Authors: M. Dauphin H. Q. Frost
Doing better every day, I still struggled getting through a day without thinking about how things could have turned out. I always dreamed of getting out of that small town, but once Able arrived and I saw the love in my parents' eyes for him, I didn't have the heart to leave. I knew what it felt like when a loved one left you, and it wasn't good. As hard as they had been on me, they were still my parents and they were still Able's only set of grandparents. Being out on my own was never in the cards for me. Here with my parents' and Jenny was the only place I had support.
As I headed out to take Able over to my parents' house, I knew that I made the right choice staying.
It was still hard to look at Liam's old house. You would think that after all the time that passed one would be immune and numb to the feelings, but I had never stopped loving him. Sure I hated him for what he did, but I loved him for everything else. I'd loved him since I was a kid, he was my first love, my only true love, and he would always have a special place in my heart.
I still didn't know where Gram was after all those years, the only thing I knew was she didn't live in the house anymore. My parents mowed the grass and help with the keep-up of her place, so I assumed they had been in contact with her, but I didn't push for answers. I didn't really want to know much about Liam's life or how happy he was without me in it.
I parked the car and Able ran toward the front door before I was even out of the car. I laughed because he was so incredibly excited to be staying the night with my parents', and I was so incredibly excited to be able to sleep in the next morning.
My dad opened the door and gave me a look I couldn't place, then he leaned down to pat Able's head before ushering him inside with promises of cookies and movies all night long. Grabbing his overnight bag, I headed up the steps of my parents' house, trying to block out all of the memories that rushed over me every time I went here.
My mom opened the squeaky screen door and stepped onto the porch, wrapping her cardigan over her and folding her arms in front of her. She gave me the same look that my dad just gave me and then I knew something was wrong.
"What, what is it?" I asked, worried.
"You should probably sit, Ryley," she said as she took the bag from my hands and set it on the step.
I sat down on the swing, the same swing that I told Liam I had 'taken care' of Able six years ago, and waited, staring at my mom. My mom was getting older and it was starting to show. As a kid, every adult seems old, but when you are an adult yourself, you start to see things differently. The lines in people's faces, their posture, it was all there in my mother now.
"Ryley, Mr. Montgomery called. He had some bad news. Liam's grandma passed away in her sleep last night."
My throat felt like it was on fire just from the mention of his name. My mother knew not to use his name around me, but this was different. No. Gram couldn't be dead. She wasn't that old, was she? My throat burned, my eyes started to water. I couldn't believe she's gone.
"Oh, Mama...." I let a tear slip down my cheek as I mourned for the most kind-hearted woman I had ever met.
"I don't want to be the one to remind you, Ryley, but you know she only has one living relative outside her sister," she said gently, not knowing much about Liam's mother.
It was then, six years after Liam burned down my entire world, that I realized I was going to have to face the man that ruined me. The man that I loved, the man that I absolutely hated, the man who was the father of my child.
I was going to have to face him, and tell him he's a daddy.
Luckily my great aunt called and asked me to come to her place first. I was more than happy to oblige. I had no idea if Ryley still lived at home with her parents; part of me thought not, she probably got out of town. She had dreams to do something with her life. We were going to do them together at one point in time. It was inevitable and I knew I had to go to Gram's house, but I wanted to put it off as long as I could.
"Is this where you grew up?" I almost forgot Dana was in the truck. Either I'd blocked her out for the last hour of driving, or she actually shut the hell up.
"No. This is my aunt's house."
She didn't hesitate to get out, and actually, having her around was putting me more at ease.
"My word, Liam!" Aunt Hope bellowed when she saw me. "You have grown up so, so much." She suffocated me in a hug and started trying to kiss me, but I fought out of it and quickly turned to Dana.
"Aunt Hope, this is my friend Dana."
"Hi, sweetheart." She pulled her into a hug and when I heard Dana softly grunt from the abrupt tug, I chuckled and walked around them into the house.
