Happy Chaos (15 page)

“Putting cheese slices on my head to make people laugh.”

—Alea

“Singing . . . That is all I did was sing.”

—Carrie

“Clenching my fists together and placing them against my teeth with excitement.”

—Ashley

“Falling down to make people laugh. I still do that on occasion, but unfortunately I don't do it on purpose.”

—Nicole A.G.

Question of the day: What is your favorite kid movie of all time?

“
The NeverEnding Story
.”

—Amy

“
Wizard of Oz
(still is).”

—Annette

“My favorite kid movie was
Annie
. When I was young, I LOVED
Annie
. I even named my black lab Sandy after the dog in the movie.”

—Danielle

“
Wizard of Oz
and
Mary Poppins
. Still to this day and against my boys' better wishes I will kick back and watch both of them when they come on.”

—Lisa M.

“My all time favorite film was
Karate Kid
. I remember pestering my parents for ages to let me go to karate school. In the end my dad told me to paint the fence on the back garden the same way as he does in the film as it would be good practice. It wasn't until I had finished that I realized I'd been had.”

—Steven

 

I
can so easily remember what it was like to be a kid that sometimes I have to remind myself I'm an adult. And I sometimes I have to remind myself I'm an adult. And I think that's actually been really good for me as a parent, because I love to have fun with my girls, and I have no problem getting right down on their level and totally enjoying whatever they're doing.

Sometimes, though, as parents, we have to ask ourselves whether the stuff our kids would find fun (and we might find kind of fun, too) is really appropriate for them. Like, maybe my five-year-old isn't ready to watch
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
. Meanwhile, I would have been the little kid watching that movie and loving every second, but my parents were—as you have probably figured out by now—more unconventional. In my total obsession with horror films as a kid, I convinced my dad to take me, my best friend, Tori, and my then-boy-friend Chad to see
Too Scared to Scream
at a seedy old movie theater on Hollywood Boulevard. We were eight years old. Tori and Chad begged to see a different movie, but I was too excited to worry about their fears.

So my dad took us three eight-year-olds to a creepy theater—complete with red seats, red walls, and sticky floors—and then . . . he left us there. I guess he didn't want to see the movie, either. By that point, I don't know if Chad and Tori were more terrified by the movie or the fact that we were alone in this place without adult supervision, but they were clearly freaking out. Finally, I realized that this outing was becoming a total disaster, and it was time to call my mom. I found a pay phone at the bottom of a long, dark staircase and told her what had happened. I still remember her shouting into the phone, “Your dad WHAT?” Then she raced over to pick us up, and her first stop was my dad's house to find out what on earth he was thinking. I remember him kind of shrugging. He didn't mean to be irresponsible; it's just that to him, this was not a big deal, and the idea of what was appropriate for an eight-year-old kid just didn't really cross his mind. Little did we know then that there were some other issues going on with my dad, and that some of his odd behavior was hinting at an underlying illness. That was something I would only find out later in life. But that's a story for a different chapter.

The truly funny thing about that night is that after my mom rescued Tori, Chad, and me from
Too Scared to Scream
, she took us to the most sappy, G-rated animated kids' movie at Mann's Chinese. Tori, Chad, and I looked at each other in dismay, thinking,
Damn—this is what we get for calling Mom.
Oh well.

I try to strike a balance in these sorts of situations with my kids. But it's hard to figure out that balance, and what's right for one kid might not be right for another. When Poet was four years old, we thought it would be fun to take her to a Hannah Montana concert. I remember seeing Miley Cyrus up on the stage on a motorcycle, and the music was booming and the crowd was hysterical, and I thought,
Hmmm, I guess this is pretty intense for a four-year-old.
Of course, Poet loved it, and everything was fine, but as parents we're faced with all kinds of decisions every day. What music is it okay to listen to? What television shows are okay to watch, and when should they start getting into things like Facebook and Twitter? Is it okay to play video games? What happens when they act out the characters from the games? There are so many questions. Even though I loved
The Amityville Horror
when I wasn't much older than Poet, I would never let her watch it now. If a scary trailer comes on TV and she happens to be watching, I'll rush over and say, “Close your eyes, close your eyes!” And even though I love social media myself, there's plenty of time—later—for Poet and Jagger to get into it.

