Authors: Debby Herbenick
Sex Made Easy (33 page)
| 56. Licking your partner's body |
| 57. Watching porn together |
| 58. Nipple clamping |
| 59. Axillary intercourse (penis is thrust through a partner's armpit opening) |
| 60. Penile intercourse between the thighs (but not in the vagina or anus) |
| 61. Penile intercourse between the breasts |
| 62. Performing oral sex |
| 63. Receiving oral sex |
| 64. Masturbating each other |
| 65. Receiving oral sex with your underwear still on |
| Humans Aren't the Only Ones Who Like Variety |
Sometimes we humans like to think we invented sex. Yet most animal species engage in some form of mating in order to reproduce. Many are just as inventive as we humans are. Numerous animals engage in same-sex sexual behavior and some have long-standing pair bonds (the animal version of close relationships) with animals of their same sex. Some animals also seem to exchange sex for objects (such as pebbles for one's nest): what some describe as animals' version of prostitution. Others have been observed using objects (such as sticks) for genital stimulation, kind of like creating their own sex toys. Not to mention what some see as animal “cheating”âthat is, how some animals seem to secretly have sex with animals who aren't their mates. Is it really a secret? We don't know, of course (given that we can't ask). But the sex appears to be done in private, which makes some researchers think they don't want their “mate” to know. To learn more about the curious sex lives of animals, check out |
OMMUNICATING FOR
B
ETTER
S
EX
T
o have the sex life you crave, you have to go out on a limb. You have to ask for it. At the very least, consider sharing with your partner what it is that you dream of, what makes you aroused, and the kinds of sex dreams you fall asleep thinking about or use during masturbation to become more aroused or to more easily experience orgasm.
This isn't necessarily easy. Many people find it difficult to share their sexual fantasies, especially if they worry that their fantasizes are unusual, strange, or possibly “perverted” (I hear that word a lot; however, most of the fantasies people tell me they have are pretty commonâthings like acting out domination/submission fantasies, having sex with a stranger, having sex with a group of people, and so on).
Having a richer, more interesting sex life also involves listening with
compassion and empathy. If your partner asks to try something new, try to respond with kindness even ifâperhaps
especially
ifâit is something you're not interested in doing. It may have taken your partner significant courage to share their idea with you (even if they seem confident or bold).
If your partner asks you to do something you feel unsure about, try saying something like, “I hadn't thought of that before,âlet me take some time to think about it.” This gives you a chance to mull over their request on your own time and to learn more about what your partner wants to do. For example, if your partner wants to watch porn together and you're not experienced watching porn, it gives you a chance to seek out types of porn that you might find appealing. If your partner wants to try anal sex, it gives you a chance to read about it first, to learn about STI risk, lubricant use, comfortable anal sex positions, and more. You can also ask your partner for more information or to explore the idea with you before you consider trying it. You can read a book together or talk about your ideas over dinner or a bottle of wine.