Scars of the Past (20 page)

Chapter Twenty-Five

The ride back from the court house was a quiet one, and as Josh put the truck in park he turned to me, a triumphant smile on his face.

“I’m so proud of you.”

I unbuckled my seat belt and slid across the cab, hiking up my skirt so that I could straddle his lap.

“I could not have done it without you, not even for a second. I’m just sorry you had to hear the crap that came out of his mouth.”

Josh leaned forward and kissed me long and hard before he finally pulled back.

“He was just trying to get a reaction from you. I’m pretty sure he was close to getting off any time you showed signs of fear or shame.”

I wrinkled my nose and brought my hand up to tangle in his hair.

“Gross.” I just stared at him for a moment. “Josh, will you be totally honest with me?”

“Always.”

“Does it disgust you when you think of the fact that he, um, I mean. Ugh. When you kiss me, have sex with me, or even hold me, does what he did influence the way you see it?” I said the words quickly, almost afraid to know the answer.

He narrowed his eyes at me before pulling my face to his again, and kissing me much harder than before. His lips felt like they could bruise mine from the force, but at the same time being he was entirely too gentle.

We kissed heavily, our hands all over each other, and when we finally pulled apart the windows to the truck were all fogged over. I stared into his determined face and tried to catch my breath.

“No. And don’t ever think that way again. He was trying to taunt me, and he knew he could. I love everything about you, including how strong you had to be to deal with all of that and still come out as amazing as you are.”

I just stared at him, speechless, and a smile crept onto my face. “I love you so very much, Joshua.”

He stroked the side of my face and returned the smile. “I love you too, Madelyn.

Eventually we decided to make our way inside, and he pushed me off of him before climbing out of the truck. He helped me readjust my skirt and then took my hand to help me out the driver’s side.

As we walked through the door of the apartment, I felt lighter than I had in months. It wasn’t just that he was locked up, but somewhere in the back of my mind I had felt repulsive and wondered if Josh saw me that way at all. His fierce reassurance back in the parking lot had boosted my confidence a lot.

With my roommates still at class, the apartment was eerily quiet. I went back into the bedroom to change into comfortable clothes and when I re-emerged, Josh was staring at the photos on the fridge.

I walked up next to him, and he turned to give me a smile.

“The night this was taken was one of my favorite nights.” He pointed to the one of the two of us on the day of his graduation.

“I remember leaving your mom’s house and formulating a plan to ask you out on a date.  I was so happy to get the confirmation that you might feel the same way. When I grabbed your hand while we were lying there, I worried for a second I had gone too far.”

“But then I kissed you.”

He nodded. “You kissed me, and I knew that nothing would ever be better than kissing you.”

I went up on my toes, his lips meeting me halfway, and we kissed sweetly for a moment.

When we parted, Josh tucked my hair behind both ears before reaching up to loosen his navy blue tie.

“Do you mind if I do a little work on my laptop? It will be quick, but I just want to make sure everything is still running okay.”

I nodded as I pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge. “Of course. I have some homework to do that Sydney picked up for me yesterday. I want to have it all done before I go back on Monday.”

We sat on opposite ends of the couch with computers in both of our laps. My homework wasn’t hard, but it took me twice as long to type as my cast kept getting in my way. Frustrated, I shut my laptop and set it on the table while making a mental note to see if Amanda would let me dictate to her later.

I exchanged the closed laptop for my e-reader and grabbed a throw pillow. Placing it on the seat next to Josh, I laid down to read.

Without intending to, I fell asleep. I woke up to voices in the living room, but instead of opening my eyes, I stayed still and listened.

“So that’s it? He can’t request that again can he?” Sydney’s voice was a quiet whisper, coming from the other side of the couch.

“Nope, it’s done and he’s sentenced.” Josh sounded like he was still sitting next to me.

“How did she handle it?”

“He tried so hard to intimidate her, to get off on her fear. But she didn’t give him the satisfaction, and she walked away on her terms. It was fantastic.”

