Stay (37 page)

“Stop looking at me like that, Lexie, or I can’t be held accountable for my act
ions.”

“Then stop walking around here naked, Julian. I’m out of commission here, and it’s killin
g me.”

“Oh, we can fix that really quickly,
corazón
. There are all kinds of things I can do to help you out.” Julian walks over to me, and before I can say another word he has removed my bra and pinned me to the bed with his beautiful, naked body. His mouth feels hot and wet on my breasts, and as he caresses, licks, and gently bites at my swollen nipples, he presses his erection into my panty-covered sex. I grind my hips into his and am coming in record
time.

As I catch my breath, I give him the praise he deserves. “Good God, Julian, you make that look so easy. I think I just went from zero to sixty in less than five minutes. Your mouth is dange
rous.”

He rolls off of me and laughs as he heads to the shower. “It takes two people, Lexie. I told you before; your body was made for
mine.”

“Hey, you’re not out of commission. Come back here and let me return the f
avor.”

Julian calls back over his shoulder, “You can return the favor as often as you want tonight, baby. I’ll be looking forward to it all
day.”

I finish getting dressed and think about all the ways I can pleasure Julian tonight. He’s always so considerate of my needs, and I want to make him feel as good as he makes me
feel.

I brought a couple outfits and decide on a black-and-white, tank, sheath dress with touches of light yellow in the print. I wear it with a pair of yellow open-toed Marc Jacobs pumps and my favorite silver hoops. I know I look good when Julian comes out and whistles
at me.

“Have I told you I love the way you dress, Lexie? You have a great sense of s
tyle.”

“Thanks, Julian. If you don’t stop complimenting me, I’m really going to get a big
head.”

“Just calling it like I se
e it.”

He smiles at me and heads into his own closet to get ready. I follow him in. I’ve never gone in before, and when I do, I fall in love. Talk about a dream closet. It’s huge, and it’s filled to the brim with clothes and shoes. I can’t help but
laugh.

“Seriously, Julian. You’re never allowed to comment on my shoe addiction again. It looks like a department store in
here.”

“I told you I liked shoes too, Lexie. It wasn’t a secret. Why do you think I felt sorry for your closet?” He’s laughing as he gets dressed in a pair of tan slacks, a chocolate-brown, button-down shirt, and pair of brown leather Prada loafers I know cost at least six hundred dollars. I swear I’m jealous of my boyfriend’s shoes. As I watch him finish getting ready, I think about how nice it would be to have a closet like this, and I allow myself to think about my stuff in here. I allow just a little ho
pe in.

We both head off to work after grabbing a cup of coffee, and Julian tells me to meet him at the hotel for dinner tonight. I tell him I can’t
wait.

Chapter Thirty

I don’t usually come down to the beach during any kind of work hour traffic, so I don’t plan my time well. I don’t get to the hotel until seven thirty. I text Julian to let him know I’m running late but never hear back from him. I really don’t even know where to look for him, so I just go to the front desk and ask for him. The woman at the desk gets a little possessive and wants to know who I am and asks if Julian is expecting me. When I answer yes, she looks skeptical but calls him anyway. I stand in the lobby waiting for about five minutes before I see him coming through the lobby. He sees me and breaks out in a huge smile. I walk toward him, and when I’m close enough, he wraps his arms around me and gives me a sweet kiss on the lips. So much for no PDA. When I look around, it’s obvious by everyone’s expressions they’re surprised at our intera
ction.

I whisper into Julian’s ear, “You have just totally shocked your s
taff.”

He whispers back, “Because I kissed you? Just imagine what they’d think if I greeted you the way I wanted to and started ripping your clothes
off.”

I pull back, and he’s smiling his sexy smile at me. “Want to find out?” I’m kidding, but my response elicits a groan fro
m him.

He takes my hand, walks me over to the front desk, and starts introducing me to the staff as his girlfriend. Holy shit. I was not expecting this. I haven’t even told my family about him, and he’s telling all these people who work for him who I am to him. We have kind of danced around the topic, but I was just trying to break up with him forty-eight hours ago. Who knows what I’ll do next, and I’d hate for it to embarrass him. I kinda feel sick to my stomac
h now.

I’m not the only one a little shocked by Julian’s declaration. These people all look totally shocked too. Everyone, that is, except Candace, who has joined us in the middle of introductions. She looks disgusted and is shooting venom eye darts my way. What a
bitch.

I put the fakest smile I have on my face and turn and face her directly. I even extend my hand, which she takes reluctantly. “Hi, Candace. It’s great to see you a
gain.”

Her smile is equally as phony, and I know we’re on the same page. She doesn’t like me, and the feeling is mutual. “It’s great to see you again too, Al
ison.”

“It’s A
lexa.”