The house smelled like old people, but there was a faint scent of Gram and I almost called out for her, forgetting what the hell I was in town for.
"Shit," I breathed, inhaling a deep breath, not ready for it all to hit me.
Old people die, I get it. Gram wasn't that old, but she was pushing eighty; I guess some would think her time was up. Hell, if I thought back, it was surprising she survived what she did. All the bullshit she put up with from me, Gage, even Ryley.
A chuckle made my lips curve up when I thought back to the time me and Ryley took Gram's car through the field around the pond. It was pure mud; we brought her maroon Lumina back covered in a sheet of brown mud, there wasn't one inch indicating the color of that car. Gram just so happened to be shaking out the rug, standing on the front porch when we pulled up. We'd hoped we could get back and get it washed off before she noticed. Not so much. Her mouth dropped, then when Ry got out, covered as bad as Gram's car, I thought Gram was going to have a heart attack. We got stuck and Ry insisted she push; she was scared to drive. Well she got covered, then running from the flinging mud, she slipped. Cutest damn thing I'd ever seen; Ry covered in mud.
My brows furrowed when I realized I was thinking about her as Ry and that I was thinking about her in general. I scrubbed a scowl back onto my face and turned around to face Aunt Hope and Dana. Aunt Hope directed me to the room Gram had been staying in for a while, then she took Dana into the kitchen. Afraid to touch anything while in there, I just sat on the bed thinking maybe if I left it all like it was, the facts wouldn't be real.
I decided Aunt Hope could handle the room, I had to deal with the house. Not that night though. That night I needed to find a hotel and get the fuck out of her house. I kept thinking I heard Gram and Gage, then worst of all, I swore I heard Ryley saying my name. I knew it was all in my head because it was the same way she said it five years prior, the last time I answered the phone. Even hearing her voice in my head, there was still that commotion of kids, or babies, I don't know, a room full of people.
"Hello?... Liam?"
It started playing in my head over and over. I quickly scrubbed my hands over my head then found Aunt Hope and Dana. We needed to get out of that house. I needed to get Dana to the hotel and I needed to get Ryley out of my head.
Fucking Dana would get Ryley out of my head, the only problem was, to get off, I had to put Ryley in my damn head more than she already was.
Dana wasn't as vocal as usual and I think it was because of how rough I was going, but to maintain a hard-on I had to think about the woman I hated.
"Liam?" Dana said and her fucking voice wasn't
hers
. It wasn't Ryley's.
"Fuck!" I grunted, getting hit with the most painfully intense orgasm I didn't know was possible. I almost screamed out Ryley's name.
Releasing my orgasm felt like something in my chest snapped, like the ties that were binding my heart just burst from the pressure of my throbbing artery. Needing away from Dana, away from any woman at that moment, I got out of bed and into the shower.
The next morning I was up early, hoping to get the house taken care of as soon as possible, and hoping Ryley became some lazy drone to society and wouldn't be awake before I finished; if she still lived with her parents. Something told me that would never happen and something else told me she wouldn't be living there anymore. What if she wasn't even in the state anymore? What was she doing with her life? All the thoughts started to flood. I can't lie and say I hadn't thought about her constantly in those six years. About the little girl we could have been raising. In my head, I made my baby a little girl. It always made me smile to think that I would have had a baby girl that looked just like her mom.
"What're you thinking about?" Dana grinned at me and I realized I was smiling.
"Nothing." I put the scowl back on my face.
The speed limit was twenty-five, but I was driving ten to fifteen miles per hour, willing to buy myself more time before I got back to the place I grew up.
"Is that it?" Dana pointed to Ryley's folks' house.
"Next door," I muttered and pointed to Gram's one story that was a hell of a lot smaller than The Reynolds' Victorian style house.
"How cute." She was fucking lying. It was a shit hole, especially compared to the house next door.
Maybe The Reynolds moved. Relief started to fill me until I saw her dad's truck. Didn't move.