“Good. Hopefully we don’t have to hear about him for a long time.”

“Syd,” Josh hesitated. “This is your apartment too, but please don’t take this the wrong way…”

Sydney cut him off. “I know. I’m gonna stop bringing them home. I always thought I was safer, you know, bringing them to my place instead of going to theirs. But apparently I was very wrong.”

“You couldn’t have known. I just worry about the next time Maddie runs into someone, how it will affect her.”

“Me too, and I don’t want it triggering anything for her. It’s not a big deal.”

I heard the front door opening, and I took the opportunity to make myself known by reaching out and taking Josh’s hand.

He glanced down at me and the corners of his mouth tipped up. “Hey. Did you have a good nap?”

I nodded as I sat up, and looked to my roommates. Sydney was sitting on the other side of the couch with the remote in her hand, and Amanda walked from the kitchen with a cup in her hand.

“Hey girls.”

Sydney smiled at me from her seat. “Hey Mads. I heard you kicked ass today.”

“Well, I didn’t vomit all over Josh’s shoes, so there’s a plus.”

Everyone laughed, and Amanda sat down next to me. “Do you want to go celebrate? We could go to Leonardo’s Cucina for dinner.”

“That sounds like a fabulous idea- I’m starving.”

“I’ll text Matt,” Josh said as he pulled out his phone.

I stood up slowly, and rubbed my eyes. “Let me brush my teeth and I’ll be ready.”

Two hours later we sat around a table that was littered with our empty plates, listening as Craig retold how Sean had tried to fly by jumping out of his bedroom window.

“When his Transformer sheet- I mean, his parachute- didn’t work, he ended up with a full leg cast for the rest of the summer.”

The table laughed and Sean’s cheeks spotted with red as he rolled his eyes.

“To a 9-year-old, it made perfect sense.”

The laughter just increased, and Sean joined in.

The text to Matthew had gone viral and now eight of us occupied a table at my favorite Italian restaurant.

No one asked about Tyler, and I was very thankful for that. I wanted all of my loved ones to forget about him, and focus on happier things.

A couple of times I caught mom giving me her motherly looks, trying to assess me with her eyes. Finally, I held eye contact and mouthed ‘I’m fine’ to her and she just smiled and looked away.

I observed Sean and Craig and decided that they fit into our family very well. Craig looked at my mother like she was a diamond that he had just seen for the first time. Sean’s sense of humor was very much like my brother’s and he was able take it all, but dish it out too.

My family was perfect.

–––

On Tuesday, I drove myself to the church, and parked in the spot I had parked in the first time I did back in October. Josh had volunteered to bring me, but as much as I loved having him with me, I knew I needed to do this on my own.

The last time I had attended group was before I had been in the hospital, and I was nervous about seeing that group of ladies with my injuries.

Only a couple of people were already in the gym, and so I headed right for my seat and kept my head down. My bruises had faded a lot in the week and half prior, but they were still very noticeable if you looked right at me. My stitches were due to come out the next day, but in the meantime I had that eyesore right on my forehead.

As people moved in to fill seats, most of them kept their heads down too, looking at invisible spots on the floor. It was just something we did at group, avoid eye contact and you can avoid the shame.

The girl who had taken Bridget’s place a few weeks after Bridget’s death was named Kim, and she sat down in her chair right at 6:00. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her take in my injuries.

“What happened to you, Maddie?”

With those words, most of the heads turned to face me and I felt a blush spread across my face.

Sarah cleared her throat at the head of the group, and pulled most of the attention off me.

“Hello ladies. I see that Kim wants to hear Maddie’s story. Let me make my statements and then we’ll let Maddie talk, okay?”

No one responded, but it didn’t faze Sarah and she started her usual speech about who she was and how group was confidential. Once she was done, she cleared her throat.

“I’m going to go a little out of order here then, and let Maddie tell her story.”

Sarah smiled and gave me a nod.

