For3ver (14 page)

Parking my car, the lot wasn't too packed but there were enough cars there to keep a steady flow all night. I ran through the door, not paying attention to where I was going and hit the counter with my purse, making it fling out of my arms and its contents spill all over. 

  "Shit," I mumbled. Trying my hardest to bend down modestly in my short skirt to throw everything back into my purse. I knew he was there the minute I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself before standing up. 

  "Need some help?" his voice purred so close to me if I turned my head just a little bit, his face would have been inches away. God, that smell. It was intoxicating, and for a minute I thought about reaching over and kissing him. 

My hair was still hanging over my face so he hadn't realized it was me he was talking so sweetly to. I pushed my hair behind my ear and turned to look at him. His eyes were glazed over drunk and when my eyes hit his, he backed away. Suddenly the cool demeanor from when he was acting Mr. Sweet was replaced by pure anger. 

When he started in on me, I tried to ignore him, knowing he was drunk. I had worked with enough drunks in my time that I knew how to handle them. At some point he was going to stop and go home to pass out.

When he started in on his idea that Able was Carl's son, I had to stop myself from screaming that he wasn't. That he was really Liam's child, but Liam didn't want anything to do with us. It wasn't the time or place to inform that man that he had a child. The more he went on, the more he yelled at me, belittled me, and dragged me through the mud, the more I didn't want to tell him the truth. I thought Carl was bad, but Liam was even worse. Who was the man standing in front of me that day? Why had he become he so hateful? 

I was holding it together, waiting for him to finish. I tried telling him to go home, I tried ignoring it, but he wasn't stopping. When he announced to the bar that I killed his baby, everything inside of me broke. I couldn't tell him Able was his. The man truly believed that I was a whore who would marry Carl and have his kid so soon after having my heart ripped out by the only person I'd ever truly loved. How many times in someone's life could they be broken by the same person before they stopped caring? Liam had just answered that question for me. All of the rage, all of the anger and hate that had built up those last six years snapped out of me. 

  "Fuck you Liam Porter!" I screamed, not caring I was on the clock and could very well be fired. 

He smiled his killer smile, the smile that took my heart out and stomped on it plenty of times before. I threw a glass at his head, missing by inches. The bar fell quiet as the glass shattered against the wall behind him. 

  "You don't fucking know what I've been through," I growled at him. "You, ASSHOLE, left me all alone in this fucking dump of a town!"

  "Hey.... Ry, you need to cool it off," Annie said and tried pulling me into the back so I couldn't keep the fight going. Shit no, I was ready.

  "DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT!" I screamed and flung her arm off of me, storming towards Liam.

He hadn't moved since I threw the glass at him. He was so drunk it wouldn't have surprised me if he hadn't heard anything I was screaming, but I didn't care. I went on; spitting hate at the man I spent the last six years praying would come back to me. 

  "You!...You cock sucking asshole! Walking back into my life after six years of ignoring me and think you can have an opinion about things?! Hey Everyone! I know you are all so GODDAMNED happy the heavenly Porter child is back in town, but did he ever tell you I tried?! I fucking tried! A motherfucking year, Liam!" I pushed his chest and he stumbled backwards into Nick's lap. "Get up, asshole! You wanted a fight, you got one!" I yelled at his sorry ass, too drunk to even stand up. 

  "Ry.... Jesus, look at you," he slurred his mumbled speech. "Even your outfit screams whore. I'm fuckin' surprised you don't have more kids by now with how slutty you look," he dragged on.

I slapped him across the face, seething that he would talk to me like that. 

  "Ryley, maybe you should calm down, you know he's had a few too many," Nick said to me, trying to get Liam to stand on his own. 

  "Shut up, Nick, do NOT defend him!" Turning to the bar, I continued my rant, knowing full well he wouldn't understand the next words, but everyone else in there would. "You all know how it goes, right? Guy gets a girl pregnant, shit happens and he leaves to find some busty, ditzy bitch in a new town and decides he's too good for that small town girl he loved?! Am I right?! Well I tried my hardest to get a hold of him! The only time he answered, the ONLY time he heard my voice in the last five years, I had a screaming BABY in the background... and he FUCKING HUNG UP!"

Sure, everyone in the bar knew that Able was Liam's, his last name gave that away, and if you didn't believe it on paper, you only had to look at the kid. He was the spitting image of his uncle and his father.

I looked over at Liam and he had a look on his face I couldn't place, maybe it was because he actually felt guilty about everything. It was me hoping, but it was a possibility. Alcohol makes people more honest, so it could have been. 

  "I hung up because your dumb ass wouldn't stop! Get the point bitch, you mean nothing to me! How fucking pathetic, Ryley." He laughed.

  "You know what, Liam? I'm glad I made that decision to kill your child! You would have been a terrible fucking father!" I screamed the lie in his face. An awful lie that tasted terrible, but he hurt me and I didn't think I'd be able to fix it. 

