Him (12 page)

My mom ma
kes a big chef salad with some pita chips on the side. She’s trying to keep it light because we have the rehearsal dinner that night. Apparently, it’s going to be a hell of a spread, or just hell, considering Will will be there. While I eat my lunch, I blush, thinking of my behavior the day before. I feel so guilty for bailing on the slideshow, especially since Brian had asked me for my help. Lord knows what Will thought of me. Why do I even care what he thought? That internal question may have been the silliest I have ever asked myself. I will always care what Will thinks of me. It is almost part of my DNA at this point.

My mom ha
s a couple of errands she has to run after lunch so I take over the rest of the spray making. Chip hangs out with me. I try, unsuccessfully, to show him how to make one when he offers to help. Flower arranging is not one of his skill sets. Instead, he passes me the next piece I need while I make them. I have loved Chip for as long as I can remember. He seemed larger than life when I was little. He is still tall, but I had caught up to him years ago back in high school. His once dark wavy hair is starting to sport some grey, but it suits him. That is one cruelty in life. Men seem to look distinguished with age. I can only hope I will age as gracefully as my mom and Chip.

He ke
eps me entertained with all of his exploits in Florida. He has always been a bit of a player. When he speaks, though, I notice something I hadn’t before. As happy as he seems to be, part of me wonders if some of that is more for show. Could he be lonely? That isn’t something you just come out and ask someone, but the thought troubles me. When I first moved to New Jersey, my uncle Chip had become my hope that I could live alone and be happy, never settling down. If that had changed for him, what would it mean for me?

I
am so distracted making the iris sprays I almost forget I still need to get a gift. I borrow my dad's car and go to Crate & Barrel. I’m able to get a list of what Brian and Christine had registered for and what is in stock. Waiting until the last minute means most of the cool things they want have already been purchased. I settle with getting them a side table, assuming it is still on their list because no one wants to pay for shipping. When I look back at the list, I notice they had actually registered for two tables, and someone had already bought one. The table is heavy, though, so I need help getting it to my dad's car. I make my way over to the customer service and almost turn around and leave once I see her. I don’t need to see her nametag to know who will be helping me.

"Hi
, Jessica."

"Well
, I'll be. If it isn’t Sarah Miller."

I guess she recognize
s me too.

She lean
s down and sets her chin on her hand. No missing the rock on her ring finger now. "I haven’t seen you in forever. In town for a visit?"

I’m not sure I w
ill ever forget the last time I saw her. "My brother is getting married. I actually need help getting a table I'm buying out to my car."

Jessica str
aightens and presses a button on a Bluetooth-looking thing on her ear. "Carry out assistance needed at service desk," She takes her hand away and looks back at me. "Someone will be up in just a moment. Weddings are the best." She holds out her hand to ensure I see her ring. "I'm getting married in the fall."

"Oh, congratulations."

"Anyone special in your life, Sarah?"

I cringe and shake my head.

"I always thought you and Will would be married by now."

"Excuse me?"

"I always felt…" She tilts her head and changes the subject. "Would you like me to ring you up here?"

"That'd be great
. Thanks."

"It's my pleasure."

I see that someone is now behind me, so after paying for the table, I move away from the desk. A high school aged kid with a back brace comes to carry the table out for me. As we exit, Jessica waves at me, smiling, I look at my hand, shocked when I see I'm waving back. I tip the kid a five after he's done loading it and head home. It's hard not to dwell on what Jessica said. After I park, I go and find my dad to ask what I should do about the table. When I explain how heavy it is, he tells me to just leave it in the car. Brian can swing by in the morning with Will and take my dad's car to his place to unload it. My uncle Chip is still hanging out in the living room watching TV. I pick up where I left off and make more sprays.

I
am on the last spray when my mom gets back from her errands. She hurries into the room, asking why I haven’t started getting ready for dinner. I’m almost offended. How long does she think it will take me to get presentable? I finish the spray and add it to the completed pile. My mother is barking orders at my uncle as I head up the stairs. It’s not like I did any heavy labor today, so I don’t need to take another shower. I take out my dress, thanking the gods of wrinkle-resistant jersey as I shake it out. It is a charcoal, button-up, shirt-style dress with three quarter sleeves. I do my best to curl my hair the same way Christine had the other night. It doesn’t come out as good but still looks pretty when I pull half of it up with a clip. Giving myself a once over after I finish my makeup, I’m happy with how I look.

I turn to check the time
. It only took me thirty-five minutes. I consider finding my mother to prove I can clean up nice quickly but don’t want to interrupt her. I slip on some black heels, grab my clutch, and go downstairs. My father is straightening his tie in the hall mirror. When he sees me, he whistles.

"Oh
, dad," I huff, secretly thrilled. He isn’t much of a talker but always seems to know what to say or do to make me feel good.

My uncle Chip
comes down the stairs next. We hang out in the living room, waiting for my mother. She takes forever to get ready. She is notorious for changing her mind on what to wear frequently before going out. My dad only checks his watch three more times before she comes down the stairs. I have to grin. She looks beautiful. She wears a shin-length, rose-shaded, sheath-style dress with a floral scarf. She knows she looks good and pauses to let us admire her before coming the rest of the way down the stairs. My father puts his arm out to her, leaning in to whisper something in her ear when she takes it. She blushes and giggles like a schoolgirl.