“Oh yeah, sure. Um, Julian, are you getting ready to leave because we really need to go over some details for the shoot and your interview on Satu
rday.”

Another photo shoot? And an interview? Julian hasn’t mentioned e
ither.

“We can talk about it tomorrow, Candace. Lexie and I are leaving.” He wraps his arm around me possessively, and I apprecia
te it.

Candace scowls at me and turns to walk away. As we head toward Ursa’s, Julian once again tries to defend her beh
avior.

“She really is a nice pe
rson.”

“Ha. Maybe. But she’ll never be nice to me. She wants you, and now that you announced I was your girlfriend, it will only be worse.” Something in my voice clues Julian in to the fact that maybe I wasn’t totally on board with that information going p
ublic.

He stops and turns me to face him. He looks hurt, and Candace is no longer the topic. “You’re upset I told my staff you’re my girlfr
iend?”

Crap. This isn’t the way I wanted this night to start. “Kind of, but not for any reason you might thin
k of.”

“Seriously? Please explain why me telling people we’re together is an issue.” He sounds frust
rated.

“It makes me feel awesome that you want to tell people we’re together, but I kind of prefer keeping things private. I was a crazy chick two days ago trying to break up with you. I don’t want to do anything to embarrass you, and if people know, it’ll just be w
orse.”

Julian tries to absorb my ramblings before he responds. “Last week you were upset I didn’t introduce you to Elyse and Victoria. Now you’re upset that I did introduce you to people here.” He shakes his head and continues. “You aren’t an embarrassment to me, and I don’t see you becoming one either. Yes, you were acting crazy trying to break up with me two days ago, but that isn’t going to happen again, so we can just move pas
t it.”

I could try to explain that it’s completely different, but I don’t bother. He hid me from those girls and didn’t even acknowledge me. That was a different issue, but I’m going to let it go. I don’t want to argue or put a damper on the night. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck. He wraps his around my
waist.

“I’m sorry. Thank you for wanting people to know who I am to you.” Julian smiles and kisses me. I made him happy, but the uncomfortable feeling I have lingers. I have no doubt I’ll do something to screw th
is up.

When we get into the kitchen, Dario has our table all set up. The food is awesome, and the rest of dinner passes without any more drama. We don’t get back to Julian’s house until almost ten. We both go into the bathroom to brush our teeth, and I walk out first, so I can change. I’m still not feeling great and am ready to get into bed. I know Julian is probably expecting a little action, but for the first time since we met, I’m not up for it. I’m bloated, cranky, and I ate too much. Ick. We both have been sleeping naked, and when I put on a pair of purple–and-white-striped sleep shorts and a white tank top, I hope Julian gets the hint. He does and puts a pair of black, cotton pajama botto
ms on.

He doesn’t seem upset though. “If you’re trying to not look sexy, it’s not wor
king.”

I shrug my shoulders, smile, and get under the covers. “You can still sleep n
aked.”

He climbs into bed and snuggles me close to him. “Too temp
ting.”

“I hope it’s okay that I’m just not feeling it tonight. I do owe
you.”

He shakes his head and looks offended. “Lexie, I’m not keeping score. You can say no whenever you need or want to.” I may be hypersensitive but I think I hear a double meaning in his comment, and I quickly change the su
bject.

“I think I might spend the night at home tomorrow night. I have plans, and I wouldn’t get back here till late.” My plans are with Ellen, and I could be back by eight thirty, but I’ve been feeling a little on edge since the whole girlfriend thing happened, and a little space is probably a good idea. Julian doesn’t see it tha
t way.

“Plans? Are you going out?” He sounds a little annoyed and a little jealous. I did originally agree to stay here all week. I pause for a minute and then decide to tell him about Ellen. I put a caveat on my admission first. “I’ll tell you what my plans are, but I would prefer you don’t ask me a lot of questions after. I’m trying to be open with you, but it’s still hard for me.” I exhale and wait to see if he a
grees.

“Okay. No questions. I promise.”
Good.

“I see a therapist every Wednesday night. I have for almost a year. Her name is E
llen.”

Oh wow. I can almost see the wheels turning in Julian’s head, and I know he’s regretting he made that promise. I feel bad for him. “Okay, one question, but seriously, just
one.”

He looks at me pensively for a minute, and I think he’s trying to decide what to ask. I’m wrong. He doesn’t ask a question. He makes a statement. “I glad you have someone to talk to. Someone you trust. Maybe one day I can be that kind of person to you.” There isn’t a hint of any other emotion but sincerity, and it melts my heart. He really is a goo
d guy.

I can’t find the right words, so I just hug him tightly. After a few minutes, Julian reaches over and turns off the light. I flip over so we’re spooning. Things just got a little emotional, and I can’t take the edge off with anything physical. I feel a little raw because I believe Julian is only going to put up with my issues for so long. He keeps putting himself out there, and I just can’t meet him halfway on a consistent basis. It makes me feel inade
quate.

