Him (21 page)

I pull back, p
utting my hands on his chest, hesitating when I can't help but wonder what he looks like without a shirt on, before shaking my head. "Will, you make it sound so easy, but I still have to leave. Do you want a long distance relationship?"

He chews the side of his
lip. "Don’t go."

I laugh
. "Oh, it's that easy. What about my job?"

He shrugs
. "I'm sure they'll get by without you for a while."

My mouth drops
. "Will, it's my company."

His eyebrows come together
. "Like you own it?"

I smile and nod
. Guess he didn’t know everything about my life in Denver.

"You own a company?"

I shrug. "It's not a big company, but yes, it's mine, and this is the longest I've ever been away. I really do have to go back."

He lifts my hands and positions them back around his neck
. "I could come back with you. It’s summer break."

My eyes widen
. "You would do that? Really?"

He leans forward to kiss me
. "I'm not letting you get away from me again."

I'm thrilled
. I am but, "What about your mom?"

He takes a deep breath before his eyes meet mine
. "I've done all I can for her. I'm not even sure she'd notice if I left."

"Don’t say that
," I object, not that I know any better. I just can't imagine that.

"It's true
. I hate to say it, but she hasn’t been right since Bethany's death. I don’t know why she said what she did to you, but I believe you. I'm so sorry she did that, that Jessica did that. Please know that you have always been all I've ever wanted."

When his lip
s move to my neck, I ask, "Should we head back inside?"

"Nope, don't want to."

I laugh. "William."

He looks up when I say it and smirks, releasing my waist. I daintily step off of his lap and smooth my sk
irt. He stands, hooks his jacket over one shoulder with one hand, and takes my hand in the other.

As we walk off the patio
, he looks down at me. "Just think if you would have talked to me the first day you got back."

I elbow him
. When he grunts, I smile sweetly up at him. I hate how right he is. I had been so positive that my feelings for him were one-sided. I hadn’t even given him a chance. I’m somewhat amazed he kept trying to talk to me, considering how I acted.

Once we
’re back in the ballroom, he drops his jacket off at our table and pulls me out to the edge of the dance floor. "I think you owe me a dance, Miller Lite."

As we make our way onto the dance floor
, Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat comes on. I stop and put my hand over my thumping heart. This song used to kill me whenever I heard it. Today, I have never felt luckier to be in love with my best friend. I don’t notice that the dance floor has cleared while we dance until the song ends, and I hear everyone clapping. Will kisses my forehead as Brian and Christine come over to hug us.

"Finally got her to talk to you
." Christine laughs as Brian puts his arm around her waist.

I blush
. "Guys, this is your day. Please don’t make a big deal about this."

"M
e make a big deal?" Brian hams as he walks over to the DJ and borrows his mic. "Hey, everyone. Let's give a hand to one of my best friends, Will, and my baby sister, Sarah. Will has only been in love with her forever, and it only took like a decade for him to seal the deal. To Sarah and Will."

"To Sa
rah and Will," everyone exclaims raising their glasses.

I turn my head into Will's chest. He lifts my chin and sweetly kisses me as everyone
around us cheers. The rest of the evening, we are almost as popular as Brian and Christine. First, my mom and dad come over to gush about how they always knew we would end up together, and now this means I'll be moving back home. Will is trying not to laugh at me as I bite my lips and sweetly nod at every crazy thing that comes out of my mother's mouth. When she brings up children, my father pulls her away after I shoot him a pointed look.

Once they're out of earshot
, I raise my drink and say, "Well that wasn’t awkward, was it?"

Will just laughs and kisses me. How is he so calm about all of this?
We dance, and kiss, and can't seem to stop touching each other. His hand is either on my shoulder, or thigh, or holding my hand. When Brian and Christine leave, we join everyone outside in throwing birdseed as they get into the limo. They’re staying in a local hotel overnight and leaving for their honeymoon in the morning.

Will turns to me once the limo
pulls away. "Want to get out of here? We can get a room."

Oh
my god. "Um, I," I stammer.

