Scars of the Past (7 page)

Chapter Nine

If I thought attending the support group would help me sleep, I quickly learned that it did almost the opposite. Although I felt better during the day, at night it was like a band-aid had been ripped off prematurely and wound beneath it just oozed.

I started to dread falling asleep, and learned quickly how to function on just a couple of hours a night. As my brother would put it, I was a functional zombie.

As if he was respecting my wishes, Josh and I hadn’t communicated again since that night in my car. Even still, I couldn’t help getting my hopes up every time my phone chimed and I felt the disappointment when it wasn’t him.

The rest of that week had trudged by slowly, and the weekend was even worse. I worked the two jobs with Amanda that weekend, and one of them had gone on until well after midnight. I had spent most of Sunday in bed, trying to pick up whatever sleep I could.

The next week I didn’t participate in group, too tired to do anything but listen. After the group was over I walked up to Sarah and gave her a pleading look.

“I don’t sleep well, and it’s starting to wear me down.”

She just nodded in understanding. “It’s not unusual after the trauma you experienced. Are you having nightmares or flashbacks?”

“I’d call them more memories. Sights, sounds, um, tastes.” I looked at the ground in embarrassment.

“It’s common, Maddie. I promise.”

She handed me a piece of paper that she had torn out of her notebook. “These are a few over the counter medications I want you to try for sleep. We’ll try them for a few weeks, and see if they help.”

I stared at the paper, and gratitude washed over me. “Thank you so much, Sarah. I am so sick of waking up to… that.”

“I’m sure you are. If these don’t work, you can come see me at my office and I can prescribe you something.”

I nodded, so exhausted and so thankful I almost cried. “Thank you so much.”

Sarah smiled and touched my shoulder. “I hope they help.”

The pills did help a little, but not as much as I’d hoped.  I was sleeping longer than two hours at a time, but sleeping more than five was rare and snapping awake had become my new ritual.

By the time Saturday came around, I was regretting taking the waitressing jobs for the weekend. Amanda tried to talk me into telling the boss I couldn’t make it, but I couldn’t handle leaving the crew sort handed, especially when Melissa was already so flexible with us.

Friday’s party hadn’t been terrible- just a simple Halloween party at a local country club. It looked like it was supposed to have been a costume party, but the attendees were mostly older, rich men with women on their arms, and their idea of dressing up had been putting on their most expensive suit. The party didn’t run late, and we had made some okay tips at the end of the evening.

Saturday afternoon I put on my uniform and stopped in front of the mirror. I had dark circles under my eyes, and my face looked pale. I knew that people outside of the apartment were starting to take notice, and I decided I would have to suck it up and go see Sarah at her office.

I applied my makeup, trying to hide my tired eyes, and pulled my hair into a low ponytail on the side of my head. I went to grab a pair of my favorite earrings from my jewelry box, and couldn’t find them. Knowing Sydney probably borrowed them for the hundredth time, I walked across the apartment towards her room. Her door was open, and so I just walked on through.

“Syd?” Her room was a mess, and I couldn’t help but smile. Sydney was one of the least organized people I knew, and I loved her for it. Clothes were strewn all over the floor, and I could hear her in her bathroom, singing along to some low music that was playing.

I stepped into the doorway of the bathroom and she was in her bra and underwear, teasing her hair with a comb. She stopping singing and smiled when she saw me, putting her comb down.

“Your hair looks cute.” Sydney reached out and tugged on my ponytail.

I grinned at her. “You look pretty good yourself. Going out tonight?”

“Yeah, I don’t feel like sitting around here by myself and a new place opened in Roseville.”

“Just be careful, and don’t drive home.” I knew she was probably sick of me giving her the same speech so often, but she listened without rolling her eyes. “Do you have those earrings that I bought when we went to Santa Cruz?”

She picked up her mascara and nodded, using the wand to point to her nightstand. “Sorry, I didn’t ask, but they’re over there.”

Amanda walked in as I was picking them up off the nightstand, dressed in her uniform too, and her and Sydney started working on her long hair.

I went back to my room and finished getting dressed, and when I was done I stopped by the kitchen to drink a soda with some caffeine in it.

After we were ready, we told Sydney good-bye, and I drove us to the address we’d been given for the second job. The house was enormous, and I suddenly wanted to take a power nap before going in.

Amanda let out a whistle after we’d parked in the hired help area around back. “This place is gigantic.”

We walked through a garden and past the pool before going into the door leading to the kitchen. ‘Kitchen’ was an understatement because it looked bigger and more elaborate than the best professional kitchens we’d seen in restaurants. Staff ran in every direction, trying to get food done and plated as quickly as possible. Suddenly, I was very thankful that our uniform included comfortable, but stylish, flats instead of the heels that other companies made their servers wear.

