A KeyHolder's Handbook (3 page)

Of course, he may be slightly disappointed that he did not get the feeling of relief he is so used to after he ejaculates. On the bright side, you can continue doing whatever it was you were doing prior to the interruption. Since he will be able to maintain his erection, you can do pretty much anything you could do before the orgasm happened. In fact, you may be able to coax two or even three more of those nice little ruined orgasms out of him before his supply of semen is exhausted. How about that for fun?

So, if you simply cannot take any more of his begging, whining, or maybe even crying. Try ruining his orgasm instead of allowing him a full one. Besides, it is fun watching his semen flow gently from the end of penis instead of shooting out on some unpredictable trajectory.

So how do you ruin an orgasm, again? Practice! I have always recommended that you watch him very carefully while manually stimulating his penis. Watch for any indication that he is about ejaculate (to shoot his load,as they say). Once you are familiar with the indicators, or symptoms, of an impending orgasm, you can stop all stimulation and watch what happens. One of two things will occur; He will relax and not have any orgasm at this time, or his orgasm will have been ruined and his semen will flow gently from his penis as I described above.

Now, if the latter happens, you have succeeded in ruining his orgasm and you can pat yourself on the back and continue to ruin a second one, if you like. Or you can simply give him your “phony” sympathy and tell him that maybe next time he will get a full orgasm.

If, on the other hand, the former happens, it means that you simply did not stop in time and you will just have to try again, next time. That should be fun, anyway.

If you have never ruined an orgasm before, I suggest you use the following method to practice. Lubricate his penis so that it glides smoothing in your hand. You may need to add lubrication as time goes by. Most of them have a tendency to dry out or work their way into the skin. Either way, they will lose their effectiveness and you will need to add more.

Grasp his penis gently. Very gently. You want to make very slow, gentle strokes with your hand. Don't be in a hurry. Taking it slow makes it much easier to determine when he is close to ejaculating. Remember, your goal is to learn everything you can about the indications he gives when he is close to ejaculating. If you think he is getting close and might ejaculate, stop. Remove your hand from his penis immediately.

Don't think that because you are not stroking him that it is the same as letting go altogether. It's not. If he can still feel your hand touching his genitals, he may still have a full orgasm. You don't want that. It's much better to stop too soon, than to keep going too long. As long as he does not shoot semen out of his penis the way he normally does, you have been successful. Even if nothing happens. You can continue to stimulate him as long as nothing came out. In fact, you can do it over and over again, for as long as you like. We call that edging, and he will enjoy it. But if you can coax that semen to flow smoothly out without squirting, you have ruined his orgasm and you can do it again, if you like.

The key is to keep his penis lubricated, and watch his reactions very closely as you slowly, and gently, stroke his penis. Don't get discouraged if you fail the first time or two. Remember what I said, “It's better to stop too soon than to keep going too long.” And, as always, practice makes perfect.

The Stifled Orgasm

There is another type of orgasm possible. If you didn't manage to stop before he reached that point where his ejaculate is pushed out of his penis with all the pressure of a full orgasm, you can still stop him from enjoying what he is expecting to get. You can stop the flow of his ejaculate while it is still inside his penis. I call this a “stifled” orgasm. If you squeeze the sides of the head of his penis tightly between your thumb and forefinger, and hold it until his spasms stop, his semen will back up into his system (usually the bladder) because it has no where else to go. You may accomplish the same thing by squeezing the base of his penis very tightly, but it is more difficult that way. Either way, when you release your grip, you may see one short “blast” of semen, only because of the pressure that built up while you were restricting the flow. You can prevent this if you hold it back long enough for the pressure to bleed off.

The problem with a stifled orgasm is that it may or may not stop the normal bodily reaction to the ejaculation. That is, he may still lose interest in sex, get grumpy and out of sorts for awhile, and not be able to maintain his erection. If this happens, you may have been too late in your attempt to stop the orgasm. Most of the time, however, it will be as good as a ruined orgasm in that you will not see any of the negative effects of a normal, full orgasm.

So in order to play the game to your best advantage, you want to prevent allowing him that full orgasm and, instead, give him a ruined orgasm, or a stifled one if you must. Remember, in order for him to win the round he must have a full orgasm. All you have to do is prevent that. Simple!

~ ~ ~

Chapter 3 – How to Play

“No, silly, you get to give me
all the orgasms I want, but I
don't have to give you any!”

Chastity Only

Basically, as I said before, there are two ways to play the chastity game. The first is chastity only. That means that you, as a KeyHolder, don't do much other than keep his keys so that he cannot possibly have an orgasm without your permission. Admittedly, this is not much fun for either of you. But it can be done.

What you do to play this way is to instruct your partner that in order to have an orgasm he must obtain your permission. When and why you give that permission is up to you. You may simply make him wait a certain amount of time, say, a week, a month, six months, or even a year. Of course, in the real world this is something that you should discuss before you snap the lock closed on his chastity device. It is only fair that he knows what to expect. It may very well be that he will want to go longer and longer with each test of his ability.

You could even set up a code word (or phrase) that would signal that he has waited long enough and really wants to be released from his chastity. Of course, it would mean that you do not have total control. It could be used much as a safeword would be used. That is, to effect a release from his chastity device when, and if, he felt overwhelmed or just wanted to stop the game. As I said, this method of play is not nearly as much fun as when you add the tease and denial to it.

