Happy Chaos (19 page)

My favorite memory from the eighties was . . .

“The Duran Duran haircut”

—Mikala

“Sleepovers with my friends. We would blast Madonna and sing into hairbrushes!”

—Sheila

“When Tom Cruise slid across the silver screen in a button down shirt and his tighty whities in the movie
Risky Business
! Oh how my heart throbbed and still skips a beat for that character. Love Tom!”

—Dawn

“A mini-concert that I, my brother and cousin threw for my Grandma in the backyard. I was wearing my gray parachute pants, with purple jelly shoes, Duran Duran t-shirt and headband on. A close runner-up favorite 80's memory would have to be buying my first tape and it was Michael Jackson's
Thriller
album. Loved it!”

—Nicole A.G.

What will I do when one of my girls comes home with her first heartbreak? Grab a pint of ice cream, curl up together for a John Hughes marathon, and dream about Jake. . . .

Question of the day: What is your favorite thing to do with your friends?

“Get our kids together and take them all on a mystery trip usually to a water park beach or someplace else fun to go that everyone enjoys.”

—Amelia

“Daydream about weekends away without kids and husbands while the kids wrestle around us.”

—Amy

“Sit and talk—about everything, about nothing. Just to sit and be myself—good or bad.”

—Jessica

“Go places and talk—hear live music together. Share a movie.”

—Kathryn

 

E
ven though I'm officially an adult, one thing about being a kid that I never want to let go of is the friendships. Remember those friendships from when you were little? Remember all your friend-crushes as you got older, and how those friendships totally defined who you were at any given moment? And have you ever laughed harder than when you were with a few of your best friends?

Now that I'm a wife and mother, of course my husband and my kids are the most important relationships in my life. But I still need my girlfriends. I need them to support me when I'm down, be happy for me when something goes right, or just let me be that silly girl that I always keep inside.

I'm incredibly lucky that I get to work with my best friend, Tori. But even though we spend a lot of time together, we still have to make sure that we carve out time that isn't all about work or the kids. During the holidays she comes and sleeps over. We get up early in the morning, go to the flower market, and then cook all day long together. Moments standing beside her in the kitchen, making mashed potatoes and cooking for our family feast, are some of my favorite memories.

One of my oldest girlfriends is Melissa Joan Hart. We met during casting for Ron Howard's show
Little Shots
when we were both about seven years old. Fast-forward a couple decades, and we were both pregnant with our first babies at the same time. We truly became close friends when we were in our early twenties. We would spend late nights talking, while Jason gave her advice about guys. When she was cast in a play in New York, I came along and we shared an apartment for a month, having a total blast and going out to sing karaoke at night. I was already married to Jason at this point. But he knew I needed some girl time—or a whole month of girl time. She was starring then in
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
and soon I was cast to play her college roommate, Roxie King. I remember during filming we would lie on the floor of her trailer and we'd talk about
everything
for hours upon hours. I love that now as moms we still try to carve out time together, even if it is just for a half-hour frozen yogurt run. Somewhere inside of us, we will always be the seven-year-old girls we were when we first met. That never goes away.

Here I am with my good friend, Melissa Joan Hart

 

Of course, it's a lot harder to see our friends when we've got a family—especially if not all of our friends have kids. When we have so much to do at home, it can be incredibly hard to make the time for our friends, especially since that means also making time for ourselves, which so many parents find difficult. It's really easy to let those relationships get put to the side while we focus on what's in front of us. But whether you only have long enough for a quick coffee with a friend during the workday or a side-by-side pedicure, or you have the luxury of a real girls' night out, you have to make the time. Otherwise, one of these days your kids will be off having their own social lives and you'll realize, hey, wait a second—what happened to
my
social life?

Every few months my friends Lisa, Ariana, Rebecca, and I all manage to get away for a lunch, just us girls. They're hard to arrange, but so worth it—not only for us, but for our kids, too. We talk about everything, and it feels so good to know that someone is listening and understands what the other is going through. I think it's really important for my girls to see that I work hard on my friendships and that those relationships are something to aspire to. And when they're having a conflict with a friend (which seems to happen more and more as the girls get older), I want them to know how important it is to work it out. You don't just get frustrated and walk away. And if they're as lucky as I have been, the same girls they're tied at the hip with now will be the first people they call at every turn of the road for the rest of their lives.

Me, Rebecca, Arianna, and Lisa at one of our fun lunch dates

I will never forget all of the friendships that touched my life as a kid. My best friend, Tori, and I have memories of traveling the world together. We went everywhere, from New York and Nashville to Puerto Rico and the Caribbean. And we would always go on some kind of adventure. My mom would take us on carriage rides in Central Park. We would climb rocks and think we were near death on the highest points in the Virgin Islands. We had endless sleepovers, laughter, tears, and more laughter. I want my kids to grow up with the understanding of how much our circle of friends means in our lives. I am truly grateful that I can look at the people around me and so many of their faces flash back to childhood. My good friend Sarah Gilbert and I grew up together since we were about ten. We spent holidays and many fun nights together throughout our youth. I love that when I see her face, I see the same cool girl who wore a blue and purple tie-dyed shirt at our first sleepover. Just this Christmas Eve, as I looked around at Sarah with her beautiful kids; Tori cooking up a storm; Danny Masterson with his whole family; Chrissy, my summer camp friend who was wise beyond her years; and all of the other faces that I spent my youth and adulthood with, I thought about just how blessed I am. There is the family we are born into and the family we choose, and here were both, together.... Now, pick up the phone and call a friend you haven't talked to for a while, and I'm going to do the same. :)

Me and Tori: kids having fun in the sun in the Caribbean

How many times has this happened to you: You get together with your friends for the first time in ages, and you spend the whole time talking about your kids. That's great sometimes, but it's really healthy (and very much appreciated by your friends who don't have kids) to remember all those interesting subjects you used to talk about before you were a parent. So next time you're with your friends for an adults-only gathering, try to open up the conversation to other topics as well. Better yet, if you have a ladies' night together, you could make a drinking game out of it. Whoever talks about her kid first has to drink. Everyone will probably wind up very intoxicated—just kidding, but not really.

That precious time with our friends is so important, and we need to remind ourselves to take it. Trading off with your partner or friends is a great way to make a little girl time. Tell your friend, family member, or partner that you would love to trade a night out for a night out. Support each other. A little space to remember the individuals we were before we had kids is refreshing for all of us.

Question of the day: What's your favorite family vacation memory?

“A very long road trip to California from Colorado. Swimming in hotel pools with my dad, and laughing the whole time at his jokes.”—Cari

“It was when my family and I went to a ranch resort in Arizona. My children were riding the horses and the smiles on their faces were just priceless!”

—Ashley

“Meeting Mickey and Minnie Mouse!”

—Dana

“Visiting Grandpa and swimming with him in the pool. It was such a moment! My son Joseph loves the water! It's the simple things in life that matter the most.”

—Nicole A.G.