I inhaled as deeply as I could, trying to seem braver than I felt. I hoped that this would be the last time I would have to tell this story for a while.

“Hi, most of you know that I’m Maddie. And about four months ago I was raped by a man outside the nightclub I was at. They didn’t catch him, and a week and a half ago it happened by chance that my friend met him in the bar and brought him home for consensual sex.”

Several of the ladies in the group gasped, but I kept going.

“When I ran into him in my kitchen that night, he attempted to rape me again, but I fought back to the point where my wrist ended up broken, and so he decided to hit me instead.” I gestured to my face and gave a wry smile. “This is a lot better than it looked, trust me. He didn’t escape this time, though. Last Friday he agreed to a plea bargain and will be in prison for the next fifteen years.”

No one said anything, but instead just looked at me to the point where I started to feel uncomfortable.

“Maddie, can you please outline your injuries for everyone?” Sarah asked.

I nodded. “Well, my wrist was broken, of course, my left eye was swollen shut for a few days, I have five stitches in my forehead, a bruised lung, and my brain swelled slightly. Luckily the brain swelling went down on its own, because it could have been a lot worse.”

“And how do you feel now, Maddie?”

I took a deep breath and thought about that for a minute.

“I feel… free. I feel like I can breathe again for the first time in four months.”

Sarah nodded her satisfaction, and gave me a proud smile.

“Anyone have any questions for Maddie?”

No one said anything at first, but finally a newer girl, Kim, spoke up.

“Now that he’s locked up, you feel free?” Her voice broke as she said it, but she sounded so hopeful. Kim’s story was similar to Bridget’s and it hurt to look at her half the time because of what her boyfriend would do. But Kim, like Bridget, stated she wasn’t ready to leave.

I spoke low and directly to her. “Yes. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I no longer have to worry about what will happen the next time I see him. Kim, get out. Get out and I promise- you will feel better.”

Kim wiped her eyes, attempting to hide the fact that she was crying, and she nodded.

When group finally dismissed, I stood with Sarah and watched everyone leave.

“Is Kim going to be another Bridget?” I asked her softly.

“I hope not, Maddie. I hope that she listens to you.” She placed a hand on my shoulder. “I am so proud of how far you’ve come.”

I grinned before pulling her into a hug. “I could not have done it without you.”

When we pulled away she just stared at me for a moment.

“Yes, you could have.”

Chapter Twenty-Six

“It feels so weird.” I stared at my pale wrist, and wrinkled my nose. “It’s all disproportionate from my other arm now.”

It had been six weeks since the pink cast had become an annoying fixture in my life, and getting it removed had been like Christmas in March. Craig had x-rayed it to ensure it was healed, and personally removed the cast for me.

He laughed as he tenderly examined and moved it.  “Give it a couple of weeks and it will be back to normal visually. Your range of motion looks excellent. You’ve healed well, my dear.”

I grinned at him and gave him a one armed hug before realizing I could put the second arm in there without hitting him in the head with my cast.

“Thanks Craig. I’m just excited to shower without having to waterproof myself.”

“I’m sure you are.” He held up the remnants of my broken cast and looked at me. “So, I take it you don’t want to keep this?”

Josh let out a chuckle from the corner where he was sitting. I turned and stuck my tongue out at him before looking back at Craig.

“No, thank you. Do people really keep them?”

He nodded as he dropped it in the medical waste. “You’d be surprised.” He moved towards me and placed a gentle thumb on my forehead. “The scar up here isn’t too bad either.”

The stitches had come out fairly quickly, but the angry pink line had still been very obvious. It was finally starting to fade, but it was still noticeable.

“I’m just glad my bangs usually cover it.”

“You’re ridiculous, Madelyn,” Josh commented from the corner. “That scar just proves how badass you are. Like Harrison Ford.”

Craig nodded in agreement and pat my knee. “You’re good to go, Maddie.”

I hopped off the exam table and wrapped my arms around him again. “Thank you for all your help.”