His fists tightened at his side, face growing red. "Take it back," he growled "Take it back, Ryley."

I laughed at his attempt to seem like he even cared. 

  "It's the truth, Liam." God, even saying his name out loud tasted bad. "If I could do it all over again... I wouldn't change one. Damn. Thing." And it was the truth. He didn't need to know that I wouldn't change my mind when given the second option of abortion after I found out I was still pregnant, he didn't need to know that I turned down offering Able up for adoption. 

He pushed my shoulder, something the Liam I grew up with would never do to a woman. Nick pulled him back immediately. 

  "Come on, man. Let's go," Anthony said to him as he pulled Liam out the door.

Liam kept yelling at me the entire way outside, but his friends didn't stop to let him continue, they dragged his drunken ass away until finally he was out of range and I couldn't hear him anymore. 

I was shaking; my entire body strung so tight there was no way I would be able to shake the encounter off easily. 

  "Ryley, you know tonight wasn't the night to throw that at him," Annie said behind me.

  "You know what; I don't think it's ever going to be the time. I'm out, Annie. Fuck this," I huffed. Grabbing my bag, I stormed out to my car and slammed the door. 

Screw him, screw the town, screw all of the people that thought Liam Porter walked on water and I was the whore that corrupted the Porter brothers. They didn't know the half of it. I started my car and the CD that Liam made me was still playing. I couldn't take it out of my player after all of those years, and some of the songs really helped soothe Able as a baby. I ejected the CD, broke it in half, and threw it out my window before speeding out of the parking lot. 

The radio was playing and I was driving through the back roads, trying to calm myself before I went to my parents' to get Able. I couldn't let him see me so angry, so worked up. I needed to be strong for him. As much as I would have loved for him to know who his dad was, I was almost positive Liam ruined that dream after that night. Light Years started playing randomly on the radio and I completely lost it. I stopped my car right there in the middle of that tiny backroad and broke down. Screaming, crying, and hitting my steering wheel. I hated that fucking song! 

When I finally made it back to my parents' house it was so late that Able was sound asleep on the couch. I was able to collect myself enough to make it upstairs to my old room before the tears came again. Lying there, all I could think of were the times I snuck out of my window in the middle of the night. I couldn't take the memories that haunted that room, so I took my blanket and pillow and headed downstairs to sleep on the recliner in the living room. 

For the first time in my life, I wished my parents and I had never lived in that damn house. I would never have met Liam or Gage and our lives wouldn't have been so fucked up. I fell asleep, my mind wandering for at least an hour before my eyes closed to the sound of my baby boy lightly snoring in the background. I could be strong enough for him, but I just didn't think I could be strong for me anymore.

CHAPTER 10

LIAM

I woke face down on the floor of a nasty-ass carpet and could taste the dirt I'd probably been inhaling the whole time I was passed out. It took a few minutes before my body did what my brain told it. I blinked a few times and looked around the cramped living room, cluttered with furniture and video game stuff. Nick's. When I pushed myself up, the pain in my head was almost unbearable and I stumbled to the side until I hit a wall. My phone went off in my pocket and it took me a second to fight it out. 

Aunt Hope. Shit. Gram. 

  "Hello? Hello?" I blubbered, my jaw too stiff to open fully. 

  "Liam? Where are you?" 

I frantically look around, only causing shooting pain to fry my brain as I looked for a clock. Quarter after nine. 

  "Shit, Aunt Hope. I'm on the way. I'll be right there." In a half run I stumbled out the door to my truck, and not until I was almost to the cemetery did I remember Dana.

I didn't know if I left her there, I didn't know when I left that bar. I barely remembered what I said to Ryley. I did know it wasn't fucking good. None of it, and she fucking let me have it. And slapped me! I didn't remember what she said to me, but I remembered trying to fight Nick in the parking lot to get back in there and tell her off. 

As I pulled up to the cemetery, they were already lowering Gram into the ground. 

  "No, fuck," I groaned and ran, as fast at my aching body would let me.  

I hadn't drank that much in almost a year's time and wasn't sure if I ever felt half as bad as I did that morning. Although, I also didn't tell off Ryley the last time I drank like that. 

Aunt Hope was in tears and I pulled her into a hug, watching Gram be lowered the rest of the way. Disgust filled me for my family. My own mother wasn't at her mother's funeral and I could bet Megan didn't even know Gram had died. I left her several messages, but no answer, and my mom knew because at the funeral Mr. Montgomery told me she was the one to tell him Gram had passed. 

I took Aunt Hope for brunch, praying she forgave me, and that Gram did too. I was an insensitive prick and got too trashed to deal with the responsibilities I had. It wasn't like I was getting the opportunity again and I fucking failed Gram on so many levels, especially with Ryley. If my Gram would have ever caught wind of what went down between me and Ryley at that bar, I'd have no doubt she wouldn't speak to me for a while. 

