Happy Chaos (17 page)

So in the same way that Jason and I make sure we set aside time every week for the two of us as a couple, now we've decided to have weekly meetings with the girls so they can talk and be heard, and address all the things they have questions about. We did it with Poet for the first time last week, and it was amazing. She had so much to say! It made us realize that so many of the obstacles we go through in all our relationships—with each other, with our kids—are from miscommunication and not always being heard.

We've always been a family who talks. And now we're a family who talks even more. At dinner the other night, we went around the table to talk about what we were all thankful for. It turned out that Jason and I were thankful for the same exact thing: each other. Two people who fell in love way back in the beginning of time, and now here we were still in love with each other and with our little ones. Through ups and downs, good times and bad, we are on the same team.

Jason and me, always looking out for each other

When our babies are born, we fall head over heels in love with them—so in love, in fact, that it's easy to put their needs above everything else in our lives. But don't forget to take the moments to say “I love you” to your partner and show them how grateful you truly are. We get so crazed that it is easy to forget the little things that mean so much.

You are my heroes. Honestly. I often think about how when I'm at my most exhausted, the single parents I know are just as exhausted and have at least twice as much to do. I was raised by a single mom who worked and took amazing care of us, and she gave me such a wonderful childhood. I've never believed that you have to have a two-parent home to raise happy, healthy kids—and don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise.

Parents know best how hard it is to balance the needs of work, home, extended family, school, and on and on. When we have babies, it's like we get a membership card to this whole community of parents, and the only requirement is that we give each other a hand now and then. So if your kid is invited to a birthday party and you know your friend could use a break, offer to take her kid to the party with yours. If you know a single parent who's studying for an exam, offer to have her kid come for a sleepover. Take turns dropping your kids off at baseball practice or dance class. Membership has its privileges!

Finally, remember that those family sit-downs can be insightful and fun. Take turns talking about what you are each most grateful for and ask your kids about their week and if they have anything that they really want to talk about. Sometimes the best moments can come from listening.

Question of the day: What has been your Mack Truck Moment?

“Definitely the first day of preschool!”

—Ashley

“My ‘baby' just got her learner's permit and turned 16 yesterday—I would say THAT is my Mack Truck Moment. There's no turning back from here! :)”

—Cari

“One would have to be when my little Joseph told me for the first time that he loved me. I would always say it to him before bedtime and he'd smile or hug me, but this one time he said with such confidence, ‘I love you too, Mommy!' It was the biggest thing in the world for me!”

—Nicole A.G.

“When the girls start talking about boys. Boyfriend talk. oh no!!!!”

—Nicole P.

“When they have a sleep over at a friend's house and don't miss me at all!”

—Ash

 

E
veryone always says to cherish the moment, because they go by in the blink of an eye. They say to take pictures and enjoy all of the precious time you have with your kids because they grow up so fast. What they don't say is that in the midst of all of these special moments, one day you'll feel as though you have been hit by a Mack truck—and that is what happened right before my daughter Poet turned five.

I really feel like I try to live in the moment. I love my kids so very much, and the time we have together fills my heart. But in life we get busy. We get caught up in the day-to-day of living, and sometimes we forget to slow down and just hold on to the snapshot of what is happening all around us. So there I was. Poet was about to turn five and, all of a sudden, one day I felt like a truck came and hit me. The way my baby moved, her hair, the way she spoke . . . I realized, oh my God, she is not a toddler anymore—she is my little girl. Every emotion in the world came over me in that moment and I just wanted to cry.

I couldn't believe it. It was as if in one day she went from being my toddler to transforming into this little lady. Of course, I know this is not something that really happened in one day, but it sure felt like it. And I am sure for each parent that moment happens at different times, but for me it happened on a sunny afternoon in late August—a day I will never forget.

So instead of just telling you to cherish the moment and hold on to it as if there were no tomorrow, I say one day your Mack truck will come, and no matter what, no matter how hard you try, you will not be ready for it. So make sure to have the tissues ready and a lifetime of pictures and memories to back up all of the moments that brought you from the beginning to that magical moment.

Whether it is during the first day of preschool, or when your child is going off to college, we all have this moment. It is what bonds us parents together like glue. The beauty is that our children are always part of us, no matter how old they are. A few weeks after Poet turned five, she came in our room and curled up with us to go to sleep. I looked at her and thought,
Yes, she is still my little baby.
The same week my mother came to see me, and as I gave her a big hug good-bye, I realized,
I
am still her baby. And with that I asked her for one more hug. I needed it just as much as she did.

Keep as many pictures, drawings, letters, and mementos as you can. I love to open the little box where I keep their bracelets from the hospital and their sonograms. It gives me quiet time to reflect and cherish the moment. It is also fun for us to look at pictures together. The girls love it. Once every few weeks, we break out photos, old and new, and talk about them together. I feel like it helps us to hold on to the memories.

Question of the day: How do you help your child feel good about their body image?

“We look in the mirror every morning and say I feel good! I look good! And that's what matters and smile real big!”

—Mikala

“I show my children pictures of all different people. I tell them that everyone is different and beautiful, regardless of your body shape, size, how short or tall you are, your skin color, your nationality, your hair etc. I show them how all people have characteristics they might not like, but it makes them unique. ‘There is only one you, and you are beautiful!' ”

—Sheila

“Well, for only being 3 yrs. old, I just always tell him that he's a handsome little man and he smiles, as though he knows.”

—Nicole A.G.

“Neither has had issues with that yet, but I try to tell them not to worry about what others think. We all come in different shapes and sizes, and what matters is that they are happy with their bodies, and they shouldn't try to fit into someone else's mold.”

—Dana

 

E
ven though I was raised in Hollywood, land of the fit and beautiful, I didn't grow up with many insecurities about my body. I'm sure that was mostly thanks to my mother, but it's also due to the fact that I just love food so much. I can't imagine going through life feeling like I can't have a plate of pasta or dessert.

I look back on pictures of myself, and I definitely went through my chunky phases—right around fifteen, and then again when I went off to college and gained my freshman twenty (yes,
twenty—
and I'm five foot one). I could put away an entire pint of ice cream in my apartment at night, and that's exactly what I looked like when I trotted off the plane in LA for Christmas break that year. But I never remember anyone in my life looking at me sideways when my weight went up or down. And I met my husband and fell in love with him when I had that lovely college weight packed on, so obviously it didn't affect my love life too much.

There was one huge change that took place with my body that I dealt with in a really public way. It's hard enough going through puberty, but it is really fun going through it in front of millions of people, in the public eye. I started developing by the time I was about twelve. Both sides of my family have very busty women, and let's just say I got extra blessed in the boob department. I am sure many remember Punky's first trip to the store to buy a bra and the famous line “Henry, I'm getting boobs.” Of course, Punky drew from my own life experiences, so when I was developing, so was she.

By the time I was sixteen, I was overflowing out of a triple-D bra. I loved being voluptuous, but my body just wasn't made for that much cleavage—I had deep indentations in my shoulders from my bra straps, and I had chronic back pain. But the worst part for me was feeling like I couldn't do things that my friends did without even thinking about it—riding a horse, or even wearing a T-shirt or tank top without a bra. At summer camp I remember kids calling me Punky Boobster. Funny, I guess, if it's not you they're talking about. Meanwhile, I remember the awkward feeling of grown men looking at me in a way that wasn't totally appropriate for a teenage girl—and how people's eyes always seemed to go straight to my chest instead of my face.