We found our boss, Melissa, off to the side going over a list with someone who was probably the House Steward. We joined the other employees of our company, most of us having worked together at one time or another. Amanda exchanged ‘hellos’ with everyone, and I stood off to the side quietly, trying to hide my yawns.

The House Steward walked away and Melissa turned to face us, a pleasant but professional smile on her face.

“Evening guys. Tonight is going to be a busy one, and you will all probably be exhausted when you leave here. I’m going to give you your assignments, and then I want you all to eat before we have to get started. You’re going to need the fuel.”

She caught my eye as I tried to hide another yawn, and her eyebrows furrowed slightly before she went on. “Amanda, Maddie, Sophie, Chloe, Jessica, and Haley will be the main servers tonight with Cara and Jamie as back-ups. Tim and Spencer will run back here with help from Cara and Jamie when they aren’t needed out front.” 

Melissa pointed to a large basket in the corner. “The host has informed me that this is a costume party, and although we want you in your uniforms, they also want you to be costumed a little too. In that basket there are eye masks for the servers, and the masks are to remain on when you are in the sight of guests. Got it, guys?”

We all gave her an affirmative and she shooed us away to go eat, but not before gently taking a hold of my elbow.

“Are you okay, Maddie? Last weekend you were like the walking dead, and I thought maybe you’d just had a busy weekend. But if anything you look worse today. Everything okay at home?”

I nodded my head and gave her a smile.

“Don’t worry. I just haven’t been sleeping very well lately. Once I get some food and caffeine in me I’ll be fine.”

Melissa stared at me for a moment, as if she could ascertain the truth just by looking. Once she was seemingly satisfied, she sent me off to join the others, where Amanda already had a nice plate of food and a Red Bull waiting for me. 

After we were done eating we rifled through the masks before Amanda settled on one with that was blue with silver embellishments. I helped her adjust it and admired how well it went with her red hair pull back into an elaborate and sophisticated twist.

I had picked out a pale pink mask that was accented in black and Amanda and I laughed as we struggled to get it to sit right without messing up my hair.

Melissa came in for inspection and she stopped to brush invisible lint off my skirt before smiling at us.

“Okay kids, its show time. You all know what to do, and I know you all can do it well. This is a younger crowd with a lot of alcohol, but I expect each of you to keep your professional decorum. If you have any issues, please come find me. ”

For the next two hours we passed around different, fancy appetizers. The crowd was a mix of people who basically couldn’t decide if they wanted to be snobs at the opera or rowdy jerks at a frat party. Most of the guests appeared to be in the mid-twenties, but it was hard to tell with the open bar.

I had been talked down to almost as much as I‘d been hit on and we were only about a quarter through the night. I walked back into the kitchen with an empty tray, passing it to Tim and taking a bottle of water that Cara offered up.

“Ugh, it’s awful out there,” I said, pulling my mask up to my forehead and taking a drink of the cool water. “I like the parties where we are basically invisible. These masks are pointless because only about half the guests are actually in costume; if anything they make us stand out.”

Spencer was filling flutes with champagne and he nodded in agreement. “Apparently this is some hot shot judge’s house. His daughter is the one throwing the party.” He smirked. “The permanent help aren’t big fans of her- you should hear the things they are saying back here.”

I grinned, pulled my mask down, and took the, now full, tray of champagne from him. “If she’s anything like her guests, I’m not surprised.”

As I walked out the door, Amanda was coming in with a tray full of empty flutes. We didn’t say thing to each other, but the eye-rolls we passed back and forth basically said it all.

I carried the tray carefully, and had to duck out of the way quickly on several occasions to avoid being collided with. The champagne was unnecessary because most of the guests were already wasted.

“Here, I need one of those,” some guy dressed as a football player slurred, while lunging for the tray. I put my hand up to keep him from colliding with me, and I handed him a glass.

“Thanks. What are you dressed as? A teacher?” He smiled what I’m sure was supposed to be a sexy smile, but it looked more like he was just trying not to drool.

I just returned the smile politely and kept walking, hoping that he was so drunk he’d forget about me within seconds.

I refilled my tray eight more times before it felt like my arms were about to fall off. I mentally told myself to ask Cara or Jamie to relieve me for a break the next time I went back.

“At least you don’t have to pretend to mingle. It’s your job to be invisible,” A friendly voice said from behind me. I looked over my shoulder and there was a guy in a suit grinning at me.