Ever been so happy for someone and so aware of how lonely their happiness makes you feel at the same time? Chip offer
s me his arm with a wink, and shrugging, I take it. We may not have dates, but it’s a relief to know I will have someone to hang out with tonight. The restaurant we are going to is a bit of a drive, on a local lake. I have a mild panic attack when I realize which lake. Sometimes I feel like I will never be free of that night. I square my shoulders and tell myself to grow up. It was seven years ago. Besides, I am looking forward to meeting Christine's parents and seeing the rest of the wedding party. Well, everyone except Will.

Our group
is in a banquet room that opens up on to a deck over the lake. It’s a beautiful June evening, and the wide French doors are opened to let in the fresh evening air. I’m curious about mosquitoes but see citronella candle torches lining the deck railing. The flames mirror on the smooth surface of the lake. Chip graciously leads me to my table before joining my parents at the grown ups table. I am not surprised to find myself seated by Will. We are the only single people in the wedding party. Will looks edible, and in some cruel coincidence, I notice his charcoal suit matches my dress perfectly. He brings his hand up to scratch the back of his head. I can not help but flush as I watch his eyes drift over me.

"How are you feeling?" he ask
s as I slide into my seat.

Oh
, the migraine. "Um, better. Thank you." I avoid his eyes.

"
I just—"

"Don't."

He doesn’t stop. "—wanted to tell you how beautiful I think you look tonight."

I look at my hands in my lap as I spin my ring
. "Thank you."

"So what happened the other day?"

Shit. "Nothing."

"Sarah
—"

I glare at him, relieved when I see Brian and Christine behind him. "Excuse me
," I say getting up.

He grabs my wrist. My mouth drops as I stare at his hand. When he doesn’t
let go, I look at him. My brows are raised, and he's chewing the corner of his lips. I know what he wants. I can still read his facial expressions. He wants me to let him in. As much as part of me will always want to, I'm smart enough to know how it would all end. I shake my head, and he drops his hand. I hurry towards Brian and Christine, not expecting Will to follow me. I suck in a breath when I feel his hand on the small of my back as he comes to stand next to me.

I try to ignore it
. "Brian, Christine, I am so sorry about the other day."

Brian leans into
me and kisses my cheek. "Don’t worry about it."

Christine pulls me into a hug
. "Are you feeling better?"

I nod
. "I am, thank you."

Brian looks at Will next to me and gives him a look
. Will shrugs. I'm rescued, though, by Christine as she takes my hand to take me around the room to introduce me to her family. Her parents are divorced and both remarried. They seem to get along well enough, and I quickly shake their hands and say hello. Christine's maternal grandmother is also here and wastes no time asking if Will is my boyfriend. When I let her know he is not, she asks Christine for his number. I gape at her until she winks at me, letting me know she's joking, adding she already has a boyfriend. Um, coolest grandma ever. My grandmother on my dad's side is coming for the wedding, but her health is bad so my parents didn’t want to stress her out with dinner tonight.

Christine and I head back over to our table. Will and I are seated across from her and Brian
. Her maid of honor, Justine, and her husband, Curtis, are seated next to Christine. Another couple, Jacob and his wife, are on the other side of Brian. Roman and his girlfriend, Cindy, are sitting next to me. There is another couple on the other side of Will, but they are doing a reading during the ceremony and had not been out with us the other night, so I don’t know what their names are.

Over dinner
, Will sits quietly next to me. For a brief moment, I wonder if he is going to leave me alone. Then I feel his leg press against mine. I flinch, dropping my fork. It clangs loudly, and everyone looks at me. I elbow him when I hear him chuckle. I shiver when I feel his breath at my ear.

"I knew you would touch me at some point."

My eyes snap to his. He’s leaned back, and his arm is resting across the back of my chair.

"It was my elbow
," I hiss.

He shrugs
. "Still counts."

"That does not count."

"It does, and now you're talking to me too."

My brow
s furrow, and I know my face looks like I just sucked on a lemon. I take a deep breath. "I don’t understand why you're doing this."

He leans towards me
. "Doing what?"

"This
," I huff, gesturing between us.

"What? Talk
ing to you?"

I groan and cringe when I see Brian glance at me. He looks concerned. I turn to Will and whisper
. "Acting like nothing happened."

His blue eyes pierce me
. "I'm not acting like nothing happened."

I scoff, now earning me a glance from Christine.

"Then what are you doing?"

He's chewing on the corner of his
bottom lip. He leans back as a server comes around to collect our plates. "I just want you to talk to me."

I roll my eyes
. I can't help it. "I'm talking to you right now, Will."

He smirks
. "No you're not, you're sitting there, rolling your eyes. You might be hearing the words I'm saying, but we are not talking."

"I serio
usly don’t understand what you're trying to say."

I look up when the slide show starts.
The room is quiet when "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol starts in the background. That song, with the pictures, I just can't look away. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Brian wipe a tear from Christine's cheek and give her a chaste kiss on the lips. I become hyperaware of Will next to me. He leans forward, only to pull back again when the dessert dishes come out. He watches me as I stab at my cheesecake. I take a bite, letting it melt on my tongue, trying to block out Will altogether. I just don’t know what to do with him, and he doesn’t seem capable of telling me. He pushes his plate away and crosses his arms over his chest.

I jump when he suddenly leans towards me again
. "Sarah, can we talk outside?"

It's his expression that makes me say yes. I t
ake a sip of my water before I stand, refusing his hand. He gestures for me to go first, coming beside me, his hand again on my back. The heat emanating from his fingertips burns me through my dress. My eyelids flutter as he leads me to a path that winds near the lake. There is a bench. I sit first but move when Will sits too close to me. He stares at the space between us before looking out over the lake. I want to do the same, but I can't seem to tear my eyes from him.