ceiling "Don't you have a girl who c
an help you with this?" He must see my expression fall because he quickly adds, "Sure, I'll help you."

I throw my arms around him
. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

He pats my back
. "Just know Will probably won't like the dress I pick out for you. I'm thinking something ankle-length with a built in hoodie."

I pull back and glare at him
. "Brian, be serious."

"Fine, go get your purse. We can go now."

I run upstairs to grab my purse. He's waiting for me in his car. He turns off the radio the second I have my seatbelt on. Brian is usually all about his tunes. I turn and look at him. He looks nervous.

"Everything okay?"

He pushes out a breath of air. "I'm actually happy we have this chance to hang out tonight. I know you and Will are getting serious, and I wanted to talk to you about that."

I blush
. He isn’t. He wouldn’t. Oh my God, I think he's going to try and talk to me about sex. "Brian…"

"I know you probably don’t want to talk about this
. Trust me. This is the last thing I want to talk to you about, but you're my baby sister, and I have to know. Have you and Will, well, you know?"

"No!"

He exhales. "Are you going to? Prom?"

I spin my ring and look out the window
. "This is so embarrassing."

"You don’t think this is embarrassing me?"

I glance over at him and have to hold back a laugh. He’s sweating. "I just, I don’t know. Don’t be mad."

He head whips towards mine
. "Mad? Why would I be mad?"

"Ugh
, Brian! You are not making this easy."

"Fine
. Shutting up. Please continue."

"Will doesn’t want to rush me
…"

"Otherwise
, I'd kill him."

"Brian!"

"Right, shutting up."

"I think I want to, you know
, do it." I wait for him to say something. "Brian?"

He holds up a finger so I wait, in silence, in his car, after just telling my big brother I want to have sex with my boyfriend.

It feels like forever before he replies. "I think you should go on the pill."

"Will you help me?"

"Dude, you even notice we're not headed to the mall anymore?"

I look around and realize I have no clue where we are
. "Where are we going?"

"Free clinic. You're getting on the pill."

"Brian, how do you know where the free clinic is?"

He shrugs
. "Not my first rodeo."

"
Eww."

He just laughs and pulls into the parking lot of a small brown building.

"Are you going to come in with me?"

"Sure."

After I'm signed in, we wait thirty minutes before the physician is able to see me. Brian waits for me in the waiting room during my exam. My doctor is a woman. I think I would have been so embarrassed if it was a guy. She talks to me about STDs and how my pills will not protect against them and to use a condom as well. She puts some in a bag with my pills. She also explains when I should start taking the pills and how long I need to be taking them before they're effective. Brian stands up and walks over to me as soon as I walk back into the waiting room. I giggle when I realize the staff probably thinks he's my boyfriend. Gross.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Let's just get out of here."

Once we're in his car
, he turns and asks again.

"I am
. Thanks for taking me. It was just weird."

"I love you
, Sarah, and I really don’t want to be an uncle anytime soon."

I punch his arm
. "I love you too."

"Still feel like
," he takes a deep breath, "dress shopping?"

I grin and nod.

He rolls his eyes and heads towards the mall.

~*~

"So what color is your dress?"

I close my locker
. "Not telling you."

He grabs my hand
. "I just need to know what color corsage to get you."

"Oh, I thought you
—never mind. It's black."

He chews the corner of his mouth
. "Do they have black flowers?"

I laugh and stand on my tip toes to kiss him
. "Black goes with anything, silly. We can pick whatever color we want."

He holds the door open for me as we walk out to the parking lot
. "So what color corsage do you want?"

I cringe
. "I don’t know. White or red. What do you think?"

He slips my backpack off my shoulder and tosses it with his into the backseat of his car. Closing the door
, he leans me up against his car, pressing his hips against mine. "Anything you want," he whispers in my ear as he kisses my neck.

"I want you."

He lifts his head and looks in my eyes "I'm sorry. I missed that."

I blush but hold his gaze
. "I want you."

He dips his head to kiss me
. "You got me, Miller Lite."

"Will
," I sigh.

His brows come together
. "What?"

We turn our heads when someone shouts hello across the parking
lot for us get a room. Will kisses me again and reaches behind me to open my door for me. When we're both in his car, he turns to me and asks if I'm okay.

I look down at my ring and spin it before I look up at him
. "Do you want to, you know, have sex with me?"

His eyes widen
. "Of course, but I don’t want you to feel rushed."

"I don’t
," I watch as he closes his eyes, "want to wait."

His eyes pop open and snap to mine.

I say it again. "I don’t want to wait."

His mouth is on mine, his fingers threaded through my hair. A tap on the driver's side window brings us back to earth.
Our school's track coach motions for us to hit the road. Will nods, adjusting his shorts before he starts his car.

Once we're on the main road going towards my house
, Will speaks. "Are you sure?"

Yes
. We’ve only been dating for just over a month, but it’s Will. There is no other person on the planet I would trust more for my first time. Besides, how many people can say they lost their virginity to someone they had been in love with for over six years?

"I love you
.."

He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles while he drives
. "I love you so much, Sarah Miller, so much."

I exhale and unsuccessfully try to blink back tears as I sniffle. Will, my Will
, just told me he loves me. I feel this pressure within my chest as though it's expanding with emotion I am unable to contain. Will tightly grips my hand as he keeps glancing over at me with a concerned expression on his face. He relaxes once he's parked in front of my house.

He kisses my hand once more before releasing it to cup my face. He studies me
. "Please say something."

"I just can't believe you love me too." I croak, my eyes brimming.

All of the tension drains from his face as the corners of his mouth pull up into his lopsided grin. "Believe it," he murmurs, his lips hovering above mine.

