End Game (18 page)

Zane starts uncontrollably laughing, grabs me
by the hand, and pulls me down the hall to his room. I know that
nothing is going to happen, but deep down, I want something to
happen.

“I figured you might want a little quiet time
to get ready. You seem a little nervous, and I thought my room was
probably the best place for that.”

“Thank you Zane. I am really scared and
nervous, but I think my excitement may actually outweigh the fear.
I can’t believe it. I just hope it isn’t that shot Ray and I did
when we got here.”

Zane is still laughing at me, but also
staring at me like he has something to say. I know this look,
because I have this look all the time when it comes to him.

Zane leans into my neck, and out of nowhere,
he gently kisses my collarbone. I am not going to complain, because
it feels amazing. I just really hope he hasn’t been drinking, and
that’s the reason is why he is doing it.

He rests his forehead on my forehead, and we
are staring directly into each other’s eyes. I have no words. I am
just hoping he has something to say, because I have lost all the
words in my vocabulary.

“I have wanted to do that forever. You have
the most kissable neck in the world. When we run together, you
always get these little drops of sweat that run down your neck, and
it takes everything in the world to not lick them off of you.”

“Oh,” I believe is what I said. I felt my
mouth move, but I don’t think anything actually came out.

“Hannah, I need you to know something….”

“Hannah, get your ass out here now! You have
to go on!” Rayanne screams through the door.

Once again, Rayanne has perfect timing.

“When you are done singing tonight, me and
you, we are finally finishing this conversation.”

I just nod, because it is all I can do. Then,
somehow, all that fear and anxiety that holds me hostage, vanishes.
All I feel is the need, and desire, to do what I want. I don’t want
to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to be controlled by my fears. I
know they will always be there inside me, but I cant and won’t let
them be the only thing I feel anymore.

“Zane, I need something before we go on
stage.”

“Okay what do you need?”

“YOU!”

I kiss him. Not a little kiss, but a big
sloppy kiss, with lots of tongue. It’s amazing. I feel it
everywhere. My whole body is tingling.

It only lasts few minutes, and I pull away. I
have a huge smile on my face, because the look on Zane’s face lets
me know he liked it.

“I have wanted to do that forever,” I tell
him. I hope he gets that those are the same words he said to
me.

Then, I walk out of his room and can feel his
eyes on me. I have more confidence after that one kiss then I have
ever had before, and I now know I will fucking rock tonight.

Zane continues to stand in his room,
completely stunned. It’s the best feeling ever.

Chapter
Twenty-Seven

I walk straight into Rayanne, and I must look like
something happened, because she has her hand up to her mouth like
she is in shock.

I walk by her, not saying anything, and just
smile, nodding a yes at her.

I can hear her OMG’s all the way to the
stage. I am aware that Zane is now right behind me. I don’t see
him, but I can feel his eyes burning into me. It makes me smile. I
got this.

I make it to the makeshift stage, and turn
around to wait for Zane. He stops right in front of me. I can’t
tell what he is going to do.

“Hannah, next time we kiss, please don’t walk
away.”

Then he kisses me.

This kiss is different. He is in control of
this one. He is holding me up against the wall, and I can feel his
excitement. I mean, I don’t really know how else to explain it. I
have never felt a guy’s…stuff before, hard or not. I am pretty
positive that Zane’s stuff is aroused. If he is not aroused, then I
have no idea what to expect when he is.

Zane stops kissing me and lets me go. I feel
the loss of him immediately. I want his lips on mine again.

“Wow, Hannah. That is more than I ever
dreamed of when I thought of kissing you. Now, I need to go up on
stage and try to control myself, but, man, that was worth it. I
can’t wait to finish this talk with you later.”

With that, Zane walks up on to the stage. My
thoughts are all over the place. First, he has dreamed of kissing
me, and I am pretty sure that I know what his physical reaction to
me is. I feel almost proud that I made him feel like that. I am not
sure if that is weird, but, at this point, I don’t care. Weird or
not, that is how I feel.

