He loved her more in that moment than he already did.
Faced with the reality of it now, Doug felt her shake beside him. Being careful of her freshly bandaged arm, he brought her against him. His lips touched her forehead, the softness of her hair.
I loved you.
He would get her to admit she loved him now, and not just when she’d thought he was dead.
Tears filled his eyes, but he didn’t care. “I’ll see you soon.”
She sucked in a breath. It probably would have been a sob, but for the sea of people surrounding them. She pulled away and looked up at him. Her eyes were dry.
“Sabine—”
She brushed back a lock of her hair and stepped away. “Goodbye, Doug.”
Doug forced himself to stay put while she walked to the agents. What if he never saw her again? It was useless to believe she would ever be a free woman. The CIA would lock her away for her connection to the Raven. For being unable to prove she hadn’t been in league with the woman all these years.
God, help us. There has to be hope, and it can only come from You.
In Doug’s own strength he would just fail. Only God had the power to bring it all in line so that Doug and Sabine could be together. And he had to believe that they would. Why else would he keep having that dream—the one where he walked in their house, and she took him into her arms? The dream where his ring was on her finger and her tummy was round with his child?
Please, Lord.
“Murderer!”
Doug rushed to Sabine before it registered in his mind that the middle-aged man in the trench coat had burst from the crowd.
Who was he?
A clatter of gunfire erupted from the man’s AK-47. Doug had Sabine shielded with his body when the stab of fire hit his chest, and she screamed.
EIGHTEEN
S
abine lifted her head from the cold metal of the table. “I understand how it looks, but what I’m telling you is the truth. My mother—the Raven—who I hadn’t seen in over twenty-five years before a couple of days ago, she orchestrated this whole thing.”
The room was bare. Plain walls, fluorescent lights and a single window that only reflected back the picture of her and the agent performing the interrogation. She had no idea where she was being held. The agent looked calm and collected, while Sabine sat there, dirty and sweaty, wearing the same clothes she’d been in for two days now. She probably stank to high heaven, but she couldn’t smell it anymore.
“Then you understand my dilemma, Ms. Sanders—”
“It’s Ms. Laduca. Sabine.”
It might be a small thing, to quibble over the name she’d been given by her mother versus the name she had chosen for herself. Ben’s last name. She had to hold on to the things she could control. She had to grasp the thing that gave her peace. Especially when she couldn’t stop reliving the moment when the man she loved had shoved her out of the way and had taken a bullet for her—in his chest.
His chest.
She still couldn’t help thinking about what she’d seen in his eyes as he lay there, bleeding out on the carpet of the departure lounge while she was pulled away from him. At least she knew now that he loved her. Though, had she been given the choice, she’d have picked better circumstances than his mouthing the words as she was dragged away by armed government agents.
She had no idea if he was dead or alive. No one would tell her. Her only comfort was the fact that Doug was a trained soldier. He faced situations like this all the time, although she didn’t want to think about the implications of that. He was strong. He knew what he was doing.
Worry for Doug had torn her heart apart, but she couldn’t show even a hint of weakness to these people. They held the reins on her future, whether that meant a lifetime in jail or worse.
God, help me.
She looked at the agent across the table—a nameless, faceless suit and tie. The man studied her, as though trying to figure out why someone who had just bombed two different government facilities and killed at least a half-dozen people looked like she was about to cry.
“Ms. Laduca, I’m trying to help you. But I can’t do that if you’re not willing to give me anything.”
“What’s to give? The Raven is dead. I had nothing to do with her, except that she duped me for six years into running missions. All I did during that time was collect intelligence.”
“Then explain this.” The agent laid a picture of Christophe Parelli on the table between them.
Sabine sighed. “That wasn’t me.”
Her interrogator barked a laugh. “You’re telling me you weren’t there?” He laid down a surveillance photo of her in the hotel.
“I broke into the hotel suite. I got Parelli’s hard drive. When Doug—Sergeant Major Richardson... When he interrupted me, someone else was already coming. Parelli and my mother came in behind us. We hid in the closet, and I saw her poison Parelli.”
The agent tapped the table. His mouth worked back and forth. “Christophe Parelli was an informant for the U.S. government.”
Sabine’s stomach dropped. “I didn’t know that.”
“Evidently.” The agent’s jaw clenched. “What with you working for the Raven and all.”
“I was duped.”
“So you’ve said. And what kind of an agent does that make you, do you think? That you can’t tell when the wool is being so completely pulled over your eyes.”
