Fire Down Below (26 page)

***

The next morning I decide to call
everyone I know and tell them I’m engaged. A bit extreme, but I don’t care. Now
that I’m finally on the other side of the line I want people to know about it.
Ben is in the kitchen watching me as I get out my address book.

“You could wait, you know. We
haven’t even set a date yet.”

“Do you know how many weddings
I’ve been to in the past fifteen years? How much time and money I’ve spent? How
many hours I’ve listened to friends drone on about their wedding plans? These
people owe me big time.”

Ben laughs, digging a spoon into
his coconut milk yogurt. “You’re crazy.”

“We have to tell my parents in
person,” I continue. “I was thinking we could go over there this afternoon,
since it’s Sunday and they’re expecting me anyway.”

He shrugs. “Sure.”

The first phone calls I make are,
of course, to Suzy and Lauren. Lauren answers her phone in a breathless voice
and after her initial “Congratulations!” and “Oh my God!”  when I tell her the
good news, it becomes apparent that she’s not alone.

“Do you have company?” I ask, glancing
at the clock. It’s only a little bit before ten in the morning.

“Paul’s here,” she whispers.

“He is? How long has he been
there?”

“Let’s just say I broke my fourth
date rule in a big way last night.”

I laugh. “Now who’s on the hussy train?”

“I know! Can you believe it? It
was definitely worth it though.”

“That good, huh?”

“YES! And it’s been ages too, let
me tell you. He’s so wonderful. Oops,” she lowers her voice, “he just walked
back in. I should go. We’ll talk more later, okay? And again—congratulations—I
guess Ben really is the guy for you after all!”

I hang up the phone smiling. I’m
glad that she and Paul have hit it off so well. Who knows, maybe there’ll be
wedding bells in their future too. Next I call Suzy. She sounds off, but it
turns out the morning sickness has finally kicked in.

“Ugh,” she groans. “I was hoping
I’d be one of the lucky ones that got to avoid it, but I’ve already thrown up
twice today.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. “It’s good in
a way though, isn’t it? I’ve always heard that it means the baby is healthy.”

She sighs. “Yeah, I’ve heard that
too, but throwing up sucks. So what’s up with you this morning? Don’t tell me
Ben’s still mad about that necklace?”

“No, not at all,” I pause, “I have
some big news.” I tell her how Ben proposed to me.

“Wow! And here I am going on about
my morning sickness like a selfish cow. So I take it you had no idea the big
question was coming?”

“Not really.” I watch Ben as he throws
his rinsed yogurt container in the recycle. He motions to me that he’s going to
go take a shower and I nod that I understand. When he’s gone, I tell her about
some of the comments he’s been making to me the past few weeks about “if we got
married” this and “if we got married” that.

“Well, then I’m happy for you.
Maybe this thing between you and Ben really is fated.”

“That’s what I’ve been thinking
for a while.”

“That’s great then. Congratulations!”

“Thank you.”

“I owe you an apology for all the
grief I’ve been giving you about Declan.”

“Oh,” I wave my hand, “don’t worry
about it.”

“I thought for sure there was
something going on between you two, but with your new engagement and him
leaving with Nina last night, obviously I was wrong. Sorry about that.”

“No need to apolo—did you just say
Declan left with Nina last night?” I sit up straight, feeling very awake
suddenly.

Suzy yawns loudly. “Yeah, they
left not long after you guys. I haven’t talked to her yet, so I don’t know any
of the details, but it’s easy enough to imagine. Nina doesn’t have a fourth
date rule.”

“But she’s blonde,” I say stupidly,
“and Declan only dates brunettes.”

“I guess he’s making an exception.”

“Have you told your parents about
you and Ben yet?”

“No, we’re going over there this
afternoon.”

Suzy and I talk some more about what
my parents will say and whether or not Ben and I want a big wedding or a small
one, but I’m totally distracted. All I can think about is Declan with Nina. I
know I shouldn’t care, but I do. The thought of him sleeping with her is making
me feel sick to my stomach.

After I hang up with Suzy I’m tempted
to call him, but what the heck would I say? I can tell him about my engagement,
I decide. Then I can find out if he slept with Nina.

I pick up the phone, ready to
dial, when it occurs to me—what if Nina answers? I quickly put the receiver
down. I don’t think I could handle listening to her smug voice after she’s
spent the night in Declan’s bed.

***

“Are you all right?” Ben asks me
on the drive over to my parent’s house. “You seem distant. You’re not having
second thoughts are you?”

“No!” I put my hand on his leg.
“There’s so much to think about, that’s all. My head is swirling.”

He grins at me. “Mine too. What do
you think your parents are going to say?”

“Oh, I’m sure they’ll be happy for
us.”

“I hope your mom isn’t too weird
about it. I get the feeling she’s still holding a grudge against me from years
ago.”

“No, don’t worry. She’ll be fine.”

