Happy Chaos (7 page)

I think it's great to make day-to-day activities fun. Jason and Jagger absolutely love to do the food shopping together—it's become their weekly outing, and they both really enjoy that special time together. Sometimes when we go to the playground, we bring along a picnic, complete with blanket and basket to make it special. The little things can go a long way.

We really like to take the girls out to explore. Maybe we'll go to a museum together, or take a bike ride at sunset, or roller-skate on the boardwalk. Something we want to do more of is setting up a tent in the backyard and camping. Of course we can do that in LA, where it's seventy degrees in the winter, but if you live in a colder climate, maybe your adventure is setting up a tent indoors or ice-skating. One of our favorite things to do is sledding—we love to get away to the mountains. Don't be surprised if years from now those out-of-the-ordinary moments become some of your kids' favorite memories.

Question of the day: What has been your most awkward in-law moment?

“My in-laws are very cool, laid back, easy-going people. I am happy to report that there is not a single ‘awkward moment' on record between us . . . thus far.”

—Amanda

“My father-in-law's birthday dinner at Olive Garden. We weren't married yet, and had just found out we were pregnant. My mother-in-law knew right away just by looking at the way I was ‘protecting my stomach.' ”

—AnaLiesa

“When I thought my father-in-law was joking when he said he was Mormon, so I made a joke about it.”

—Dana

“The first time I met my mom-n-law. My bro-n-law tossed a ball @ me & I almost dropped it & said ‘oh sh*t Timmy.' She later said she liked it cuz she knew I wasn't fake lol.”

—Tracey

Here are Jason and me in the beautiful, tropical waters in Parrot Cay

 

I
t's all fun and games to talk about how nuts my family can be, but my husband actually has to live with these people, and it isn't always easy. Jason loves my family, but it wasn't until we had kids that it really hit him: My family was his family, too.
Oh my God.

Superficially, Jason and I could not be more different. Jason: tall and acerbic. Me: short and sunny. Jason: raised conservative. Me: well, you know. But just as the weird blend of my parents worked out for me, the contradictory chemistry of Jason and me works for our kids.

Well, that's easy for me to say. For Jason, it was quite a bizarre and unusual learning curve.

When Jason and I got together, I was twenty and he was twenty-seven. I was living in a house with my mom and her boyfriend (whom she's since married). The first night Jason stayed over, I walked him into the backyard, and there was my bed—outside. To me, this was totally ordinary—I loved sleeping outside. Of course Jason was immediately convinced that my family was scamming me out of all my
Punky Brewster
money, and I wasn't allowed a bedroom in my own house.

Eventually Jason suggested we sleep in an actual room. One night, we were in bed, it was two in the morning, and my mother walked right into our bedroom and shook me awake. “Honey, turn on the TV!” Then she started flipping channels until she found a show featuring a televangelist named Benny Hinn. She was beyond excited, because she had submitted a prayer for me, and Benny Hinn had just recited it on TV. Then my mom put her hands on the TV, and she sighed with happiness. It was right about this time that Jason decided we should get our own place.

And so we moved into an adorable little Spanish-style one-bedroom apartment, and eight months later, we were engaged. One afternoon, about two months from our wedding day, we had just gotten back from a meeting with the rabbi at Jason's synagogue when my mother called. “Jason,” she said. “You're never going to believe who's in town—Benny Hinn!” Then she begged Jason to get us tickets to the show. He couldn't bear to disappoint her, so he called the number my mom gave him and was relieved to get the voice mail. He left a message, assuming we'd never hear back.

Within minutes, of course, they called—Benny Hinn would
love
to have Soleil Moon Frye come to his show! And that's how, just hours after meeting with the rabbi who was going to perform our wedding, my mother, my Jewish fiancé, and I went to a Christian revival meeting along with 55,000 other people. The arena was vibrating with energy, and we were seated right in front. My mom was chatting away with everyone in our row, and I was having the time of my life—I loved all the good vibes! It was awesome. Jason was looking at his watch and praying that no one would ever find out about this.

Then Benny Hinn came onstage, resplendent in his white suit, and the show started—and lasted for four hours. Toward the end of the show, spotlights started circling the audience, and Benny Hinn said, “We have a special guest here tonight—I'd like to welcome Soleil Moon Frye! Soleil, why don't you come on up here!”

