He came close, his eyes dark and hard. “You’re not coming with us.”
THIRTEEN
W
hen Sabine pulled out her cell phone before the plane to Washington, D.C., took off, there was a new message.
I have an assignment for you.
She powered down her cell with heavy fingers. “He knows I don’t want to work right now.”
Doug had his Bible open and balanced on his knee. The volume was no bigger than a CD case, dog-eared and bent like it lived permanently in his back pocket. When he had pulled it out, she’d seen strips of tape across the spine.
He looked up. “What’s that?”
She sighed. “You were there. You heard me tell Neil that I wasn’t working right now. I can’t even consider him or the CIA or my future. I have to put my worry aside until we find the Raven.”
“I thought you were going to contact that CIA guy, Steve-something, after you met with Neil. When we met with him you were all about doing surveillance on Neil and finding out who he was, passing it on.”
“I know. I just...” Sabine barely had it together enough to focus on justice for her brother. Now that her mom was involved, Sabine was stuck in some kind of self-defense mode, like she was back behind that Dumpster, crouched beside her brother. Trying to convince him everything would be okay, when she knew full well it never would be.
“You gave your word to him, Sabine.”
Her heart sank. She had also promised Ben that she would always look after him.
Doug squeezed her arm. “Steve gave us seven days until the CIA launches a manhunt for you. I know it’s only been three days, but I won’t let us go back on that promise.”
At that moment she felt further from Doug than ever before. He didn’t understand her at all. He thought she was strong, when in truth she was barely hanging on to the morsel of determination she had left.
Ever since he had dropped the bomb about her not going with his team, there had been a wall between them. She was determined to change his mind. The discussion at the departure lounge of the airport had been awkward to say the least. Every member of his team had seen the tension between them, but no one spoke of it.
Once they were on the plane—which, if you counted all the layovers and detours, totaled nine flights this week—he’d pulled out his Bible. Another reminder of how different they were. Differences that felt somehow insurmountable, since faith was a whole side of him Sabine didn’t begin to understand. Nor did she particularly want to know. Not about a God who pointed his finger down from lofty heights and smote people for messing up. The last thing she needed was for someone else to tell her that she wasn’t good enough.
She glanced up. There was a question in his eyes. “What?”
“Nothing.”
Sabine turned and stared at the carpet of clouds outside her window. They were at cruising altitude now, where the whole world looked like an ant farm. How could God know each and every one of those tiny beings, let alone care about them all?
“He does care about you.”
She’d said that out loud? Sabine shut her eyes. How convenient. Doug might not love her, but God did.
* * *
Doug looked away so the team didn’t think he was crazy, staring at the back of Sabine’s head while she looked out the window. He studied the page again. The words blurred.
God, she’s so broken, I don’t know how to help. Sabine needs You in her life so badly. Show her Your love.
It had been weeks since Doug had prayed with any regularity. Somehow he’d lost the rhythm of daily Bible study and prayer, and it left him off his game more than he had realized. Since the day she had walked into the restaurant where his target was, Doug had been reacting first and going to God second—if at all.
I’m sorry, Lord. I’ve been trying to figure all this out on my own. If You don’t help, this will all go sideways fast. Sabine could get hurt.
The idea of her injured was unthinkable. He was falling for her. He could admit that to himself now, though he hadn’t wanted to. And he hadn’t needed his dad to say it. Why else would it feel so right to have her beside him? If she wasn’t the woman for him, why did he keep having that dream where she was his wife?
God, I want that. I want her in my life. Marriage, kids, the whole package. Only You can figure all this out. I’m trusting You to do that, because she’s way too important to me to leave to chance. Help us get the Raven, without Sabine being destroyed in the process.
Doug couldn’t begin to imagine a nightmare from his past coming back like that. The horror she’d seen as a child was still with her now. He could see it in her eyes. After years of looking out for her younger brother, Sabine might have lost him to their mother after all. It was a wonder she had managed to hold herself together so well, especially when she didn’t know the peace of being able to trust God.
