Take What You Want (40 page)

Danni tipped her head to
Alex. “Don't play stupid, Alex,” she said. “You
know what I'm asking, so please show me the respect I deserve and
answer my question. Honestly.”

Alex turned back to the
grill and flipped the steaks. “I don't want to hurt you,
Danni.”

“
It's
a little too late for that, don't you think?” Danni asked.

“
I
didn't plan for this to happen,” Alex said.

Danni was quiet, swirling
the remaining liquid around in her glass. A few moments later, Alex
removed the steaks from the grill and set them onto a clean platter.
He walked back to the table and set the meat plate at the center of
table and sat down in his chair.

“
None
of that matters now, Alex. It's done, and all we can do now is try
and figure out a way to move forward. I mean, it's obvious as hell
to me every time you look at him how you feel about my fiancé.
Did you really think I'd miss all the lingering glances?
Unfortunately for me, this wasn't a quick fling for either of you, as
I had hoped, and that's why I wondered if you'd told him yet how you
feel.”

Alex inhaled slowly. He
combed his fingers through his long hair, then pushed it behind his
ears. “I haven't said anything,” he finally said. “What
would be the point? Him knowing will only make it hurt more when I
have to walk away.”

“
So,
you're leaving?” Danni asked.

“
I
told him I wouldn't come between you,” Alex said.

“
Too
late,” Danni said, and tears began to seep from her eyes. She
quickly wiped at them, refusing to let Alex see her emotion. “I've
already lost him.”

“
Not
true, Danni,” Alex said. “You will
never
lose Chase. No way.”

Danni
shook her head. “He's in love with you.”

Alex knew Danni's words
shouldn't have pleased him as much as they did; especially since he
knew her words came from a place of pain. But, damn! He couldn't
stop the rush of happiness that filled his heart. Was Chase really
in love with him?

“
What
do you want from us, Alex? I mean, why Chase?” Danni asked.
“You could have any guy you wanted, so why does it have to be
him?”

Alex looked toward the
driveway. He could feel the emotion building in his own eyes. This
was almost too much for him to bear, and he hated to see Danni
struggling, too.

“
I
wasn't looking for this, Danni,” he said. “I moved out
here to get away from the possibility of getting involved with
anyone. I just wanted to be alone for a while, regroup; maybe write
some music. Then I met Chase, and being alone was the furthest thing
from my mind. I never expected him to be so fucking … perfect
for me.”

“
He's
perfect, except for one small detail you're ignoring: he's engaged to
marry me.”

“
I
know. I know,” Alex said. “I was wrong to let this
happen, Danni.”

Danni
held her head. “If I hadn't pushed him to go with you, this
never would have happened.”

“
Bullshit.
Me being with Chase didn't make him bi-sexual. He's had these
feelings since he hit puberty. If he hadn't acted on it with me, he
would have eventually found someone else. One way or another, it
would
have happened, Danni. Chase wouldn't have been able to keep this
part of himself buried forever. This is a major part of who he is –
what
makes
him who he is, and it's not something he'll be able to turn on and
off again at will. The fact he's been able to go this long without
acting on it, amazes me. It just shows the integrity of the man he
is and him not wanting to hurt you.”

“
He's
never been a cheater,” Danni said in a soft voice. “That's
why he hasn't been with you since you came back from Los Angeles.”

“
True,”
Alex said. “He knows you're not comfortable with it and he
wouldn't cross that line unless you were one hundred percent
supportive.”

“
It's
killing him, you know,” Danni said.

“
What?”

“
Him
not being with you,” Danni said.

Alex nodded. “It
hasn't been easy for me, either, but, I would never go against your
wishes, Danni. I'm just a third in this; which is why I will be the
first to walk away, if that's what you want.”

A
third.
Alex hated the fucking sound of that last word leaving his mouth.
He had vowed years ago after Adam broke his heart, he would never
open himself again to being a disposable third. It was all in
equally – or nothing, and right now it looked like he'd be
walking away with nothing; except for a shattered heart. Alex closed
his eyes. The lump in his throat was nearly choking him. If it hurt
this much now, leaving Chase and Danni would kill him. There would
be no surviving this.

“
Chase
can't love us both,” Danni said. “And, we've already
established he loves you, so where does that leave me?”

“
You
don't think it's possible to love two people at the same time?”
Alex asked.

Danni shook her head. “No,
I don't. Are you going to tell me you've accomplished that?”

“
Yes,
I have, and it felt as natural to me as breathing,” Alex said.

“
Then,
why aren't you with them now?”

“
That's
a fair question,” he said. “You're familiar with the
vow: 'til death do us part, well, that applied to us. My girl died
in a car accident and me and my guy couldn't make it work without
her.”