I want him
. I do. I’m just not sure I'm mentally ready to do anything with him just yet. He sees my hesitation and pulls me into a hug.

It's like he can read my mind
. "We don’t have to do anything."

He says that
, but I have a feeling that is exactly what will happen if we're alone together in a room with a bed. I’m not sure if it’s a good idea, but I don’t want to leave him either.

"What if we lay down some ground rules?" I suggest.

He chews on the side of his lip. "What kind of rules?"

"No sex."

His eyes widen, and he glances up at the sky, taking in a breath before looking back at me. "Not sure I can agree to that one."

I close my eyes
. Something about the way he says that makes me picture him on top of me. Think of something else, sep-iras, Keogh plans, employer sponsored contributions. I open my eyes and lick my lips. The look in his eyes as he watches my mouth is not helping. I cannot be thinking of having sex with Will right now. This entire day has been crazy. I just need to clear my head.

"Will, I just don’t think we should rush."

His hands cup my face. "As you wish."

I smile at his Princess Bride reference
, but inside, I hope he really means it. As much as I want to throw caution to the wind and drag him to the nearest hotel, I am scared. I worry that Will isn’t grasping how difficult this may be. I've been on vacation this week. Normally, I work at least seventy hours a week, and I love it. I have done this to myself. I used work to replace Will, and now that he’s back in my life, I’m afraid I won’t be able to balance everything. Will had always been the spontaneous one. Me? I’m a planner. He threw out the idea of him coming to Denver like it’s no big deal, but how will he feel if I’m gone sixty percent of the time for work?

"Could we go somewhere and talk?"

He smirks at me like talking is the last thing he wants to do right now but shrugs, and taking my hand, pulls me over to my parents.

"Mr. and Mrs. Miller, I'm kidnapping your daughter."

My father isn't paying attention, but my mother beams and gives us a very saucy look. Mom! I shake my head and put my hand up when Will starts to say something. I'm processing the fact that my mother seems thrilled I'm leaving Brian's wedding with him. Will just seems smug. We go back inside to grab his jacket and my clutch. As we drive to my house, Will rests his hand on my thigh. The sensation of his hand there feels so familiar but new at the same time. On the drive back to my house, Will texts Brian to see if it's cool if we hang out at their place. Will has a spare key, and they’re staying in a hotel for the night. Brian seems to talk for a long time, but Will doesn’t tell me what he says, just that it’s alright for us to go over there.

Will follows me up the stairs and
watches me as I throw some things in my carryon bag for the night. It's like he doesn’t want to let me out of his sight, so I'm not surprised when he trails me into the bathroom. I grab my toiletries and pause to meet his eyes in the mirror. I cannot believe this is happening, that we are happening. The last time I was as scared and excited at the same time was when I was with him all of those years ago.

I want him,
but even admitting that to myself is frightening. I start to pull the pins from my hair. He sits on the edge of the tub as I work at removing them before getting up to help me. His hands in my hair feel heavenly, and I'm pleasantly surprised to see there is less hairspray in my hair than I expected.

"Sarah
." My brown eyes meet his in the mirror. "Has there been anyone since me, you know, for you."

"In what way?"
I'm not sure what he's getting at.

He's chewing on his bottom lip
. "sexually."

I pause, my hands dropping
. "Have I had sex since you?"

He drops his eyes and nods.

There is no point lying. "Yes, I've had relationships over the last seven years, Will." I hesitate. "Have you?"

He looks up and nods.

"So," I start. "Neither of us has anything to be worried about, right? Just," I take a deep breath. "Did you get back together with Jessica after I left?"

He makes a face
. "No way."

He grabs one of my hands and kisses it. When the last of the pins
is out, I close my eyes and lean back into Will's chest as he drags his fingertips over my scalp and through my hair before resting them on my shoulders. My eyes flutter open as I watch him in the mirror, his expression hooded as he slowly sweeps my hair to one side and lowers his lips to the back of my neck. I melt against him and reconsider my no sex ground rule before pulling away.