Fuck. Ryley. I didn't feel I owed her an apology, even though I knew the things I barely remembered saying were nasty, but she gave it right back. I knew that much and I knew I put my hand on her; I shoved her.

I dropped my head as I stood in Aunt Hope's kitchen. I didn't knock her down, but I wanted her away from me and I fucking touched her like that. She said I would have been a terrible father. That I remember, and that was what made my drunken brain practically turn to nothing but rage. Shit. I couldn't live with that. I had to write her an apology for shoving her, not expecting her to forgive me, but I would leave it with her parents. And I was going to tell her that I would never be back and she'd be better off forgetting I'd ever lived, and forget the hateful shit I spouted at her at her place of business.  

  "I gotta go, Aunt Hope." I rushed to the door. "You sure you're okay with me gettin' rid of Gram's house?"  

  "I got no use for it." She approached me, hugging me tight. "Don't be a stranger, Liam. Now, I'm not stupid, I know you'll never be back here again, but you have my number." 

I smiled apologetically because she was right. I would never be back again, no matter what. I was giving Gram's house to the Reynolds and they could do what they wanted with it. I'd sign the deed all through faxing; I had the money to take care of all of that out of state. I decided to just leave them the keys and a note for Ryley, and then I needed to find Dana. 

You've been around for some of the toughest shit in my life and we've had our good times. You've also caused the most pain in my life and it's caused my bad times. I'm sorry I put my hands on you like that last night. If that tells you anything, it should tell you that I shouldn't fill one thought in your head. I understand if you hate me for it and I have a lot I can hate you for. We're not friends, acquaintances, and I don't even have the strength for enemies anymore. The only thing I apologize for is putting my hands on you like that. 

Liam Porter-The Asshole 

I scribbled out a shit note before I hauled ass out of that city and into town, careful to only go about fifteen incase Ryley's hell spawn ran into the road again. Who didn't teach their children not to run into the street? Although, comin' from that gumpy motherfucker and Ryley, who just looked worn down, I wasn't surprised. I pulled in Gram's driveway and went into the house making sure I got everything I needed. Whatever was left over, The Reynolds could keep or dump. I donated practically everything else.

On my way out the door, my eyes caught the beads that I left on the shelf by the front door. I reached for them, but I didn't want them. No more memories of Ryley. I'd already had enough, some that were permanently branded on me. Stupid.

My hangover was only getting worse by the minute and I needed out of that town, out of that whole fucking state. Out of the south.

Knocking a little too loudly on the door, I called for Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds. I took a step back and readied for Mr. Reynolds to whip open the door and beat me to a bloody pulp. 

He didn't, instead, Ryley's hellion opened the door. I unintentionally grimaced and took another step back, still in disbelief she would do that to me and with that man. Refusing to look at him, I stared at the swing. 

  "Hey, there, is your grandpa or grandma home?" 

  "Who are you?" he asked me. 

  "My name's Liam Porter." 

  "No it's not." 

I rolled my eyes and pulled my hands down my face, not wanting to deal with the little shit. 

  "Yeah. It is. Go get an adult," I told him sternly. 

  "My name's Liam Porter too. Well it's really Able, but Liam's my name too. And Porter. Able Liam Porter. Mama! There's a stranger at the door. He's a bad guy pretending to be me!" 

Have you ever took a shotgun in your hands for the first time? You don't know what to expect because you're only eight? That was me the first time Gage let me shoot Grandpa's shotgun, same fucking gun he killed himself with. The kickback sent the butt of the gun into my chest, making it feel like it broke every damn rib in my body and I was flat on my back. That same blast had hit me when that little boy yelled that, and whatever emotion exploded in my chest sent me stumbling back and fumbling down the stairs, knocking me to my ass. Staring at the little boy, I was staring at childhood pictures of myself. That was why the boy's hair reminded me of the Gage's; I had the same hair as Gage when we were kids. That kid was not that son-of-a-bitch's son, he was my fucking son. One hundred percent I fathered the little boy that was staring at me. 

I couldn't breathe and I lifted my hand to my throat, willing myself to say something. He just stared at me, stared at me through my fucking eyes and I couldn't look away. Not until Ryley appeared in the screen door did I look away, but only for a second. There I was, still flat on my ass, feeling like I just witnessed the most disturbing, but at the same time exhilarating, thing in my life. That was my son. 

  "Ryley," I managed to choke out. "Ryley," I blurted, jumping to my feet. 

  "I tried calling for a year, Liam." The exhaustion in her tone made me frown.

  "That's-that's-that's." I had to stop, I couldn't form the words. 

  "Able honey, go on inside and see if Grandpa has any of those cookies you all made the other night," she told him, and I watched my mini me run into the house to find the source of the sugar he was promised. 

