150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (64 page)

The Crappies

The Worst Script Award goes to …
Joseph W. Sarno for his inability to properly exploit the fertile voodoo angle he put into the story (although as director, he did do a nice job with the magic orgasm potion brewing scene).

And the Worst Producer Award goes to …
Arnold Panken for not being able to raise enough funds to rent a second room to film in.

They Really Said It!

Julie
: Mama, how long? I mean, how long are you going to go on like this? I mean, your dirty act, taking off your clothes in front of a bunch of filthy drunks. You can't do it forever.

Betcha Didn't Know

Reportedly, only one single, damaged print of the film remained when the DVD version was made for Alpha Video.

Joseph W. Sarno helped create the sexploitation genre in the 1960s.

Trivia Quiz

Whom among the stars of
Sin, You Sinners!
had an honest-to-God acting career?

A: June Colburne

B: Dian Lloyd

C: Derek Murcott

D: Beverly Nazarow

Answer: C. Derek Murcott started in the late 1950s and continued to work through the mid-1980s. His final role was in the pilot for the television show
The Equalizer.

PRODUCERS
Peter Block, Matt Carroll, Vince McMohan (executive producers), Joel Simon (producer)

WRITER
Dan Madigan

DIRECTOR
Gregory Dark

STARS
Glen “Kane” Jacobs (
Jacob Goodnight
), Samantha Noble (
Kira
), Christina Vidal (
Christine
), Luke Pegler (
Michael
), and Steven Vidler (
Williams
)

Eight juvenile offenders trade a weekend of cleaning up at a historical landmark for a month off their sentence. Unfortunately, an insane killer with a love for plucking his victims' eyes out (Jacobs) is hiding inside the landmark, and he starts killing them, one by one.

Why It Sucks

The director and producers of this film were so focused on grossing out viewers with disgusting and sadistic violence that they didn't bother to hire decent actors or to commission a real script. (In fairness the girls seem to have been hired for their ability to scream.)

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Script Award goes to …
Dan Madigan for coming up with a film that's little more than a string of slasher-movie clichés.
And the Worst Acting Award goes to …
Glen Jacobs who was more intimidating back when he wore a black duster and wide-brimmed hat and played The Undertaker, a wrestler backed by Dark Supernatural Powers, back when the WWE was known as the WWF.

They Really Said It!

Kira
: This is not what God wants!

Betcha Didn't Know

The villain's name, Jacob Goodnight, is never mentioned in the film and can only be gleaned from the credits.

A room has walls that are papered with dollar bills, each and everyone has its eyes cut out. It's the creepiest sight in the whole thing.

Trivia Quiz

Why did the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) change its name to World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE)?

A: They were sued for trademark infringement by the World Wide Fund for Nature (WWF)

B: WWF is an abbreviation for necropheliac bestiality in eastern European nations.

C: Founder Vince McMohan wanted a new name for the company for the new century.

D: WWF and WWE have always been two seperate professional wrestling circuits.

Answer: A. In 2000 the environmental organization the World Wide Fund for Nature (also known as WWF) accused the WWF wrestling organization of trademark infringement.

PRODUCERS
Boaz Davidson, Danny Dimbort, Avi Lerner, and Trevor Short (executive producers), Charles Arthur Berg, Johnny Martin, David E. Ornston, and Richard Salvatore (producers)

WRITER
Frederick Bailey

DIRECTOR
Johnny Martin

STARS
Michael Rooker (
Capt. Leary
), Casper Van Dien (
Staff Sgt. Oberron
), Sarah Ann Schultz (
Lt. Scott
), Jerry Trimble (
Staff Sgt. Lawrence
), Noa Tishby (
Sgt. Davis
), Jackie Debatin (
Sgt. Cordero
), and Eric Etebari (
Lt. York
)

Captain Leary (Rooker) leads a team of military specialists into the forests of the Northwest to hunt a killer who has already taken out some of best the U.S. military has to offer — as well as some civilians. Unfortunately, the soldiers are fighting the awakened spirit of a homicidal maniac bent on killing everything and anything he comes across.

Why It Sucks

Skeleton Man
is a tepid, disorganized slasher flick. Elements are tossed in at random, with no attempt to resolve anything.
Why
is Skeleton Man killing?
Why
is his spirit roaming? You'd think the writers would at least be interested in these questions.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Costume Design goes to …
Erica Englehardt and Kristen Evenson, who created the look of Skeleton Man out of a mask bought at Wal-Mart and some blackout curtains.

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
Johnny Martin for either not noticing or not caring that his monster and the horse it rides on changed appearances from scene to scene.

They Really Said It!

Sgt. Cordero
: If you can see it, I can shoot it.

Betcha Didn't Know

Since 1986, Michael Rooker has appeared in almost 100 movies and television series, and as of this writing he has more than ten projects under way.