“You don’t have to thank me. Just stay out of trouble.” He winked at the same time Josh whispered, “Yeah right.”

That night, I was still getting used to being able to actually use my right hand. I finished my homework in record time, not having to type like a chicken or ask anyone for help. It wasn’t a lot of homework since today was the first of spring break, but I still felt accomplished.

After my homework was done, I sat in the quiet apartment and looked around.

Things had changed a lot after the attack. Sydney no longer brought men over, so she spent a good amount of time MIA from the apartment. I felt bad, like I was keeping her from enjoying her own home, but she reassured me constantly that it was her choice.

Amanda had started spending some nights at her mother’s house, and when I did see her that usual ‘Amanda Happiness’ was missing from her. The live-in nurse had discussed putting her in a nursing home again, but Amanda continued to refuse.

Josh had decided not to renew the lease on his townhouse and instead bought a nice little home in Folsom that he was putting a lot of effort into fixing it up. Although he hadn’t mentioned it again, I knew we would be approaching the topic of moving in together after graduation. We spent an equal amount of time split amongst the apartment and his house, but he never left me alone unless he had no choice. Those nights, however, he made sure I had some sort of babysitter in the forms of friends or family.

To stave off my boredom, I doubled check that my packed suitcase had all of the items I would need for our spring break trip.

Josh and I were driving to San Diego to spend the week with his family. I was beyond excited to see them again, and I was equally happy to be keeping my promise to Ben that I would visit again.

Both Paul and Anna had called me frantically after Josh had told them about the attack, and I reassured them both I was fine. Paul insisted he’d believe I was fine when he saw it with his own eyes.

I heard the front door open, and I abandoned my luggage inspection. When I made it to the living room, Sydney was pulling her boots off.

“Hey Syd,” I said, giving her a once over. I knew right away that she had been with a guy. Her short hair was flat on the back of her head, and she was flushed.

“Hey Mads.” She fell onto the couch, looking exhausted. “Are you guys leaving tonight?”

I nodded and sat at the opposite end of the couch, bringing my legs up so I could face her.

“Yeah, whenever he gets off work. He took the morning off so he could go with me to the doctor, so it probably won’t be until late.”

Her eyes darted to my, now cast free, wrist. “Oh yeah, I forgot that was today! Ha, it’s all wrinkled and white. That’s awesome!”

I tossed a throw pillow at her and rolled my eyes.  “I’m going to spend the week giving it some vitamin D.”

Sydney narrowed her eyes. “I’m so jealous. Next time you guys go I’m going to join you.”

“I’m honestly surprised you aren’t going away for spring break.”

She shrugged, but didn’t respond. After a moment of silence I gave her another inspection.

“Where have you been?”

Sydney blushed faintly before she recovered, acting nonchalant. “Just with another hook-up, no one significant.”

“Sydney, is it Detective Bradley?”

That time her whole face burned brightly, and she shook her head quickly.

“Oh no, definitely not.”

I opened my mouth to push her more, but her phone rang from her purse and she jumped up quickly to take it.

As she wandered back into her room to talk, I couldn’t help but wonder what she was hiding and why.

Josh and I hit the road later on that evening, stopping once in Modesto to lay new flowers at Bridget’s grave. At my request, Josh stayed in the truck and I walked through the cemetery by myself.

I knelt down in front of the stone that said Bridget’s name and laid the fresh bouquet of daisies next to it.

“Hey Bridge. Sorry I haven’t been by lately. Things are so different since Tyler was caught. I miss you though, and your crazy personality. A new girl at group showed up a while ago, and she reminds me so much of you. Her boyfriend had beaten and broken her so much that she was basically empty. But, she made it out, and I really think Kim will be okay. I just wish so much that I could have gotten you out too. I’m sorry, Bridget.”

I wiped a tear from my face, and rest my hand near her name.

“The world misses you, Bridget Renee. I miss you.”

I stood, brushing off my knees as I did so, and gave one last look before I headed back to the truck.