And they basically are. When we get
to the house and announce that we’re engaged they both hug us and tell us what
great news. My dad seems genuinely happy, though my mom is a little harder to
read. My instincts tell me that she’s wary of this new development, but she’s
hiding it well.

“So when do you kids plan to tie the
knot?” my dad asks.

Ben and I look at each other.
Truthfully, we haven’t discussed it yet. We didn’t do a whole lot of talking
when we came home from the park last night.

“When were you thinking?” I ask
him, curious as to what his reply will be.

He shrugs. “I don’t know. Next
summer?”

“A summer wedding would be nice.”
I imagine myself in a flowing white dress, something simple, but elegant. I’ll
wear my hair down, but off my face with a few daisies woven in. Or is that too Age
of Aquarius? I’ll have to ask Suzy and Lauren and see what they think. “If the
weather is nice we could get married outdoors.”

“That would be great.”

My dad grins at us. “There’s a lot
of things for you two to think about isn’t there? Heck, we could have the
wedding here if you like.”

I consider this. It’s not a bad
idea. My parents have a fantastic backyard and it would save a lot of money.

“There’s a spot out near Deception
Pass that might work too,” Ben says thoughtfully. “It has a nice view. There’s
a small hike to get there, but it’s not bad.”

I’ll have to go hiking on my
wedding day? But then I stop myself from thinking like this. It’s Ben’s wedding
day too.

“You should show it to me,” I say.

“I will,” he nods, warming to the
idea. “It’s on a bluff overlooking Puget Sound. It would be perfect. There’s
even a camping area nearby that has picnic tables and barbeque grills where we
could hold the reception.”

I smile politely. While getting
married on a secluded bluff with a view of the water might work—that actually
sounds romantic—there is no way on earth I’m having my wedding reception at a
campground picnic area.

“Or we could have the reception
someplace else,” he says. “I doubt my parents would be too happy with a picnic
reception, especially my mom.”

Well, hallelujah, whoever thought
that I’d be grateful to his mother for something?

My own mom, who is usually full of
ideas, is suspiciously quiet as we talk about all this. “What do you think?” I
ask her.

“Oh, I’m sure you two will figure everything
out.”

Hmm, now I know she’s holding
back. Later she corners me in the kitchen while my dad and Ben are still out in
the living room. My dad is showing Ben a map of the places they’ll be traveling
to on their cruise next month.

“Why are you doing this, Kate?”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to marry him just
because he’s the only guy that’s asked.”

“Gee, thanks for reminding me of
that.”

“You know what I mean.” She sighs.
“I don’t want you to feel pressured because you think no one else will come
along.”

“It’s not like that. I want to
marry Ben and I think we’re meant to be together. I feel like I’m getting a
second chance at something. Now I get to find out—what if I had said ‘yes’ all
those years ago? You’re the one who told me it’s the things you wished you’d
tried that will always haunt you.”

She tilts her head. “So it’s the
road untraveled then, is it?”

“Yes, it is.”

I don’t call Declan
to tell
him about my engagement for a couple of weeks. I’m not sure why I’m holding
back, and as time passes I feel guilty about it. He’s one of my best friends
and here I am ignoring him. Finally when Ben flies down to California for the
week, I decide to drop in on Declan at work and tell him in person. I haven’t
been to his new office since they were first setting up and the space was
filled with boxes.

I leave work early and head down
there, checking myself out in the bathroom mirror at work beforehand. I have on
a pair of fitted black wool slacks, a blue sweater—Declan once told me I look
pretty in blue—and I’m wearing my Hermés scarf like a headband. The colors in
the scarf are striking against my dark hair and tie in with the color of my
sweater. I’m feeling quite glamorous as I slip on a pair of black sunglasses
and dab my lips with some red gloss. It’s no accident that I’m so put together
to drop in on Declan. I keep picturing Nina, and while I’ll never be as
gorgeous as her, I know I don’t look half bad if I make an effort. Of course
I’m wearing my Jane Moon necklace. In truth I wear it every day and take it off
only to shower or when Ben is around.

When I walk through the front door
to Declan’s office I barely recognize the place. It’s not a rough space anymore
and looks quite professional. There’s even a receptionist to greet me.

“Hi,” I tell her. “I’m here to see
Declan.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No...I’m just a friend dropping
by.”

“What’s your name?”

I tell her and she nods. I watch
as she types something into her computer and then picks up the phone to call
him. Apparently no one is answering. “He’s in a meeting right now, but it
should be finished in about ten minutes. Do you want to wait or leave a message
for him?”

“I’ll wait.”

I sit down in one of the lobby chairs
that, if I’m not mistaken, were purchased from IKEA. I can’t help feeling impressed
at how well Declan and Sev are doing, considering they only started their
business over the summer. I wonder if it was a mistake for me to have not taken
a job here when Declan offered. I suppose I could still get hired. Despite the
promotion that’s been dangling before me for months now, I’m bored with the
work, and I think it’s time for me to consider other options. I keep remembering
something Declan said to me a while ago, asking whether I’d ever looked at
local artist jobs, and I wonder if it’s an avenue I should consider.  