"You stay here or go downstairs. I'm going to change out of my dress."

He starts to follow me. "You sure you don’t need help with that."

I try to keep a straight face and point down the stairs. He pouts but turns and slowly makes his way down them. I go back to my room and pull on some jeans and a
v-neck t-shirt, purposely avoiding anything with easy access. The less of my skin Will has the opportunity to touch, the better. Tonight is going to be all about talking about what happens next. Talking, not action. I pull out my phone and call Sawyer.

"Just so you know
, I've been fucking dying for an update."

I laugh
. "Well, I have a big ass update." I pause, just to piss her off.

It works
. "Sarah, I swear to God. Spit it out already."

"So, I talked to Will
, and I think we’re dating now."

"Shut the fuck up!"

I shake my head. "No lie. He’s waiting for me downstairs right now. He's been in love with me this whole time and says he'll come to Denver for the rest of the summer."

"
Aww. That makes me want to cry. Wait, the whole summer? Is homeboy unemployed?"

I snort
. "No, he's a teacher. You know, summers off."

"I'm going to get to
meet him. Just so you know, I'm happy dancing."

I didn’t expect anything less
. "But I have to go. I will tell you more later. I love you."

I hear her making kissy noises as I end the call.

"Who do you love?"

I look up to see Will leaned up against the doorway.
Mental picture. God, he looks hot in his tux. I'm almost regretting not wearing something more revealing.

"Spy much?"

He shrugs.

I walk over to him and slip my arms around his waist. He rests his chin on my head
. "It was Sawyer, my new best friend."

I feel him tense and look up at him
. "What's wrong?"

He's chewing on the side of his mouth
. "What's he like?"

I get a dirty look when I laugh at him
. "Will, Sawyer is a girl. All better now?"

He
avoids my eyes.

I smack his chest
. "You were jealous." I laugh. I have no idea why I find this so funny.

He silences me with a kiss that makes my knees feel weak.
He raises his lips from mine. "Yes, I was jealous. I just happen to know your last best friend fell in love with you, so I got nervous."

I meet his gaze as he dusts another, more delicate kiss across my lips.

Chapter 22

Past

The telephone call to my parents sucks. My mother asks why I was trying to scare her to death and demands I come back home immediately while my father tells me he’s disappointed in me. I hold firm, though. Then she says Will had come over looking for me and that I need to call him.

That's when I start to cry
. "We broke up, mom."

"What happened?"

"I don’t want to talk about it. I just need to get away. Please, can I have Uncle Chip's number?"

Hearing the desperation in my voice must do it
. She gives me his number. I call him next. He’s surprised but said he meant it when he said I could always stay with him. Just hearing that makes me exhale. I had no idea what I was going to do if he had said no. Jake and Sawyer drive me over to his house a short while later. I write down their numbers, and my uncle gives them his land line number. Sawyer makes me promise we will hang out.

Th
e first weeks are awful. I can’t help but stop and wonder what Will is doing. In Trenton, I’m not just mourning a broken heart. I miss my best friend. I had lost my cell phone that night so Chip eventually offers to add a line on his plan. My new number now starts with 609 instead of 404. I close my Facebook account, not that I used it that much before. I just can’t risk seeing him. To a certain extent, I disappear. That’s the start of my new life. My uncle lets me use his other car to get around. I get a job at a local coffee shop and go to school. I have a couple of weird conversations with Brian when he brings up Will, but after I make it clear I have nothing to say on the subject, he stops bringing him up.

I g
et registered at the local community college. While I wait for classes to start, I spend a lot of time with Sawyer. She’s adamant that I should call Will and hash it out but also respects the fact that I’m not going to. Besides, he’s in Italy right now, with Jessica. Just thinking about that kills me. I try to stay busy, even trick myself into thinking I’m moving on a couple of times. It was all a lie, I tell myself to make it through each day without him, but deep down, I know you never really get over your first love.