I get myself as together as I can, and wait
for Zane to call me to the stage. It doesn’t take long for me to
hear him and the band starting. Well, here it goes. God, I hope I
don’t throw up on people.

“So as everybody knows, this band is named
after a very special girl in my life, and she has agreed to sing
with us tonight. So, everybody give it up for the original, Hannah
Banana Split!”

I can barely hear the clapping and screams
over my beating heart, and somehow, someway, I am able to make it
up the stage standing next to Zane.

Zane hands me the microphone, and it seems
like I go on autopilot, but in like a cool way. I don’t freeze up,
I start talking and it’s weird. I can tell I am doing it, but at
the same time it feels like it isn’t me doing it.

“Hi everybody. I gotta tell you, I haven’t
sung in front of anybody but my reflection in a very long time, so
just be kind.”

That gets everybody going, yelling for us to
start, and to show everybody what I got. I smile at Zane, and give
him a nod, letting him know I am ready to go.

I stare out into the crowd, but as soon as I
hear the music start, I have to spot Rayanne before I can open my
mouth. I find her right away. She has the biggest smile on her
face, and I see that Colin is standing behind her, hugging her.
That makes me happy. As much as I need this, she needs to let Colin
in. So, here it goes.

I start singing Halestorm’s “Beautiful with
You”. I picked this song because it’s about being with someone that
makes you feel beautiful, no matter what. Through all your bad
shit, or crazy shit, they get it and accept it. Not just your
outside, but also the inside stuff.

I am nervous for the first couple of verses
and never leave the spot I am in. As the song really picks up, I
get into it, and am so grateful Rayanne picked these shoes, because
before I know it, I am all over the stage. This song isn’t the
fastest song in the world, but it has a good beat to it and it gets
me going.

I make sure I pay a lot of attention to Zane
on the parts that talk about that one person that makes you feel
beautiful and strong, no matter what, and before I know it, it’s
over. All of that, for about four minutes, and its done.

I forget about all the people in the room,
because Zane and I are having a staring contest, until I hear
clapping and cheering. I not only did it, but I did it well.
WOW!

“Thank you everybody! I hope you liked it,
because I will be back on stage later for one more song.”

I can feel the claps and cheers throughout my
body. The stage is shaking because of it. This is amazing.

I give Zane a quick kiss on the cheek and
start to walk off stage.

“Oh no you don’t Hannah. No more walking away
from me after you kiss me.”

I have no idea where he is going with this so
I stand there frozen, and just wait to see what happens next.

Zane takes the microphone from my hand, and
all I can hope is he isn’t doing what I think he is.

“So, everybody, what did you think of the
original Hannah Banana Split?”

The crowd at least started clapping and
cheering. That is a good thing.

“Yeah, I think she is pretty awesome
too.”

I have no idea what he is doing, but he is
holding me close. Then, he is kissing me. I forget about the room
full of people, and I just melt into him.

A few seconds later, the yelling, and
screaming coming from everybody are enough to pull us apart. I
really don’t want to stop kissing him.

When we pull apart, he rests his forehead
against mine. We start laughing our asses off. People have to think
that we are crazy…and I don’t care. I want this moment to last
forever.

“You need to stay close to me right now
Hannah. I need to be able to grab you whenever I feel like I need
to kiss you. Please stay on stage with me. Sing with me, or just
stand by me, but please don’t leave.”

“I am not going anywhere Zane.”

“Good,” he says, as he kisses me on my nose
and starts yelling into the mic.

“Best night ever! Lets rock!”

Rock is exactly what he does. I stand on
stage, watching him for the next thirty minutes. True to his word,
he does stop singing to just grab me, and kiss me. It feels like I
was born to kiss him. I am not scared or nervous, which is so
weird. I was so scared to tell him, or show him how I felt, and now
it just feels right.

“Great news everybody. Time for Miss Hannah
to join us again.”