We can't shelter our kids forever. God knows, no one could have sheltered me—I was too curious to be held back for long. But it's definitely our responsibility as parents to protect our kids' innocence. I hope my girls hold on to the little kids inside of them forever, just the way I have.

And while they are little girls, I want them to savor every minute of it.

How do we pick what is right and what is not right for our little ones to be exposed to?

I truly believe that every child is an individual. I don't think we can hold one kid next to another and say that since it is okay for one, then it will be okay for the other. For example, Poet started out loving Scooby-Doo, just like her mother, and Jagger just can't get enough of it. But Poet got a little scared with one episode and now is more cautious about watching it, while Jagger would love to watch a whole marathon if she could.

I think we do the best we can, and the key to making these choices is communication and observing how they absorb what is around them.

It is also important that the people around you know what you are comfortable with. If you have a babysitter, grandparent, or friend watching your child, then let them know how you feel about what your little ones are exposed to. Make a list of what works for you. Is it okay to watch live-action tween shows, or are you only comfortable with cartoons that are geared toward small children? Also, how do you feel about people being on the phone or responding to texts or e-mails while watching your children? Better to be up-front with them than to get frustrated later.

I feel like some of the best insight I get is from other parents. I love turning to my friends, but also to my community through Twitter and Facebook to ask questions. Don't hesitate to call upon your community for advice. Sometimes the best lessons can be taught by strangers. Other times we need the trust of our loved ones. After listening to a flood of insight, take it all with a grain of salt and make the decision that works best for your family. Realize that just like us, every child is his or her own individual. They are not carbon copies, so embrace their uniqueness as you make choices that work best for you.

The girls and me headed to the Hannah Montana concert

Question of the day: What do you do when you feel like you need a time-out?

“When I need a nice time out I run a nice hot bath, put on some meditation music, and lay in the tub for a long, long time. If it's an overnight time out, I call some girlfriends and make it a Mommy's night out.”

—AnnaMae

“That's what the TV is for. Turn on some cartoons and take a break. A half hour of TV won't hurt them.”

—Allen

“My hubby works out of town during the week, so it's just me a lot of the time! One big thing that helps me is to put on some music and dance in the living room with my kids. It clears my head to dance and sing and they get to join in! By the end, we're out of breath and usually laughing hysterically.”

—Jennifer

“Go for a ride in my car, even if it's to nowhere . . . it helps clear my mind.”

—Jill O.F.

“If my husband is home with the kids, I go for a walk, I just soak in my surroundings and breathe, it helps take tension away. If my husband is not home, I wait till my kids are napping or in bed for the night and I read a good book or take a quick bath.”

—Whitney

Here's the awesome crew that celebrated Jason's fortieth birthday together. A trip that will never be forgotten.

 

T
here I was with a bunch of friends a few weeks ago, floating around in a pool in Mexico, taking in the sun in the middle of the afternoon, and laughing hysterically while we read aloud from one of Chelsea Handler's books. No kids, just adults. It was Jason's birthday, and we'd left the kids with my mom and taken off for a weekend away.

In the days leading up to our trip, when I'd casually mention to people that Jason and I were going away for his fortieth birthday, I'd see the dramatic head turns of disbelief. They didn't always say it out loud, but they didn't have to:
You're leaving the country without your kids? Bad Mommy!
But you know what? Mommy needed a little time-out.

Working from home is amazing. I love it. I get to do ten different things at once and still pack lunches, pick up my daughters from preschool, and watch them dance at ballet and sing in drama class. I can drop work for forty-five minutes and take them swimming or out for ice cream. And if they're sick, I get to make them soup and curl up in bed with them. I am truly grateful, and I don't take it for granted that I have this flexibility.

I love having lots of things going on at once. It's the way my brain works best. Or perhaps I have just convinced myself of that. Poet said to me the other day, “Mommy, I want to do everything.” And I was like,
Me, too!
But there are definitely times when I don't feel like I am at my best and I just need to take a deep breath and have a moment.