"Kiss m
—"

His mouth crushes mine before I finish my command. I lift my hands to tangle in his hair. I moan when his teeth nip at my bottom lip. If we weren't in front of my house I probably would have crawled into his lap. He breaks our kiss and looks up at the ceiling of his car as he catches his breath. I'm doing the same
, only watching his chest rise and fall as he inhales and pushes the air back out.

He turns to look at me after a couple moments
. "So much."

I nod
. "Me too."

"Can I take your picture?"

I cover my face. "I must look awful. My eyes are probably red, and my nose—"

He cuts me off
. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

His words destroy any argument I have
. I only ask that he take one of the both of us as well. He reaches into the backseat and fishes it out of its case.

"Tell me you love me again."

"I love you, Will."

I hear it click three times during. He lowers his camera and leans forward to place his lips on mine
. "Thank you."

He turns the camera and holds it out to face us, his finger ready. I lean in and kiss his cheek when I hear the click. He turns his face to kiss me
, and I hear the click again.

He pulls back and smiles
. "Hopefully we'll be in that last one."

He reaches back to place his camera back in its case. I get out and wait for him to walk around. He pulls our bags from the back seat, passing me mine before we head into my house. Before Brian caught us making out on my bed
, we would sometimes do our homework in my room. Since then, we stay in the family room. That doesn’t stop us from making out. It just makes us hyper aware of where my family members are. Brian is back at school. He comes home at least one weekend a month, but during the week, we don't have to worry about him. Both my mom and dad work, so right after school we usually have the house to ourselves. The family room is far enough from the front door that if one of my parents comes home earlier than expected we have enough time to separate and adjust clothes.

Today
, we can't keep our hands off of each other. We take a moment to spread a couple of text books and binders on the coffee table to make it look like we've been busy with schoolwork before Will pulls me on to the couch. We've made out before, even done some under clothes exploring but with our declarations of love so fresh on our lips, this time feels different. Will's shirt is off, and my button-up top is open. My bra has a front closure. Will stills when I unclasp it. I don’t uncover myself. I just lay there, holding my breath. Will's own breathing is unsteady as he holds my gaze, lifting his hands to uncover me. His touch is tender as he trails his fingertips across my skin.

"You are so beautiful
," he says in a hush tone before dropping his lips to mine.

I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen his kiss. He lowers his body onto mine
, and I feel for the first time the perfection that is his bare chest on mine. I grip his shoulders as his hips grind into me. He's turned on. Part of me wants to go all the way right now, but my parents could come home anytime. He moves onto his side, pulling me with him and unbuttons my shorts. His lips stay on mine as his hand makes its way into them. This is the farthest we have ever gone. I tense as I feel him touch me. The feeling, taking over me, scares me. A small part of me wants to stop, but it's only because I'm afraid of the unknown. I suck in a breath and close my eyes when I feel his finger slide inside me. When he starts moving it, my eyes flutter open and widen as he watches my reaction. I want to bury my face in his neck.

"Don’t
," he pleads. "Let me watch you."

I blush but hold his gaze, even when I lose control and rock against his ha
nd. I've never felt anything like this before. I feel like my limbs are numb and weighted down. It's a few moments before I can breathe normally again. The whole time, his face is a picture of awe. He seems surprised he has this power over my body. He helps fix my clothes before pulling his shirt back on. I start towards the kitchen to get us drinks, turning back when he calls out my name.

"Wear a dress tomorrow."

I look at him confused. "Why?"

He grins
. "I want to try something different." He pauses, chewing the corner of his mouth. "You'll just have to wait and see what."

I start to sag and reach my arm out to brace myself on the doorway. His chuckle f
ollows me into the kitchen. We're innocently working on homework when my mother gets home. She invites Will to stay for dinner, and I'm surprised when he declines. After he puts his books back in his bag, I walk him out to his car.

"I wish you would stay."

He puts his bag in the backseat before tugging me into his arms. "I promised my dad I'd be home for dinner tonight."

"Oh
." I try not to sound disappointed.

He cups my face and brushes his lips across mine
. "Call you after?"

I nod and rest his hands on his waist.

He rests his forehead against mine. "I love you so much."

"I love you too
, Will."

He kisses me again
, and I pull back to watch him get in his car and pull away. Once he turns off my street, I walk back into my house. My mom asks me to set the table. My dad gets home just as I finish. It's probably a good thing Will isn’t here tonight. It gives me a chance to ask my parents about my curfew for prom. When Brian was a senior, he got to stay out all night. It’s only fair that they let me.

My dad disagrees
. "Brian didn’t have a girlfriend, Sarah."

"But, Dad, that's almost worse. Don't you guys trust me not to do anything stupid?"

"Of course…"

"Well, why is it different for me th
en? Is this because I'm a girl? That's so not fair."

"Honey
." My mom puts her hand on my arm. "Let your father and I think about it, and we'll let you know."

I relax
. That means she's on my side. I avoid my dad's eyes because I don’t want him to get annoyed. As soon as I'm done eating, I excuse myself and hurry up to my room. I'm finishing my math homework when my mom peeks her head in the doorway.

"I talked to your father."

"And?"

"No curfew, but I wanted to talk to you first."

"About what?"

"Are you and Will…?"

"Mom!"

"Honey, don’t be embarrassed. I just want to know if you are being safe."

"We haven’t done anything, Mom."

She exhales
. "Alright, well if you do."

"I will
, Mom. I promise."

She walks over and kisses my forehead
. "I can't believe how grown up you've gotten."

My phone starts ringing
. "It's Will," I say.

She nods her head and walks out of my room, closing my door behind her.

"Hey, how was your dinner?"

"Good
. My dad just said he never saw me anymore."

"Oh,
That’s cool. I talked to my parents about prom."

"What'd they say?"

"I'm yours all night." I smile.