Sabine swallowed. “Not a very good one.”
She had thought her facade of a marriage to Maxwell was the end of it. She’d been so sure that she would never let herself be fooled again. But she had. Sabine had trusted someone and, like an idiot, had allowed herself to believe a lie. Again.
A shadow crossed over her heart. Was the love in Doug’s eyes for real? Finally she’d found something—someone—who was worth believing in, and she found herself unable to let go.
Sabine felt arms wrap around her, despite the fact no one was near. It hit her deep inside, where she felt comfort at the thought of seeing Ben again. Where she knew Doug would be okay even if the worst had happened to him, God was reaching out to her.
With no movement or spoken word, Sabine reached back and found the solid foundation of a God who loved her without reservation. Not dependent on anything she had done. Love that defied explanation.
I believe, God. Help me trust You. No matter what happens.
Sabine felt like the tender new bud of a flower, fragile but with the deepest roots. Whatever happened to her, to Doug, she would be okay, because God was with her.
“Ms. Laduca, you’re facing serious charges. Perhaps you should be more worried about what will happen to you.”
More worried? She was clearly a better covert agent than she thought if he couldn’t tell she was completely freaked out. Then again, perhaps this new warmth of peace in her chest had made its way to her face.
The agent collected up his papers. “I’ll give you some time to think. But your options are pretty limited unless you can give us something that will sway us from putting you in jail for life.” He stood. “It’s up to you, Sabine.”
The agent reached for the door handle.
“Wait.”
He turned back. Sabine took a deep breath and pushed away the voices that said this was crazy. “I’ll tell you everything I know. Everything I’ve done and learned over the last six years.”
“You think that’s good enough?”
“It’s all I have.”
The agent’s eyebrows rose.
“Except—” Sabine lifted her chin. “Except...me.”
The agent straightened. “I’m listening.”
“What good is telling you what I know if you don’t trust me?”
She was innocent. It could be argued that none of this was her fault, provided she ignored the fact that she should have known she was being duped. Should she even have to prove herself? Or was that just her pride telling her to be stubborn and refuse to start on the bottom rung of the ladder and earn her way back up?
It all boiled down to how badly she wanted to be an agent again. At one time it had been everything, her whole life. Just like Doug and the army. Then it had been about getting justice for Ben.
She had to know if she could trust herself, and right now that was seriously in doubt. She should ask them to put her in a teaching position, training new recruits. But could she mold new agents when she had failed so massively?
Could she do it? Could she earn back their trust? It was a crazy idea, but one that meant she would be free, at least to an extent. The CIA would have to be willing to work out a deal with her. One that meant she would go back to work for them, slowly working her way back to active status. She would never be the full agent she had once been. But she could still be an asset to them. Let them set whatever stipulations they wanted.
Because, if it meant she might get to see Doug, it didn’t matter what the cost.
If he’s still alive.
The agent cocked his head to one side. “What is it you want, Agent Laduca?”
Sabine opened her mouth but couldn’t say it. Going back into covert intelligence wouldn’t make her happy. She was bone tired. What she really wanted was to walk away, to find a cottage on a beach somewhere and get started on the pile of books she’d bought but hadn’t read yet.
“I want out.”
The agent nodded. He walked back to the table and sat down. “This will be a long process, but I’m confident that with your cooperation we can work something out.”
“Just like that, after threatening me with life in prison?”
“Make no mistake, Ms. Laduca, this won’t be easy. You give us everything you know. And I mean every single thing you have from the last six years. Everywhere you went. Every person you talked to, every bug you planted and every computer file you stole. Then we’ll talk about your being released. Completely under the radar, you live quiet as a mouse, and, if we ever call you...for anything, you do it. No questions.”
“So I’m going to be your puppet forever?” Sabine shook her head. “Prison is starting to look appealing.”
“The choice is entirely yours.”
* * *
The constant pain left him breathless and, although he didn’t want to admit it, very cranky. Between Jean and his father, Doug was never alone for a second. At that moment, Jean was straightening his blanket. He brushed her hands away and gave her a look.
The general was at the door, his arms folded.
Doug shook his head. “You look mad. What gives?”
“What gives?” The general stepped into the room. He walked carefully, and there were dark circles under his eyes, but Doug didn’t think that was from the heart attack. “This isn’t some joke, son. You’ve been hurt before, but never like this. You nearly died, and days later I find you putting your shoes on.”
“You know why I have to find her, Dad. I’m going crazy not knowing where she is or what’s happening.”