“
Oh,
Alex, I'm so sorry,” she said. “I shouldn't have asked.”

“
I
don't mind talking to you about my past,” Alex said. “You
can ask me anything you want.”

“
Were
you with them a long time, as a threesome?” Danni asked.

Alex nodded. “I
prefer to call it a tripod relationship and yes, we were together for
several years.”

“
That's
what Chase wants for us,” Danni said.

“
I
know, but it's not completely his choice,” Alex said. “It
has to be right for all of us.”

“
Damn,
right.”

Alex grinned. He liked her
sass and her willingness to fight for what she wanted.

“
Is
that what you want, too?” Danni asked.

Alex looked at Danni. The
way her eyes glistened with moisture, the gentle slope of her face
and the setting sun casting shadows over her skin, she was
breathtakingly beautiful. “The easy part would be both of us
loving Chase together. Beyond that, the question would be if you'd
ever be able to have feelings for me.”

“
Or
you for me,” Danni added.

“
I
already sense that wouldn't be a problem for me,” Alex said.
He pulled the pitcher of margaritas toward him and filled his glass.

“
I'm
not convinced I'll ever be interested in what you and Chase want,”
Danni said. “There's a part of me that is resentful I'm being
put in the position of even considering something this
unconventional.”

“
I
wouldn't want you to do anything that you didn't want or feel one
hundred percent, Danni,” he said. “And, if you'd rather
I move back to the West Coast, just say the word, and I'm gone –
no discussion needed.”

“
You
leaving would kill Chase,” Danni said. “I'd be left with
a shell of the man he used to be. I couldn't live with that.
Somehow I need to figure out how to make this work.”

Alex rubbed at his eyes.
“This shouldn't feel forced, Danni, and that's how you're
making it sound, like you'll tolerate it if that's the only choice
you have to keep Chase in your life,” he said. “If this
is meant to work, it will happen naturally. It would be all three of
us realizing how good we are together as a committed whole and
feeling the loss and disconnect if one of us were to leave. We work
as three or it doesn't work at all.”

“
You
make it sound so simple and easy,” Danni said.

“
Fuck,
no! This will be the hardest relationship you could ever imagine,
Danni. The first step would be suspending your preexisting concepts
of what a conventional relationship should be. Then, you'll need to
leave your jealousy at the door and trust that you are loved and
cherished by two men – whom also love each other. I can tell
you from experience, this kind of relationship takes dedication and
complete trust in each other, but it will offer rewards you couldn't
imagine existed inside the bounds of a committed relationship.”

Danni shook her head.
“We're supposed to get married next year,” she said,
emphasizing the word married. “What you're suggesting isn't
the visual I had planned for our future.”

“
Believe
me, I understand,” Alex said. “And, no one is asking you
to make a decision today, tomorrow or ever. Like I said, if it's
meant to happen, it will evolve all on its own – without us
wanting to stop it.”

Alex reached for the meat
platter and cut off a good-sized piece of steak, then speared it with
a serving fork and set it on his plate. “Danni, will you do me
one favor?” Alex asked.

“
What's
that?” she asked.

“
Don't
say anything to Chase about how I feel,” he said, cutting off a
second, smaller piece of steak and putting it onto Danni's plate.
“When the time is right, I think I should be the one to tell
him.”

“
I
would agree,” she said.

Alex went to the mini
refrigerator and grabbed a bowl filled with salad greens and three
baked potatoes from the warming oven and set everything on the table
in front of Danni. They started eating in silence, then Alex reached
for his glass and took a sip.

“
So,
you noticed my
lingering
glances
at
Chase?” Alex asked with a wicked grin.

“
Oh,
my God! You're not very subtle, Alex.”

Her comment made Alex laugh
and it felt good, like they'd made it through the seriousness of
their conversation and now they could relax just a little bit and be
themselves. Maybe they could let down their guard, too? Nope.
There was no way Danni was ready for that and there was a good chance
she'd never want that with him. He took another sip and studied her
across the table, too far away for his liking, but he wouldn't push
the distance issue with her, either. When it came to Danni, the
phrase 'on thin ice' came to mind. Even still, he couldn't help
himself from flirting.

“
Did
you also notice the
lingering
glances
I was giving you?” Alex asked.

Danni nearly choked on her
salad. She tried to hide her smile behind a napkin, as she wiped at
her mouth, then looked at Alex; his eyes were twinkling with
mischief. “Try and behave yourself,” she said.

“
Well,
that's no fun,” Alex said and chuckled.

Danni neatly folded her
hands in her lap and drew in a deep breath. “Alex, I
appreciate what you're trying to do, but I don't think we should be
diminishing the seriousness of the situation by flirting with each
other.” Danni slowly stood up from the table. “I should
head home.”