Beside him Sabine shifted in the narrow airplane seat and stretched her neck left and right. It was now or never. She had a right to know what had happened to her brother. To be given the chance to put her fears to rest, even if he would never be able to.
“Sabine?” He cleared his throat. “Honey?”
She turned, and he saw the loneliness in her eyes. Part of him hated that he was about to destroy all the trust she had in him. Once this was done, she would know why they could never be together. Despite how he felt, it was doomed.
It was going to take everything he had for this all to come out the way he dreamed it might, and he didn’t have everything to lose. Once she knew he was responsible for Ben’s death, it would kill everything she felt for him. She would walk away, and he’d let her, because he wasn’t going to be responsible for the death of someone else he cared for. Mistakes cost too much, and he couldn’t risk her being another one.
This thing between them couldn’t get any deeper; he had to cut if off now.
“There’s something I have to tell you.”
* * *
Sabine listened as Doug told her of a dusty scorcher of a day in some Middle East desert country only weeks ago.
“I was supposed to be the one on point, but something didn’t feel right. Ben took charge like I was incapacitated and led the team right into the line of fire.”
The anguish in his voice was like a knife to her heart. To see this strong, capable man, whom she cared for, so broken.
“I shouldn’t have let him do that. The mission was my responsibility. It was my operation, and it should have been me who went first. One second we’re half a klick from the helo, coming up on the end fast, looking forward to going home. The next second we’re all diving for cover. Ben was hit in the neck. It was over in seconds.”
He sucked in a shaky breath. “It should have been me.”
She reached out and gripped his arm. “You can’t think that. Ben knew what he was doing. If he disobeyed you and went against protocol, that’s on him. It’s so hard for me to say that. My baby brother should have been looked after, but that’s just the sister in me talking. He was a Special Forces soldier. The best of the best. He was trained, just like you were. He knew the risks.”
“But it was my fault.”
“Did you fire the gun that killed him?”
Doug looked up from staring at his clenched fists, tears in his eyes. Sabine’s chest ached.
“Did you pay the shooter to be there that day?” She laid her hand on his big shoulder and squeezed. “Let’s go get the person responsible for it.”
“What if it’s your mother?”
Sabine shrugged. “She stopped being my mother the day she pointed a gun in my face. There’s nothing between us anymore, and I don’t want there to be. If she did kill Ben, she’s going to answer for it.”
Doug took a deep breath and nodded. “I promise you, she will. I’m going to make sure of it.”
“So will I. When we face her together.”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry. Like you said, we’re trained soldiers.”
“And my training and ability is tainted because I’ve been deceived for the last six years?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to. I can see it all over your face, Doug. You think I’m not up to par because I was tricked. Well, I can match you step for step any day.”
“That might be so, but you can prove it another time. You’re not coming with us. I have to know you’re safe, Sabine. I promised Ben I’d take care of you, and there’s no way I’m going to let him down again. I couldn’t live with myself.”
“So you’re tying my hands because of your guilt.”
Doug’s mouth thinned. “And you’re disregarding the way I feel because you don’t agree. A bunch of nice words don’t erase the fact that Ben’s death is on me. There’s no way I’m going to let you get hurt, too.”
“What about Barker, Hanning, Franklin and Perkins? Aren’t they important, too?”
“Of course they are—”
“Then by your own logic, they should stay behind with me. Why don’t you just go and bring the Raven in all by yourself, if you’re so worried about letting everyone down? Go be a one-man army and bring Ben’s killer to justice.”
“You know that’s not how it works.”
“So you’ll risk them but not me.”
“Because I care about you.”
Sabine’s heart leapt, despite the fact he’d shouted it at her. She laid her hand over his. “That’s good. Because I care about you, too. But caring about someone means you put aside your fear and let them do what they’re trained to do. You give them wings. You don’t tie them down.”
He shook his head. “I can’t do it. I won’t.”