I called him a hellion, a hell spawn, a little shit. That was my fucking son I was saying that about. 

  "Liam, I tried," she lowered her voice so her parents didn't hear us through the open windows. "Come on," she sighed and started walking ahead of me towards the pond.

I hadn't been back there since that day almost six years prior. I couldn't go out there, but it looked like she wasn't stopping until that was where we ended up. Walking to a tree on the opposite side of the pond from where it happened, she sat down against it and looked up at me. 

  "Sit. I don't bite." She smiled. She fucking smiled at me. 

I sat down, still not quite sure where my voice went. Ryley sighed and started talking and I soaked in every fucking word. 

  "When I told you I had 'taken care of it', well I didn't lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either. I had pills... pills that I was supposed to take on a strict schedule. With everything that happened to Gage, I got off schedule, but didn't think anything about it...." she trailed off. 

  "It wasn't a girl." That was all I said; the stupid words came out of my mouth with a chuckle and she cocked her eyebrow at me. "I just always pictured us having a little girl." I rubbed my eyes, quickly wiping away tears I didn't want her to see. "I didn't know." 

  "Obviously, Liam." She rolled her eyes, annoyed at me, and I didn't blame her. 

  "Last night," I blurted. "I'm sorry. I don't remember much, but I'm sorry." I wasn't supposed to be apologizing, I wasn't supposed to be sorry, but I was.

Everything changed with the revelation I actually had a son. I couldn't forget about Ryley, I couldn't go through life saying I hated her, wishing I never knew her. Ryley was the mother of my child, a child a wanted more than anything. There was so much I wanted at that  it was hard to think straight.

And then it hit me. "That man," I said with more venom than intended. "That man, you're with. Is that your husband?" 

She laughed, the laugh I missed all those years. 

  "I'm not married, Liam." She looked at me with tired eyes. Sad eyes. I fucking hated Ry's sad eyes when we were kids and they were getting to me again. Some things never change. 

  "He's your boyfriend though?"

She looked at me meekly and I shook my head, wondering what the hell happened to the strong willed Ryley I remembered. The Ryley that would never settle.

  "He raises my son?" The venom just oozed from me. The more I thought about that, the sicker and angrier I got. 

  "He doesn't raise him. No. I wouldn't let that happen. Carl was there when I was at my lowest, Liam. The entire town hated me. Hell, they still hate me. I drove the Porter boys out, had an illegitimate child with one of them without him knowing. Carl was the only one that was nice to me.... He made me feel like I was worth something at the lowest time in my life. Able wouldn't stop crying at night, he was biting kids at daycare... things were rough. Carl helped me out of it and in the process became a little attached to Able, but no, he doesn't raise him. We live with Jenny in town." 

I didn't know if that was much better. Last I remembered of Jenny, she was the fucking school slut. I groaned into my hands. 

  "That's my son," I muttered to myself, rubbing the confusion and pain from my face. "No other man's going to raise my son, Ryley," I told her harshly and I meant every damn word. 

  "I don't know where you get off thinking you have a say in raising him, Liam," she grit out and I sighed, not wanting a fight to escalate after what I'd just found out. 

  "I missed so much, Ry. So fucking much." 

  "I tried, Liam! You left me, you wouldn't answer. I called you numerous times. I. Tried." 

She had, but how the fuck was I supposed to know she was calling to tell me the pills didn't work? She never left messages. 

  "Ever hear of a voicemail or text, Ry?" I mumbled. 

  "Don't call me that, Liam. How would you have felt if I texted you saying 'hey! You are going to be a daddy. Surprise!'?" 

She had a point, it wasn't really an appropriate message, and she had called continuously. If I weren't such an asshole, I would have just answered, or I would have let her known one of those two times I did answer that I was listening. The last time she called, the last time I picked up, there was a crying baby. That was my son, I realized that now. That was my crying baby that I should have been there for. 

  "Call you what?" I snapped, not sure what she thought I called her. 

  "Ry, I don't... can't go by that anymore, Liam. It... it hurts." 

Fuck. I groaned into my hands, scrubbing my face. I still couldn't take hurting her. And with her name! Her fucking name! 

  "That's who you are to me, Ryley. Ry. You always have been and... I just thought." I exhaled a sigh. "I thought we were changing so much. We did. YOU did. What you did— You understand why I blew up, don't you?" 

  "I do. I'm sorry, Liam. I know what I did was wrong. It took me going to that clinic all alone and seeing his heartbeat to realize I went about it all wrong. I was too late, though. You wouldn't listen to me even when I called to apologize. I'm sorry, for everything." 

  "Jesus," I mumbled, having a hard time wrapping my head around all of it.

I was a father. I had a son. A son I'd missed five years of his life that I could have been loving him, teaching him, being there for him and for Ryley.