I had never been the best student
, but something drives me to put everything I have into my classes. Every time I think about slacking off, I hear Mrs. Price's voice in my head telling me I will never be good enough for Will. That thought seems to push me more than anything else. After some time, I’m certain Will is probably back with Jessica or maybe even with some other girl at the University of Georgia. I know there is no future for us, but I never want to feel not good enough for someone ever again. I even go on a couple a dates with a guy who works at the coffee shop with me. His name is Carl. He’s nice, but I don’t feel anything when he kisses me.

It
’s just before the start of my second semester, and I am working the afternoon shift at the coffee shop when a regular comes in. Her name is Helen, and everyday at three she stops in for a coffee to get her through the rest of her day, or at least that’s what she always says. She’s an accountant and works in the same building as the coffee shop, just three floors up. She’s extra frazzled today and keeps staring at me while she sits, drinking her coffee. The fact that she is sitting at all is odd. She normally just takes her order and leaves. We’re slow, so I grab a spray bottle and walk around the counter to wipe down the tables.

When I g
et closer to her, I ask. “Everything okay?"

One side of her mouth pull
s up, and she clears her throat. "Funny you should ask. My assistant quit this morning. She’s moving to Mexico to find herself.”

Helen
is a total corporate Barbie, from her rust shaded pantsuit to her low blonde power ponytail. She puts her elbows up on the table and steeples her fingers before resting her chin on them. "Any interest in becoming my new assistant?"

I sho
ot her a questioning look. "What?"

She pick
s up her coffee and takes another sip. "I'm serious. I know you're in school, and I can work around your schedule. I have seen you in here almost every day and can see how competent you are. Plus I'll give you health insurance."

It
isn’t the health insurance that I’m interested in but her appearance of success. I want that. I end up taking a fifteen minute break and talk to her more about what exactly she’s looking for. I tell her I’ll think about it and that I want to talk to my uncle about it. She finishes her coffee and leaves. Since it’s Friday, I have until Monday afternoon to think about it. I watch her walk out of the shop, a guy holding the door for her as she leaves and watching her as she walks away. She not only has that air of success but of confidence too. If I had to guess, I would say she’s in her early thirties, but she seems younger.

I
think about her job offer for the rest of my shift. It’s probably a no brainer but I’ve become comfortable with my current routine. I know what’s expected. I know I can handle my course load and my shifts at the coffee house. This opportunity has a whole lot of unknown to it for me. Chip’s not home when I get off of work. It’s Friday night, and he’s likely with his latest arm candy. Our conversation will have to wait until tomorrow. When I first moved in with Chip, I wondered if my living with him was affecting his social life. I learned pretty quickly I wasn’t and have gotten very good at making conversation with his conquests every Saturday morning.

Chip
’s making some eggs, and Allison, his latest lady, is sitting at the breakfast bar in his robe when I walk in. She was here last weekend too. He must really like her. I mumble a greeting to the both of them before pouring myself some orange juice and sitting on the stool next to Allison. I tell them all about Helen and her offer. Chip and Allison are both realtors. They don’t work for the same company but had met at an open house for one of Allison's clients. They work with accountants regularly and are familiar and impressed with the group Helen is in.

Chip sa
ys it’s the kind of place I would be lucky to get my foot in the door. That in itself is an overwhelming concept. I’m still in my first year of school. Do I even want to put my foot in any doors yet? That whole ‘what do you want to be when you grow up’ question still plagues me. I do not know the answer. I'm not even sure when I will know the answer, but I do know I want to be a success. Now, knowing more about the group Helen works for, I decide to go for it. It’s the decision that changes my life.

Helen
’s thrilled when I give her the news on Monday. My current boss, Danny, is less excited but still wishes me the best. My first few weeks with Pickering, Coleman, and Van Arsdale are awful. Moving into the world of finance is not unlike learning a new language, one that includes a lot of numbers. As promised, Helen does work around my course schedule. This job consumes me in a way that at the end of each day I’m so mentally exhausted, I collapse into bed. I’m almost too busy to think about Will. Almost.