"Liam!" Dana screamed, making me slam on the brakes right before I plowed over a little kid chasing a basketball. I was watching the house and didn't see him.
"Fuck!" I grunted, pissed off at how much that scared the shit out of me.
It took a minute to realize Mrs. Reynolds was the one to scoop the brown haired boy up. I shook my head a little as thoughts of me and Gage as little kids filled my head. Mrs. Reynolds stood on the side of the road, apologizing profusely while holding the squirming little shit. It finally hit her that it was me in the truck and the little fish out of water slipped from her arms and ran for the house.
"Shit," I breathed in shock she had another kid.
She was older than my mom and that kid looked three or four maybe; that would put her in her mid-forties when she had him. I shook it out of my head because I didn't want her to see the disapproval on my face.
My guess was when Ryley left home Mrs. Reynolds couldn't take it and she got knocked up. I chuckled a little, wondering what Ry thought of this. She had always wanted a little brother or sister, but I wasn't so sure at that age.
I pulled in the driveway and killed the engine, fumbling with my phone and playing with the keys a minute hoping Mrs. Reynolds went in, but when I get out she was staring at me like I was a ghost. Finally when I smiled at her, she headed for me.
"Liam," she said like relief gave her breath.
"Mrs. Reynolds. Staying busy, huh?" I chuckled and hugged her back.
"I'm so sorry about your grandmother. She was such a nice woman; you know she was like family to us. You both were. Gosh, Liam, it's so nice to see you." She was still holding me and because I was so uncomfortable, I looked toward their house.
That little kid was in the window, partially blocked by the sheer curtain. I shook my head at how careless it was for her to have another child. She'd be old before he'd graduate high school.
"Cute little boy, Mrs. Reynolds."
"Oh, Liam." She sniffled and let me go to wipe tears. "Geez." She chuckled, her smile was refreshing even though it was nothing like her old smiles. She just looked worn and wary.
"I gotta clean up the house a bit, it's gonna go on the market." I glanced toward her house feeling guilty that selling Gram's house may bring in bad neighbors.
"I'm gonna talk to Dale, he's been wondering what's been goin' on with the place, because your grandmother hasn't been back."
"Yeah." I rubbed the back of my neck. "She was with her sister."
"I know, and Dale wanted to talk to her, to see if she wanted to rent us the house."
"Yeah? You guys got someone who's looking for a place?"
"Well." She glanced over her shoulder then looked up at me again and her eyes squinted, showing the lines in her face.
I could see having a little boy running around had aged her quite a bit in a few years.
"I just know someone in a cramped apartment."
"I'd love to help out, Mrs. Reynolds, but I'm not really lookin' to have an attachment to the house anymore. I kind of just want to sell it outright."
"That's fine. I'm sure Dale can get a second mortgage." She smiled warmly at me.
"Really?" I grinned, already liking things going a lot smoother than I thought they would.
No signs of Ryley and I wouldn't be dumping the house and brining in trash that the Reynolds would have to deal with. Maybe the entire trip would be that smooth. I hated the thought of giving away Gram's house, even if I'd make money on it, it just didn't feel right. There was no way in hell though that I was keeping it. Too many memories I didn't want to have to deal with. I'd have no objections to them taking it off my hands.
"Let me just talk to Dale, honey." She rubbed my arm. "Give me your new number. I'll grab a pen."
"I don't have a new number. Same one as always." I smiled at her and her face turned from genial to a frown.
"Oh. You sure?"
I chuckled. "Yeah."
"Oh, I thought she said.... Oh. Okay, then, I can reach you there then."
"Yeah." I chuckled again at her sudden confusion. "Hey, I'm gonna go in, see what's goin' on. You just give me a call whenever. I'll see you Friday at the funeral?"
"Liam Porter, we're right next door, you best be seeing us before you leave this house today."
"Yeah." I chuckled uncomfortably because there was still a chance Ryley was in that house. "I will."