As I hear Zane say that to the audience, it
pulls me out of my trance. Zane is walking towards me with the
goofiest smile on his face. He looks so happy, and I can’t believe
I put that look there. I know that this moment is perfect, and I
don’t want to ruin it, but in the back of my mind all I can think
is he still needs to tell me why he left me. I know we will get to
that, so now it’s time to be in my moment…just like my tattoo
says.

Zane grabs me, spins me around the stage, and
kisses me, much to the delight of the party.

“My girl and I are going to slow it down a
little bit with a song that means a lot to us.”

He totally just told a room full of people
that I am his girl. How is this happening? Everything I ever wanted
is happening right now and I did it. I started this. I kissed him.
I made this feeling that I have happen. I am so fucking proud of
myself. I rock!

Zane hands me my microphone, and the music
starts behind us. Zane starts singing first, and then I join him.
This song means so much to me that I can feel the tears starting to
build up in my eyes. This song is about being lost in your life,
until that one person who accepts you as you are, scars and all,
saves you while you save them. That is who Zane is to me.

I can’t control the tears that start rolling
down my cheeks. This moment is everything I have ever wanted. Zane
comes towards me at the end of the song and gently wipes my tears
away. I start to smile, and then am completely taken aback when I
see he is crying. He is crying, so I gently wipe away his
tears.

This is what happy feels like. I feel it
inside, warming my body, and for the first time I don’t feel the
fear anywhere. I finally feel free. I don’t feel the fear and
pressure my mother put on me. I don’t feel the weight of her for
the first time in my life.

I grab Zane and kiss him. I want off this
stage now. I need to kiss this man in private. I want to feel him
all over me, and I want to look at him and just enjoy this moment
of happiness, so I grab the microphone out of Zane’s hands.

“We are done for the night everybody. Zane
and I have some stuff to do.”

The place erupts into yells and screams. I
know how I just made that sound, and I don’t care.

Chapter
Twenty-Eight

Zane and I walk off-stage, and without saying
anything to each other, we walk straight to his room. I am not
scared, which surprises the hell out of me. I want this. Whatever
is going to happen tonight, I want it more than my next breath.

Once we get into his room, we are at each
other like crazy people. Zane has me pushed up against his dresser.
I am trying frantically to get his shirt off and he is trying to
get mine off. As soon as I get his off, he pulls on mine, and we
both fall to the ground. We hit hard, but not hard enough that we
don’t both start laughing.

“I guess that was a sign to show us that we
need to talk a little first,” says Zane.

“Let me go first. If I don’t, I may never
have the courage to say it again.”

Zane nods his head, and I take that as my cue
to start confessing how I feel to him.

“Zane…man this is a lot harder than I thought
it would be. I am really nervous right now.”

“Please don’t be nervous with me Hannah. I
can go first if you want.”

“No, I can do this. Zane, I have been
completely and totally in love with you for years. I used to wish
that you would notice me and see past my size. I dreamed about
kissing you, the way we have been, all night. Honestly, I am
terrified you only want to kiss me right now because I lost weight.
What happens if I gain weight again? Will you leave me, or be
disgusted by me? I love you so much Zane. It would shatter me if
you walked out of my life. I already had to do it once, and I don’t
think I can again.”

I am ugly, crying now, and Zane is rubbing my
neck, and kissing my cheek and tears.

“Hannah, I have to tell you why I left and
never talked to you. Do you remember how excited I was when I got
in here?”

“Yes,” I whisper.

“The reason was, because as incoming freshman
it isn’t required to live on campus like some colleges. I wanted an
apartment, because I wanted you to come with me. I love you Hannah.
I have ever since we were kids. I never saw a size. I just saw you.
You are the most beautiful, sexy, funny, smart girl I have ever
seen, regardless of your size. It terrified me how I felt about
you. I was seventeen years old, and I knew I had found the one. So,
yes, I took that fear and slept around a lot, but when it came time
to leave for college, I knew that I couldn’t leave you. I wanted
you to come with me. I needed you with me. The idea of you being
there alone with her made me sick.”