“Ah, but it’s a trade-off: Pained polite conversation for the evening or sore upper arms for about five days. I’m not sure which is worse.”

His smile widened, and I noticed he was very handsome with his purposely messy almost-black hair, and his deep chestnut eyes. He was a couple of inches taller than me, and the suit he wore looked like it had been custom tailored for his fit body.

“Oh trust me,” he leaned close, his voice in a conspiratorial whisper. “The polite conversation is worse.”

He straightened up and held out a tan hand. “I’m Sean.”

“Maddie.” I placed my hand in his, and he squeezed it gently before releasing me.

“Nice to meet you, Maddie.” He cleared his throat, looking shy suddenly. “This is forward, but would you like to get a coffee sometime? Or an ice pack for your sore arm?”

I laughed, and gave a little shake of my head. “I appreciate that, Sean, but I don’t know…”

He cut me off. “Can I at least give you my number, and if you change your mind you can call me?”

I couldn’t say ‘no’ to the hopeful look on his face, so I agreed and he handed me his business card. I tucked it into my apron before giving him a grin.

“Thanks for distracting me from my sore arm for a few minutes.”

Sean shrugged. “The least I can do since you gave me the best five minutes I’ve had all night.”

I blushed, and gave him a small wave before continuing my rounds. When I looked back, he was still looking at me, a smirk on his lips. I fought not to turn back around again, but I relished in the moment that despite the past few weeks I had, someone still found me attractive.

I had three glasses left and started walking back in the general direction of the kitchen when I saw Josh. He wasn’t in costume, but instead was just wearing black slacks and a red button up shirt. He wasn’t smiling, but he looked comfortable, as if he was used to this sort of thing. Instead of a champagne glass, he was holding a beer bottle, but that wasn’t what had my attention. Dressed as some sort of sexy nurse was Elizabeth, her hand clutching onto his arm like it was a lifeline, and talking to a couple in front of her.

At one point she reached up and whispered something in his ear, and he gave her a small smile in return. She beamed back at him and placed a chaste kiss on the mouth before turning back to the conversation.

I could feel jealousy run through my veins, both irritating me and making me sad at one time. I quickly averted my course and decided to go right back to the kitchen, but before I could get out of there the woman Elizabeth was talking to made a gesture at me. “I’ll take one.”

I silently berated myself for not moving faster, but took a few steps in their direction.

She grabbed a full glass, put her empty one in its place, and looked at Elizabeth. “Another drink, Lizzie?”

“Oh, I shouldn’t,” Elizabeth giggled as she reached for a full glass. I kept my eyes down, and hoped she wouldn’t recognize me through the mask. I breathed a sigh when she went back to her conversation, and made to leave. I chanced a quick look at Josh and realized he was staring back at me.

His was holding his beer bottle as if to take a drink, but instead it was frozen in mid-air.

I pursed my lips and turned my back on him, but I’d only made it two steps when he softly said, “Madelyn.”

I stopped and cursed quietly before putting a fake smile on and turning back around.

“Hello Josh.”

“Madelyn?” Elizabeth looked confused and she stared at me for a moment before she burst out laughing. “You’re the help.” She continued cackling and her friend joined in, obviously desperate to fit in.

I felt my cheeks color in anger, and I bit my tongue to keep from saying something rude.

“Yes ma’am. If you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to the kitchen, but it was good seeing you both.”

I turned and shot for the kitchen as quick as I could without actually running.

I had to move past Sean and he tried to stop me, a concerned look on his face, but I ignored him. I also heard Josh call my name one more time before I disappeared through the double doors. I paused long enough to hand Tim the tray that still had one full glass on it amongst the empties, and I stopped next to Cara and Jamie.

“Can one of you cover me for a few minutes please? I really need a break.”

Cara took note of my face and quickly nodded, picking her mask up off the counter. I moved towards the door that led outside, pushing my mask up on my forehead as I walked out onto the back walkway.

I was only through the door for about five seconds when I froze, remembering what had happened the last time I stepped out into a barely lit, secluded area alone. I didn’t have time to process it because Amanda burst through the door just moments later, causing me to jump and almost crashing into me.

“What a bitch!” she spit, looking furious as she ripped her mask off her head, hanging it on her wrist.

“Heard that, did ya?” I laughed humorlessly.

Amanda nodded, sliding her arm through mine and pulling me down onto a marble bench that was against the house. “I was trying to peel some dick off me, and when I heard her practically screech your name.” She leaned her head against mine. “What is he doing with a prize like her anyway?”

“Who cares?” I shrugged, feeling drained. “I don’t want that drama.”