"Who's that lovely girl?" Her eyes shot to Dana who had been quietly observing the wildflowers around the tree.
"She's my friend. Dana," I called and waved her over. "Mrs. Reynolds, this is Dana...." I furrowed my brows, surprised I didn't even know her last name.
"Brown," Dana said as she shook her hand.
"You're Liam's new girlfriend?" Mrs. Reynolds smiled that fake smile again.
"No. We've been friends a while."
"Very good. Okay. Liam, if you need help, Dale will be home this afternoon."
"Nope. I'll be all good. Thanks, Mrs. Reynolds." I smiled at her. "Watch that little one and sorry if I scared the little guy." I was headed into the house until I saw her just standing there, looking like she was hanging heavy. I turned back and grinned at her, hoping to ease the sadness she seemed to be feeling that I assumed came from Gram's death.
"Sorry about him, Liam."
I waved it off and pulled out my house key, needing away from her.
I didn't know how I forgot, it'd only been five years since I was there, but I forgot about the pictures Gram had up. Pictures of me, Gage, Megan, and Ryley. I hadn't seen my brother's face in years and immediately when I looked at him, his hair made me think of that little boy next door. Me and Gage were that little boy at one time. Feisty little shits.
I started in Gage's old room that had already been cleared out, and I was grateful for it. I pulled my pocket watch out, the same watch Gage broke then fixed and left for me in the tire swing. It was just after ten in the morning.
"What can I do?" Dana asked, her hand going to my back.
"Start in the kitchen. All dishes go in the boxes I have in the bed of the truck."
She was jovial that morning, but she always seemed happy. She bounced out of the house to get the boxes and I started downstairs. Fuck. It was still a mess and it smelled damp and strongly of mildew. I wasn't thinking the Reynolds would want to buy the place after I discovered the unpleasant smell.
I started by dragging everything that was garbage to the stairs. While doing so, I was stepping on beads that were under the dryer. Bending down, I scooped them up and it only took a second to recognize what they were. It was Ryley's broken bracelet I made her when we were kids. The BFF beads were still there, but our names were missing. Best friends forever. I snorted at the stupidity.
I left my parents' house and headed back to my apartment. I was supposed to be going to the bar to meet Carl, but suddenly I didn't feel like it anymore. I didn't want to be around anyone, I just wanted time to think about the heartbreaking news my mom had just delivered me.
Gram was actually gone.
Grabbing a beer and sitting on the couch, I stared out my window. Our tiny apartment was nice, but I hated that Able's backyard was about the size of the front porch at my parents' house. I also hated that we had to leave the doors dead-bolted because there were always so many people around. I hated that I couldn't give him the amazing childhood that I had growing up, living in the country without caring if the doors were locked or not. My thoughts drifted to Gram and how every birthday she would make me a cake because my mom always worked so much it was hard for her to get one made. I remembered her iced tea, and laughed because in all my years I hadn't been able to master how to make it like her. And boy did I try. My mind drifted to the time that Liam, Gage, and I decided we wanted to go swimming in the pond. Gram wasn't home and I thought it would be fun to try it out; she would never let us do it when she were home. 'Snakes are gonna get ya, you three stay out of it,' she would warn. Even living in the country, her whole life she was still afraid of snakes. We were little shits, though, so the first chance we had to try it out, we did. Gage jumped in first, being the oldest. Once Liam and I saw it was okay, we jumped in together, holding hands. It didn't take long for me to realize the real reason Gram didn't want us in that pond. The catfish in there were insanely huge and the minute one started sucking on my leg, I screamed and started flailing around. I still remembered the look on Liam's and Gage's faces when they first saw me freaking out. They started laughing, but as soon as they did, one of those monster fish got Gage and he flipped out harder than I did. We got out of that pond faster than we had ever moved and we never got back in again. Damn fish. I still heard Liam's laughter as we lay on the grass by the side of the pond, panting from our exaggerated near death experience.