She was in God’s hands, but he was still going crazy not knowing.
The general sighed. “That’s why I made some calls.”
Doug’s eyes widened. “And?”
“No one knows where she is. Colonel Hiller said they’re refusing to even confirm that they have her.”
“That’s crazy. We all know she went with them. Where did they take her?”
“I’ll find her, Doug, but I need time. And you need to rest up so you can get back to active duty.”
He surged up from the bed. Pain lanced through his chest. “Sabine might not have time. I can’t care about my job right now.”
“Calm down.” Tears filled his dad’s eyes. “Please. You can’t go get her if you’re immobilized, and if you keep pushing it you’re going to set yourself back. You’re not invincible.”
Doug forced himself to take slower breaths. He ducked his chin and immediately felt his dad’s hand on the side of his neck.
“I don’t want to lose you, too, son.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You have to trust me.”
Doug nodded. He would trust his dad. They had never been this close, never in his whole life. All the strength he needed to lie back and let himself heal was there in his dad’s touch.
Doug sucked in a lungful of air and blew out the need to dissolve into tears.
“Find her.”
* * *
Eight days later Sabine was finally wrapping things up with the CIA when there was a knock on the door. She’d been in that same interrogation room from dawn until dinner every day and had lain awake nights in the glorified prison cell where her bed was. No contact with the outside world had left her bereft. She couldn’t relax until she knew if Doug was okay.
The agent, the same one who’d interrogated her every day, glanced up. A familiar old man strode in wearing his dress army uniform with stars on his shoulders.
“Am I early?” His face split into a wide smile.
“Andrew,” she whispered.
“My dear.”
Sabine shot across the room and burrowed into his arms. She was taller than him, but it didn’t matter. Doug’s father folded her in his embrace. “How is he?”
The general nodded slowly, his eyes wet.
“How is he?” she repeated.
“He’s worried about you, fighting everyone, refusing to listen to reason. Says he wants to leave the army.”
“That’s crazy. He loves being a soldier.”
The general shrugged. “Says he’s done. No one can get the why out of him. He’s refusing to talk about it, demanding we find you. So I did. I can’t have him rip out his stitches again, struggling and not listening to reason.”
Sabine squeezed her eyes shut.
“Excuse me.” The agent stood beside them. “Ms. Laduca is in our custody—”
“Not anymore.”
Her face jerked back around and zeroed in on the general.
“You can’t just waltz in here and yank this woman out—”
“I absolutely can, son.” Andrew pulled out a trifolded paper and handed it to the agent. The agent studied it. His eyes widened. Andrew glanced at Sabine and winked.
She smiled back, reached up and touched his face. “Thank you.”
He nodded.
The agent grunted. “This is highly irregular.”
Sabine turned to him. “Our agreement stands. You know how to reach me.”
She hooked her arm through the general’s. She didn’t care how it looked for a military officer to be outwardly affectionate. Apparently neither did he.
Out in the hall Andrew leaned in. “Agreement?”
Sabine shook her head. “A small price to pay for my freedom. If they decide to abuse the hold they have over me, I’ll just disappear again.” She ignored the look of worry in his eye. “Is Doug really leaving the army?”
“Seems so. We’re all worried about him. It is so uncharacteristic to suddenly throw everything away.”
Sabine sighed. “It’s because of me, isn’t it?”
He opened a door for her. “Would that be bad?”
“He loves being a soldier. It’s everything to him.”
Andrew’s eyes darkened. “I don’t think it’s everything anymore.”
“Are you sure?”
“Do you really have to ask that?”
“I know.” She looked away as they walked. “He got shot protecting me. He nearly died, and now he’s a mess. I can’t help feeling guilty, like he would be better off if I had never come into his life. I can’t help thinking that I failed at marriage before and I failed at my job now. I have nothing left, nothing to give him. And in return he’s giving up everything he ever wanted.”
She stopped and turned to his father. “I have to live a simple life now, and I’m okay with that. But how could Doug be happy with that? He needs action and a purpose. My life won’t give him that. He’ll be bored of me within a month.”
The general’s eyes were dark. “You sound like you’re talking yourself into walking away.”
Sabine hardened her heart against disappointing him. “I don’t want Doug to be hurting. I can’t stand hearing he’s all worked up, worried about me and setting his recovery back.” She waited for the affirmation. “He is, isn’t he?”
“He’s not doing himself any favors. How could he? He has no idea where his woman is. He’s scared, Sabine.”
“I was, too, not knowing if he was dead—” Her voice caught on the word.