Even if you are not playing the tease and denial method of play, there is no reason why you can't have a little fun. You can use the “service” oriented method of play where your partner is required to perform certain tasks, or even just be obedient to you. Chances are, your partner wants to serve you in some way. You can use his desire to serve as a means of allowing your partner to earn his release. That is, if he has done his chores all week (or month, as the case may be) and you are feeling generous, he may be allowed out of his cage for a specified period of time. He does not necessarily get to have an orgasm, just a little time out of the cage. That is up to you.

Since you are the one who sets the rules of the game, you can keep score to help you determine whether he has earned a release or not. By “release” I don't necessarily mean an orgasm. To clarify, a release is defined as time out of his chastity device. What he does, or you allow him to do, is up to you. For example, you may base his release on good behavior, or simply a set time in chastity, or a combination of both.

You may also define “release” to mean that he may have an orgasm, or his chastity device will be removed so that you (or he) may play with his genitals for a time. You may also allow him a set time (an hour, a day, or even a week) without his chastity device. In which case, he may be allowed to bring about his own orgasm (masturbate) if he so desires. There may, or may not, be a limit as to how many orgasms he is allowed during this release. It is up to you, or you can negotiate these rules before you start, or as you go along.

It is a good idea to set your rules prior to placing your partner in chastity. That way, everyone understands the rules and what is expected of each other. You can negotiate a contract or an agreement. By putting everything in writing, there can be no misunderstandings later on. An agreement isn't always necessary, but it can make your partner feel a little safer.

Dispelling The Myth

Over the years, I have heard one complaint more than any other when it comes to tease and denial. Women often tell me that they feel pressured to “perform” when it comes to teasing their partner. Men complain that their wives don't seem to want to tease them very much. These are really one in the same, just from different perspectives. Upon deeper investigation I have found that the women invariably seem to feel that they must perform up to their partner's standards. That is a fallacy!

Ladies, let me assure you that you are under no obligation to live up to his fantasies, nor are you required to “satisfy” his desires. Looking at chastity as a game, tease and denial is your road to complete and utter sexual satisfaction. It is he who must satisfy you. In this game, the objective is to have fun. You have fun teasing him and denying him an orgasm (or not) and he must satisfy your every sexual desire in order to get you to agree to allow him an orgasm (or not). The difficult concept to grasp here is that no matter how much he seems to want an orgasm, he doesn't. What he wants is for you to deny it to him. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but, believe me when I say, that's what makes this all a game.

We have all played this kind of game before. You want him to agree to watch your favorite movie instead of watching his favorite team play on TV. You will “sweet-talk” him and maybe even fondle his genitals in a teasing way, in order to get him to agree to watch the movie of your choice. I am sure you can think of at least one incident in which you have done something like that to get your way. It may have been as simple as promising him sex if he will take you out to dinner. Well, this is the same thing.

If you want more oral sex, for example, you simply hint that you might be willing to let him have an orgasm if he does a good job, or does it often enough. Then, you tease him more to get him in the mood to do what you want him to do. Or, you can simply withhold your teasing until he complies with your request (whatever that may be).

When you look at it that way, there is nothing that you “must” do in order to make him happy. The roles have been reversed. Now it is he who must make you happy before he gets what he wants. And, frankly, that is the way it should be. Even in Biblical times we see stories of women using their sexual influence over a man to get what they want. It works.

So I repeat, think of this as a game to be played the way you want to play it and when you want to play it. He has no choice about what you do or don't do. If he complains... Well, we will cover discipline later. For now, just think of it in terms of him pleasing you. That should make it easier for you to do things that will please him (or otherwise encourage him) to do what you want him to do.

You may think that your ultimate threat to him is that you will never remove his chastity device. On the contrary, you will find that the ultimate threat is that you will remove it and never play the game again. Yes, I do consider male chastity to be a game. You can play it for a weekend, a month, or several years. How long you play the game is up to you, as a couple, to determine.

As I have already said. If you think of it all as something you have to do for him, you may feel somewhat intimidated by everything that you think you have to do. But when you put it in terms of getting what you want sexually, that intimidation goes away. You do what you want and he will do what you want in return. Now that's what I call a win-win situation.

If you can make it fun for yourself, then it will be fun for him as well. I hope that this book, with the detail I go into, will help you in finding ways to tease without feeling the pressure from having to “perform” for him. After all, if you are doing this right, it is he who will be performing for you.

Using T&D

To play the game using tease and denial (T&D) properly, you must find ways of keeping him aroused as much as you possibly can. Deny him orgasms for as long as you think he can stand it. By-the-way, there is no medical reason for him to have any orgasms at all, ever! I am not advocating that you lock him in his chastity device and never let him out again. On the contrary, I want you to let him out. Let him out often. But never, NEVER feel obligated to give him a full orgasm. He doesn't have to have one.

But let's talk about that anyway. Many women love to make a man ejaculate. It gives them a thrill to watch how his body reacts. How he tenses up and then pumps his penis and his hips and anything else he thinks will make his ejaculate shoot further and harder than ever before. Yes, it can be, and often is, fun and exciting to watch when it happens. If you like that sort of thing, by all means find a way to use it. Instead of making him think that he will learn how long he can go without an orgasm, you might play a different game altogether.

Try this one on for size. Tell him that you are taking control of his orgasms and that he will have one whenever, and however, you want him to. That is, maybe some days he will be required to ejaculate for you three, four, or even more times in one day. While other days he may not be allowed to do it at all. Since it is up to you, do what you like. He will love you all the more for it. He wants you to be in control, and he wants you to enjoy your power over him.