I hear voices and find Declan
walking out with a few other people. He doesn’t see me and I watch as he speaks
to the small group. There’s some hand shaking and everyone laughs at something,
though I can’t hear what they’re saying. Despite being a geek, Declan is very
good socially and has a knack for putting people at ease. 

As I continue to watch him I feel a
strange possessiveness. I wish everyone would go away so Declan and I could do
whatever we wanted without any obligations to anyone. The truth is I miss him.
We used to spend a lot of time together and now I hardly see him.

As he says goodbye to the group
and they start to leave, he notices me sitting in the lobby and walks over.

“How long have you been waiting?”

“Not long.”

“I’m glad you came by. I’ve been
meaning to call you, but things have been so hectic around here.” He runs a
hand over his head. “Come on back.”

We head towards his office and I
notice that they’ve definitely hired a number of new people and appear to be working
out the office arrangements. There are a few cubicles set up and what looks
like a makeshift conference room. You get the impression that people are
working hard, but it feels laid back too, with pizza boxes and coffee cups here
and there.

Declan’s office is pretty simple.
There’s a whiteboard on one wall and a desk with two computers on it, one of
them a laptop. A Kandinsky print hangs near his desk and I recognize it from
his old office. Declan has a fondness for modern abstract painters and Kandinsky
is one of his favorites. There are a lot of papers and sticky notes around his
computer, as well as a large coffee mug that I also recognize with a picture of
the FAI—Football Association of Ireland—emblem on it. 

“Wow, I can’t believe how much the
place has changed. Business is doing well, huh?”

“It is.” Declan sits down in his
desk chair. “So...I understand congratulations are in order. I heard you and
Ben are getting married.”

“Yes, we are. Though we haven’t
set a date or anything yet.”

“I was surprised when I heard it.
I didn’t realize things were quite that serious between you two.”

I give an uncomfortable smile, not
sure how to respond.

“When did he propose?”

“The night of my birthday.”

“Ah.”

“I’m sorry, I know I should have
called and told you sooner, but I figured I’d tell you in person.”

Declan is quiet for a few seconds
and then shrugs. He can be hard to read sometimes. I can’t tell if he’s hurt or
if he doesn’t think it’s any big deal.

“How did you know I was getting
married?”

“Nina told me.”

“Oh, that’s right.” I cross my
legs, trying to appear casual even though I’m feeling anything but. “Suzy told
me you guys left together after my party. So you and Nina are dating, huh?”

He holds my eyes. “In a manner of
speaking.”

“She’s very accomplished,” I say,
trying to hide my discomfort. “And smart too. She graduated with top honors
from Yale. Plus she’s beautiful. You know she used to model to support herself
when she was in college? I get why you’d be attracted to her. A lot of guys are.”
I finally stop myself, inwardly groaning at the way I’m blathering on like an
idiot. I’m actually talking up
Nina
! As if she needs it! 

“Yes,” he agrees. “She is all of those
things.”

“So is it serious between you and
her?”

I know this is an absurd question
and that I sound silly even asking it. It’s only been two weeks, so there’s no
way it’s serious between them. But for some reason I still want the reassurance
from Declan.

To my dismay he doesn’t reassure
me. He smiles enigmatically and says he’s never met anyone quite like Nina before.

“Oh, really? Well, that’s nice,” I
sputter. “That’s really...great...for you.”  I suddenly wish I hadn’t come
here. I should have called Declan and told him about my engagement over the
telephone like everyone else. I should have known better. Of course he wouldn’t
be immune to Nina’s charms. No guy in their right mind would be. When a woman
like that throws herself at a man, he doesn’t say no. 

I reach down for my purse. “Well,
I’d better get going. I just wanted to stop by for a few minutes.”

“You’re already leaving? I thought
we’d go do something together.”

“No, I should go.”

“I know,” he says, holding his
hand up for me to wait. “I found the perfect movie for us when I was browsing
through the film section of the paper this morning.” He picks up the newspaper
from his desk and rustles through it. “Here it is. It’s playing at Alice’s
Attic and it’s so arcane nobody wants to see it. Rumor has it the director himself
didn’t even watch the final cut.”

I sit back down. “No one wants to
see it? We’ll be like the only two people in the world watching this movie?”

“Basically.”

I bite my lip. “It must be dreadful.”

“I imagine so.”

“Foreign film?”

He nods. “With indecipherable
English subtitles.”

It’s obvious by the grin on his
face that he knows he’s got me. “All right,” I sigh, “what time does this
artistic monstrosity start?”

“Half hour.”

“Don’t you have work to do though?”

He gets up from his chair, leaning
over to shut off his laptop. “Hey, I’m the boss. I can leave whenever I want.”