* * *
Sabine strode down the gangway into the departure lounge of yet another airport. After a while, destinations and layovers all bled together so she had a general sort of recognition regardless of what country she was in, or what time of day or night it was. She gave a cursory glance to the pack of people sitting around waiting to be shipped all over the world like a crate of apples, each one trying not to bruise the one beside it. She wound her way between exasperated parents and bored business types way too concerned with their smartphones and kept walking.
She barely recognized her life. Everything had changed since Ben’s death, and it seemed as if that one phone call had been the catalyst for her whole world to turn inside out. She’d gone from solo covert agent to being shadowed 24/7 by a team of Delta Force operators. Granted, they were hanging back unnoticed, but she still couldn’t help feeling smothered by an overprotective detail.
Any other day she might have been able to cover the feeling with the strength of her training. Today it bled into her walk and the painful grip she had on the handle of her rolling suitcase, proving exactly how much of a toll the past weeks had taken.
What was Doug’s problem anyway? He thought she was incapable of being any help to their team. If it was her mom they were after, there was no way Doug could justify Sabine’s absence.
She had a right to be there.
A flash of color, high and to the right, caught her attention. The widescreen television was on the channel for CNN, and the older man in the picture was one she knew well. She stumbled, and Doug was immediately at her side.
“What is it?” He looked at the TV and sucked in a breath. “That’s Major General Taylor.”
The anchorman spoke. “The body of this United States Army officer was discovered this morning, washed ashore on the northwestern coast of the French island of Corsica. His family has provided no explanation as to what Taylor might have been doing on the Mediterranean coast, and the army has declined to comment at this time.
“An investigation into the major general’s death is forthcoming, and details will be released then. So far the military seems to be keeping a tight lid on exactly what happened.”
Neil.
Sabine pushed back the disbelief. The revelation that her handler was in fact a major general with the army was a complete surprise. Of all the coincidences to happen today, her handler found dead wasn’t one she’d prepared for.
Doug blew out a breath. “That’s crazy. I spoke to him at my dad’s birthday.”
“He was at the party?” A shudder moved through her. She’d seen Neil—Major General Taylor—less than thirty-six hours ago, in disguise. He’d been at Doug’s father’s birthday?
Doug looked over at her, his face wistful. “You probably didn’t notice him because Taylor would have blended in and looked like any of the other officers there. He was a great soldier and a good friend. Even said he thought of me like a nephew, probably because we’ve known each other for so long.”
At their meeting in the mall food court, he’d made extra effort to disguise his appearance. Had he known Doug was there and needed to keep his betrayal a secret?
She wrestled away the reaction that would have broadcast her surprise. Doug knew her handler, a man who was a traitor to this country? Sabine would deal with this herself. Neil—Major General Taylor—was dead now, so what did it matter if Doug never found out his trust was misplaced?
Doug frowned. “It’s kind of funny, though. He actually warned me away from you. Said you would be trouble, that you’d walk away when you were done and I’d have to pick up the pieces. Guess he thought you were some kind of heartbreaker I had to watch out for.”
Neil had warned Doug away from her? Had he also thrown that brick through the kitchen window, triggering Andrew’s heart attack?
Sabine raised her chin. “I’m sure he didn’t know what he was talking about. After all, I’ve done nothing but conveniently supply you with fresh leads since this began.”
His face softened. “I know that, honey. You’ve been invaluable.”
“Then why won’t you let me come with you? I won’t get hurt. I can take care of myself.”
He sighed. “It’s not just about your safety. The team’s safety is at stake, too. We’ve trained and gone on operations together for years. Perkins might be new, but he’s one of us. You’re an unknown component.”
“That’s unfair! It’s—”
“The truth.” Doug laid his hand on her shoulder, but she shook him off. “Sabine, each one of the guys has had the exact training I have had. I know every nuance of how they do what they do. In the middle of an op, I can tell you exactly what action they will take and probably what they’re thinking. They’ll tell you the same about me. Our training exhausts every contingency, every possible outcome. I’m not trying to shut you out. I’m trying to protect you. You’re a live wire, and I love that about you.”