While Jason was thinking,
No, no, no, no, no,
my mother was saying, “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” and pushed me out of my seat. “This is a blessing,” she said. “You'll be able to touch him!” So I went up onstage, and I don't know what came over me, but when Benny Hinn asked me what brought me there that night, I grabbed the microphone and yelled into it, “HALLELUJAH!” And then 55,000 people yelled, “HALLELUJAH” right back at me. So I grabbed the mike and said it again. And happy hordes yelled it back again. By this time the house was coming down with excitement, Jason was terrified that somehow his rabbi would find out about this, and my mother was beaming with joy. I was riding on a high of happy energy, so I grabbed the mike again and I yelled, “PRAISE THE LORD!” I was just in the moment, going with the flow, and the energy of those 55,000 people was
awesome.
Then Benny Hinn said to me, “I'm going to heal you,” and I said back, “HEAL ME!” So he touched me on my forehead, and next thing I knew, I was flat on the floor.

Jason was stuck in his seat with no idea what to do about his unconscious fiancée. In a minute I was back up on my feet and escorted back to my seat. What happened to me up there? I haven't the foggiest.

Finally, four hours into the show, the spectacle ended. Before Jason could shove us out the door, a guy came up to us and said that Mr. Hinn wanted to see us. Jason said, “
NO!”
My mother said, “
YES!”

Next thing we knew, we were in Benny Hinn's private quarters, and he was handing out blessings. First he put his hand on my mother's head, and boom, she was down for the count. Then he put his hand on my head, and down I went. Last, it was Jason's turn. Hinn put his hand on Jason's head, and . . . nothing. Hinn squinted at Jason and cocked his head slightly.

There are times in our lives when we have to make a defining decision. For Jason, in this moment, the decision was: Is this my family, or not? Am I truly one of them, or am I going to slide out that door and wait for these lunatics in the parking lot? Jason, bless him, decided to stick around. And so there was only one thing for him to do in that moment. Benny Hinn's hand on his forehead, Jason went down for the count—fully conscious.

And to that I say: HALLELUJAH!

I know we sound a little eccentric—and we are—but I think part of what brought Jason and me together is that we are such opposites; and as wild and crazy as we can be, we are a family. A colorful and unique one. I didn't grow up with a sister, and I feel so blessed that my brother married such an amazing woman—Ilse. One of my big joys in life is when Jason and I go out on a double date with Meeno and Ilse. We get a babysitter and the cousins all stay together and have their own movie night. I know that having this closeness—both for us and for the girls—is so awesome in our lives.

What would we do without grandparents? I didn't grow up with them, although I had an amazing god-grandmother named Jackie, and Jason's grandmother became one to me. But I didn't have what my kids have. I feel so blessed that our kids have awesome grandparents. And I know a lot of people really see their own parents with new eyes when their parents become grandparents. All the baggage of our childhoods can fall away when we learn just how hard it is to be a parent, and how much they love our kids—and how much our kids love them.

Question of the day: What did you do to prepare your older child for the arrival of a new sibling?

“Have them talk to the baby and love on the belly continuously.”

—Collette

“My son was only a year and 5 months old, and is Autistic, so we tried to talk to him about his sister that was on the way, but he was not old enough to understand. If he were older, I'd involve him in getting the baby's room ready, buying things for the baby—just making him feel involved and important. And I would assure him the baby wouldn't affect my love for him.”

—Sheila

“I involved her in as much as possible. Dr visits, baby shower, etc. I made sure to show her and tell her that I love her at every possible opportunity. I explained that even though there will be a new baby, that I love her the same as always—more and more each day, but I would have to give the baby a lot of attention for a while. After her sister came, I involved her in diaper changes, baths, feedings, etc. so she wouldn't feel as left out and ignored . . . and gave big praises for her help.”

—Dana

“I made a big deal out of what a cool thing it was to be a big sister—I was one, after all. Not that she agrees at this point . . . lol.”

—Cari

 

always wanted a big family. I remember being really little and telling my mom that I wanted to have a hundred kids. She told me to be a teacher. Now, of course, there are some days when I feel like I can barely handle the two kids I have. Other days, especially when I hold my youngest and I realize how big she's getting, I want to have more.

Poet was just about two when we got down to business and decided to have another baby. I'd heard all the stories about older siblings who wanted to send the baby back when they came home from the hospital.
Yikes
, I thought. I really didn't want that to happen.

So from the very start we set out to make Poet feel totally included. We told her the news right away, and we let her know that as the big sister she was really, really important to this baby. We all talked about our favorite names, and Poet was constantly talking to the baby in my belly.