“Goodnight, Alexa.” My heart sinks. It’s Alexa
again.

In my dream, I’m running through Stellar screaming Brady’s name. I think I keep getting glimpses of him, but then he disappears each time I get close. I find Luke behind the bar, and I ask him to help me find Brady, but he won’t. I beg, and he just tells me he won’t help me because I refuse to take his advice. I keep yelling at him that it’s going to be too late. I’m desperate and crying when I hear Julian’s voice coming through my
dream.

“Wake up, Alexa. You’re dreaming again. It’s just a d
ream.”

I feel the tears on my face as I slowly open my eyes. Julian is looking down at me. I turn my head to look at the clock. It’s two forty-three. I roll over and pull the covers up to me. I don’t want to talk abo
ut it.

“I’m sorry I woke you up again. I’m okay. Let’s go back to s
leep.”

“Look at me,
baby.”

I shake my head no. I’ll start crying harder if I look at him. God, this is so fucked up. I’m not going to be able to spend the night with him if this keeps happ
ening.

His voice is soft and pleading. “Please, Lexie.
Mí
rame
.”

I relent and turn over. He brushes his fingers over my face and wipes away my tears. “I know I promised I wouldn’t ask questions, but this person you see, Ellen, is she helping you with your nightm
ares?”

“She’s trying.” I whisper the
words.

“You kept saying it was going to be too late. I know you remember the dream, Lexie. Talk to me. Pl
ease.”

Yeah. Not happening. “Maybe I should go home or sleep in the guest room or on the couch. I feel awful I keep waking yo
u up.”

Julian shakes his head slowly. “Damn it, Lexie. Why do you keep doing that? You keep pushing me away. I’m begging you to let me in. I understand more than you think I do. I had horrible nightmares after Isabelle died. It helps to talk abou
t it.”

I try to offer a small smile. “I’m glad talking helped you heal. I do talk about it, and to be honest, it hasn’t helped much. Let’s just go back to bed,
okay?”

He isn’t going to just let this go. “Maybe you need to talk to someone else if you aren’t getting any be
tter.”

Hmm … getting any better? His words are interesting. He’s implying something needs to be fixed. This is why I don’t tell him anything. I don’t want him to think he needs to f
ix me.

“And you’re volunteering for the
job?”

He doesn’t hesitate.
“Yes.”

“I can’t talk to you. Especially you. I don’t want this to be how you see me. I didn’t want you to know about the nightmares. I told you, I don’t want to be that girl, Julian. Why can’t you understand? I hate it that you keep seeing me like this. I just want to run.” The tears come again and roll slowly down my c
heeks.

“I’m not going to let you run, baby. I need you to stay with me. You just need to
stay.”

I flip back over and let him pull me close. I don’t close my eyes though. After a while, I hear Julian’s breathing turn deep, and I know he’s asleep. I wiggle out of his arms and get out of bed. I quietly make my way out of the bedroom and head toward the terrace. I grab a throw off of his couch and go outside. It’s almost three thirty in the morning. It’s actually warm outside, and the breeze feels nice. My thoughts are so jumbled, and once again I feel my past, present, and future all colliding. I’m tired, emotionally and physically. I just don’t know how long I can keep doing
this.

I fall asleep for a few hours but wake up again at six thirty when I feel the sun shining on my face. I open my eyes and find Julian sitting next to me, watching me. He doesn’t look upset. He smiles at me. “I’ve always thought about sleeping out
here.”

I’m so glad he doesn’t seem upset. I really can’t handle it. “It’s pretty comfort
able.”

“You must be exhausted. Let me go get you some coffee.” He heads to the kitchen to get me some coffee, and once again I’m amazed at his willingness to deal with my drama. He comes back, hands me my coffee, and sits down next to me on the couch. He rubs my feet but doesn’t say anything else for a few mi
nutes.

I feel the need to try to explain my actions, again. “Ju
lian—”

He cuts me off. “Lexie. You don’t need to say anything. I’m not happy about it, but you’ve made it clear you aren’t willing or ready to share whatever’s haunting you right now. I won’t keep begging you to talk to me. I’m willing to let this go for a while because I want you to stay, but for your own sake, you need to figure out how to work this out, whatever
it
is. We have only been together a month, and I can see how badly it’s tearing you a
part.”

Everything he said is right. His use of the word haunting is spot-on too. I change the topic and remind him I’m going to spend the night at my house tonight. He’s either okay with the plan or just not complaining because he knows it’s a good idea. We get ready for work without talking very much. There’s definitely tension between us, and I know I’ve put it there. We agree to talk later and go our separate ways. I have that sense of impending doom the whole way into work, and it follows me the whol
e day.